My wife told me that she would smash my face into the keyboard if I didn't stop being misogynist...

And that's when I let her know that I'm the Man of the House, the King of the Castle, the Lord of the Mancjkkf no jskslskf d j.lo alsjdj djdjslai48 err is shwks9ri3jekdo 3irbdjdibsks.

My neighbors listen to Smash Mouth's All Star a lot.

Whether they like it or not.

Smash your head into a computer keyboard and see what comes up.

About three things I was absolutely positive. First, Edward was a vampire. Second, there was a part of him-and I didn’t know how potent that part might be-that thirsted for my blood. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.

My wife told me to stop singing Smashmouth songs.

I said hey now...

My boss said if I see you browsing reddit again, I'll smash your head to the keyboard

I guess hejgfjucurbnfocndldpllkanabdvwcdcc

Why did the Army Intelligence Officer smash the PC?

He heard there was intel inside.

How do Super Smash Bros characters talk to the dead?

Waluigi board



Get bamboozled

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A rich cheapskate hires a local handyman from the want ads.

The handyman shows up in overalls, chewing a piece of straw in his teeth. "What y'all want done 'round here?" the bumpkin asks.

"I need you to demolish my porch. Smash it apart, and haul the scrap away to the junkyard."

"Alrighty!" says the bumpkin. "I'll have 'er done in a jiffy." And...

So my girlfriend told me to stop singing ‘I’m a believer’ by Smash mouth, at first I thought she was joking...

...but then I saw her face

I’ve been performing a scientific study on toddlers. When they trip and smash their heads they sometimes cry; but other times they jump right back up laughing. I can’t figure out a pattern that explains the difference in behaviour. Maybe my sample size is too small for accurate results.

I’ll trip another 100 and report back

If you wanna find the band Smash Mouth in the Bible,

Just open your Bible to Psalm... BODY ONCE TOLD ME

Did you hear about the vandal who broke into the greengrocers to smash a single piece of fruit?

He got arrested for breaking a nectarine.

Smash Bros Ultimate sold just over 5 million copies in USA.

Didn't knew so many people live in Alabama.

Super Smash Bros. is a good example of how NOT to do minority representation in video games

The only black character is incredibly two-dimensional

I got a text from my wife saying "Grandma is keeping the baby tonight, you wanna smash as soon as you get home?"

Never before have I been disappointed to come home and find my wife naked and wearing high heels.

I thought my wife was joking when she said she'd leave me if I didn't learn the correct Smash Mouth lyrics.

And then I looked at her head.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So I've decided to take 2 of my loves and smash them together. The Beastie Boys and Virtual Reality...

You'll be able to experience some of the illest rhymes in VR!

And I'll call it Beastiality!!!

Who is the most misogynistic Super Smash Brothers character?

Inceleroar.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I want to create a machine that would smash two boners together at nearly the speed of light.

I'll call it the Large Hard-on Collider

My mom said she will smash my head against my keyboard if i dont get off my computer.

Well guess what? Im not going to getododkdjfjjdajndjxixushsbbduxuhha

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So, I told my girlfriend to dress up as the "Like Button" for Halloween...

So I could SMASH THAT LIKE BUTTON.

I was in my house last night, and at around midnight I heard a smash. I ran downstairs and someone had thrown a block of cheese through my window....

Looked at it and thought, that's mature

Some bloke just said he's going to smash my head in with the neck of a guitar

I said "is that a fret?"

I asked my girlfriend if we could smash

Turns out she sucks at Nintendo

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you have sex on Halloween, is it a monster mash or a graveyard smash?

Well it’s only a graveyard smash if she’s had a abortion

If I smash a bottle of coke on your head...

It probably won't hurt since it's soft drink

The lead singer of Smash Mouth is up late with a friend.

The lead singer of Smash Mouth is up late with a friend. His wife's not home; the past few nights she's returned past midnight with increasingly elaborate alibis. He's getting frustrated; he loves her, but he's not sure he can keep giving her the benefit of the doubt. His friend asks what he's go...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If Nintendo made a porno it would be called

Super Smash Bros

Since Luigi died in the Smash direct, what do we have to use to contact him?

A Louija board

Me and this girl would smash all the time, but eventually we broke up. Why?

She never let me pick luigi

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A friend recently asked me if i'd rather have an orgasm each time I hear All Star by Smash Mouth, or hear said song each time I have an orgasm.

I told them the choice is irrelevant as I already do both. Not even sorry.

Yesterday my dad told me if he saw me on the computer latenight again...

He would smash my head into my keyHDJbdvxhjJDKLXUXBgshdjcmcnGxcNdnckcoNcbcjxndbcjcjkxndJdhhshdbdn

My father told me that he is going to smash my head into the keyboard if I log into reddit again.

He just went out and I just can't stand not knowing what is on the front page. I will just log in and then log oudhbebsuus ehdbdhdhhdjr ejjeuududjbd eksomsnqbssicuu dbsujdbdjsjsjdf jsisjskjdhduxbskksi iejdjdnn jdjdjxjjss

One rainy, windy night, a man was walking home alone, down a dark, deserted street that ran right by the local cemetery.

As he passed the gates, he heard a bump in the darkness behind him. Not daring to look back, he quickened his pace. But, the bumping noise continued behind him.He stopped and turned to see what it was. Coming down the road behind him was a coffin, standing on end, bumping from side to side -

...

A geologist, physicist and an economist are marooned on a desert island with nothing to eat.

A can of soup washes ashore. They ponder how to open it. The geologist says, ‘Let’s smash it open with a rock.’ The physicist says, ‘Let’s heat it up and blow it open.’ The economist says, ‘No, no. You guys will lose most of the soup. Let’s just assume we have a can opener.’

Chuck Norris is a coward!

If that sucker was so brave as people say he would show up here right now and smash my head against my keybakwue hr<awjd <akreu<an<awlkuhnc<a kjdqw;eoim

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