Four worms were placed in four separate test tubes: 1st in beer 2nd in wine 3rd in whiskey 4th in mineral water The next day, the teacher shows the results: The 1st worm in beer, dead. The 2nd in wine, dead. The 3rd in whiskey, dead. The 4th in mineral water, alive and healthy.

The teacher asks the class:
- What do we learn from this experience?

And a child responds:
- Whoever drinks beer, wine and whiskey
does not have worms.

How do they separate the men from the boys in the Navy?

With a crowbar.

What exactly separates man from animal?

Divorce.

A physicist, an engineer, and a mathematician are all locked in separate burning buildings.

The physicist runs to a chalkboard, calculates exactly how much water he will need to put out the fire, runs and finds that amount, puts out the fire, and survives. The engineer pulls out a calculator, calculates exactly how much water he will need to put out the fire, runs and finds 10 times that a...

The French recently invented a tank with 13 separate gears, but only 1 of which drives the tank forward.

Just in case the enemy attacks from behind.

The Trump Foundation has dissolved and employees are going their separate ways...

Some arr going to Riker's and others are going to San Quinton.

Marsians took an American, a German and a Russian prisoners. They locked each of them in a separate room and gave each one a 10 litre bottle of vodka, stating that that whoever manages to drink all of his will be set free, otherwise they will be executed.

The next morning the Marsians discover the American, dead on the floor, having drunk only 1 litre.

In the next room, the see the German, passed out, having drunk only three litres. They take him to the pit of death where he is executed.

The Russian however, was banging on the door all ...

We can all agree that segregation was wrong and separate but equal was horrible. But we can all agree it works wonders...

On eyebrows.

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What'd I say to my introvert friends who were jerking off alone in separate rooms?

"C'mon, pull yourselves together!"

A German, an Italian, a Frenchman and an Englishman are having a philosophical debate.

The question arises: What separates man from the animals?


"Technology," says the German. "Other creatures have tools, yet none can match the hights of engineering we have accomplished. It is our industry that separates us from the beasts."


"I disagree," announces the Italian. "...

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A couple who lived together decided to separate after getting into a fight

They had two donkeys. So the man said: “okay we’ll split them. Each gets one. To tell them apart I’ll cut a piece of mines ear. That one is mine. The other ones yours”
So they do. Their neighbor, who didn’t like them much decided he’d go to the woman’s donkey and cut of its ear so they won’t be ...

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[hospital] SURGEON: [lowers mask] I'm sorry, we were unable to separate the art from the artist

ME: is he

S: yes, he's still an asshole

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I once swallowed two separate pieces of string...

An hour later they came out tied together, I shit you knot.

You know what separates the men from the boys?

Social services.

What separates man from animals?

According to Donald Trump, the wall he is going to build.

How do you separate two blind people fighting?

You just simply shout:
"I'm supporting the one with the knife!"

Separate but equal?

A guy dies and ends up in front of St. Peter at the entrance to heaven.

St. Peter says “Welcome to heaven! You’ve lived a good and decent life; we have to find you a place to live up here. Hop in my golf cart and let’s take a tour of the different subdivisions. Let’s start in the Methodist ...

Why did the cannibal separate the meat, blood, and skin of his victim?

So he could eat, drink, and be Mary.

What separates having a healthy interest in the English language from an unhealthy obsession is...

addictionary.

Three ladies all have separate boyfriends named Leroy...

One evening, while sharing a few drinks at the bar, one of the ladies suggests, "Let's name our Leroys after a soda pop, because I'm tired of getting my Leroy mixed up with your Leroy, and her Leroy mixed up with your Leroy."

The other two ladies agree.

The first lady speaks out, "Okay...

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What separates a sexually active adult male from a 10 year old?

A half a millimetre of latex.

Woman can't get mating dogs apart

A woman had two dogs that she hadn't had fixed, but always kept them from mating. One night she wakes up at 2 AM to this terrible howling.

She rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together and is unable to separate them.

She called her vet ,who answered in a very grumpy voice...

What separates a good genocide joke from a bad?

Its execution!

Why do you have to separate red shirts when you put them into the laundry?

Because red shirts die easily.

So Tim Burton and Helena Bonham Carter are to separate after 13 years together.

I wonder who will get custody of Johnny Depp.

I like my blacks how I like my egg yolks

Beaten and separated from the whites

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How does Hitler separate his juice?

By concentrate.

What body of water separates Italy from the word 'goodbye'?

River Derci. Sorry.

Yo momma's so old

she has a separate entrance for black guys.

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3 Wishes

Three guys are walking through the woods when they find a lamp. One of them picks it up, rubs it, and out pops a Genie.

It booms "You have finally freed me after all these years, so I'll grant each one of you 3 wishes."

The first guy immediately blurts out "I want a billion dollars." P...

I love doing laundry...

It's the only time you can separate the whites from the coloreds and no one gets offended.

I'd be willing to date a French Canadian...

But I'm scared she'd always want to separate

Guys late for exam

2 guys drove an hour to a bar from their school at the eve of their exam.

However they got drunk at the bar and didn't drive back. By the time they reach the exam hall, the professor has collected all the papers.

Both guys explained to the professor how one of their car tyre went flat ...

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There were once three friends who were absolutely inseparable in high school.

They did everything together. You could not find one without the other two nearby. But, as so often happens, after graduation, they all went their separate ways.
One of the friends went on to become a very successful defense attorney. Top of his class at Harvard Law, opened his own firm, made e...

Races should be segregated

I'm sick and tired of people doing running , cycling and swimming and claiming it as one triathlon event! They are separate activities, and as such should be treated that way.

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Found this on AskReddit

A farmer went to the market to buy a rooster to mate with his hens. Another farmer sold him one and warned him how horny the rooster was.

The farmer took the rooster home and as soon as he put it into the pen, it has sex with every chicken. 10 minutes later it then had sex with every chicken ...

There was once, in a small town, a man named Don.

One day Don was walking on top of a fence, and he slipped. When he slipped, the fence split him in half, right up the middle, but miraculously, each half of Don survived! Each half got up, started hopping away, and essentially started living separate lives.

The left half, more prone to rati...

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Three worshippers set out one day to serve their Gods

Eager to prove their devotion, the three worshippers go their separate ways.

First is Bliss, a proud Jehovah's witness. She stays in her neighborhood, visiting door-to-door to save her community's souls.

Next is Chris, a Mormon missionary. He visits Zimbabwe to spread the good word to ...

So three close friends pass away and all go to heaven.

The angel welcomes them and shows them around.

At the end of the tour angel tells them:

\- "Since the heaven is huge you guys need car, so that you could easily travel around. So, the criteria for getting the car is like this: - I ask you a question and you give me a honest answer"...

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The year is 2222 and Mike and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough frequent flier miles.

They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things. Mike asks if Mars has a stockmarket, if they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc.
Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex. "Just how do you guys do it?" asks Maureen. "Pretty much the way you do,"responds the...

A young boys and his mother are waiting in the line in McDonald.

Suddenly the boy shouts:

\- "Mom, I want to pee."

The mother takes him to the toilet and tells him:

\- "You are a grown up boy. Don't say you want to pee, again! Instead, tell me that you want to whistle then I will take you to the toilet".

Now, it's night and the moth...

There isn’t that much difference between a numerator and a denominator.

In fact only a thin line separates them.

“Ok.. Milk..check! Eggs...check! Tomatoes.... check!”

“Sir, would you please stop writing separate checks for every single item?”

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There were three men who were lost in a forest.

They were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king explained to the prisoners that they could live if they pass the trial. The first step of the trial was to go into the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.

The first one ca...

My kind of guy

A new retirement home opened up in the community with separate floors for men and for women. After the first few weeks of being open all the residents were called into the recreation room so staff could explain the rules. It was emphasized that after hours there would be no men on the women's floor ...

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Three men are walking down a beach when they find a lamp buried in the sand.

They dig up the lamp, brush it off, and poof! a genie appears.

"I shall grant each of you three wishes," the genie intones.

The first guy wishes for unlimited wealth. Poof! Wish granted.

The second guy also wishes for unlimited wealth. Poof!

The third guy starts flailing ...

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My child asked me if “hell” was a bad word

I explained that yes, hell was a bad word and that he should never say it.

He then asks “is hello a bad word?” I then have to explain to him how hell and hello are completely separate words with separate meanings.

The next day I get a call from his teacher, demanding to know why he won...

A woman visits her son at the uni he attends

A woman visits her son at the uni he attends, he invites her into his dorm and introduces her to his roommate. The mother instantly suspects that they are dating. So she asks her son Mother: “are you guys dating?” Son: “no mom, she’s just my roommate, we even have separate beds” The mother was st...

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3 nuns have dedicated their lives to God since they were 16.

25 years later they started talking about everything in life they missed out on. Never getting a drivers license, to their first drink at 21, or even having sex.

So they all decided they would go to their priest and ask if they can have 1 day off from being a nun. As this is a weird request t...

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An Englishman, a Scotsman, and and Irishman all enter a pub, sit down at the bar, and each orders a pint.

By some incredible coincidence, three flies come along and each one lands in a separate glass.

The Englishman pushes his glass away in disgust and demands that it be replaced on the house.

The Scotsman scoops the fly out of his beer, drops it on the bar top, and continues to sip.
...

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One day God catches Adam and Eve Having sex

God becomes angry because he is not ready for the two of them to be having sex yet, so he separates the two of them and he pulls Adam aside to lecture them,

He explains to Adam that the two of them are not to be having sex in the garden of eden until he decides the time to be right and that t...

Did you hear about the guy that had a map of Canada tattooed on his ass?

Everytime he sits down Quebec separates

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3 men are wandering the desert and find a magic lamp

One of them picks it up and gives it a rub and a genie pops out.

"Thank you for freeing me, as a sign of gratitude I shall grant each of you 3 wishes."

The first man quickly speaks "I wish I had a million dollars!" the genie nods and the man gets his phone, checks his bank account and ...

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