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Eye Surgery Jokes

As I was going under for my eye surgery, I heard my doctor say, "It's just a simple eye surgery. Don't worry. You got this, Jeff."

I just barely managed to say, "I'm David, not Jeff."

He said, "I know. I'm Jeff."

After an Eye Surgery

Doctor: The Surgery was a complete Success

The Patient: I see.

As the patient recovers from laser eye surgery, the surgeon comes in asks if they want the good news or the bad news first......

The patient excitedly replies, “I’ll take the good news first.”

The surgeon tells them, “Well, you’re about to get a new dog!”

A furious lady marches into the eye clinic's reception area and shouts at the receptionist, "Who stole my wig during my eye surgery yesterday?"

The doctor immediately rushes out to pacify her. "I assure you, no one on my team would do such a thing. What makes you think it was stolen?"

The woman replies, "Well, before the procedure, my wig was perfect, but when I woke up, it was a tangled mess, and made me look ugly and cheap."
<...

I think something went wrong during my laser eye surgery.

I can see just fine, but I can't figure out how to shoot the lasers

I just had laser eye surgery…

It was an eye opening experience.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Lasik Eye Surgery

A few years ago, I finally decided to get Lasik Eye Surgery. I had been going to the same eye doctor for a few years, and she told me I was a good candidate for it. She tells me I need to get a topography test which couldn't be done at her office. Instead, she sent me to the Eye Center at a local...

A man is having LASIK eye surgery

**Ophthalmologist:** John, stay calm. This is a simple procedure and the odds of blindness are very low.

**Patient:** Thanks, but my name isn't John.

**Ophthalmologist:** I know, mine is.

A surgeon fails an eye surgery

No one bats an eye.
A surgeon fails a brain surgery
and everybody loses their minds

I'm thinking of getting laser eye surgery next year...

So I can see in 2020

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Eye surgery

Doctor-Your son was born without eyelids and we had to perform emergency surgery to protect his eyes

Mother-What did you do?

Doctor-We took part of his foreskin and used it for his eyelids

Mother-Is he okay?

Doctor-He's a little cock eyed

Last year, I got laser eye surgery, and I've never looked back.

I couldn't do that before either, so I kind of saw it coming.

If I had a dollar for every time someone said not to look directly at the eclipse...

I'd have enough money to pay for the eye surgery I need now!

Finally got round to booking my laser eye surgery for the 1st January

Can't wait to have 2020 vision.

I met the guy who performed my eye surgery

I have to say he really opened my eyes.

Next year, I'm going to get lasik eye surgery...

I'm really looking forward to 2020 vision.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If only my daughter could see this

I wouldn’t have to pay for her fucking eye surgery

I had botched eye surgery recently and now I can't stop making puns...

My jokes are cornea than ever

A blind man and his mistress.

A blind guy visited his choir mistress at home and found her bathing. Since he was blind, she let him in.

After bathing, she came out naked, spread her legs and started shaving in front of him. She tried to make a conversation by asking him, “Brother John, what brings you here? Is everything ...

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were playing golf...

And they were having a hard time because they were constantly being distracted and disrupted by another group of golfers who were playing very badly.

"Why are they even being allowed to golf here?" the doctor asked their caddie.

"Well," said the caddie, " They used to be firefighters....

A regular in our cafe (true story)

I run a small cafe. A regular (R) and his wife (W) stopped in yesterday and ordered their usual meal. W said "R had surgery this morning."

R said "I had eye surgery, had a cataract removed."

When they left, I said "Goodbye R, Hope you'll see us soon."

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