Pixar finally made a movie for kids with cancer

It’s called Finding Chemo

A man is diagnosed with cancer and has 3 days to live

So he grabs his son to go to the bar. For two days the man and his son drink and have fun. Eventually some of his friends notice the strange behavior. They approach him and ask, “What’s wrong?” The man says “ I got diagnosed with HIV and only have one more day to live.” The friends give their condo...

Doctor: “I’ve got very bad news - you’ve got cancer and Alzheimer’s.”

Patient: “Well, at least I don’t have cancer.”

What do you call a fish looking for cancer treatment.

Finding chemo.

My friends zodiac sign was cancer, ironic how he died

Eaten by a giant crab.

I would say your aim is cancer

But cancer actually kills people.

Dark humor is like cancer.

It's even funnier when children get it.

IDK what's so hard about cancer

I'm already on stage 4

Guys I just beat Cancer!

I really need a better nickname for my kids.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I tried to tell my grandma about colon cancer...

...But she didn't give a shit

The doctors surgically removed a Cancer from my wife last week

He was supposed to be a Leo, but she went into labor early.

(This joke is literally true - our due date was July 23 but she went into labor early and we had to have an emergency C-section on July 21st.)

The testicular cancer society called me and said, “Did you get our email?” I said No.

They said, “Then you better check your junk.”

What activity can reduce a person's chance of dying of cancer by 16.6%?

Russian Roulette.

Did you hear about the hairdresser that had cancer?

She dyed

What do dark jokes and kids with cancer have in common?

They never grow old

So I beat cancer today...

That’ll teach them to believe in horoscopes

My cousin got cancer 3 times..

and survived both of them!

You hear a cancer joke and it makes you laugh...

... until you get it.

On July 22nd I went to the hospital emergency room thinking I had a Cancer.

Labour took longer than expected however and instead I had a Leo on July 23rd

Me: *can't afford to pay medical bills* Cancer cell: Kids these days don't work hard enough

Ok tumor

I am so happy, I finally beat stage 4 cancer!

Now I am on stage 5!

My grandmother's star sign is Cancer, and last week she was sadly diagnosed with...

Crabs...

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A man is diagnosed with testicular cancer

After a routine check-up, Mike was discovered to have a massive tumour in his ballsack and his life was turned upside down. His girlfriend broke up with him when she heard and he lost his job as a pornstar, when his empolyer heard about his cancer. After a few months of chemo, and no improvements to...

Dublin’s Patrick O’Shea called his lawyer and asked, “Is it true they are suin’ dem der cigarette companies for causin’ people to git cancer?”

“Yes, Patrick, sure is true,” responded the lawyer.

“And now someone is suin’ dem fast food restaurants for makin’ dem fat an’ cloggin’ their arteries with all dem der burgers an’ fries, is that true,?”

“Sure is, Patrick.”

“And that a lady sued McDonald’s for millions when sh...

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Why do the Hong Kong police like to show up to work early?

They like to beat the crowds.

Edit: WTF is wrong with you people?
I know dark humor is like a kid with cancer, it never gets old but, 2 shiny bottle caps?? NO!! Send that money to the protesters, or groups helping them, in Hong Kong.

Edit 2:
Add edit to first comment.
Also he...

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This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is.

All his professionallism goes right out the window...
He tells her to take her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs.
"Do you know what I am doing?" asks the doctor?
"Yes, checking for abnormalities." she replies.
He tells her to take off her shirt and bra, she takes them off...

They say cancers hard to beat

But it only took me a month to get to stage 4.

(OC) I saved up my money for years and finally bought a race horse. I wanted him to have a name befitting a champion. So I named him cancer.

Because cancer always wins.

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If being sexually active reduces the chance of developing prostate cancer, guess what I am doing tonight?

Developing cancer.

The doctors think I might have cancer, and have scheduled a colonoscopy for tomorrow afternoon.

They said they wanted to have a look and see if they could get to the bottom of it.

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A man wakes up in the hospital from cancer surgery,and asks the nurse "Were you able to save my testicles?".

"Yes,we saved them for you in a jar under your pillow."

I hope all girls have cancer

As their zodiac sign because they’d be a perfect match for me.

The ghost busters enterd the hospital to see their friend who has been diagnosed with cancer

When they walk in they’re stopped by a doctor who says
-Sorry no spawn camping

A man is diagnosed with cancer, so he decides to take up skydiving

A man is diagnosed with cancer, so he decides to take up skydiving to make the most of his time left. He goes up in a plane, jumps out, pulls the rip cord, and nothing happens. He pulls the rip cord on the backup parachute, and nothing happens. He says, "Good thing the doctor told me I had six month...

A doctor tells his patient "I have good news and bad news"...

"Ok, tell me the bad news first" says the patient.

"Well, you have incurable cancer" the doctor says.

"Oh my god, what could be the good news?"

"Well, you won't have it for very long"

I told my wife I liked her with her hair back

Which is apparently an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient.

I’m really starting to get along with my skin cancer

You could say it’s really growing on me

A doctor recently told me that I have cancer and now he's saying that I also have dementia.

At least I don't have cancer.

I've already heard like seven cancer jokes today...

If I hear tumor, it's gonna benign.

My wife has just been diagnosed with breast cancer...

Doctor told us that mastectomy will be necessary.

Today, I went online to see if there is any alternative...

...

Emma, 28 years old, NY. Looks cute...

Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.

I just got the news that my dad’s cancer is in remission

But I’m still hopeful.

If a kid is like cancer

twins are like tumor.

A guy is in a doctors office. His doctor is there with him.

"I have two pieces of bad news," the doctor says.

"What are they?"

"Well, the first piece of news is that you have cancer."

"What's the 2nd piece of news?" he asks.

"Well, the 2nd piece of bad news is that you have Alzheimer's."

The man laughs and says, "Well, at l...

[First date] Her: So, what do you do? ... Him: I’m working to eliminate all cancers.

Her: Wow! That’s impressive!

Him: Thanks. Next up, Capricorns.

What's the cure to old age?

Cancer

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day a guy dies...

...and finds himself in hell. Walking around, he runs into the devil.

Devil: Why are you so sad?

Guy: Why do you think? I'm in hell.

Devil: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man?

Guy: Sure, I love to drink.

Devil: Well ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was recently diagnosed with testicular cancer, and learned they will have to amputate one of my testicles.

Now that's TWO things I share in common with Lance Armstrong.

I helped a kid with cancer one time

He wanted me to unplug his life support machine

The doctor told me I only have 2 months to live due to cancer...

So I killed the doctor and the judge gave me 20 years.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I named my dick cancer.

Because whenever someone gets it, they will do anything to get it out of their life.

Scientist begin testing cancer treamtnents in lions.

It’s going well, until one day a scientist checks in with the feline that had been receiving chemotherapy, and realized that it’s missing. She freaks out, but one of her colleagues says “Don’t panic just yet,” and throws a rib eye into the lion’s cage. Instantly, the lion seems to materialize from n...

My grandfather developed cancer when he was a young man.

He’s widely known as the most evil scientist that ever lived.

Vaccinated babies are 10 times more likely to die from heart disease, cancer, and alzheimer’s.

Keep kids from dying from old age, stop vaccinating today.

Ugh, my Doctor got my zodiac sign wrong!

I’m a Capricorn, not Cancer!

A boyfriend paid a visit to his cancer-stricken girlfriend in the hospital.

"How are you babe?" He asked

"Good, can you do something for me?"

"Anything"

"Give me the bucket I feel like throwing up" she said.

So he gave her the bucket which was right beside the hospital bed and his girlfriend threw up in it.

"Do you love me?" She asked afte...

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Franz was reading his book on death row...

It was the ‘storm of the century’. On death row, Franz was reading his religious texts, looking for God, even as the inmates of the neighbouring cells were having an explosive argument about who should get to shower first. ’14 days to execution’, Franz thought, as he physically and mentally trembled...

My father joined a gang after being diagnosed with cancer...

You know what they say, ill recognize ill

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife got diagnosed with breast cancer

I told her it couldn't be that bad and she lost her tits.

A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant.

After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing diapers”.

She replies: “Oh my god am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?”

To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”

If you make jokes about cancer

You completely lack a sense of tumor

Why did the cookie go to the doctor?

Because he felt crummy!

Then he was diagnosed with cancer

Yesterday, my wife told me she has breast cancer

“Honey,” she said, “there’s a couple things I need to get off my chest.”

Ma'am

Doctor: Sir...

Trans patient: It's Ma'am!

Doctor: Ma'am, you have testicular cancer.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My mom had colon cancer

now she has a semi-colon.



She gets mad when I tell this joke but I shouldn't be surprised, she doesn't take a lot of shit.

I wasn't a fan of this whole cancer thing

But it's grown on me.

Women with flaws are like cancer

They tend to grow on you

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Mexican president has a rare cancer of the brain and is in need of a brain transplant. His only option is a risky new procedure that his doctor recently perfected.

He now has to “shop” for his brain.

“Sir, as this is a new procedure, our pool of brains you can choose from is rather small. Prices of the brains will vary,” said the doctor.

“Okay, show me what you’ve got. I have an important job, so I’ll need the best brain,” replies the president...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 weeks ago, I decided that to stop my addiction I’d donate $1 to charity every time I masturbate.

I’ve already donated $100 to the Cancer Research Foundation.

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