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Son takes his father to the doctor. The doctor gives them the bad news that the father is dying of cancer.

Father tells the son that he has had a good long life and wants to stop at the boozer on the way home to celebrate it.

While at the pub, the father sees several of his friends. He tells them that he is dying of AIDS.

When the friends leave the son asks, "Dad, you are dying of cancer. W...

Pixar finally made a movie for kids with cancer

It’s called Finding Chemo

What’s the difference between me and cancer?

My dad didn’t beat cancer


Edit: thank you for the gold, 7k upvotes, and 8 followers
r/emojiliberationarmy GANG🤪🤪😋😋🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🤤🤤🥱🥱🤠🤠🤠🤠🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑😈😈😈

Dark humour is like a child with cancer

It never gets old.

I was sending letters to a kid with cancer

I told him, "the road ahead will be filled with bumps and dips, but soon, it'll straighten out." no one noticed I was talking about his heart rate monitor.

My doctor diagnosed me with cancer and Alzheimer's.

It was a lot to process and the road ahead won't be easy,

but hey! At least I don't have cancer!!

As of today, I am cancer free!!!

(I never had cancer, just wanted to announce I'm cancer free)

I don’t see why people say dealing with cancer is hard

I’m already on stage four

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Science has found that honeybee venom helps kill aggressive breast cancer cells.

They've updated their name reflecting their new job to Boobees.

Cancer is to reddit what olympics are to athletes

It gets you medals

I used to hate cancer

But it really grew on me.

What does cancer and dark humor have in common?

It's even funnier when kids get it.

Started smoking for this girl who told me she was into people with cancer

Turns out she was talking about zodiacs. Anyway I've got three months to live.

Doctor: "i'm sorry to say you've got lung cancer."

Patient: [tearing up] "oh god, no!"

Doctor: "Sorry to say it because it's not true, lol April Fools!"

Patient: [angry] "What the hell?"

Doctor: "Yeah, pranked you, the cancer's in your pancreas."

Whats the difference between cancer and kids

Kids are easy to beat.

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UK reports 22% increase in testicular cancer diagnosis this quarter, despite the NHS being heavily understaffed. Healthcare data analysts are still looking for the cause.

And in other news PornHub sees huge rise in internet traffic since lock-down was announced in march.

What does prostate cancer patient have in common with a basketball player?

They both dribble

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Did you hear the one about the breast cancer survivor who got a tattoo??

It was a real tit for tat scenario.

Yesterday I beat cancer

Poor bald kid didn't even see me coming!

I had breast cancer once...

Those were some bad mammaries.

I'd say that your aim is like cancer...

But cancer actually kills people.

Why did the cancer specialist keep getting phone calls in the middle of the night?

He was an on-call-ogist

Did you know that you can't serve a person with cancer a cease and desist?

Instead, they get a cyst and decease.

Why doesn’t Joe Biden visit children with cancer in hospitals?

Because he can’t sniff their hair.

The clinic where I had my recent testicular cancer exam called me and asked, “Did you get our email?” Rather alarmed, I exclaimed, “No! What should I do!?" They replied...

“You better check your junk.”

Imagine if there were a pill you could take that let you fly, but the side effects gave you cancer

Cancer cases would skyrocket

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An old Jewish man was dying of cancer in his late 80s.

When the time came and he had just few hours left, he was in his bed and asked his wife Marry if she was by his side. She answered “yes darling”.

“Marry do you remember when we were in our teens and the Second World War started, you were by my side.”

“Yes I was” replied Marry

“A...

I have this friend who had cancer. In the process of cure and after he got released, he said his life was completely changed.

You know what they say about tumors. They really grow on you.

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Karen: Doctor, I've not been feeling well lately

Doctor: Well, I've looked at your lab reports and I'm afraid I have some bad news...

Karen: Don't give me this labs nonsense, you bureaucratic paper pusher! I don't believe Western medicine anyways! I've been following homeopathic medicine, faith-based approaches, and healing crystals all my ...

Every zodiac has a signature hairstyle...

Except for cancer

A man is diagnosed with cancer and has 3 days to live

So he grabs his son to go to the bar. For two days the man and his son drink and have fun. Eventually some of his friends notice the strange behavior. They approach him and ask, “What’s wrong?” The man says “ I got diagnosed with HIV and only have one more day to live.” The friends give their condo...

Did you hear the one about that kid who lied about having brain cancer for awards and upvotes?...

Apparently he hasn't heard the concept of "karma"

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Reddit Karma is a lot like sex

It's easier to get if you lie about having cancer

They say smoking causes cancer

But it cures salmon

My friend had cancer for her zodiac symbol, its ironic how she died.

She was eaten by a giant crab.

What do you call a fish looking for cancer treatment.

Finding chemo.

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A Gynecological Exam!!

A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologist. The doctor

took one look at this woman and all his professionalism went out the window. He immediately told her to undress. After she had disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh. Doing so, he asked her, "Do you know what I'm doing?"<...

Karma works in strange ways.........

My friend invited me on the opening of a charitable organisation for cancer. I sat in the front row and listened to the impressive speeches and had Good Buffet meal at the break. When the rest of the program finished and the Donation Box was being passed around, I sheepishly pulled out an old worn o...

The doctor says, "I have bad news, You have Cancer, and Alzheimer's Disease."

The patient says, "Well at least I don't have Cancer."

Do you know that joke about the difference between me and cancer?

Yes! We’ve all reddit!

Rush Limbaugh: “I have lung cancer.”

Everyone under 50: “OK tumor”

They say that laughter is the best medicine.

Then, why was I kicked out the cancer ward for laughing at the patients?

Doctor: I’m afraid you have cancer and alzheimer’s

Man: Doc, what’s alzheimer’s?



Doctor: it’s a disease that slowly destroys your memory and mental function. I understand this can be rough to go through and we have resources for you if you need them.


Man: Well at least i don’t have cancer

What do you call a dyslexic Jedi with cancer?

Leuk.

A plane climbs too high and passes by heaven.

The pilot gets on the loudspeaker and tells the cabin that if they look to their right, they'll see the pearly gates and the shining city beyond.

The passengers marvel at the sight, but one man spots his daughter who died from cancer the previous month. He rushes to the emergency exit, where ...

What does Thanos and a child with cancer have in common?

All of the avengers show up for their endgame.

A girl goes over to her Italian grandfather’s house

to find him covered in salt and wrapping himself in pigs intestine. Shocked, the girl says “Grampa! What are you doing?!?”

The grandfather responds: “I founda I have-a the cancer, so I worka ona cure!”

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Leading cause of Cancers

Is having sex in October.

Guys I just beat Cancer!

I really need a better nickname for my kids.

The doctors surgically removed a Cancer from my wife last week

He was supposed to be a Leo, but she went into labor early.

(This joke is literally true - our due date was July 23 but she went into labor early and we had to have an emergency C-section on July 21st.)

You hear a cancer joke and it makes you laugh...

... until you get it.

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A guys at a bar when he sees on TV that a doctor has cured cancer.

The man says "wow, that's amazing this will have so many effects on the medical and scientific fields. I wonder when they're gonna start using that drug to help those with cancer?" His friend next to him says "man I hope never" the man looks at him and says "why's that?" The friend replies saying "w...

In his later years, the Lone Ranger and Tonto were catching up on old times. After awhile the Lone Ranger paused and said “I have some sad news.”

“Tell me, old friend” said the faithful Tonto.

“Well...I recently was diagnosed with Cancer”

“Bad spirits,” replied his old companion.

The Lone Ranger look off into the distance for a minute. “After all your years of wisdom, what do you think I should do?”


“Chemo, s...

Two Old Men On A Bench

Two old men sat on a bench. We'll call them Bob and Joe. As Bob and Joe were sitting on the bench, Bob turns to Joe and asks, "Hey Joe, do you think there's baseball in Heaven?" Joe waits for a moment and replies, "well as you can tell with this cancer in all I don't have much time left......so I'll...

[On a date] Her: So, what do you do?

Him: I’m working on eliminating all cancers.

Her: Wow! That’s really impressive.

Him: Then I’ll move on to Capricorns.

I just beat cancer but it came back again

the doctor said it will come back tumor times before we can beat it for good

“A man being diagnosed”

The doctor said, “pick a star sign, any star sign”.
The man said, “Uh, Capricorn”,
The doctor replied,”sorry mate, you got Cancer”

What did the snowman die of?

Frostate cancer.

What activity can reduce a person's chance of dying of cancer by 16.6%?

Russian Roulette.

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Beating Cancer’s Stupid Ass

Who is Alex Trebek?

I just learned that some teas cause cancer

But that's a Brisk im willing to take

Last week I walked into a doctor's for a checkup. Giggling, he said "You have cancer, but it's still small. "

Apparently, he has a very fine sense of tumor.

A man went to buy cigarettes

He asked for a pack and the store manager gave it to him.
The man took the pack and noticed it had a health warning which said “Smoking causes impotence” he then looked at the self where the rest of the packs were and asked the store manager “can I please change it for the cancer one?”.

Imagine believing at zodiac signs and horoscopes

That's such a Cancer thing to do.

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Man should ejaculate 21 times per month

Research says a man should ejaculate 21 times per month to reduce risk of developing prostate cancer.

It's June 2020 and I'm already done with August 2023

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Two men are sitting in a bar...

One man looks at the other and says "Wanna hear joke?"

"Sure"

"What do you get when you cross a penis and a potato? A dictator!"

"Hahaha that's pretty good, but I have a better one. What do a necrophiliac and an alcoholic have in common? They both like to crack open a cold one!"...

Did you hear about the hairdresser that had cancer?

She dyed

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Joe goes to the doctor for a checkup. Halstaad M.D. asks just one thing.

Joe goes to the doctor for a checkup. Halstaad M.D. asks just one thing.

Please pee on this cup and come back. Joe's confused by this weird method, but fuck it let's roll.

Joe brings the cup back. Then, Halstaad dips his right pinky into the urine, licks it and pauses.
Then, he...

Women who are pregnant with boy/s should be wary of skin cancer.

They'll be son baking for 9 months straight!

I beat Cancer today!

It's okay though I told her I was an Aries.

So a man sees his doctor for a checkup.

Doctor: Ok, so I have two pieces of bad news

Man: Ok what’s the first one?

Doctor: Well, you have cancer.

Man: Ok, what’s the second thing?

Doctor: You have Alzheimer’s.

Man: Well, at least I don’t have cancer!

So I beat cancer today...

That’ll teach them to believe in horoscopes

Cancer is a terrible disease

... but it grows on you

Vaccinated babies are 10 times more likely to die from heart disease, cancer, and alzheimer’s.

Keep kids from dying from old age, stop vaccinating today.

I've read about an airport infra-red camera that detected breast cancer.

I guess we can't stress enough the importance of mass surveillance.

What do TikTok and people born in July have in common?

They both are cancer

I might be a Sagittarius

But my mom says I’m a cancer to the family

The ghost busters enterd the hospital to see their friend who has been diagnosed with cancer

When they walk in they’re stopped by a doctor who says
-Sorry no spawn camping

When the doctor said I had cancer I hated it.

But as time went on, it grew on me.

Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.

On July 22nd I went to the hospital emergency room thinking I had a Cancer.

Labour took longer than expected however and instead I had a Leo on July 23rd

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