What do you get when you boil a funny bone?

A laughing stock.

A guy went to museum to see a dinosaur bone exhibit.

A guy went to a museum to see a dinosaur bone exhibit. He walks around the galleries and is quite impressed by the reconstruction of these ancient animals--a T-rex, a triceratops and more. He sees a guy who works for the museum standing near one of them and says to him. "They're quite a sight. H...

Did you hear about the man who broke his funny bone?

They soaked it in water and now it's a laughing stock.

What unit of measurement do you use to weigh bones?

Skele tons!
Stay spooky my dudes

Did you know that a piranha can eat a child done to the bone in less than 30 seconds?

Anyway, I lost my job at the aquarium today

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whoever said sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me

He obviously never been smacked in the balls with a concise Oxford English Dictionary.

A lost dog strays into a jungle. A lion sees this from a distance and says with caution "this guy looks edible, never seen his kind before".

So the lion starts rushing towards the dog with menace. The dog notices and starts to panic but as he's about to run he sees some bones next to him and gets an idea and says loudly "mmm... that was some good lion meat!".

The lion abruptly stops and says "woah! This guy seems tougher then he l...

A skeleton goes into a bar and the bartender asks,"What"ll it be Bones?"

The skeleton replies,"Two beers and a mop."

HAPPY HALLOWEEN ALL

What did the Doctor call Napoleon when he broke a bone?

Napoleon Bone-apart

I know the human body has 206 bones, but how many do you actually need?

Money is tight right now

My girlfriend has 206 bones in her body

Now 207
Now 206
Now 207

Sticks and stones may break my bones,

But your mom is definitely overweight.

What unit of measurement do you use to weigh bones ?

Skele Tons

The last time I played tackle football without pads l broke three ribs and a collar bone.

Fortunately, none of them were mine.

Give a dog a bone and he'll eat for a day

Teach a dog to bone and you'll never be lonely

Humans have 206 bones in thier body

And still we think our dogs love us for no reason

The caretaker of a generation ship was on his death bed

Many years before, Jacques had helped place all his friends and family into cryogenic sleep. He was a young man then and they all knew that he would likely be long dead by the time they reached their destination. They said their tearful goodbyes and drifted off to sleep.

In the years he spent...

what did the skeleton say to his enemy

I've got a *bone* to pick with you

It's true when Trump insists he "Doesn't have a Racist Bone in his body"

It's just his heart, brain and tongue

How many bones are there in the human hand?

A handful.

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So this guy decides to take off work to go golfing.

So he's there on the Green, about to head his ball, when he hears, "Ribbit! Nine-iron!"

He looks down and there's a little frog next to his foot. "What did you say, little frog?"

And the frog repeats. "Ribbit! Nine-iron!"

So the man shrugs, figures what the hell, switches cl...

Some tourists in the Museum of Natural History are marveling at the dinosaur bones.

Some tourists in the Museum of Natural History are marveling at the dinosaur bones. One of them asks the guard, "Can you tell me how old these bones are?"

The guard replies, "They are 65,000,011 years old."

"That's an awfully exact number," says the tourist. "How do you know their age ...

Why was the paleontologist angry?

He still had a bone to pick.

What did one bone say to another bone?

Let’s meet up and share a joint.

Credit: my dad

My favorite jokes are ones about bones in your arms.

There’s nothing more humerus.

There once was a wise old man...

There once was a wise old man in a village. Old beyond memory, he channeled the knowledge of nature and the divine for his fellow townsfolk.


Many came to him with questions, until one day he took a vow of silence, shuttering his open door. Instead, he turned to his untended field. He wou...

[nsfw] A chef had a one night stand with a 5 foot tall girl.

Shouldn't come as a surprise, really. Chefs like to bone a petite.

What do you call a bone of the body that defies church teaching?

A blasFEMUR

Did you hear the one about the small bone?

It was only a little humerus

Dogs can't see your bones

but catscan

I had a hip replacement, but the hospital won't let me keep the bone as a souvenir.

They've got joint custody.

There are 27 bones in the human hand

And 28 when I'm lonely

Bones

The funny bone never is funny, but another bone is, it's ALWAYS humerus.

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I've had enough of Christmas. All year long I work my fingers to the bone to buy all the presents that my kids ask for and what happens Christmas morning? That fat fucker with the beard gets all the credit for it!

Still I suppose it was my fault for marrying her.

All the bones went to Tibia and Fibula's place...

They were having a shindig.

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A man walks into a bar

This is a long'un. Strap yourselves in.

A man walks into a bar and notices a large jar on the counter filled to the brim with cash, $50's, $20's. Must be a good few $thousand in the jar. The guy orders a drink and asks about the jar on the counter. "Oh that's for anyone who can beat the three...

What do you need for a movie about broken bones?

An awesome cast

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A female teacher was having trouble with one of her students in 1st Grade class.

Madam asked: 'Boy, what is your problem?'

The Boy answered, 'I'm too smart for the first grade - my sister is in the third grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 4th Grade!'

Madam had enough. She took the Boy to the principal's office. While the Boy waited in the...

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