Humans have 206 bones in thier body

And still we think our dogs love us for no reason

Did you know that a piranha can devour a human child to the bone in 30 seconds?

Anyways, I lost my job at the aquarium today.

It's true when Trump insists he "Doesn't have a Racist Bone in his body"

It's just his heart, brain and tongue

What do you call a satanic bone?

A blasfemur!

There are bones on the floor and my bed is stained red.

I knew eating bbq ribs was a mistake when I felt a sneeze coming.

Some tourists in the Museum of Natural History are marveling at the dinosaur bones.

Some tourists in the Museum of Natural History are marveling at the dinosaur bones. One of them asks the guard, "Can you tell me how old these bones are?"

The guard replies, "They are 65,000,011 years old."

"That's an awfully exact number," says the tourist. "How do you know their age ...

My favorite jokes are ones about bones in your arms.

There’s nothing more humerus.

How many bones are there in the human hand?

A handful.

If you boil a funny bone it becomes a laughing stock.

That's pretty humerus.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do skeletons like having sex with short girls before eating?

They like to bone a petite

Bones

The funny bone never is funny, but another bone is, it's ALWAYS humerus.

My friend asked me " If you were to name your funny bone, how would you name it"

I replied "Humerus"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I saw a hot girl in class today, I kept thinking to myself “don’t get a boner.”

Then she did and my day was ruined.

What do you call a bone of the body that defies church teaching?

A blasFEMUR

I had a hip replacement, but the hospital won't let me keep the bone as a souvenir.

They've got joint custody.

Dogs can't see your bones

but catscan

There are 27 bones in the human hand

And 28 when I'm lonely

What did one bone say to another bone?

Let’s meet up and share a joint.

Credit: my dad

How much do bones weigh?

About a skeleTON

All the bones went to Tibia and Fibula's place...

They were having a shindig.

I like bone/skeleton jokes.

I find them rather “humerus”

Sticks and stones may break my bones but...

...I need a doctor

Ever hear of the movie “Broken Bone”?

It has an amazing supporting cast.

I broke my funny bone last week

It still hasn’t healed

"There are dinosaur bones buried out back!", I told my kids.

It's not my fault we couldn't afford a proper burial for their grandmother.

My wife accidentally hit a wall with her elbow and said “Ow! That was my not-funny bone!”

I disagreed. It was humerus.

To Thrive in life, you need 3 bones.

A Wish Bone, A Back Bone and a Funny Bone.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I've had enough of Christmas. All year long I work my fingers to the bone to buy all the presents that my kids ask for and what happens Christmas morning? That fat fucker with the beard gets all the credit for it!

Still I suppose it was my fault for marrying her.

I decided to set up a store that only sells gravy, bone gravy, Oxo & Bisto.

If you want some, you'd better hurry, while stocks last.

People say sticks and stones may break your bones but words can never hurt you.

Unless you live in Skyrim where words can kill you

I love bone jokes

It's always good to break one in public.

What do you need for a movie about broken bones?

An awesome cast

I broke my bones in three places

Patient: I broke my bones in three places

Doctor: Then don't go to those three places

My mate needed a bone marrow transplant

We found a match in Argentina

The operation was a success

Our thanks go out to Diego Marrow Donor.

I Broke 12 Bones By the Time I Was 8

They were all my sister's, and she cried a lot.

One of my most selfless acts was when I had several bones broken when stopping a fight.

Those kids never stood a chance

Why is your elbow called your funny bone?

Because it’s connected to the humorous.

I went to an archaeologist’s party where we were excavating a lower leg bone.

It was quite the shindig.

I couldn't come up with a good pun about bones.

Maybe I'll come up with one Tomarrow.

I broke part of my Shin Bone off today...

Tibia Continued.

Why were all of Napoleon's bones broken in two?

Because he was Napoleon bone apart.

A lost dog strays into a jungle. A lion sees this from a distance and says with caution "this guy looks edible, never seen his kind before".

So the lion starts rushing towards the dog with menace. The dog notices and starts to panic but as he's about to run he sees some bones next to him and gets an idea and says loudly "mmm...that was some good lion meat!".

The lion abruptly stops and says " woah! This guy seems tougher then he l...

Give a dog a bone and you feed him for a day

Teach a dog to bone and you go to jail for animal cruelty

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman decides to go on a photo safari in Africa. She takes her pet dachshund along for company.

One day, the dachshund starts chasing butterflies, and before long the little dog discovers it’s lost.

Suddenly the dog sees a hungry leopard bounding toward it. The dachshund thinks, I’m in deep trouble now!

But then it notices some bones on the ground and immediately settles down to ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the smallest bone in a goats body?

A terrorists dick

Where do you go when you break your funny bone?

The Hahaspital.

What did the astronauts conclude after they found bones on the moon?

The cow didn't make it.

Dick Wolf, the creator of the Law & Order franchise ordered a T-bone steak for dinner last night.

He prefers them well Done-Done.

My girlfriend has 206 bones in her body

207, 206, 207, 206, 207……

How much do all the bones in the human body weigh?

A Skele-Ton. Thanks, I'll see my way out.

Condoms are like injured bones...

If they are broken you are screwed.

Why aren't broken bones a problem in India?

Everyone is already in a caste

I heard that there was a French military leader who used to extract bone marrow.

His name was Napoleon Bone apart

Sticks and stones may break my bones.

Damn it, guys, stop the sticks and stones fight I have brittle bone disease...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is lost in the woods and it is getting dark.

As he walks through the woods he comes across a small cabin. He goes up to the cabin and knocks on the door. An old Chinese man opens it. 

“I’m lost in the woods and I need somewhere to stay for the night,” the man said. “Can I please stay here?” 

“Sure,” said the Chinese man. “But as ...

One sunny day a rabbit came out of her hole in the ground to enjoy the fine weather.

The day was so nice that she became careless and a fox snuck up behind her and caught her.

"I am going to eat you for lunch," said the fox.

"Wait," replied the rabbit, "You should at least wait a few days."

"Oh yeah? Why should I wait?"

"Well, I am just finishing my thesi...

A chemist, physicist, and engineer found a human thigh bone.

All three of them were cannibals.

The chemist licked it, and tried to put it into water to dissolve it.

The physicist tried to break it open to get at the marrow.

The engineer took the bone, hit the other two over the head, and ate them.

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