If you boil a funny bone

It becomes a laughing stock

My friend asked me " If you were to name your funny bone, how would you name it"

I replied "Humerus"

Did you know a piranha can devour a human child to the bone in 30 seconds?

Anyways, I lost my job at the aquarium today.

How many bones are there in a hand?

About a handful

There are 27 bones in the human hand

And 28 when I'm lonely

Dogs can't see your bones

but catscan

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I saw a hot girl in class today, I kept thinking to myself “don’t get a boner.”

Then she did and my day was ruined.

how much does 206 bones weigh?

A skele-tonne.

All the bones went to Tibia and Fibula's place...

They were having a shindig.

Ever hear of the movie “Broken Bone”?

It has an amazing supporting cast.

My wife accidentally hit a wall with her elbow and said “Ow! That was my not-funny bone!”

I disagreed. It was humerus.

I broke my funny bone last week

It still hasn’t healed

What did one bone say to another bone?

Let’s meet up and share a joint.

Credit: my dad

I like bone/skeleton jokes.

I find them rather “humerus”

"There are dinosaur bones buried out back!", I told my kids.

It's not my fault we couldn't afford a proper burial for their grandmother.

I decided to set up a store that only sells gravy, bone gravy, Oxo & Bisto.

If you want some, you'd better hurry, while stocks last.

Sticks and stones may break my bones but...

...I need a doctor

I love bone jokes

It's always good to break one in public.

People say sticks and stones may break your bones but words can never hurt you.

Unless you live in Skyrim where words can kill you

One of my most selfless acts was when I had several bones broken when stopping a fight.

Those kids never stood a chance

What does the chemist's dog do to bones?


I broke my bones in three places

Patient: I broke my bones in three places

Doctor: Then don't go to those three places

65,000,011 years ago

Some tourists in the Museum of Natural History are marveling at some dinosaur bones. One of them asks the guard, "Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?"

The guard replies, "They are 65,000,011 years old."

"That's an awfully exact number," says the tourist. "How do you know th...

I couldn't come up with a good pun about bones.

Maybe I'll come up with one Tomarrow.

My mate needed a bone marrow transplant

We found a match in Argentina

The operation was a success

Our thanks go out to Diego Marrow Donor.

I Broke 12 Bones By the Time I Was 8

They were all my sister's, and she cried a lot.

To Thrive in life, you need 3 bones.

A Wish Bone, A Back Bone and a Funny Bone.

I went to an archaeologist’s party where we were excavating a lower leg bone.

It was quite the shindig.

I broke part of my Shin Bone off today...

Tibia Continued.

Why were all of Napoleon's bones broken in two?

Because he was Napoleon bone apart.

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I've had enough of Christmas. All year long I work my fingers to the bone to buy all the presents that my kids ask for and what happens Christmas morning? That fat fucker with the beard gets all the credit for it!

Still I suppose it was my fault for marrying her.

Give a dog a bone and you feed him for a day

Teach a dog to bone and you go to jail for animal cruelty

What is dryer than the bone?


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What's the smallest bone in a goats body?

A terrorists dick

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A woman decides to go on a photo safari in Africa. She takes her pet dachshund along for company.

One day, the dachshund starts chasing butterflies, and before long the little dog discovers it’s lost.

Suddenly the dog sees a hungry leopard bounding toward it. The dachshund thinks, I’m in deep trouble now!

But then it notices some bones on the ground and immediately settles down to ...

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A man is lost in the woods and it is getting dark.

As he walks through the woods he comes across a small cabin. He goes up to the cabin and knocks on the door. An old Chinese man opens it. 

“I’m lost in the woods and I need somewhere to stay for the night,” the man said. “Can I please stay here?” 

“Sure,” said the Chinese man. “But as ...

Everyone has a funny bone.

Mine is my humorous.

Q.What do Skeletons say before eating? A: Bone Appetite.

Q.What do Skeletons say before eating?

A: Bone Appetite.

Where do you go when you break your funny bone?

The Hahaspital.

What did the astronauts conclude after they found bones on the moon?

The cow didn't make it.

Dick Wolf, the creator of the Law & Order franchise ordered a T-bone steak for dinner last night.

He prefers them well Done-Done.

A lost dog strays into a jungle. A lion sees this from a distance and says with caution "this guy looks edible, never seen his kind before".

So the lion starts rushing towards the dog with menace. The dog notices and starts to panic but as he's about to run he sees some bones next to him and gets an idea and says loudly "mmm...that was some good lion meat!".

The lion abruptly stops and says " woah! This guy seems tougher then he l...

Sticks and stones may break my bones.

Damn it, guys, stop the sticks and stones fight I have brittle bone disease...

Condoms are like injured bones...

If they are broken you are screwed.

The caretaker of a generation ship was on his death bed

Many years before, Jacques had helped place all his friends and family into cryogenic sleep. He was a young man then and they all knew that he would likely be long dead by the time they reached their destination. They said their tearful goodbyes and drifted off to sleep.

In the years he spent...

My girlfriend has 206 bones in her body

207, 206, 207, 206, 207……

Why aren't broken bones a problem in India?

Everyone is already in a caste

I heard that there was a French military leader who used to extract bone marrow.

His name was Napoleon Bone apart

Two guys are bungee-jumping one day. The first guy says to the second.

"You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping service in Mexico."

The second guy thinks this is a great idea, so the two pool their money and buy everything they’ll need – a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc.
They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the ...

How much do all the bones in the human body weigh?

A Skele-Ton. Thanks, I'll see my way out.

A chemist, physicist, and engineer found a human thigh bone.

All three of them were cannibals.

The chemist licked it, and tried to put it into water to dissolve it.

The physicist tried to break it open to get at the marrow.

The engineer took the bone, hit the other two over the head, and ate them.

How much does a skeleton love his bones?

A skeleTON

(My 7 year old insist I post this, be gentle...)

Whats the funniest bone in the body?


A man walks into a bar, and noticed a couple T-bones nailed to the ceiling.

He asks the bartender what they're for.

Bartender tells him it's a challenge. If you can jump and slap the meat, you get free drinks for the night. If you miss, you buy everyone's drinks for an hour.

The man shakes his head and says. "I'm gonna pass. The steaks are too high."

Why did George Thorogood sing Bad to the Bone?

Because he had osteoporosis

There was once a doctor who tried to prove that mainly blood was kept in bones,

But alas it twas in vein.

Bones always make me laugh.

They're just so humerus!

^^I'll ^^^see ^^^^myself ^^^^^out

What if dinosaur bones were only found on Earth...

Because aliens used this planet as a pet cemetery?

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Sticks and stones may break my bones...

...but anyone who said "words may never hurt me" have never wiped their ass with toilet paper made from recycled newspapers.

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