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A guy goes to see his doctor because he's having an intense as pain in his asshole

The doctor tells him:

"Looks like you have hemorrhoids in your asshole, use this cream and it will help you."

Embarrassed, the guy says:

"Well that's a new experience for me, can you show me how to put the cream on?"

The doctor shows him how to apply the cream, and the gu...

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What pain does a jet pilot have after working out?

Afterburners




(That has got to be the shittiest jokeI have ever made)

My wife screamed in pain during labor so I asked, “What’s wrong?”. She screamed. “These contractions are going to kill me!”

“I am sorry, honey,” I replied. “What is wrong?”

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I told my wife that she was a dick and a pain in the ass

"So what you're saying is that you love me" was her answer

As he pushed in the rectal thermometer, I felt myself getting a painfully hard and obvious erection

"Maybe you should wait outside while I examine your dog," the vet said

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Went to the doctors office and described the stomach pains I’m having

He asks me to give him a stool sample

I go to the bathroom and return soon after with a beautiful mahogany wood table.

The doctor is not amused and kicks me out of his office.

I continue to shit furniture

The nightmare goes on

In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.

However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.

What do you call a Sith Lord with joint pain?

Darthritis

A Irishman, Mick goes to the doctor complaining of stomach pain...

Doctor: ‟Well I cant find anything wrong with you , it must be the drinking”
Mick : ‟Ill come back when you are sober Doctor”

Yesterday my wife shouted down to me from up stairs. ‘Do you ever get a shooting pain across your chest, like someone’s got a voodoo doll and they're stabbing it with a needle?’

'No,' I called back.

She shouted, ‘How about now?’

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A man had painful spots on his penis.

He went to the doctor to get treatment.

The doctor said,"I have bad news. The treatment costs $10,000. I will need to cut off your penis."

The man was shocked at the news. It was too expensive and he didn't want his penis cut off, so he went to China to seek treatment.

Once h...

My wife claims that she can wax off my chest hair without causing any pain, but I’m a little nervous.

I don’t think she will be able to pull it off.

A man is concerned that the pain in his side may be serious, so he goes to his doctor's.

After a brief examination, the doctor asks the man to lie on the examination table. The man does so as the doctor leaves the room.

While the man is lying there, a dog and cat enter the room. The cat jumps into the man's chest and stares at him while the dog licks each of his hands. Shortly...

An old woman visits her doctor, complaining of back pain.

The doctor tells her, "It's old age."

The woman says to the doctor, "Well, I want a second opinion!"

To which the doctor says, "Fine, you're ugly too!"

It was a real pain canceling my gym membership.

They made me hand in a too weak notice.

A great scientist invents a machine to split the pain of birth between a couple...

He finds a couple who just went into labour, and asks them if he can use the machine on them, as a test.

The couple agrees, and the husband says "We can split it 50 - 50, its only fair". So the scientist turns the machine up to 50%, just as the baby begins coming out, and the women starts gro...

I feel his pain.

A guy posted on here complaining about calling Florists and them not knowing anything about carpet and tile. Let me tell you that I contacted 6 Dentists and not one of them could repair the damaged fender on my car.

you dont know real pain until you...

...learn the french word for bread

So a politician dies...

And ends up standing in front of the pearly gates. Saint Peter looks at him for a second, flicks through his book, and finds his name.

‟So, you’re a politician...”
‟Well, yes, is that a problem?”
‟Oh no, no problem. But we have recently adopted a new system for people in your line of wo...

French people don’t feel pain.

They eat it.

How do you describe the pain of getting slapped in the face 100 times in two seconds?

50 Hertz

Smile on the face, pain in the heart

If it ain't a heart attack, it will go away with a fart

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The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers.

A lady stood and walked to the podium.

She said, "I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband Tom had a terrible bicycle wreck, and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."

You could hear a muffled gasp from the ...

When my wife was in labor I would tell her jokes to keep her mind off the pain.

She wasn't amused though. I think it was the delivery.

When I was a kid, my dad used to show me all kinds of pain

He was a French baker.

Did you hear that they make a webpage for people who suffer from chronic eye pain?

It’s a site for sore eyes.

If you have joint pain

You're probably holding it by the wrong end.

A blonde visits her doctor for pain all over

The doctor asks her to explain what is happening. The blonde responds with, “It hurts everywhere I poke myself!” The blonde proceeds to poke herself on her arm, “ouch!” Her leg, “ouch!” She proceeds to poke herself everywhere followed by a loudly proclaimed, “ouch.”

The doctor grabs her wris...

Apparently there is bi-partisan agreement in Congress that medicinal marijuana should be allowed for the purpose of relieving arthritis pain. In other words...

...there is joint support for joint support for joint support...

My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."

"...a TOE TRUCK!!??"

Pain is so annoying.

It really gets on my nerves.

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The chief of a tribe has terrible gas pains that won’t go away

They’ve tried every remedy they know, and nothing is working. Finally, the fastest runner in the tribe agrees to travel outside the forest to a modern city and visit a pharmacy. He takes off running and gets there within an hour, walks up to a pharmacist, and says,

“Big chief. No fart.”
...

A couple go to the hospital because the wife is extremely pregnant.

A couple go to the hospital because the wife is heavily pregnant. The consultant tells them , “ We have this revolutionary new treatment, we give this special injection to the mother and all the birth pain transfers from the mother to the father.Would you like to try it?”

They discuss it and ...

Back Pain

A normal person's back:

* Will hurt over time
* Pretty boring overall
* Has a lot of dumb bones


Backstreets back:

* Alright

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A guy is constantly suffering from terrible headaches...

A guy is constantly suffering from terrible headaches. He goes to a bunch of doctors, runs any test imaginable, and no one can figure out why. One day a doctor tells him- “I think we figured out a solution, but you’re not going to like it. If we cut off your balls, the constant headache will stop”. ...

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You know what’s a REAL pain in the butt?

An uncomfortable chair.

Wife has chest pains and is examined at ER

Doc comes out and says to husband,
"She has acute angina"

Husband says, "I know.....I know..but what is wrong with her?"

I think my cat has chronic pain....

He keeps saying “me ow”

I'm pained to have to say this...

Ouch

Girls always say boys don't know what pain is

Of course we know what it is, its French bread!

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A man on vacation is having horrible stomach pains, and realizes he has a tapeworm...

The resort doctor taps on his stomach a few times, listening with a stethoscope. Then he tells the man, "Come back tomorrow with a banana and a cookie."

"Ummm... okay..." the guy says, skeptical. "What for?"

"Do you want my help, or don't you!?" the doctor says. "Just do what I tell yo...

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What is the difference between pain and a catastrophe?

Pain is when someone puts an umbrella up your ass.

Catastrophe is when they open it.

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Half of the people who tried anal liked it

The other half says its a pain in the ass

A farmer named Paddy had a car accident. He was hit by a truck owned by the Eversweet Company. In court, the Eversweet Company's hot-shot solicitor was questioning Paddy.

'Didn't you say to the police at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?' asked the solicitor.
Paddy responded: 'Well, I'll tell you what happened. I'd just loaded my fav'rit cow, Bessie, into da... '

'I didn't ask for any details', the solicitor interrupted. 'Just answer the question. Did...

Circumcision is a painful procedure to inflict on a newborn.

After I was circumcised I couldn't walk for a year.

Seeing people walking out of my life is really painful.

Please start running i don't have that much time.

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After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counselling

After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counselling.

When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married. On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness,...

There was a porta-potty near the edge of a small cliff

Everyday young Bobby would walk by it on the way home from school, and every day he would resist the temptation to kick it off the edge of the cliff.

This all changed one day when Bobby had a particularly bad day at school. He had learned about boring topics, like how George Washington cut do...

Every time I drank coffee I would get this sharp pain in my eye...

I've started taking the spoon out now.

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My late Grandfathers favorite joke

There was an American wrestler from Texas named John, who throughout his high school career had never lost a match. As he went on into college he continued undefeated. He became a national icon and symbol of American strength.

News began to circulate of a Russian wrestler who was fierce and u...

To kill a French vampire, you have to drive a baguette through its heart.

The process is painstaking.

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What do you call it when someone puts a baguette in their anus?

A pain in the arse.

Just as the Count was about to pounce on van Helsing, the door to the library was flung open.

Incontinently, a host of furious villagers stormed into the library, waving blazing torches and voicing dire threats. The Count turned to leap on them, then reeled back, repelled at the reek of garlic that wafted from them like a solid thing.

"Count Dracula!" cried the burgomaster, a solid ci...

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Mike dies and goes to hell...

And he's terrified, but then Satan shows up and quips "Dude, why are you crying? Look around!".

Mike looks around and notices the area is not, as he expected, a flaming inferno, but actually a nice beach area.

"I thought I was in hell?"

"You are, but our promotion team is REALL...

A girl got stung stung by a jellyfish and I peed on it to relieve the pain

She was actually stung six months ago, but in my defense, the scar was still there

A man dies and goes to hell. Once there, he finds that there is a different hell for each country, so he tries to seek out the least painful one.

At the door to German Hell, he is told: "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."

He does not like the sound of that, so he checks out American Hell, Russia...

An Atheist in Hell

An atheist dies and goes to hell

The devil welcomes him and says:"Let me show you around a little bit." They walk through a nice park with green trees and the devil shows him a huge palace. "This is your house now, here are your keys." The man is happy and thanks the devil. The devil says:"No...

A man and his wife go into the delivery room to give birth. The doctor says, “we have this new machine, where by the flip of a switch, the father can bear some of the pain to ease the mother. Want to try?” The every supportive husband says “sure.”

So, the doctor sets it to 10% and asks the husband how he feels.

“Fine. You can turn it up.”

Surprised, the doctor goes to 20%.

“More. This is easy”

Soon enough, the doctor goes to 30%, then 40, 50, 60, all the way to 100%. “I’ve never gone past the 25% mark” says the d...

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A man comes home from work early and finds his wife lying on the bed panting hard

"What's going?" he asks her?
"Er, I'm having chest pains", she replays, "so I decided to have a lie down."
He runs downstairs and quickly phones for an ambulance.
Whilst on the phone his youngest of 3 children pull his sleeve and says," Daddy, uncle John is naked in the wardrobe".
He qui...

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A nun, a hot blonde, a German and a Frenchman are sitting in a train compartment.

They don‘t know each other and are minding their own business. The train drives into a tunnel and it gets so dark in the compartment that you could not see your own hand in front of your eyes.

Suddenly a violently loud slapping noise rips into the silence. When the train leaves the tunnel ev...

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I zipped up my jeans and got my penis caught in the zipper. I painfully shouted out.....

"Username checks out"

A woman goes into labor...

A woman goes into labor and is taken to the hospital by her husband. They meet the doctor and the doctor says he has a new invention that will give a percentage of the labor pain from the mother to the biological father.

The woman is very excited and her husband reluctantly agrees. The woman...

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An old man is on his death bed

His wife is there with him. He gently grabs her hand and begins:"My sweet wife...Do you remember that time when in the first spring in our new house, I was pruning that old tree and a branch hit me in the head, getting me ten stitches?"

Wife: "Yes, my love. I remember."

Husband: "You w...

A hunter shoots a duck and it falls into a farm.

A hunter shoots a duck and it falls into a farm. The farmer comes out to stop the hunter getting the duck since it’s on his farm. The hunter asks politely and the farmer caves in but with 1 exception. The three kick rule. Each person can kick the other 3 times each turn. Whoever gives up or leaves i...

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Two newlyweds check into a hotel...

The groom is at the check-in counter and is clearly nervous. The bellhop asks him if he's ok and in an attempt to build his confidence he reassures him that when it comes time to consummate the marriage he will be in the next room. If there is any trouble just yell out...

The couple gets sett...

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What would be the world without women?

Just pain in the butt.

I saw someone dressed like a hooker in stiletto heals standing on a coroner.

It looked painful, but he didn’t use the safe word, so I guess we’re all into BDSM.

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The Woman and the Gorilla

A woman once rescued a baby Gorilla from poachers. She was later surprised to find that it could talk. The woman fed it bathed it and raised it. Years passed and the Gorilla grew up to be big and strong. One day the woman saw the gorilla ramming its cock into a tree hollow. Seeing the size of its co...

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A masochist, a sadist, and a redditor walk into a bar...

The masochist gets excited and walks into it again.
The sadist grins and sits back to watch.
The redditor groans in pain, wondering who put it there and writes a better joke in the comments.

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A Man Tans in the Nude and Burns His Penis

His doctor tells him to dip it into a saucer of milk to ease the pain.

His wife comes home, and finds her husband's dick in the saucer of milk.

"Well, Fuck me," she exclaims, "I've always wondered how you reloaded that thing."

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The Dental Appt.

>A guy goes to a female dentist to have a tooth extracted.She pulls out a numbing needle to give the man a shot."No way! No needles. I hate needles" the patient said.
>
>The dentist starts to hook up the nitrous oxide and the man says: " I can't do the gas thing. The thought of ha...

What did the pain killer addicted Power Ranger say?

Its morphine time.

Did you hear about the mathematician who suffered muscle pain when writing out equations?

They had fibromyalgebra

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A hospital administrator, an inspector and a few other important people were touring the local hospital to see how it rated compared with others in the state.

### So far they'd been very impressed with the hospital, especially the bedside manner of the staff.

They approached a patient's room, and the curious inspector looked inside. He found a patient jacking off on the bed.


"What the hell is this?" she yelled.


The doct...

My wife recommended I do some light reading to relax at the end of the day, but to be perfectly honest, it wasn't all that relaxing. In fact, my eyes are in a lot of pain right now...

I did however, managed to make out, "60 Watts - Made in China."

An Englishman, an Irishman, a Scotsman and a Welshman all get caught by the Iraqis. Sounds painful, but the head captor tells them "You are all to be shot- but it is tradition and a mark of honour to grant the first four prisoners of war whatsoever they wish before they are executed."...

...The Welshman says "Well then. It'd be bladdy magic to hear an 'undred members of the Welsh male voice choir all singing 'Land of my Fathers'. Smashin'. Yaki Da!."

The Scotsman says "Wehw, Ah wanna hund'ed bag-pipers aw playin' 'Flower of Scotland'."

Then the Irishman says "Oi tink O...

My grandad predicted that the Titanic would sink

He went to great pains to try and alert everyone. Sadly no one would listen. He told people in authority, middle-management and even the every-day punters who bought tickets. He was silenced from every corner in spite of all the evidence he put forward. Eventually he was forcibly removed from the ci...

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A woman packed her husband bags and kicked him out of the house...

As he walked out the front door, she screamed,
"I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!"
"Oh," her husband replied, "so now you want me to stay!"

I went to my doctor because I had severe chest pain that wasn't going away

I freaked out when he couldn't figure out what it was and ended up referring me to a cardiologist.

The cardiologist ran some labs and scans and told me to wait for the results in his office.

I was relieved when the doctor came back with the results with a huge smile on his face.
...

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My Friend Clarence

Hey Clarence, What's up?

My name isn't Clarence anymore. You can call me LUCKY. I met a great woman and now I feel like the Luckiest man in the world.

A few months later I saw Clarence and I said, "Hey Lucky, how is it going?"

Don't call me LUCKY. My new name is LUCKY LUCKY. I w...

A married couple rushes to the hospital...

because the wife is going into labor. When they arrive, the doctor tells them that the hospital is looking for couples to try out this new machine that transfers a percentage of the mother‘s pain to the father during childbirth. The couple readily agrees to use it.

When the birthing process s...

Once a month my wife doubles over in pain and screams dramatically when she thinks she's ovulating

Personally I think she's ovary-acting.

A man, crying in pain, complains to the dentist “It feels like my left jaw is possessed by the devil!”

“Oh! Then eat right and exorcise”

Not saying childbirth isn't painful...

But have any of you ever sat on a porcelain toilet seat during winter in Ohio?

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What do you call a story of a testicle in pain?

A Teste-moany

Two soldiers are walking through the jungle

One of them yells out: "Ahhhhh!". The other soldier turns to him and says: "What happened?!" as he sees a venomous snake leave the area.

"I was bit in the balls, oh the pain!"
"Oh my God! Let me find a clearing to call the base medic, wait right here" said the other soldier.

He proc...

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A man walks into the dentist office and after the dentist exam him , he says,that tooth has to come out. I’m going to give you a shot of Novacaine and I’ll be back in a few minutes.

The man grabs the dentist's arm, "no way. I hate needles I'm not having any shot!"

So the dentist says, "okay, we'll have to go with the gas."

The man replies, "absolutely not. It makes me very sick for a couple of days. I'm not having gas."

So the dentist steps out and comes ba...

What does it take to survive these days?

Masking your pain.

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Stomach Pains

A man goes to the doctor with sever pain in his stomach. The doctor looks him over and delivers the prognosis.

"Sir. You are infected with a very large tapeworm. It's larger than I've ever seen and I fear traditional medicine will not help you get rid of it. I know how to get rid of it, but ...

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Paddy staggered into his house after a night of drinking. He tip-toed up the stairs to avoid waking his wife Kathleen, but tripped & fell on his rump.

A whiskey bottle in each back pocket made the landing especially painful. He stifled a yell, pulled down his pants & looked into the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut & bleeding. Quietly he managed to find a box of Band-Aids and put one on each place he saw blood. The next mo...

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Vladimir Putin is hosting a summit with Donald Trump, Kim Jong-Un, and Justin Trudeau.

As a part of the summit, Putin takes the three leaders to a wilderness area outside of Moscow and dismisses the press corps, and a large wolf in a cage is brought out.


"Friends, this savage wolf was trapped and brought from the wilds of Siberia just yesterday. I want to show you what ki...

The Horse Challenge (LONG)

Every year, during fair season, a local farmer takes his horse and sets up a booth at various fairs. The rules are simple and the reward is great; make his horse nod yes and then shake his head no- doing this earns a $500 prize.

As it so happens fair season is in full swing, and the farmer...

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Man goes to see a doctor about a life-long affliction... (long)

Man (In a raspy, hoarse voice): Doctor, you have to help me, as you can hear, my voice is hoarse and I can barely speak because it hurts too much. It's been like this since I was a teenager. I can't find work, can't talk with friends, or meet a woman. It's ruining my life. Can you help me?
...

I was prescribed a pain killer from my dentist but I found it difficult to get the lid off...

It was called Tryopenin

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A man loses his penis in an industrial accident

Through the wonders of modern medicine, plastic surgeons are able to reconstruct his penis using tissue from an elephant’s trunk. After a full year of recovery and therapy, he’s finally cleared to use his new penis

So he takes his beautiful girlfriend out for a nice meal at a fancy restauran...

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Dentist appointment

A may goes to the dentist to have a tooth pulled. The dentist comes in and pulls out a needle to administer the numbing shot..

Man says, "No, no. I am allergic to that medicine. It makes me swell like a blow fish." Dentist grabs the gas mask. The man says, "No, no. I can't have the gas eithe...

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Self deprecating romanian humor

Three explorers are caught by a savage tribe and brought before the chief. An american, a romanian and a russian.

chief says "we've had a good hunt so we won't eat you outright, but instead, for the tribe's benefit we will offer you three ways out: pay 100$, take a good beating or eat a bucke...

OC I came up with last week

A man goes on his dream vacation to Spain. While there he sees amazing sights, drinks great wine and dances til late at night.

After a few days he starts to get a weird pain in his chest and decides to go to the hospital to check it out. He gets an X-ray and the doctor tells him he has a tum...

I went to the chiropractor for an adjustment and left with the worst pain in my neck

I don't recommend Dr. Acula.

An Englishman, an Irishman and an Italian are taken prisoners of war...

They take the Englishman back and hogtie him, whip him, and beat him senseless. After two hours of being brutally tortured, he spills all of his secrets.

Then they take the Irishman back and hogtie him, whip him, and beat him senseless. After four hours of being bashed bloody and bruised, he...

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My boyfriend keeps suggesting we do anal

He's a real pain in my ass.

So a German, an Englishman and an Irishman...

...were all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze when they were arrested by Saudi police. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, so they are all sentenced to death!

However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they were able to ...

At the right place at the right time!

An aching back sent me stumbling to the drugstore for relief. After a search I found what I was looking for: a selection of heating pads specifically for people with back pain—all on the bottom shelf.

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Boris Johnson dies...

His soul arrives in heaven and he is met by St.Peter at the Pearly Gates. Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there's a problem: We seldom see a Conservative here and we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in; I'm a believer," says Johnso...

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What do I, after a week of game binging, have in common with a hardcore anal porn actress/actor ?

It's a pain in the ass afterwards, and I have to learn to walk again.

One morning at a doctor's clinic a patient arrives complaining of serious back pain.

The doctor examines him and asks him:

"Tell me what happened to your back...?"



The patient replies: "Sir, I work for a local night club. This morning I went to my apartment early and heard some noise in my bed room.

On entering I knew someone had been with my wife and th...

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Pain tolerance

It is believed that kids have far more pain tolerance than adults.
There could be statistics to support this , if only they stopped screaming their throats out in my basement.

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A guy from the city decides to go hunting

He spends a bunch of money getting all the right equipment and gear and camouflage outfit, etc. then heads out to hunt some geese. He finds his local hunting grounds and heads out with his rifle. He spends all day not seeing a single animal, and just before he decides to give up, he sees a flock o...

You know there's a unit of measurement for pain?

Its called Hertz

A man contracted a rare STD...

He finally went to the hospital to get his manhood examined.

He nervously took off his pants, "Doctor, what is wrong with me? It's been getting more and more painful down there."

After close examination, the doctor said in a grim voice, "I'm afraid we have to perform surgery to have ...

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Tommy was 4 when his little brother was born. Tommy was pissed.

His life was suddenly turned upside down. Everyone was too busy doting on little Timmy to notice him anymore, everyone was like "Timmy this, Timmy that, Timmy's the best kid ever". Even his parents seemed to have forgotten about him. Tommy began to go deep into depression, but nobody seemed to care,...

I have a lower back tattoo, and in the delivery room they absolutely refused to give me an epidural...

I have a lower back tattoo, and in the delivery room they absolutely refused to give me an epidural (or any pain meds at all).

I asked if the tattoo was the reason, and the anesthesiologist said “no, it’s because your wife is the one giving birth, not you, sir.”

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NSFW An elephant has a splinter stuck in her foot, and it's driving her crazy.

NSFW

She can't move much and is in a miserable state. Along comes a mouse.

"Please, Mr. Mouse, take this splinter out of my foot so I'm not in so much pain" says the elephant.

The mouse rubs his chin, "on one condition"

"Anything" says the elephant

"I want to have...

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What do you call a blind gynecologists?

A pain in the ass.

Patient says, "Doctor I have pain in my eye whenever I drink tea"

Doctor says, "Take the spoon out of your mug"

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A man goes to the dentist.

A man goes to the dentist. The dentist tells him he is going to remove a few teeth and will give him some gas to numb the pain. Suddenly the man exclaimed that he hates gas and won't do it. So the dentist tries a different approach. He tries an injection but again the man exclaimed that he is scared...

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I’m looking for a man that won’t be a pain in my ass...

...but someone who will stretch me a little out of my comfort zone I think would be a good fit.

Get it?

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A man goes to the doctor complaining of abdominal pain.

While examining the man's abdomen, the doctor asks "Have you been doing any strenuous activity recently?"

"Well," the man replies, "I'm in the process of moving twelve pallets of cinder blocks for a shed I'm building."

"I see. Well, it looks like that's given you a pretty bad hernia. W...

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The adventures of Bob and Frank... (real horrible OC)

Two friends Bob and Frank are lost in the jungle when they run into a group of blood thirsty cannibals.

They are surrounded by dozens of the fierce blood thirsty warriors armed with clubs and spears. The leader of the warriors approaches the two friends and informs them they are trespassing o...

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A prince is riding through the woods on his horse.

Suddenly he hears someone screaming for help near the path. He immediately jumps off his horse and hurries in the direction from which the screams seemed to come. Behind a bush he discovers a dwarf trapped under a small tree.

"Help! Please help me, I'm stuck here," the dwarf screams in pain....

CORONA ADVISORY The Symptoms of the Corona Virus are: 1. Sweating 2. Weakness 3. Diarrhoea 4. Stomach Pain

Basically the same kind of feeling you get when you see your other half checking your phone.

Brad and Mike are two old reti

Brad and Mike are two old retired widowers who reside close to each other and do constant welfare checks on each other. Much of their relationship is based on pragmatism rather than real friendship or personal affection.
One day, as he drinks his morning coffee, Mike opens the morning paper and t...

Fergus goes to the dentist and asks about the cost of a tooth extraction.

$85 for an extraction sir," was the dentists reply.

"Och huv ye nay got unythin cheaper," replies the Scotsman getting agitated.

"But that's the normal charge for an extraction sir," replied the dentist.

"What aboot if ye didnae use uny anaesthetic?" asked Fergus hopefully. <...

A biker is riding by the zoo when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries ...

A biker is riding by the zoo when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents.

The biker jumps off his bike, runs to the cage, and hits the lio...

A man is admitted to the hospital with chest pain.

The cardiologist orders a battery of test over the course of a week. While studding the patient's EKG he noticed that his heart rate was very erratic when his wife and daughter were visiting.

The doctor asked the man how his relationship was with his family.

Well I get along great with...

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