The 92+ Best Treatment Jokes

A Chinese doctor cant find a job in a hospital in America, so he opens a clinic and puts a sign outside that reads "GET TREATMENT FOR $20 - IF NOT CURED GET BACK $100."

An American lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100 and goes to the clinic.

Lawyer: "I have lost my sense of taste."

Chinese: "Nurse, bring medicine from box No. 14 and put 3 drops in patient's mouth."

Lawyer: "Ugh. this is kerosene."

Chinese: "Congrats, yo...

If there was a bipartisan push in Congress to legalize medical marijuana for arthritis treatment...

there would be joint support for joint support for joint support.

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BREAKING NEWS! Viagra as treatment for sunburns...

It doesn't cure it but it sure keeps the sheets off of your legs at night...

A new strain of head lice has been discovered which is resistant to conventional treatments.

That has left scientists scratching their heads.

My chiropractor and I got into a terrible fight in the middle of my neck treatment.

Now I have to spend the rest of my life looking over my shoulder.

PresidentTrump is completely right about coronavirus treatment.

If you eat chloroquine phosphate, drink a pint of Chlorox, shoot-up rubbing alcohol, shove a flashlight up your ass, and crash on a tanning bed, you will never get Covid-19.

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A beautiful woman sat next to a man on a plane. After some small talk, the woman admitted that she was getting treatment for sex addiction. "I am doing great, my only remaining issue is I can't resist cowboys and Italian men. By the way, I never caught your name."

"My name is Big Tex Marconi, great to meet you."

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For the longest time scientists believed in a treatment for ED.

But until Viagra came along, there was no hard evidence.

I've recently developed a treatment for anger management issues.

It's called "Damitol".

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Silicone Treatment:

The breasts that money can buy.

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My ex has some problem with her vagina and has to go to a city in France to get treatment

Its Toulouse.

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My therapist said the best treatment for depression is to vigorously rub salt into my skin in order to draw out excess moisture.

Wow thanks I'm cured.

There's a new skin treatment where expensive shoe leather is used to scrub and remove a layer of dead skin

It's called a Jordan peel

There's going to be a big, new multi-building back pain treatment center here soon.

A Thoracic Park, if you will.
I'll see myself out now.

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I asked my wife to talk to her doctor about a treatment that would make her more interested in sex...

...she came home and dropped a prescription bottle of diet pills on my lap with MY name on it.

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New Treatment For Sunburn!

A guy visiting over here in Puerto Rico fell asleep on the beach for several hours and got a horrible sunburn, specifically to his upper legs. He went to the hospital, and was promptly admitted after being diagnosed with second-degree burns. With his skin already starting to blister, and the sever...

What's a box of Kleenex favourite spa treatment?

Deep tissue massage

Why do psychiatrists give their patients shock treatment?

To prepare them for the bill

What do you call a fish looking for cancer treatment.

Finding chemo.

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One night a guy goes to get a room in a hotel. "Hello, I want a single room for the night please." "Fine, sir, here's one of our best rooms. Room 13," says the concierge and hands him the key

The guy goes upstairs, takes a shower and gets straight into bed. At about 2 0'clock in the morning, two gorgeous naked women come in and slide under the covers. When he realizes what is going on, he starts screwing both of them. He can't believe what's happening. Next morning, still surprised by la...

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I recently decided to try taking dewormer for COVID treatment

So far I’m not sure if it’s helping with the COVID but I have stopped dragging my ass on the carpet

My wife gave me the silent treatment for a week...

It ended when I told her "We've been getting along really well lately".

What do you call a fish that provides woodland services, primarily pruning and treatments to preserve old or damaged trees.

A tree sturgeon

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This is my absolute favorite "so bad it's good" joke

A man went to the doctor with a horrible itch in his ass. After an examination, the doctor gave him his diagnosis:

\- You have an enormous tapeworm in there. This is not a matter of normal treatment, so my advice to you is to insert a boiled egg in your anus followed by a gummy bear. Call me ...

What do you call an avocado that's giving you the silent treatment?

An Incommunicado

A joke I made up last night. Quarantine's really getting to me

The catholic church has recently been critisized for it's treatment of women

They said it was a nun issue.

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The White House has announced that they are recruiting volunteers for phase three clinical trials of Clorox as a treatment for COVID-19. There are only two prerequisites for participants...

The participants must be at least 18 years old, and must be registered Democrats.

What kind of treatment does Pikachu seek when he gets cancer?

Pokemotherapy

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The Pope contracts a rare terminal illness.

The best specialists were quietly called in from around the world for consultation. After much debate and research, they determined that the only hope to save the Pope's life was for him to have sexual relations with a woman. His advisors were notified and they in turn spoke in confidence with the p...

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What's a treatment for viagra overdose and also a software company?

Ubisoft.

I brought my girlfriend home to meet my family.

They criticized everything she did, mocked her heritage and gave her a psychiatric disorder.

I guess I shouldn't have insisted on the royal treatment.

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A man goes to the doctor and says, "I've got a tapeworm."

"I've been to so many specialists and no one can seem to get rid of it."

The doctor thinks for a few moments and says, "OK, come back next week with a banana and a cookie."

The man is confused but, having been failed by every conventional treatment, goes home and returns a week later w...

BREAKING: North Korea announces breakthrough 100% effective COVID-19 treatment

Sources report the new treatment involves injecting a bullet into the forehead of people infected with the virus.

My LASIK doctor said that if I get 2000 upvotes on this post I'll get free treatment.

Upvote for visibility.

Doctor says Trump's Covid-19 treatment can cause Psychosis and Mania

In other words, the treatment is meant to get him back to normal.

I got so annoyed at having to wait so long in the hospital waiting room that I decided to just barge into the nearest door to demand treatment. The paque claimed it belonged to Dr Essings.

But it was just full of bandages.

Mud treatment is good for the skin....

...but I saw a sign the other day saying "Sewage Treatment Works". Trust me, it doesn't.

I'm going to start a treatment center for children with epilepsy

I'll call it little seizures.

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I went to my doctor to see about scabs from masturbating all the time and if there was a treatment. He said I needed to stop masturbating immediately. I asked him "why?"

"Because I'm trying to examine you."

A man and his wife get into a fight and decide to give each other the silent treatment.

The husband turns out to be a deep sleeper and often relies on his wife to wake him up in time for work.

He realizes he needs her to help wake up, but is unwilling to reconcile differences.
At 8pm, he writes a note saying "Honey, please wake me up at 7 am, I need to get up early for work t...

Once there was an inflatable boy.

He lived in his inflatable house with his inflatable parents, and every morning when the inflatable clock struck seven, he would come down the inflatable stairs and eat his breakfast at the inflatable table, then go and catch the inflatable bus to his inflatable school.

But one day for some r...

I hear The Beatles influenced the COVID19 treatment policy at Italian hospitals...

Live... Let Die... Live... Let Die...

Electric shock treatment for my BDSM addiction?

Yes, Please!

A new doctor with unique treatment methods gets appointed in a mental asylum

He decides to test 3 random patients to evaluate how unstable they are. If they pass the evaluation they can go home else face rigorous treatment.

For the test he calls their concerned relatives and takes them to a deep swimming pool without water. He then puts a drop of water into the pool....

What did Wolverine use to cut down trees before he got the adamantium treatment?

He used a huge axe, man.

What do you call it when someone rebels against their diabetes treatment?

Insulince.

What’s the best anti-aging treatment?

Anti-vax.

Stranger: Good morning, Doctor. I just dropped in to tell you how much I benefited from your treatment.

Doctor: But you’re not one of my patients

Stranger: I know. But my Uncle Bill was, and I’m his heir.

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One day people will land on Mars. Search for the rover, dust him off and give it the treatment it deserves.

A robo bro blow job.

Everyone is debated capital punishment nowadays talking about lethal injection and humane treatment. Me, I think we should just shoot them in the head...

Seems like a no-brainer to me

Yesterday, I got a facial cosmetic treatment in Boston.

It was more than a peeling.

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I've been having treatment for premature ejaculation.

I'm getting better now, but it was touch and go for a while.

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i bought a penis enlargement treatment on Amazon

just haven't figured out how the magnifying glass is supposed to help.

Woman goes to see a doctor about her bed wetting problem

Doctors listens to her, nods sagely where appropriate and then tells her to strip. Woman is a bit confused but does as instructed. While she is undressing doctor places a big mirror on the floor and then tells woman to do a headstand over it. Even more confused woman does as instructed, figuring doc...

It seems like every week there's another headline about scientists finding a promising treatment that cures cancer in mice.

If these guys worked on curing cancer in humans instead we'd probably have it licked by now.

I quit my job at the radioactive waste treatment plant.

It had a toxic work environment.

I tried to sue a company that sold me an erectile dysfunction treatment that didn’t work

But the evidence wouldn’t stand up in court.

Some religious people believe that serious illnesses such as cancer do not require medical treatment,

and can be cured by the power of prayer alone.

Sceptics may chuckle, but there is a scientific basis for this kind of thinking.

It's called natural selection.

My Friend Smuggled a Sick Eagle Across The Border So It Can Get Treatment

It's an ill-eagle.

I'm thinking of setting up a comedy group to help people going through cancer treatment

I'll call it 'A Sense of Tumor'

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During WWII, an Australian, a British and an American P.O.W. are forcibly recruited by a brilliant Nazi scientist to undergo an experimental treatment…

The purpose of the experiment is to create human time-keeping machines. They are each placed in separate rooms and subjected to intense brainwashing. After a week of treatment, the scientist comes to inspect on their progress.

He first looks in on the Australian soldier. Staring blankly ahea...

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Anti-balding treatment

-Hey Bill, what the heck why are you wearing those ugly ass granny panties on your head?

-Well, John. I’ve seen a lot of hair growth happening for my wife ever since she started wearing these things.

What do you call a medical treatment based on lemons?

Lemonade.

A joke my Dad told me that I never understood when I was a child.

A man walking along a California beach is deep in prayer. All of a sudden, he said out loud, "Lord, Grant me one wish."

The sunny Californian sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish"<...

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Intestinal worm-- long. Very long.

Man has horrible abdominal pain and weight loss. The wife finally convinces him to see a doctor.
He's diagnosed with an intestinal worm and is given treatments but it doesn't work. He sees several more doctors who all diagnose the same thing, an intestinal worm, but none of the treatments are w...

I've developed a new treatment for the fear of spiders:

You eat a steak, then you open your mouth and let a spider eat off the little pieces of meat remaining between your teeth. After repeating this three times, the spider is no longer afraid that you might bite it.

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What's Hitler's favorite spa treatment?

Ethnic cleansing

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Where did the chronic masturbator go for treatment?

The stroke center

Anti Sleep Treatment

One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem, my husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing. What should I do?"

"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you. I will be abl...

Military Hospital Treatment

An army major visits the field hospital, and speaks to some of the patients:

"What's your problem, Soldier?"

"Syphilis, Sir"

"What treatment are you getting?"

"Five minutes with the wire brush each day, Sir."

"What's your ambition?"

"To get back to the fron...

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A woman goes to a doctor looking for anti-wrinkle treatment...

After finally making it to the office of a renowned dermatologist, she is disappointed to find that there is nothing to help her wrinkles.

"Well..." says the doctor. "There is a new type of treatment being developed. Essentially, we put a tiny knob on the back of your head and twist it, pulli...

Isolation can be a serious problem for astronauts, I'm sure modern medicine has an effective treatment for these problems.

Just give the astronauts a capsule.

Silent Treatment [Long]

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.

The next week the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 am for an early morning business flight to Chicago. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he finall...

Treatment

A caring husband asks the doctor: "How will my wife fair after the treatment?" Doctor replies: "Relax, you will have a brand new wife after I'll finish my job". "Ow God, I hope my old wife dosen't find out."

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A man complained to his friend

A man complained to his friend "My elbow hurts I better go to the doctor." "Don't do that," volunteered his friend "there's a new computer at the drug store that can diagnose any problem quicker and cheaper than a doctor. All you have to do is put in a urine sample, deposit $10, then the computer wi...

10 unbelievable therapy treatments!

Number 5 will shock you.

After developing erectile dysfunction, a man tries all the medically recognised treatment...

Pharmaceuticals, change in diet etc. Nothing worked. At the end of his rope, he gives a medicine man a try. The medicine man gives him a natural remedy and tells him, "When you're ready for it to take effect, say, '1,2,3'. When you're done, say, '1,2,3,4'."
The medicine man assured him it would w...

I hate looking for window treatment advice at the hardware store...

They always send me a blind guy.

What cancer treatment do Spanish Inuits get?

Es chemo.

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The Harley & The dishes (NSFW)

A guy named Joe heads into his local Harley Davidson dealership with a fistfull of dollars and starts looking for his dream motorbike. The dealer looks at Joe's choice and states that while Joe's choice in motorcycle was respectable, the older style Harleys not only held their value better, but in m...

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A doctor was running a final test to determine whether the treatment for his psychiatric patients works or not

So the doctor brought the 3 patients to an empty pool and asks all of them to jump into the pool.

The first one without hesitate jumped and landed face first thus considered fail.

The second one took a step back, and looked at the doctor, and he said 'doc I cant swim, I might drown'. T...

What's a good motto for a sewage treatment plant?

Our duty is clear.
Credit: Futurama

Why shouldn't you protest wound treatment?

It won't get better if you picket it.

Testosterone treatment

A woman went to her doctor for a follow-up visit after the doctor had prescribed testosterone (a male hormone) for her. She was a little worried about some of the side-effects she was experiencing.

"Doctor, the hormones you’ve been giving me have really helped, but I`m afraid that you’re giv...

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[True Story] When I worked at a Residential Treatment Center for Children a boy once said to me...

"I have to fuck-en pee!"

I said, "Well, pick one and do it!"

^that ^was ^funnier ^to ^me ^when ^it ^happened

Where do taxi drivers with bad skin go for treatment?

The Taxi Dermist.

A man goes to the doctor, he's visibly losing hair.

He says to the doctor, "I've spent months trying to grow my hair back, trying so many different treatments, but nothing has worked." The doctor says, "Well, it sounds a bit weird but, I suggest you rub the top of your head against your wife's private area once a night." The man does so, and a month ...

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Chronic headaches treatment

A man visits a doctor about chronic headaches. The doctor prescribes some medication, and says to the man: "Stress is the source of your headaches. Myself, I do have a lot of stress, and there's nothing better than sex with my wife. [laughing]". Finally, the doc schedules the man for a checkup visit...

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I tried erotic suffocation on the wife the other night when we were having sex.

She obviously didn't like it. She's been lying there for 5 days now giving me the silent treatment!!

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An elderly man suspects that his wife may be losing her hearing

He knows his wife doesn't want to accept the fact that she is getting older and isn't as youthful as she used to be. So he goes to the doctor himself to ask if anything can be done about it.

Man: Doc, I think my wife may be losing her hearing. Is there anything I can do for her?

Docto...

Three Engineers are eating lunch together and arguing.

The mechanical engineer is adamant that God must be a mechanical engineer because the human body is so well designed. The software engineer is just as sure that God must be a software engineer as the human mind is the most sophisticated software in the known universe. Suddenly they stop arguing and ...

Pepito was the dumbest kid in his classroom…

Pepito wasn’t a very bright kid. He often failed his tests and annoyed his teachers. One day, his teacher, Ms.Emily, told him he had one last chance to do well. Pepito took a test, but inevitable failed. Ms.Emily expelled him from school and told him he was the dumbest kid she had ever met. She made...

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