My ophthalmologist told me I have a lazy eye

I am glad he didn’t discovered about the rest of my body.

My ophthalmologist is very good looking

She is easy on the eyes too

A Polish goes to the ophthalmologist.

The doctor shows him:

C Z J W I N O S T A W C Z

"Can you read this?"

"Read? I know this guy!"

What do you call a vampire ophthalmologist?

Count Drocular

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whaddya call ophthalmologist porn?

Rods and Cones

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Asian man goes to the Ophthalmologist...

(you gotta say this one out loud. Doesn't work so well written/read)

After some tests, the doctor comes back and tells him: "You have a cataract."

The patient looks at him, confused, and says: "No I don't. I drive a Rincoln."

I wanted to impress my ophthalmologist so I told her a joke about eyes.

She said I have a vitreous humor.

A priest, an ophthalmologist, and an engineer were golfing one morning behind a particularly slow group of golfers

The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"

The priest said, "Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him."

He said, "Hello, George. Wha...

How many ophthalmologists does it take to change a light bulb?

1... or 2? 1... or 2?

So, apparently Rand Paul was sucker punched...

So Rand Paul, who happens to be an ophthalmologist, apparently got into a fight with his neighbor, an anesthesiologist. Paul claims he was sucker punched, but neither man was badly hurt.

Does make you wonder, though - an ophthalmologist who didn't see it coming and an anesthesiologist who fai...

What’s another name for an eye dropper?

A bad ophthalmologist.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Physicians were unable to reach a consensus:

Should Brexit take place?

The Allergists were in favor of scratching it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.

The Gastroenterologist's had sort of a gut feeling about it,

but the Neurologists thought May had a lot of nerve.

Meanwhile, Obstetrician...

Golf jokes today is it? Here's mine

A three-man group, a doctor, a priest, and an engineer are playing a golf course on a beautiful summer day. After a few holes they realize the group ahead of them is progressing incredibly slowly; the doctor flags down the groundskeeper and asks "What's taking them so long? I've got patients to see ...

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