I told my ophthalmologist father I didn’t want to hear anymore eye jokes.

They just get cornea and cornea...

I went to the ophthalmologist to treat my color blindless.

But they treated me so poorly I saw grey all the way home.

I got thrown out of the ophthalmologist's office today for singing the YMCA.

Turns out you aren't supposed to help people during the eye chart test.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man sits next to another man on the train and pulls out a photo of his wife “isn’t she beautiful?”

Other man: “If you think she’s beautiful you should see my wife”
First man: “Why? Is she a stunner?”
Other man: “No, she’s an ophthalmologist”

I just got a voice mail that my ophthalmologist is retiring....

I won't be seeing him anymore.

I told my friend: I have an appointment with an ophthalmologist today by noon.

Then he asked me: “and then what?”

Well, I said, then I’ll see...

My ophthalmologist told me I have a lazy eye

I am glad he didn’t discovered about the rest of my body.

A priest, doctor, and engineer are golfing

They are stuck behind a really slow group of golfers. The engineer fumes, “What’s with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!”

The doctor chimes in, “I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such inept golf!”

The priest says, “Here comes the greenkeeper. Let’s have a word...

My ophthalmologist is very good looking

She is easy on the eyes too

I have a friend whose an ophthalmologist, and he thinks I’m not so enthusiastic about the idea of him going into business for himself...

In my words. I said “Open up a store for all eye care.”

A Polish goes to the ophthalmologist.

The doctor shows him:

C Z J W I N O S T A W C Z

"Can you read this?"

"Read? I know this guy!"

How many ophthalmologists does it take to change a light bulb?

1... or 2? 1... or 2?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Asian man goes to the Ophthalmologist...

(you gotta say this one out loud. Doesn't work so well written/read)

After some tests, the doctor comes back and tells him: "You have a cataract."

The patient looks at him, confused, and says: "No I don't. I drive a Rincoln."

What do you call a vampire ophthalmologist?

Count Drocular

So, apparently Rand Paul was sucker punched...

So Rand Paul, who happens to be an ophthalmologist, apparently got into a fight with his neighbor, an anesthesiologist. Paul claims he was sucker punched, but neither man was badly hurt.

Does make you wonder, though - an ophthalmologist who didn't see it coming and an anesthesiologist who fai...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whaddya call ophthalmologist porn?

Rods and Cones

A patient complained to his doctor that he kept seeing spots before his eyes.

The doctor was confused. "Why have you come to me? Have you seen the ophthalmologist?"

"No," replied the patient. "Just spots."

A man is having LASIK eye surgery

**Ophthalmologist:** John, stay calm. This is a simple procedure and the odds of blindness are very low.

**Patient:** Thanks, but my name isn't John.

**Ophthalmologist:** I know, mine is.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Medical experts were asked if it is time to lift the COVID-19 lockdown restrictions.

There were mixed responses.

Allergists were in favor of scratching it altogether, but dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.

Gastroenterologists had a gut feeling it was a bad idea, and neurologists claimed the government had a lot of nerve.

Obstetricians felt certai...

What’s another name for an eye dropper?

A bad ophthalmologist.

Golf jokes today is it? Here's mine

A three-man group, a doctor, a priest, and an engineer are playing a golf course on a beautiful summer day. After a few holes they realize the group ahead of them is progressing incredibly slowly; the doctor flags down the groundskeeper and asks "What's taking them so long? I've got patients to see ...

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