A priest, an ophthalmologist, and an engineer were golfing one morning behind a particularly slow group of golfers

The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"

The priest said, "Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him."

He said, "Hello, George. Wha...

I told my ophthalmologist father I didn’t want to hear anymore eye jokes.

They just get cornea and cornea...

What do you call a radical ophthalmologist?

An eye-deologue

I went to the ophthalmologist to treat my color blindless.

But they treated me so poorly I saw grey all the way home.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man sits next to another man on the train and pulls out a photo of his wife “isn’t she beautiful?”

Other man: “If you think she’s beautiful you should see my wife”
First man: “Why? Is she a stunner?”
Other man: “No, she’s an ophthalmologist”

Did you hear about the Ophthalmologist who told his patient that he has cataracts?

It was an eye-opening experience for him.

I got thrown out of the ophthalmologist's office today for singing the YMCA.

Turns out you aren't supposed to help people during the eye chart test.

I just got a voice mail that my ophthalmologist is retiring....

I won't be seeing him anymore.

My ophthalmologist told me I have a lazy eye

I am glad he didn’t discovered about the rest of my body.

A Polish goes to the ophthalmologist.

The doctor shows him:

C Z J W I N O S T A W C Z

"Can you read this?"

"Read? I know this guy!"

My ophthalmologist is very good looking

She is easy on the eyes too

I have a friend whose an ophthalmologist, and he thinks I’m not so enthusiastic about the idea of him going into business for himself...

In my words. I said “Open up a store for all eye care.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whaddya call ophthalmologist porn?

Rods and Cones

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The American Medical Association has weighed in on Trump's Coronavirus strategy

The Allergists were in favor of scratching it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves. The Gastroenterologist had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.    Meanwhile, Obstetricians felt certain everyone was laboring unde...

How many ophthalmologists does it take to change a light bulb?

1... or 2? 1... or 2?

What do you call a vampire ophthalmologist?

Count Drocular

What’s another name for an eye dropper ?

Clumsy ophthalmologist

A patient complained to his doctor that he kept seeing spots before his eyes.

The doctor was confused. "Why have you come to me? Have you seen the ophthalmologist?"

"No," replied the patient. "Just spots."

A man is having LASIK eye surgery

**Ophthalmologist:** John, stay calm. This is a simple procedure and the odds of blindness are very low.

**Patient:** Thanks, but my name isn't John.

**Ophthalmologist:** I know, mine is.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Asian man goes to the Ophthalmologist...

(you gotta say this one out loud. Doesn't work so well written/read)

After some tests, the doctor comes back and tells him: "You have a cataract."

The patient looks at him, confused, and says: "No I don't. I drive a Rincoln."

So, apparently Rand Paul was sucker punched...

So Rand Paul, who happens to be an ophthalmologist, apparently got into a fight with his neighbor, an anesthesiologist. Paul claims he was sucker punched, but neither man was badly hurt.

Does make you wonder, though - an ophthalmologist who didn't see it coming and an anesthesiologist who fai...

Golf jokes today is it? Here's mine

A three-man group, a doctor, a priest, and an engineer are playing a golf course on a beautiful summer day. After a few holes they realize the group ahead of them is progressing incredibly slowly; the doctor flags down the groundskeeper and asks "What's taking them so long? I've got patients to see ...

A cop gets shot while on duty

He goes into surgery, and falls into a coma.

His grieving wife is billed a few weeks later. She is confused to find part of her bill includes "a service from an ophthalmologist." She then decides to visit the hospital to see why they needed one.

Wife: Why did you need an ophthalmologis...

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