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Undergoing Jokes

A sperm was undergoing training for conception

His instructor said, 'When the siren goes off, rush out the tunnel and swim until you find a red sticky ball. Address the ball and say "I'm a sperm" to which the ball will reply "I'm the egg". You will then work together to form the embryo. Do you understand?'

The sperm nodded. Days later, th...

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What do you call a group of Soviet musicians undergoing sexual reassignment?

Trans Siberian Orchestra

A lawyer undergoes surgery

While undergoing surgery, a lawyer has a vision of God by his bedside.

"Am I going to die?" Asked the Lawyer.

"No my son," replied God, "You have another 30 years to live."

Unfortunately the surgery was unsuccessful, and the lawyer died shortly after the procedure.

The ...

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The Army is undergoing budget cuts.

Cpt. Davis sitting in his tent, hears the roar of a helicopter and heads outside. Instead of a vehicle, however, there are three very confused soldiers sitting on top of a fourth soldier making helicopter noises with his mouth.

"The hell's going on here?" Davis yells

"Well, captain, af...

For those unaware, Big Ben is undergoing renovations in London; it's no easy task

They're having to work around the clock to make it happen.

Mike was undergoing his first prostate examination...

It was uncomfortable, but the doctor seemed like a professional. Still, Mike was nervous.

Doctor: It's normal to get an erection during a prostate exam

Mike: I don't have an erection

Doctor: I was talking about myself

Things you don't want to hear while undergoing an operation

* Did he say the right or left leg?

* I'd feel a lot better about this if the dotted lines were pre-drawn like back at school.

* Buddy! Buddy! Come back with that! Bad dog!

* Hand me that...uh...that uh...thingie.

* Oh no! I just lost my watch.

* Argh! There go the...

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A man was having trouble sleeping at night....

....due to a persistent and irrational phobia of monsters being under his bed. Despite knowing that there were no such things as monsters, his brain refused to let go of the fear that had haunted him all his life. He was undergoing therapy with a psychologist, but had gotten nowhere in several years...

A charity collector paid a visit to the town miser.

"I know you made a profit of more than $500,000 last year alone. Yet you haven't made one donation to our charity!" he berated the miser.

The miser looked up in anger.
"Well, did you also know about my elderly mother, who is currently undergoing an expensive, prolonged treatment for her he...

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For a school video project, I was partnered with the class bitch

Wanting it to be finished as soon as possible, I told her that I would do most of the project as long as she would stay out of my way. I then realized that my computer was undergoing repairs so I asked her if she had any audio editing software. And let me tell you,


This bitch had the Auda...

Dementia

Three older men are undergoing a memory test at the doctor's office. The Doctor asks, "What is three times three?"
The first man answers, "274."
The second man answers, "Tuesday."
The third man answers, "Nine."
The doctor pleasantly surprised at the third man's correct response, inqu...

A woman sees an ad for labioplasty in the paper...

... So she she decides to get the operation, so her husband can enjoy the tightness of her youth.

After the operation, she wakes up with three roses on her chest.

Curious, she asks the nurse, "who are the roses from?"

"Well," says the nurse, "The first rose is from your hu...

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Two brothers enlisting in the Army

Two brothers enlisting in the Army were undergoing their physicals. During the inspection, the doctor was surprised to see that both of the men possessed extraordinarily long penises.

“How do you account for this?” he asked the brothers.

“It’s hereditary, sir,” replied the older brothe...

Communist hell

A lifelong member of the communist party dies and goes to hell. Upon arrival, hes told we can give you a choice. You can go to capitalist hell or Communist hell. Having been a communist his whole life, he decides to see what the capitalist hell would look like. He goes and sees people undergoing ...

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Joining the Congregation

Three married couples, an elderly pair, a middle-aged pair, and two newlyweds, are applying to be a part of the congregation of a church. The pastor tells them that part of the part of the process involves them undergoing a trial of chastity, and as such that they must refrain from sex for two full ...

A woman joins the army....

A woman was walking through a store when she noticed a colorful flyer pinned to a billboard. It reads:

JOIN THE ARMY NOW! You will receive benefits such as:
• Free college education
• Many veteran benefits
• Experience in many fields of work
• Travel
• Any free car after a sp...

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