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A small church had a very attractive big-busted organist named Susan, and her breasts were so large that they bounced and jiggled while she played the organ.

Unfortunately, she distracted the male part of the congregation considerably. The very proper church ladies were appalled.

They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist.

So one of the ladies approached Susan very discreetly about the problem, ...

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The Queens Breasts

Once upon a time there lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts.



Nick, the Dragon Slayer, obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death, should he try to touch them, but he had to try.



One day Nick revealed his secret ...

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Thighs or breasts? NSFW

I was asked if I was a thighs or a breast man but I was neither, so I said I’m more a shaved pussy guy. Now I’m banned from KFC

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What gets longer when pulled, fits between breasts, slides neatly into a hole, has choked people when used improperly, and works best when jerked?

A seatbelt.

What does breast milk taste like?

Umami.

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What do you call two similar looking breasts?

Identities.

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Every birthday I get an erotic cake that resembles a woman's breasts....

That way I can have my cake and eat tit, too!

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It would really sucks if breasts were made out of trees...

Wooden tit?

What’s the difference between an old bus stop and a lobster with breast implants?

One’s a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.

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Did you know that female bees have breasts?

Yeah, they are called boo bees.

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What do you call the space between a pair of fake breasts?

Silicon Valley

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Me: *stares at medusa's breasts.* Medusa: "My eyes are up here."

Me after looking: *gets rock hard*

What do you call the cleavage between breast implants?

Silicon Valley

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A plastic surgeon and a tattoo artist made a deal, where the surgeon did a breast enhancement operation for free for the tattoo artist, and in return she promised to tattoo the surgeon for free

Tit for tat

Breast Feeding

A man is sitting next to a woman who is trying to breast feed her baby on the bus. The baby refuses to eat and the mother warns, "If you don't eat I'll give it to the man next to me." The baby refuses. After 20 mins the mother repeats the threat. The man clears his throat and says, "Hey woman, you b...

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My Baker girlfriend has 13 breasts. Sounds Weird?

Dozen tit?

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What has beautiful breasts, a full ass, and loves blowjobs?

I don’t know, but it’s not my wife

Imagine having breast implants made of wood...

...yeah, that would really hurt, wooden tit?

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I told my girlfriend that small breasts wouldn't be a problem.

She said "Ok, but I'd wish you had none."

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What do you call a woman with a great body but an unattractive face? Butterface. What do you call a woman with a beautiful face but unattractive breasts?

Buttercups

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What's a mathematician's favorite type of breast?

Quantitties.

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A sexy, beautiful woman was seated next to a guy on a plane and said: excuse me, can you help me remove something from my breast, please?

The guy, shocked, said yes, of course--what is it? The woman, replied--your eyes, idiot.

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Just recalling some fun times I had with a girl with large breasts...

Those were some fond mammaries

I went on a date with a girl who's left breast was made out of timber!

....just kidding. That would be ridiculous.



Wooden tit.

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Prosthetic breasts were changed to plastic material after numerous reports of lip splinters occurring during foreplay.

That would suck wooden tit?

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If men who like Asians have Yellow Fever what do men who like gigantic breasts have?

Boobonic Plague

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A lady comes home from her doctor's appointment grinning from ear to ear. Her husband asks, "Why are you so happy?" The wife says, "The doctor told me that for a forty-five year old woman, I have the breasts of a eighteen year old."

"Oh yeah?" quipped her husband. "What did he say about your forty-five year old ass?!"

She laughed, "Your name never came up in the conversation."

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A guy was walking down the street when he sees a woman with perfect breasts. He says to her, "Hey, miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100?"

"Are you nuts?" she replies and walks away.

He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does. "Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000?" he asks again. "Listen, sir, I'm not that kind of woman. Got it?"

So the guy runs around the next block and faces ...

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First thing men look into a women is her heart

That her breasts are in the way is not our fault.

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What does Queen Elizabeth have between her breasts that Meghan Markle doesn't have between her breasts?

A belly button.

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A teenage boy was delivering papers to an apartment house.

A teenage boy was delivering papers to an apartment house. While there, a stunning young woman came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing only a robe. The boy smiled at the young woman and she started up a conversation with him. As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious ...

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How old am I? I need to feel your breast..

A woman decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday. She spends £15,000 and looks sensational.

On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, ‘I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?”.

‘About 32,’ ...

A single father needed breast milk for his infant baby and so he asked others how he could get it.

A colleague of his who was lactating offered to give her milk to the baby.

She became his breast friend.

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My wife got diagnosed with breast cancer

I told her it couldn't be that bad and she lost her tits.

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what elongates when you pull on it, fits perfectly in a hole and good between breasts?

a dick.

what did you think i was gonna say, a seatbelt?

A woman was walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out.

A cop was approaching from about a block away, thinking to himself, "Boy, my eyes must be going. It looks like that woman is hanging out of her blouse."

But, as he got closer, it became apparent that she really was hanging out her blouse.

When the officer got face to face with the woma...

I'm opening a tattoo shop where I give free tattoos to girls who show me their breast

I'll call it "Tit for tat"

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What type of breasts does a physicist have?

QuanTities.

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A man saw a lady with big breasts

He asked, "Excuse me, can I bite your breasts for $1000?" She agrees, so they go to a secluded corner. She opens her blouse and the man puts his face in her breasts for 10 minutes." Eventually the lady asks, "Aren't you gonna bite them?" He replies, "No, it's too expensive."

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What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts that a 25 year old woman doesn't?

Her naval.

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[NSFW] What do a woman's breasts and LEGO have in common?

They're both for the kids but the dad likes playing with them the most.

1 very stretched breast.

A lady walks into the doctors office,



Doctor: So what's wrong?

Lady: Well... I've got 1 normal breast and 1 very stretched breast and i don't know what to do

Doctor: Surely it isn't as bad, let me see.

\*The lady lifts her shirt and her right breast just drops out...

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I started by running my hand across her shoulders and the small of her back. I ran my hand over her breasts, touching them very lightly. Then, I proceeded to run my hand gently down her side, sliding my hand over her stomach, and then down the other side to a point below her waist...

I continued on, gently feeling her hips, first one side and the other.

My hand ran further down the outside of her thighs.

My gentle stroking then started up the inside of her left thigh, stopped and then returned to do the same to her right thigh.

By this time my wife was becom...

I heard about people using cedar instead of silicon for breast implants, but think about if it happened to you, it'd be super weird,

Wooden tit

My wife has just been diagnosed with breast cancer...

Doctor told us that mastectomy will be necessary.

Today, I went online to see if there is any alternative...

...

Emma, 28 years old, NY. Looks cute...

Yesterday, my wife told me she has breast cancer

“Honey,” she said, “there’s a couple things I need to get off my chest.”

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Martinis are like breasts.

One isn’t enough, and three’s too many!

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Why do some men call breasts headlights?

Because when they see them they brighten up their day.

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Do you know what we call the patch of hair between grandma’s breasts?

Her vagina.

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How are breasts like toy trains?

They're both meant for kids but grown men can't resist playing with them.

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Have you heard the one about the woman with twelve breasts?

Me neither, but it sounds uncomfortable, dozen tit?

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My wife suspected I was cheating, so to catch me she hired a prostitute to flash her breasts and try to seduce me.

I didn't fall for that shit... I can spot a booby trap a mile away.

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It’s all in the breasts

So these three young women, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead, are in a race to see who can swim the breaststroke fastest all the way across the English Channel.

12 hours and 30 minutes after the start of the race the brunette arrives on the far side and is pronounced the winner. 1 hour la...

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One day, I was walking down the street when out of the blue, 6 beautiful women flashed me their breasts all at the same time. Now I know what you’re thinking...

This story sounds kind of ridiculous...

Dozen tit.

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They say 9/10 men like women with big breasts.

The last one probably likes the other 9.

I was breastfed until 3

But enough about my day, how was yours?

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A man is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry.

A man is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what she does with the money.

The first does a total make-over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys ...

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A woman just asked me if I like thighs or breasts

I told her I like shaved vagina and anal. Apparently this is not an appropriate answer at KFC

Why do Breast Cancer survivors not like to talk about their treatment of the cancer?

It brings them bad mammaries.

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A woman was arrested for murder. It was easy to find her because she left her bra at the scene and she had two different sized breasts. The bra was marked Exhibit “A”

Her tits were marked Exhibits “B” and “C”

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If girls with big breasts work at Hooter's, then where do girls with one leg work at?

IHOP

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I’ve been trying to convince my wife to get a tattoo of a kitten on her breast.

Just so she could have a “titty tat.”

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What do you call an ink drawing on a woman's breast?

A tittoo.

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Breasts are like the sun

You can stare at them longer with sunglasses on

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A girl goes to a Church to confess.....

Girl : "Forgive me father for I have sinned."

Priest : "What have you done my child?"

Girl : "I called a man a son of a bitch."

Priest : "Why did you call him a son of a bitch?"

Girl : "Because he touched my hand."

Priest : "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)
...

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A women asked if I prefer legs to breasts

I told her I'm into a shaved vagina and anal. Apparently this is not an appropriate answer at KFC




NOTE: This is a repost from five mins ago where I really messed up on everything

Every ten minutes someone somewhere is told they have breast cancer

They probably heard the first time. No need to keep rubbing it in.

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Why do men like women with big breasts?

Very basic - keeps you warm in the winter, gives you shade in the summer

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I went hunting today and caught a breast

I used a booby trap

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I used to love my ex-girlfriend's breasts...

...but now they're just distant mammaries.

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So there's a woman who wants to get a breast implant...

She talks to her doctor and he says "I have the perfect product for you! We invented a pump that can be inflated by flapping your upper arms. If you want to deflate when you, say, go running, you can deflate them by pushing a button under your arms". She said, "Alright, ill get that".

The su...

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What does an 80 year old have between her breasts that a 20 year old doesnt?

Her bellybutton

I walked into the living room to find my wife breast feeding our son...

"How long do you have to do that for?" I asked. "When is he going to be too old for it?"

"Well, it's a physical bond between a mother and her child isn't it? It's only society that deems it unacceptable above a certain age."

I replied, "Shut up, Harry. I was talking to your mother."

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What does a mature women have between her breast that a young women doesn’t?

A bellybutton

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If the space between a woman's natural breasts is called "cleavage,"...

Then the space between a woman's fake breasts must be the Silicone Valley?

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[Blonde Joke] A blonde woman is walking around town with her breast exposed

A man walks up to her and says "ma'am did you know your boob is out?"

The blonde looks down, seeing her exposed breast screams "OH MY GOD I LEFT MY BABY ON THE BUS"

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People who get offended when I breastfeed in public can just fuck off.

What I'm doing is natural and strengthens the bond between me and my dog.

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New body image study shows women with large breast are generally more successful

Than men with large breasts.

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Martinis are like breasts

2 is good 3 is weird

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So this guy asks if I prefer breasts or legs

And I reply, really I'd prefer wet pussy.

Apparently this is not an appropriate thing to say at KFC.

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[nsfw] A girl visits the doctor with a large H shaped mark on her breasts

The doctor was surprised and asked her how it happened. She replied "My boyfriend got into Harvard and was so excited he made love to me in his sweater". The doctor gave her a cream and told her to apply for a few days and the mark will disappear.

The next day, another girl came in with a Y ...

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A tech company is developing computer chips that store music in women's breast implants.

A company spokesperson declared this is a major breakthrough, as women are always complaining about men staring at their boobs without listening to them.

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What do female Jedi do when their breasts are lopsided?

Padawan.

The leg piece and breast piece got into an argument at a kfc

The breast piece said let's fight it out to see which one is better.

The leg piece said,
Nah man, its been a long day and I'm battered.

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I met a woman with the most amazing breasts

I was walking down the street, when I met a woman with the most amazing breaths I have ever seen. I asked her if I could bite them for $100. She said no. I offered $1,000, she said no. I finally offered $10,000 and she accepted. She took me to a secluded alleyway, and I began to fondle with them. Af...

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If breast milk comes from boobs, what comes from your butt?

Dairy air

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