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Breast Jokes

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A Group of guys, all turning 40, discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the waitresses had and wore mini-skirts.

Ten years later, at age 50, the friends once again discussed where
they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet
at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the waitresses were attractive.
The food and service was good and the beer selection was excellent.

Ten years ...

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A man is walking in the street and sees a women with the most beautiful breasts he’s ever seen.

He walks up to her and asks: “If I give you 10’000$, will you let me bite your ?”
The woman, quite shocked, obviously says no.
The man then asks if he can bite her breast for 100’000$. The woman still says no. The man asks for 1’000’000$, 10’000’000$ and 100’000’000$ but the woman still re...

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Martinis are like breasts.

One's not enough and three are too many.

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A girl once asked me if I was a breast or legs guy

I told her I was more into and feet

Now I’m banned from KFC

I wish my girlfriend wasn't so obsessed about her breast size. Even a trip to the car dealership became embarrassing.

She told the guy she wanted something that'll get her from A to B.

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A man goes to ask the great guru, "Which is better, large breasts or small breasts?"

The great guru asks him "How much money do you have in bills in your wallet?"

The man quickly counts the money. "Thirty dollars."

"And if you had thirty dollars in coins," said the guru, "which would have the greater mass- the coins or the bills?"

"The coins of course."

"...

A woman got breast implants made of wood yesterday.

This joke would be funny if it had a punchline

Wooden

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What do you call breasts that have both magnitude and direction?

Vector quantitties

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A lady walks down the street with her breast naked

Someone tells her:

"Excuse me, Ms. You shouldn't walk like this with your breast out"

She looks at him. Looks at her breast. Turns back and runs away yelling:

"! I left my baby in the bus!"

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A man sees a lady with .

He asks, "Excuse me, can I bite your breasts for $1000?" She agrees, so they go to a secluded corner. She opens her blouse and the man puts his face in her breasts for 10 minutes. Eventually the lady asks, "Aren't you gonna bite them?"

He replies, "No, it's too expensive."

What do you call the cleavage between breast implants?

Silicon Valley

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A small church had a very attractive big-busted organist named Susan, and her breasts were so large that they bounced and jiggled while she played the organ.

Unfortunately, she distracted the male part of the congregation considerably. The very proper church ladies were appalled.

They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist.

So one of the ladies approached Susan very discreetly about the problem, ...

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A plastic surgeon was offering discounts on breast implants.

The sign read:

A sale of two

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What gets longer if pulled, fits snugly between breasts, slides neatly into a hole, chokes people when used incorrectly, and works well when jerked?

A seatbelt

Breast Feeding

A man is sitting next to a woman who is trying to breast feed her baby on the bus. The baby refuses to eat and the mother warns, "If you don't eat I'll give it to the man next to me." The baby refuses. After 20 mins the mother repeats the threat. The man clears his throat and says, "Hey woman, you b...

What did the left breast say to the right breast?

We've got to get some support, or they're going to think we are nuts.

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Apple announced a breast implant that plays music...

The iTit is considered a major social break through since women have always complained that men stare at their breasts but never listen to them.

The advantages of breast milk

The not necessarily well-prepared student sat in his life science classroom staring at a question on the final exam paper.

The question directed: 'Give four advantages of breast milk.' What to write? He sighed, and began to scribble whatever came into his head, hoping for the best:

1...

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[] What do you call a haunted pair of breasts?

BoOoOoOoOobs

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What if trees had breasts?

It wood be nice, wooden .

During a biology exam a student has to list three pros of breast milk.

He's unprepared, but starts looking for common sense answers and writes down:

- Contains all the nutrients a baby needs,

- Doesn't need heating,

But he still needs one more. And just as the time is about to run out, the student writes:

- Has great packaging.

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I was asked whether I prefer breasts or thighs.

I said "Well, both are nice, but I really like is a nice wet ". Apparently that was the wrong reply, as I'm now banned from KFC.

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An attractive woman once asked if I was more interested in breasts or legs.

I told her that I was mainly into feet and .


I'm no longer welcome at that KFC restaurant.

My wife has just been diagnosed with breast cancer...

Doctor told us that mastectomy will be necessary.

Today, I went online to see if there is any alternative...

...

Emma, 28 years old, NY. Looks cute...

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[] A girl visits the doctor with a large H shaped mark on her breasts

The doctor was surprised and asked her how it happened. She replied "My boyfriend got into Harvard and was so excited he made love to me in his sweater". The doctor gave her a cream and told her to apply for a few days and the mark will disappear.

The next day, another girl came in with a Y ...

what's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants?

One is a crusty bus station, and the other is a crustacean

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What do you call the space between the breasts of a woman with implants?

Silicone valley

Yesterday, my wife told me she has breast cancer

“Honey,” she said, “there’s a couple things I need to get off my chest.”

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Breasts are like the sun

If you wear sunglasses you can stare at them longer.
(I don’t know if this has already been posted here before, sorry if it has)

A woman was walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out.

A cop was approaching from about a block away, thinking to himself, "Boy, my eyes must be going. It looks like that woman is hanging out of her blouse."

But, as he got closer, it became apparent that she really was hanging out her blouse.

When the officer got face to face with the woma...

A man was riding on a full bus minding his own business when the gorgeous woman next to him started to breast-feed her baby.

The baby wouldn't take it so she said, "Come on sweetie, eat it all up or I'll have to give it to this nice man next to us."


Five minutes later the baby was still not feeding, so she said, "Come on, honey. Take it or I'll give it to this nice man here." A few minutes later the anxiou...

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Me and my wife came to an agreement. She would let me get a tattoo if I let her get a breast augmentation

for tat you could say

I heard about people using cedar instead of silicon for breast implants, but think about if it happened to you, it'd be super weird,

Wooden

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If girls with work at Hooter's, then where do girls with one leg work at?

IHOP

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A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room

The Doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight, and seeming a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.

"Breast-fed," she replied.

"Strip down to your waist," the Doctor said.

She did.

He pinched her , then pressed, kneaded, and r...

Do you think i should get breast implants ?

Nah

Just rub some toilet paper on ‘em

Do you think it will help?

It did wonders for your

My breast wrote a novel about itself.

It's the titular character.

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What do you call the space between 2 artificial breasts?

Silicone Valley......

I'll leave and close the door behind me

Some men are leg men; some men are breast men

Me? I enjoy the whole chicken.

Someone made a rude comment towards me for breast feeding in public recently.

But what am I supposed to do? A mans got to eat.

I walked into the living room to find my wife breast feeding our son...

"How long do you have to do that for?" I asked. "When is he going to be too old for it?"

"Well, it's a physical bond between a mother and her child isn't it? It's only society that deems it unacceptable above a certain age."

I replied, "Shut up, Harry. I was talking to your mother."

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The other day a girl asked me if I like breasts or thighs. I told her I prefer bubble butts and a trimmed with thin lips...

So I got kicked out of KFC.

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All drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name

Example, the trade name is Tylenol and its generic name is Acetaminophen... Aleve is also called Naproxen.   

Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for .   

After careful consideration by a team of...

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A husband tells his wife that he met a girl with 12 breasts.

Husband: I met a girl with 12 breast.

Wife : That sounds strange.

Husband: Dozentit.

A sign on a restaurant window says "If you order it and we don't have it, you instantly win one million dollars"

A man walking by notices the sign and walks in the restaurant and sits down at the table with a smirk on his face. The waiter asks what he will be having and the man says "I will have white rhinoceros stew please." The waiter comes out with a boiling hot bowl of exactly what the man ordered. The man...

The new Itit a speaker breast implant.

It will finally solve the problem of men starring at women's breast and not listening to them.

Grandma found a lump under her left breast, but the doctor said it was OK.

>!It was just her kneecap!<

What did one breast say to the other?

"Well, you do have a good point"

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If women had breasts on their backs instead of their chests

A lot more men would take up ballroom dancing

I think women breast feeding in public is disgusting.

I was always taught that if you didn't bring enough for the entire class, nobody gets to have any.

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God: "Adam, I'll let you name the birds"

Adam: ""

God: "Uhh ok"

Adam: "Boobie"

God: "Stop naming them after breasts"

Adam: *Looks at rooster*

People ask me if I’m a breast or leg man

I tell them I’m not fussy as long as there’s a good stuffing involved

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A woman gets a free tattoo after showing the artist one of her breasts.

It was a -for-tat situation.

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Apparently the man was smothered to death between a pair of breasts.

There was no sign of a struggle.

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The Three Types of Breasts as told from father to son

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, "Dad, how many kinds of are there?" The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, her breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a b...

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Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts

is to make males stupid.

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A beautiful large-breasted woman walks into a tattoo parlor...

A beautiful large-breasted woman walks into a tattoo parlor and says she really wants a tattoo but she's short on cash, and asks if there is anything they can do to help her. The sleazy shop owner thinks it over for a moment and says, "How about this. You show me those big beautiful breasts and you ...

The breast implant recall is making some women upset.

But I think they are making a mole hill out of a mountain.

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My girlfriend says, the new breast implants make her feel uncomfortable.

But, I think I look .

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My wife said she’d like us to save money for her to get breast implants

I told her, “Why? All you need to do is rub some toilet paper between your breasts every day.”

She said, “What the hell is that going to do?”

I said, “I don’t know but it seems to have worked wonders on your .”

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What did the Gigolo find between his 80 year old clients’ breasts?

Lint in her belly button!

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I used to love my ex-girlfriend's breasts...

...but now they're just distant mammaries.

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What do you prefer? Breasts or Thighs?

I replied : "Personality".

Wonder why the butcher glared at me.

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What does Queen Elizabeth have between her breasts that Meghan Markle doesn't have between her breasts?

A belly button.

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What has 12 breasts and 24 teeth?

The night shift at Waffle House.

What do you call breast’s without ?

Pointless

What do you call breast implants that fall out and go missing?

Bolton Wanderers.

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Me: *stares at medusa's breasts.* Medusa: "My eyes are up here."

Me after looking: *gets rock hard*

Anxiety is like breast.

It grows as soon as puberty hits you.

I had breast cancer once...

Those were some bad mammaries.

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At the age of 91 we discovered two lumps in grandma's breasts

We were so relieved the doctors discovered it was just her knees

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What’s metal and has a dozen ?

The bin out the back of the breast cancer clinic.
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