During labour, a nurse came up to me and my wife & said, ‘How about Epidural Anesthesia?’

I was like, ‘Thanks, but I already picked a name.'

Patient said to the Anesthesia "Can i put myself to sleep?"

Anesthesia "I don't see why not, knock yourself out!"

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Loose and Floppy Vagina

A sexually active woman tells her plastic surgeon that she wanted her vaginal lips reduced in size because they were too loose and floppy. Out of embarrassment she insisted that the surgery be kept a secret and the surgeon agreed.


Awakening from the anesthesia after the surgery she foun...

A doctor performs surgery using local anesthesia

- “Relax, Ernest, it’s just a few cuts with a scalpel. Don’t panic,” the doctor says.

- “But, doctor, my name is not Ernest.”

- “I know... just talking to myself.”

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Anesthesia

A man goes to a female dentist to have a tooth extracted.
She pulled out a large syringe to give an anesthesia shot.

“No way, no needles! I hate needles!” the man exclaimed.
So she started to hook up the nitrous oxide tank, and the man said, “I can’t do the gas thing. Just the thought o...

I went to the dentist and as the anesthesia kicked in I said "Go easy on me, it's my first time."

As I went under, the dentist picked up a scalpel and said, "Don't worry, it's also my first time."

^Stolen ^from ^a ^true ^story ^on ^an ^AskReddit ^thread.
^Edit: ^[Link](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/3ovic6/what_would_be_a_funny_thing_to_say_to_a_surgeon/cw0vu29)

A solid assurance

An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he was about to get the anesthesia, he asked to speak to his son.
"Yes, Dad, what is it?"
"Don't be nervous, son; do your best and just remember, if it doe...

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I said some terrible things to my mom as I was coming out of anesthesia. Told her that she was the ugliest fucking woman I had ever seen, and I hated her new short haircut..

Turns out it was my dad who came to pick me up, my mom was at home this whole time.

A lawyer was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery

A lawyer was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're beautiful!" and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side.

A couple of minutes later, his eyes flutter...

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Did you hear about the Buddhist monk who refused anesthesia for his root canal?

He wanted to transcend dental medication.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Fella told the dentist he did not need anesthesia for his root canal.

Said he had only felt pain twice in his life. So the dentist finished the root canal and said I have never seen anyone like this before. May I ask about the two times you felt pain?
Fella explained he was out hunting one winter day. Felt the call of nature, so he dropped his pants and squatted...

What do you call a skeleton who just had anesthesia?

A numbskull

the story of jimmy the dumb student

there once was a boy named jimmy who studied in an elementary school in a small town in oklahoma,

this kid was so stupid he didn't understand anything at all, no one liked him, his teacher ms. dorothy always yelled at him: "jimmy you're gonna give me a heart attack!"

one day his mom c...

One day, a man walks into a dentist's office and asks how much it will cost to extract wisdom teeth.



"Eighty dollars," the dentist says.
"That's a ridiculous amount," the man says.
"Isn't there a cheaper way?"
"Well," the dentist says, "if you don't use an anesthetic, I can knock the price down to $60."
"That's still too expensive," the man says.
"Okay," says the de...

Hameed the good lad

Once upon a time, a small boy named Hameed lived in a tiny Moroccan village. All his classmates hated him for his stupidity especially his teacher who was always yelling at him "You are driving me crazy Hameed!!!" One day, his mother went to check out how he is doing at school and the teacher told h...

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A frog is born mute

A frog is born mute so he can’t make any noises that a frog typically makes because, well, he can’t make any noises at all. So naturally it’s very difficult for the frog to make friends with the other frogs and he ends up with just one friend; a tortoise who’s had the patience and the wherewithal to...

I still howl at the old Monica Lewinsky classic.

She was feeling self conscious because the tabloids were labeling her pudgy. So she asks her plastic surgeon to remove her love handles. When she comes out of anesthesia and looks in the mirror, she notices she doesn't have ears anymore.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I thought this sub was the appropriate place for some of these hard to believe real West Virginia Laws.

-If you wear a hat inside a theater, you may be fined.

-Roadkill may be taken home for supper.

-No children may attend school with their breath smelling of "wild onions."

-Doctors and dentists may not place a woman under anesthesia unless a third person is present.

-It...

Dentists and an Irish.

An Irish went to a dentist for tooth extraction and first enquired about cost. Dentist said 1200 , the Irish thought it was too much.
After some thought, he asked about cheaper methods.
The dentist said, Yes, it can be done without anesthesia and will cost only 300, but it would be very very p...

Two friends were going camping...

Pete told Mark not to bring any booze for safety reasons.
When they met, Mark had two bags with him, at first glance, Pete noticed one bag full of vodka.
"I told you not to bring booze"
"It's just in case we get bitten by a snake, that will work as an anesthesia"
"Oh, ok, but whats in th...

Bad news /good news surgeon

As I was laying in my hospital bed, freshly out of anesthesia the surgeon looked at me and said :
- I have a bad news and a good one to tell you!
-what's the bad news?
-your disease was beyond healing, you'll have just few weeks left to live!
-(sobbing) and the good news?
-My daughte...

Why did the hipster refuse to undergo surgery?

The anesthesia wasn't local.

A nurse met with an accident

... and was brought to the hospital. Her injuries are not severe, but the surgeon opts for general anesthesia anyway. Just as he was about to complete the minor surgery, the patient wakes up, in shock, and would like to know what is going on.


“I’m just about to close the nasty gash,” the ...

A lawyer had just undergone surgery

...and as he came out of the anesthesia, he said,
"Why are all the blinds drawn, doctor?"

"There's a big fire across the street and we didn't want you to wake up and think the operation was a failure."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[True Story] So today I had to get three wisdom teeth pulled and I jokingly told my girlfriend that I was going to ask the dentist how long before I had could go down on my girlfriend?

Well that was too just funny and just between us. "Maybe I should ask how long after the surgery before I can suck a cock again?"..we both laughed hard. But omg the anesthesia must kicked in and I ACTUALLY asked the doctor. I don't remember a thing my gf relayed everything later. But I was insistent...

A woman who was very skeptical of modern medicine, had to get surgery...

A woman who was very skeptical of modern medicine, had to get surgery. She was in pre-op and asked the nurse if there was any way she could administer the anesthesia medication herself. To which the nurse replied "I am not sure, I will go ask the surgeon." The nurse leaves to check with the surgeon....

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A shy woman decides to have surgery

She wants to have surgery to remove her large vaginal lips which have always made her self conscious. She finds a doctor and schedules the procedure but swears him to secrecy. "No one can ever know" she admonishes, and he agrees. After the anesthesia wears off she awakes to find three roses on her ...

No Bedside Manner

I’d never had surgery, and I was nervous. “This is a very simple, noninvasive procedure,” the anesthesiologist reassured me. I felt better, until … “Heck,” he continued, “you have a better chance of dying from the anesthesia than the surgery itself.”

That's the word I was looking for! (Possibly NSFW)

A man walks into a doctors office and says to the doctor "I want you to castrate me"

The doctor says "NO! I will never do such a thing"

Man: "What if I give you $1000 in cash?"

Doctor: "No"

Man: "What about $5000?"

Doctor: "Well... if you insist"

And so, the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Surgeon's joke.

There used to be a rule that in order to get into anesthesia, applicants had to have an IQ greater than their body temp. For a while they couldn't get any new anesthesia trainees because nobody would pass.

Then they decided to switch from farenheit to celsius, and now there's a lot of them.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Great joke for a bar...

Some time ago, a pregnant woman was waiting in line at the bank when a bank robber comes running in. The robber begins waiving around his gun and yelling at all the tellers frantically to give him the money and get down. A hidden security guard watches as the robber appears to be losing control an...

I went into surgery yesterday

After the anesthesia wore off the nurse said if I didn't pee within 2 days to go to the ER. To help, she recommended sitting in a warm bath and peeing in there. I told her "No problem, I've been doing that since I was 2"

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