UPJOKE
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Spine Jokes

I'm thinking of removing my spine

It's only holding me back.
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I was surprised to learn that stepping on a crack really breaks your mama's back and stepping on a line really breaks your father spine

Unfortunately for me, my sister just stepped on a rock
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Do you know the Football player whose missing 75% of his spine?

He's the Quarterback.



(My 2nd joke attempt X\_X)
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I was going to make a joke about my spine, but I think it was a repost. Did anyone see it here earlier?

It was about a weak back.
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What's it called when your backpack messes up your spine?

schooliosis
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What human body part is long, hard, bendable, and contains the letters p,e,n,i,s?

Your spine
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My dyslexic girlfriend told me I had a big spine.

While I misunderstood at first, she took it well.
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Spine surgeon to-do list:

Get back to work.
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I am surprised I didn't get any upvotes on the joke about a spine that I posted recently.

It was about a week back.
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went through an expensive and painful procedure yesterday, having had my spine and both testicles removed....

Still, some of the wedding presents were fantastic.

what do you call a person without a spine?

Dead.
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Joe had suffered from really bad headaches for the last 20 years. He eventually decides to go and see a Doctor.

The Doctor said, 'Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache.

The only way to relieve the pressure is to rem...

I watched a movie called "The Adjustment," about a Chiropractor who quits, goes back to school and becomes an famous Orthopedic Spine Surgeon. I didn't really like it.

Too much backstory.
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I told my chiropractor that my spine was already in alignment, but he proved me wrong.

Now I stand corrected.
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients on the operating table.

Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients on the operating table.
The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."
The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything ins...

The devil ripped out my spine and ran away.

At least I know he'll always have my back.
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Do you guys remember when I told you about my spine issue?

It was about a week back.
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Where do you go to get a new spine?

Talk to the guy in the back alley.
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What is it called when a tree has spine problems?

ScoliOAKsis.
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A blonde prostitute is working the corner with her friends...

... when a prospective client walks up to her.

"H-how much?" the man asks. The blonde whispers the price in his ear, and he quickly agrees.

As they're walking away, her fellow prostitutes call out: "Aren't you forgetting something?"

The man turns back nervously, then feels for h...

My chiropractor says I have the spine of a 60 year old

I still have my own spine too, but it's good to have a spare
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I know a footballer who lost 75% of his spine.

He's a quarterback.
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What do you call an alligator showing off his spine flexibility on the internet?

E-Reptile Disc Function
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what do you call a spine doctor who practices in Egypt?

a cairo-practor!
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Broke my spine in an accident last year. Had a life saving operation to fix my neck which permanently locked my head in place.

Since then I've never looked back.
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The head surgeon shouted at me for accidentally severing the patient's spine.

I think I struck a nerve.
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Stay away from G-mail if you don't want to get shivers down your spine

There's clearly a draft in there.
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When I was young, I slipped on some spilled beans and broke my spine, paralysing myself...

Oh what I'd have done with Heinzsight.
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's long, hard and bendable and contains the letters p, e, n, i, s?

Your spine

A man with spine cancer walks up to his friend

His friend notices that the man is holding his back while walking up to him
His friend asks "What's wrong?".
The man says "My back is killing me".
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Someone took my spine and replaced it with theirs.

I want to get my own back.
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"I think I have something seriously wrong with my spine" said Quasimodo

"What makes you think that?" asked Esmeralda.

"Just a hunch"
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Headaches.

A man strides into a bar, grinning from ear to ear. He sets down at the bar and orders a beer. "In fact, make that a round on me."

The bar cheers, and the bartender brings him his drink, he asks, "So, why the celebration?"

"I am reinventing myself! A new man! Just a month ago, I was m...

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This guy Bill has been having headaches for about 40 years..

...he doesnt know what to do so he finally goes to a doctor for the pain. The doctor checks him and says "bill I’m not sure how to tell you this , but you have a very rare condition where your balls press up against your spine and put pressure on your head. That’s why you've been getting these heada...

When I was young, I decided to go to medical school…

At the entrance exam, we were asked to re-arrange the letters:

P N E I S

to form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.

Those who answered SPINE are doctors today, while the rest are on Facebook.
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

He grasped me firmly but gently just above my elbow and guided me into a room...

He grasped me firmly but gently just above my elbow and guided me into a room, his room.

Then he quietly shut the door and we were alone.

He approached me soundlessly, from behind, and spoke in a low, reassuring voice close to my ear, “Just relax.”

Without warning, he reached d...

The sky was blue, the moon was high, we were together, just her and I...

The sky was blue, the moon was high, we were together, just her and I.

Her hair was brown, her eyes baby blue, I knew exactly what she wanted to do.

And so, with courage, I did my best and laid my hand upon her breast.

Her face was light, her body fine, I ran my finger down her ...
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A pro wrestler is down to fight The Mad Monk, and his manager says to him:

"Whatever you do, don't let him put you in the Mad Monk Hold. That's his signature move and no-one's ever gotten out of it."

But about five minutes into the fight, sure enough, our boy's all wrapped up like a human pretzel, with one arm going one way, one leg going another way, his spine all ...

Call it a hunch...

But I'm pretty sure I have an abnormal convex curvature of the upper spine.
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What's the definition of a politician?

A person whose skin is so thick they can stand upright even without a spine
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