A doctor says "The good news is it's all in your head."

"The bad news is it's brain cancer."

I finally figured out what’s wrong with my brain.

On the left side, there is nothing right.

On the right side, there is nothing left.

What do you call a blonde with a brain cell..?


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Men's brains

My girlfriend told me that Men's brains are all in their penises. I told her that I like it when she blows my mind.

What has more brains than Osama Bin Laden?

The wall behind him

I went in to get a brain transplant..

..thankfully the surgeon managed to change my mind.

At our world famous clinic, many worried, afflicted and mentally unstable people come for assistance. I know it may sound ridiculous, but we start by suggesting they try one of our brain transplant procedures.

They always reject the offer at first, but eventually we change their minds.

What do you call a brain surgeon that got a C average in college?

A brain surgeon. I hope your surgery goes well!

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An antivaxxer walks into a store selling brain cells..

There were a wide variety on display

Doctor's brain -$100

Engineer's brain -$125

Normal brain - $75

Anti vaxxer's's brain- $1000

he was quite amused and asked the shop keeper.. "So how come antivaxxer's brain is worth so much?". The shopkeeper replied "because I ha...

I've decided to rent out my brain

After all, its intellectual property

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Doctor! Doctor! My brains look like my testicles!

I’m sorry, son. It’s a serious case of cerebral ballsy.

I have two brain cells.

One for each side of a pentagon.

How did the dentist suddenly become a brain surgeon?

A slip of the hand.

I was absolutely livid with my doctor. He told me I had a brain tumour.

Naturally, I panicked at first. But I lost it when he said,

“It’s all in your head.”

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The Mexican president has a rare cancer of the brain and is in need of a brain transplant. His only option is a risky new procedure that his doctor recently perfected.

He now has to “shop” for his brain.

“Sir, as this is a new procedure, our pool of brains you can choose from is rather small. Prices of the brains will vary,” said the doctor.

“Okay, show me what you’ve got. I have an important job, so I’ll need the best brain,” replies the president...

I finally figured out the problem with my brain

On the left, there's nothing right, and on the right, there's nothing left.

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A 3-year old boy is looking at his testicles in the bathtub and asks his mom, “are these my brains?” To which his mother reply’s “not yet sweetie”

A brain and a spark plug walk into a bar...

The brain walks up to the bar and says:
" can i have a beer for my friend and I?"

The barman looks at the brain and goes back to polishing his glass.

The brain tries again: "Can I have a beer please?!?"

"No, not for you. Not today guys." The barman says, not looking up from...

Brain Dead

A man got into a car accident and was rushed to hospital. At the hospital, the man's doctor declares him to be brain-dead. Soon, the man's wife shows up at the hospital. The doctor gives the wife the bad news.

"What now?! What are my options?" Sobs the wife.

The doctor replies, "Well, ...

Baby Boomers grow up around a lot of lead paint. Lead paint causes long term mental effects like antisocial behavior, short attention span, and reduced brain development.

And there we have explained Donald Trump

My eyes are in New York. My brain is in Stockholm. My heart is in Paris. What am I?


Brain-eating amoeba

You're not you when it's hungry

I woke up in panic and told my wife of a nightmare where my brain ran away

She said “No, dumbass. It’s all in your head”

The patient said to the Brain-surgeon.

I can't seem to get you out of my mind.

What is it called when starvation causes brain damage?

A hungry hungry hippocampus!

International Doctor Debate

A British doctor says: "In Britain, medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man's liver, put it in another man, and in 6 weeks, he is looking for a job."

The German doctor says: "That's nothing,
in Germany we took part of a brain, put it in another man, and in 4 weeks he is looking for a...

If we start telling people that the brain is an app,

Maybe they will start using it

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My brain is like an internet browser.

12 tabs are open

5 of them are not responding

1 is showing porn

Tons of popups

and where the fuck is that annoying music coming from?

Sphenopalatine ganglioneuralgia is the medical term for brain freeze.

A quick way you can get this is by eating an ice cream...

or by trying to say the medical term for brain freeze.

Why aren't there any zombies in the White House?

Because they feed on brains.

I used to think the brain was the most important organ.

Then I thought,look what’s telling me that

Scientists removed the right half of a man's brain...

...and then, they asked him to count to ten. The man counted, "two, four, six, eight, ten."

Then they put the right half back and removed the left half, and again asked the man to count to ten. The man counted, "one, three, five, seven, nine."

The scientists then removed both halves of...

Everyone at my university is morbidly obese, it's making my brain hurt

I think it's the hippo campus.

Brain cells fry at how many degrees?

Just 1: your college degree.

An alien walks into a human brain shop

Vendor: Welcome, unfortunately we are very limited on brains right now and there are only 2 available.

Alien: I'll take a look.

Vendor: Well, here's the brain of Albert Einstein. He was very intelligent and was the reason behind much of human science. This is priced at $2. Here is the ...

Donald Trump's brain is so big

It's too much of a hassle to take it with him

I once met an anesthesiologist for a brain surgeon.

They said the pay was great, but the work was mind numbing.

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TIL that comparative brain scans of elephants reveal that they find humans to be "adorable".

I mean, your mom told me I was sexy, but I didn't realize that it was a biological reaction.

The human brain is awesome..

The human brain is awesome. It functions 24 hours a day, from the day we were born and it stops only when we have math exam.

Human brain

Human brain is amazing it functions 24/7 from when we were born & only stops when you take a test or talk to someone attractive

"Brain, I need the alphabet please."

Brain : but you didn't do the thing.

"I don't feel like doing the thing."

"Suit yourself. No thing, no alphabet."

"Brain, I'm not kidding, I'm not in the mood, I need the alphabet NOW!"

"DO IT !"



The doctor said to me, “Your brain seems to have deleted all information about 80's pop music!” I gasped, “Yikes! What’s The Cure?!”

He yowled, “Oh my God! It’s worse than I thought!”

People say the brain is a computer, but if it is...

Why can't it run Skyrim?

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See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis...

...and only enough blood to run one at a time.

Recent mobile phone technology has linked up with micro chip brain implant technology so that when your phone rings it can immediately connect without making a ringing sound.

It just won the Nobel peace prize.

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All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge.

"I should be in charge," said the brain, "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."

"I should be in charge," said the blood, "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd waste away."

"I should be in charge," said the stomach," Because I pr...

Why do brain surgeons begin operations early?

So they can work ahead

Your momma’s so fat

she gave her memory foam mattress brain damage....

A new twist on an old joke.

Scientists recently did a study on the effects the right side and left side of a brain had on counting. They first took out the left half of a man's brain and asked him to count to 10.

He says, "2, 4, 6, 8, 10".

They put the left half back in and removed the right half, asking him to c...

A trip to the doctor...

Doctor: "You'll be thrilled to hear that you don't have cancer in your liver. It was all in your head!"

Me: "Oh great!"

Doctor: "No, brain cancer is way worse."

Buzzfeed employee is diagnosed with stage 2 brain cancer

Doctor: Number 4 will blow your mind.

What do you call a blond with a brain...?

A golden retriever

High school is like a brain

You have some knowledges tossed in there, but it’s mainly full of thots

GF: Why are you buying a puzzle when you don't have brain to play it?

BF: Do I complain when you purchase bras?

President Trump goes to get a brain MRI

Trump: So, doc, what's wrong?

Doc: Well, on your right there's nothing left. And on your left there's nothing right.

I came back from brain surgery

The doctors said they took out the limbic system but I don’t remember what that is

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2 Shits and a Brain

So 2 Shits and a Brain enter a bar. One of the shits goes to the bar and orders 3 pints of Lager. Barman says "sorry lads, not tonight" Confused the Shit returns to his friends, "Boys the barman isn't going to serve us!" Brain decides he will give it a shot, "3 Pints, Please my good man" The Barman ...

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I wish I had a Google brain...

Instead of a Microsoft penis.

What is the brain told when you have Alzheimer’s?

Begone, thought.

My last too brain cells trying to have a conversation lmao

Now there’s won.

Football gave me traumatic brain injury

And I was only watching.

I finally figured out how to get a monkeys brain into my dog.

I threw it in his food bowl.

They're making a new Beauty and the Beast where the princess is brain damaged and everyone picks her up to do curls.

She is a dumb Belle

Hey girl are u a brain tumor?

Cuz i cant get u outta my head and its killing me