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Undergo Jokes

A sperm was undergoing training for conception

His instructor said, 'When the siren goes off, rush out the tunnel and swim until you find a red sticky ball. Address the ball and say "I'm a sperm" to which the ball will reply "I'm the egg". You will then work together to form the embryo. Do you understand?'

The sperm nodded. Days later, th...

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Before graduating to full priests, the candidates had to undergo

The cardinal test.

To make sure that they would stick to the oath of celibacy, the graduating would be priests were all taken to a room and made to stand in a straight line and covered their eyes.

The bishop tied a little Bell on their penises and then brought in a naked beautiful woma...

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A woman, about to undergo an IRS audit, asked her accountant for advice on what to wear. "Wear your shabbiest clothing. Let them think you are a pauper".

Then she asked her legal counsel the same question, but got the opposite advice. "Do not let them intimidate you. Wear your finest attire".

Utterly confused at this point, she went to her rabbi, told him of the conflicting advice, and requested some resolution of her dilemma. "Let me tell you...

A lawyer undergoes heart surgury, and is in bed in the recovery area

As he wakes up, he notices the room is dark, and a doctor is standing there. He asks the doctor, "Why did you close all the window shades?"

The doctor says, "There was a large fire across the street, and we didn't want you to think you didn't survive the operation."

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A man undergoes a new procedure and has penis replaced

With an elephant trunk. He hasn't told his girlfriend because he wants to surprise her on their wedding night. He is having dinner at the future in-laws house and they are having steak and baked potato. They pass the plate of potatoes to him and out of nowhere something darts out from between his ...

A North Korean general is to undergo surgery

"His heart again?", asks the doctor

"No, chest expansion surgery, to make room for one more Gold medal"

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What do you call a group of Soviet musicians undergoing sexual reassignment?

Trans Siberian Orchestra

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A blonde, a brunette and a redhead undergo spy training

The pass all test with ease, and score top marks on all exams. Finally, after an easy year of training, they are told to go the headmaster's office, James Bond himself. "First of all, congratulations for you excellent grades in all classes, he said, but you have one final exam to pass. In the room b...

Why did the hipster refuse to undergo surgery?

The anesthesia wasn't local.

A very agitated man undergoes a specialist visit.

At the end of the visit he asks the doctor: "So, doctor, is it serious?"

"Just take these pills for the rest of your life and you should be fine."

"Ah, thank you very much. I am heartened... I thought worse!"

"The box comes with 6 pills, it should be enough."

A man returned to the U.S. after a trip abroad feeling very ill.

He goes to see his doctor and is immediately rushed to the hospital to undergo a barrage of extensive tests. He's negative for COVID, Ebola, Malaria, and pretty much all the recognizable infectious diseases.


The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital, and the phone...

Mike was undergoing his first prostate examination...

It was uncomfortable, but the doctor seemed like a professional. Still, Mike was nervous.

Doctor: It's normal to get an erection during a prostate exam

Mike: I don't have an erection

Doctor: I was talking about myself

For those unaware, Big Ben is undergoing renovations in London; it's no easy task

They're having to work around the clock to make it happen.

Just so everyone is aware, dogs are not able to undergo an M.R.I.

But Catscan.

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Boy Born Without Eyelids Undergoes Graft Surgery Using His Own Foreskin

Doctors say, "He's fine now, just a little cock-eyed."

My patient was going to die but she refuses to undergo the surgery

I guess she made a grave mistake

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Scottish blood

An Arab Sheik was admitted to the hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to have some of his blood type stored in case the need arose. As the gentleman had an extremely rare type of blood that couldn't be found locally, the call went out around the world.

...

A sodium atom undergoes a vigorous reaction with flourine...

How do you feel?" Asks the fluoride ion.

"Positively shell shocked" the sodium ion replied.

Things you don't want to hear while undergoing an operation

* Did he say the right or left leg?

* I'd feel a lot better about this if the dotted lines were pre-drawn like back at school.

* Buddy! Buddy! Come back with that! Bad dog!

* Hand me that...uh...that uh...thingie.

* Oh no! I just lost my watch.

* Argh! There go the...

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette die and go to heaven...

There they are greeted by St. Peter who looks at them grimly.

"Unfortunately, heaven is quite full at the moment so you must all undergo a test to prove your worth. Before you all is the stairway to heaven totalling one thousand steps. On each step I will tell you a joke, they will get progre...

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During WWII, an Australian, a British and an American P.O.W. are forcibly recruited by a brilliant Nazi scientist to undergo an experimental treatment…

The purpose of the experiment is to create human time-keeping machines. They are each placed in separate rooms and subjected to intense brainwashing. After a week of treatment, the scientist comes to inspect on their progress.

He first looks in on the Australian soldier. Staring blankly ahea...

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A Soviet telegraph station.

An old Jew comes in and sends the message "Doctor says cut cut".

An hour passes, he gets back the message "Doctor says cut cut".

The people there assumed it must be some kind of code, so they alerted the proper authorities. The Jew is brought to the KGB, they asks him what it means....

So my my dad told our family that he’d always wanted to be a woman and that he was going to undergo the transformation.

I guess he just wanted to be transparent.

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Before they can be ordained, three young men have to undergo an ordeal which will test the chastity of their thoughts.

Ordered by a priest to strip, the trio have rubber bands fastened to their private parts and are ushered into a bedroom where a beautiful girl lies naked on the bed.

After a few moments there is aloud *Boing!* The first seminarian is told to go to the showers to cool his ardour.

A mome...

Dark humor xD

A husband got called into a hospital. His wife's just had a really bad car accident... He's pacing nervously in waiting hall expecting the doctor to come out of the OR. Finally the doctor comes out.

- 'How is she, doctor?'
- 'Well, she's alive... and that's good news. But there is some bad...

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A man was having trouble sleeping at night....

....due to a persistent and irrational phobia of monsters being under his bed. Despite knowing that there were no such things as monsters, his brain refused to let go of the fear that had haunted him all his life. He was undergoing therapy with a psychologist, but had gotten nowhere in several years...

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A man with a stutter goes to the doctor

A man goes to the doctor to consult regarding his stutter.

 
**Man:** "D-d-d-doctor, have the re-re-re-results come back yet about the source of my st-st-st-stutter?"

 
**Doctor:** "Yes, after extensive examination, I have determined that the reason for your s...

Exams

A beautiful young woman, about to undergo a minor operation, is lying on a gurney in a hospital corridor awaiting the medical staff. A man in a white coat approaches her, lifts up the sheet, and visually examines her naked body. He walks away and confers with another man in a white coat. The second ...

A Weird Doctor Visit

A beautiful young woman was about to undergo a minor operation.

She was lying on a hospital trolley bed with nothing on, except a sheet over her. The nurse pushed her trolley down the corridor towards the operating theater, where she left the woman on the trolley outside, while she went in t...

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A man goes to the doctor to ask about options for penis enlargement.

He says, "doc, it's tiny. My pinky finger has more girth. I'm afraid my wife is going to leave me if I don't do something about it."

The doctor replies, "well, if you're really that small, I don't think medication is an option. However, there is an experimental surgery I've been developing, w...

A charity collector paid a visit to the town miser.

"I know you made a profit of more than $500,000 last year alone. Yet you haven't made one donation to our charity!" he berated the miser.

The miser looked up in anger.
"Well, did you also know about my elderly mother, who is currently undergoing an expensive, prolonged treatment for her he...

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For a school video project, I was partnered with the class bitch

Wanting it to be finished as soon as possible, I told her that I would do most of the project as long as she would stay out of my way. I then realized that my computer was undergoing repairs so I asked her if she had any audio editing software. And let me tell you,


This bitch had the Auda...

A brother and a sister are hanging out...

and the brother is barefoot. He notices his sister has been staring at his feet for awhile, so he asks,

Bro: “What’s up, why are you staring at my feet?”

Sis: “Well, i was just curious...”

Bro: “About?”

She points to his big toe

Sis: “Is that the process which moth...

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Oxford University researchers have discovered the densest element yet known to science.

The new element, Governmentium (symbol=Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like partic...

Communist president is fed up with his life and wants to die as a hero

He has a long speech at the next 1st May celebration in front of a huge crowd of people who all have to cheer and applaud every few seconds "Long live the president! Workers of the world unite!". He's getting really fed up and decides that best death for him will be to be torn to pieces by a wild cr...

It's isn't rocket science

A patient on the dentist's chair was scared and quite apprehensive about the procedure he was going to undergo.

He asks a lot of questions and details from the dentist.

The dentist says, reassuringly:

"Relax, it's not brain surgery....Unless I slip."

Dementia

Three older men are undergoing a memory test at the doctor's office. The Doctor asks, "What is three times three?"
The first man answers, "274."
The second man answers, "Tuesday."
The third man answers, "Nine."
The doctor pleasantly surprised at the third man's correct response, inqu...

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Mary has a problem so heads to the doctor

"Doctor, I have an embarrassing problem with my vagina. The lips are huge and stick out and it makes me really self conscious. I don't even like my husband seeing me like this so we never have sex" she tells him.

"Ok" says the doctor "Lets have a look and see whats what."

Mary gets un...

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A man who was born without eyelids...

...agreed to undergo a revolutionary operation where the missing skin was replaced by foreskin tissue.

He is a lot happier now, although he looks a little cock eyed.

The Rabbi and the Sheikh

A wealthy Sheikh who was travelling in the US met a terrible accident and would need to undergo blood transfusion. The Sheikh had a rare type of blood that the doctor's had never encountered before.
They made tests from several donors but found no match, days passed and the Sheikh's health was g...

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A joke my dad told me

So one day a man gets into a bad car crash and wakes up a week later in the hospital. The doctor says “I have some good news and some bad news, bad news is you lost your penis in the crash, the good news is there is an African doctor who can replace it with an elephant trunk, and seeing your situati...

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Two brothers enlisting in the Army

Two brothers enlisting in the Army were undergoing their physicals. During the inspection, the doctor was surprised to see that both of the men possessed extraordinarily long penises.

“How do you account for this?” he asked the brothers.

“It’s hereditary, sir,” replied the older brothe...

A woman sees an ad for labioplasty in the paper...

... So she she decides to get the operation, so her husband can enjoy the tightness of her youth.

After the operation, she wakes up with three roses on her chest.

Curious, she asks the nurse, "who are the roses from?"

"Well," says the nurse, "The first rose is from your hu...

Communist hell

A lifelong member of the communist party dies and goes to hell. Upon arrival, hes told we can give you a choice. You can go to capitalist hell or Communist hell. Having been a communist his whole life, he decides to see what the capitalist hell would look like. He goes and sees people undergoing ...

Getting back on his feet

A man working in a warehouse suffers a terrible accident when a heavy crate falls on his feet crushing and severing all of his toes. At the hospital he undergoes several hours of surgery. After months of rehabilitation he is able to walk again.

He decides to visit his favorite local bar. Seei...

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What is courage??

COURAGE?

What is the meaning of courage?

Is it to fight a Bull in a bullfight without any weapon?

Is it to undertake a cross-country auto trip in a Chrysler Corporation car?

Is it to fly a fighter plane in combat?

Is it to undergo open-heart surgery knowing that th...

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A state trooper buys a lie-detecting robot that slaps people when they tell a lie...

...off of a man undergoing divorce. His wife cheated on him, apparently.

That night the trooper was patrolling, a car flew past. His speed gun showed 30 mph above the limit.

So he pulls over the car. He asks the driver, "Son, do-" he is interrupted by a slap of the robot.

"Sir, ...

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Too much cock..

A man goes to a doctor claiming his speech impediment is effecting his life, no one will hire him, no females will talk to him, no one wants to be his friend because of the way he talks and something needs to be done. The doctor curiously looks into the situation.
“Turns out your penis is to...

The President of Earth wants proof that he's real...

And he won't believe the scientists and the psycologists until he sees his own face. Of course they tell him "look in a mirror!" but he says "not good enough. I want more."

So many years pass, and the Pres manages to go about business like he doesn't mind, but as soon as he hears about how s...

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A woman walks into the doctor's office

She asks the doctor, "How much do you charge for a breast job?" The doctor replies, "The procedure starts at $5,000, depending on the size." She says "I can't afford that much money, are there any other options?" The doctor leans back and says "Well, yes, for $200 we can insert a balloon into each b...

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Bancroft was an unimpressive man

he had no viable skills or accomplishments. He has always dreamed of joining the king’s army and becoming a knight but was always rejected as he was too short. He would often complain to his friend, Alcott, about his height. He would repeatedly say, “If only I was taller, I would be able to be a kni...

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NOTICE IS HEREBY GIVEN:

**NOTICE IS HEREBY GIVEN:**

Please be advised that anyone planning to dash through the snow in a one-horse open sleigh, going over the fields and laughing all the way are required to undergo a full Risk Assessment addressing the safety of open sleighs. This assessment must also consider wheth...

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Joining the Congregation

Three married couples, an elderly pair, a middle-aged pair, and two newlyweds, are applying to be a part of the congregation of a church. The pastor tells them that part of the part of the process involves them undergoing a trial of chastity, and as such that they must refrain from sex for two full ...

A woman joins the army....

A woman was walking through a store when she noticed a colorful flyer pinned to a billboard. It reads:

JOIN THE ARMY NOW! You will receive benefits such as:
• Free college education
• Many veteran benefits
• Experience in many fields of work
• Travel
• Any free car after a sp...

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