A Ukrainian guy goes to the eye doctor.

The bottom line of the eye chart has the letters:

C Z Y N Q S T A S Z.

The Optometrist asks, "Can you read this?"

"Read it?" the guy replies, "I know the guy!"

How many eye doctors does it take to change a lightbulb?

One... or Two....

A Chinese guy goes to an eye doctor

The eye doctor says to the Chinese man: "We found the problem, you have a cataract."

The Chinese man replies: "No I drive a Rincon."

Guess who I bumped into on my way to the eye doctor!

>!Everybody!<

I just came back from the eye doctor, he says I have kindergarden disease.

I asked her what that meant, she said that means I have really small pupils.

A man walks into an eye doctor…..

……..he says hello to the doctor, and the doctor says the same. The doctor asks the man if he’d like to hear a joke. The man says yes. “Why does the phone wears glasses?” The doctor asked. The man shakes his head in confusion. The doctor continues, “because he doesn’t have any contacts”. The man frus...

What do you call a student who’s studying to become an eye doctor?

A pupil.

I thoight I saw an eye doctor when I was in Alaska

But it turned out to be an Optical Aleutian

Eye doctor...

A world famous painter is diagnosed with a serious eye disease and is sure to lose his sight. He goes to a local eye doctor in desperation and after giving it some thought, he is able to reverse the disease and cure the man.

In gratitude, the painter goes to work painting a large rendition o...

I visited my eye doctor the other day for an eye test.

Found out I was color blind, it was completely out of the purple. Devastated.

My Asian eye doctor

Since I am half-Chinese and half-Filipino, and in recognition of AAPI month, I shall relate what happened visiting the eye doctor. I had been having trouble seeing while driving, so I went to my eye doctor, who happens to be Asian like me. He did the usual things, the eye charts, peering into my e...

Why did the gangster have to keep seeing the eye doctor?

Because he had glock-oma.

Guess who I bumped into on my way to the eye doctor!

>!Everybody!<

Edit 1: Wow, this blew up. is this where you post your soundcloud?

Edit 2: My inbox is ruined, I should start charging reddit coins for formatting questions.

A man goes to the eye doctor.

He sits down and the receptionist asks him why he is there. The man complains, "I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes."

The receptionist asks, "Have you ever seen a doctor?" to which the man replies, "No, just spots."

His visit to the eye doctor.

A man was scheduled to go to an eye exam, so he walks in and gets it done. When the doctor walks into the office, he has a concerned look on his face. “What’s wrong?” the patient asks. “Well, your test results don’t look too good” said the doctor. The patient replied, “well can I see them?” The doct...

I went to the eye doctor.

Eye doctor: Your results aren't good.


Me: Can I see them?


Eye doctor: Probably not.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes to the eye doctor....

The man says I think I'm getting nearsighted. So the doc sits him down and gives the man an eye exam.
The doctor pulls up a chart of letters, asking the man to read each line util he can't make out the letters. The man gets to about the 3rd line when he starts to have problems, and he can't read...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

At The Eye Doctor's

A woman went to her optometrist for an exam. The doctor turned the exam chart on the wall and asked her to read it. she replied that she couldn’t see anything. He increased the size to 6″ and asked her to try again. Still nothing.

So he enlarged it again to a foot. Still cant see it. out of f...

My eye doctor just told me my eyesight is so perfect I can see into next year!

He called it “2020 Vision.”

I was at the eye doctor with my 92 year old dad and they were asking people if they’d mind answering a few questions while they waited for their appointments. My dad said sure and we sat down in a corner with this lady.

She went through her survey and, at the end, asked him for his greatest strengths and weaknesses.

“Well, weaknesses...” he said “I guess I sometimes have trouble distinguishing fantasy from reality”

"And your greatest strength?” She asked.

“Oh, I’m the Batman”

I think my eye doctor is crazy

She always asks me if I see things

An old Chinese lady goes to see the eye doctor...

The optometrist gives her the regular eye exam then proceeds to do a few more tests because of her advanced age. After peering through one of his instruments into her eyes, he says "Well ma'am, I'm sorry to tell you this, but you've got cataracts." To which the Chinese woman replied, "No cataracts, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A group of golfers get stuck behind a really slow group

Four golfers (a doctor, a lawyer, a priest, and an engineer) are stuck behind a really slow group of golfers. They start to get frustrated, so they call up the course's pro.

"Hey, how come you're letting guys like this on the course? They're hitting their balls all over the place, spending wa...

My earliest childhood memory is visiting the eye doctor and getting my glasses...

Before that, life was a blur...

A Polish man was at the Eye Doctor to test his sight, and looked at a chart with the following letters:

G U O Y L V B J I T D A Z C K

Doctor: Can you read the letters?

Polish Man: Of course i can read it, I know the guy!

Former eye doctor Rand Paul decided to run for president in 2016

Of all people, you would have thought he'd have 2020 vision

A Chinaman goes to see the eye doctor...

After the exam the doctor said, "I know why you're having trouble." The Chinaman says, "why?" Doctor said, "you have a cataract." Chinaman says, "no, I have a Rincoln Continental."

Did you hear about the Eye Doctor who changed professions to become a comedian?

He made a spectacle of himself.

.

ok its bad. Apologies in advance.

Football joke

Timmy, the goalkeeper of the school team, is sitting on the field after a big loss.

"My boy", an old man said behind him, "I saw you play. I think I can help you"

"Are you a coach?"

"No I'm an eye doctor"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This general goes to war and loses his left eye

(Translating this joke from Urdu to English. Let's see how it goes)

This general goes to war and loses his left eye so he visits the eye doctor and asks the doctor his options. The doctor tells him that he could put an artificial eye in his left eye socket. The general agrees and after a few ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes to his eye doctor for an examination.

They start talking as the doctor is examining his eyes. In the middle of their conversation, the doctor casually says, "You need to stop masturbating."

The man replies, "Why Doc? Am I going blind?"

The doctor says, "No, but you were upsetting the other patients who are out in the wa...

I went to my doctor, and he told me to drop my pants

I need to get a new eye doctor.

(Credit to Bob Saget)

A man goes to the doctor with a knife in his thigh

The doctor: "Sorry I can't fix that, we are closed"

Man: "But then what in the world am i supposed to do??"

The doctor promptly takes the knife from the man's thigh and stabs him in the eye. The man screams with questionable agony

Doctor: "The eye doctor is open until 8"

"One day you'll see! YOU'LL ALL SEE!!!"

-*A really enthusiastic and positive eye doctor*

There was this world famous painter

In the prime of her career, she started losing her eyesight. Fearful that she might lose her life as a painter, she went to see the best eye surgeon in the world.

After several weeks of delicate surgery and therapy, her eyesight was restored. The painter was so grateful that she decided to sh...

If you “don’t see color”, unfriend me right now.......

..... and go see an eye doctor.

This super power is terrible...

Supposedly I can see 60 years into the future, but it is worthless because everything is so blurry. I mean, how does the eye doctor even know I am seeing 2080?

My whole life before age 12 was a blur.

That's when I went to the eye doctor. Things cleared up after that.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man with a knife stuck in his back staggers to a doctor.

The doctor says: “Sorry, we’re closed.” But the man doesn’t give up. After he’s been begging for 15 minutes the doctor sighs, “Alright!” Pulls out the knife, puts it in the man’s eye and says: “Go to the eye doctor next door. He’s still open.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Lasik Eye Surgery

A few years ago, I finally decided to get Lasik Eye Surgery. I had been going to the same eye doctor for a few years, and she told me I was a good candidate for it. She tells me I need to get a topography test which couldn't be done at her office. Instead, she sent me to the Eye Center at a local...

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