Eye Doctor Jokes

……..he says hello to the doctor, and the doctor says the same. The doctor asks the man if he’d like to hear a joke. The man says yes. “Why does the phone wears glasses?” The doctor asked. The man shakes his head in confusion. The doctor continues, “because he doesn’t have any contacts”. The man frus... read more

A world famous painter is diagnosed with a serious eye disease and is sure to lose his sight. He goes to a local eye doctor in desperation and after giving it some thought, he is able to reverse the disease and cure the man.

In gratitude, the painter goes to work painting a large rendition o... read more

A pupil.

The bottom line of the eye chart has the letters:

C Z Y N Q S T A S Z.

The Optometrist asks, "Can you read this?"

"Read it?" the guy replies, "I know the guy!"

I asked her what that meant, she said that means I have really small pupils.

Everybody.

Eye doctor: Your results aren't good.


Me: Can I see them?


Eye doctor: Probably not.

But it was only an optical Aleutian

He was having issues with his death perception.

He sits down and the receptionist asks him why he is there. The man complains, "I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes."

The receptionist asks, "Have you ever seen a doctor?" to which the man replies, "No, just spots."

*It had glock-oma . . .*

They are all optical Aleutians.

and after giving a check up, the doctor says, "I see what the problem is: you have a cataract."
"No I don't," the Chinaman responds, "I drive a Lincoln Continental."

An optome-tryst.

A man was scheduled to go to an eye exam, so he walks in and gets it done. When the doctor walks into the office, he has a concerned look on his face. “What’s wrong?” the patient asks. “Well, your test results don’t look too good” said the doctor. The patient replied, “well can I see them?” The doct... read more

>!Everybody!<

Edit 1: Wow, this blew up. is this where you post your soundcloud?

Edit 2: My inbox is ruined, I should start charging reddit coins for formatting questions.

He said, “The good news is we’ve discovered why you’ve been so lethargic & slovenly lately…The bad news is we’ve discovered your lazy eye has spread to the rest of your body.”

She always asks me if I see things

,,give me some glasses, doctor, I don't see great.''
,, Let's take a look outside... See the sun?''
,,Yes.''
,,Why would anyone want to see any further?''

Found out I was color blind, it was completely out of the purple. Devastated.

Before that, life was a blur...

Since I am half-Chinese and half-Filipino, and in recognition of AAPI month, I shall relate what happened visiting the eye doctor. I had been having trouble seeing while driving, so I went to my eye doctor, who happens to be Asian like me. He did the usual things, the eye charts, peering into my e... read more

He made a spectacle of himself.

.

ok its bad. Apologies in advance.

The engineer quite upset, "What about them? We've had to wait here for 15 minutes!"

The doctor agreed, "I don't know, but I've never seen such incompetence!"
The priest said, "Hey, here comes the groundskeeper. Let's go talk to him! - Hey, George, what's going on with that
Group ahea... read more

Of all people, you would have thought he'd have 2020 vision

G U O Y L V B J I T D A Z C K

Doctor: Can you read the letters?

Polish Man: Of course i can read it, I know the guy!

The optometrist gives her the regular eye exam then proceeds to do a few more tests because of her advanced age. After peering through one of his instruments into her eyes, he says "Well ma'am, I'm sorry to tell you this, but you've got cataracts." To which the Chinese woman replied, "No cataracts, ... read more

When the doctor comes back with test results and feedback he tells the Asian guy, "I've got some bad news; you have a cataract." To which, Asian guy responds "No, no, I drive a lincoln."

He called it “2020 Vision.”

Mr Wong goes to the Eye Doctor. He tells the Dr "I cannot see where." The doctor gives him an exam and says "Mr Wong, I know what your problem is. You have cataracts." Mr Wong replies angrily "No sir!! I drive Rincoln Continentor!!"