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Eye Doctor Jokes

A man walks into an eye doctor…..

……..he says hello to the doctor, and the doctor says the same. The doctor asks the man if he’d like to hear a joke. The man says yes. “Why does the phone wears glasses?” The doctor asked. The man shakes his head in confusion. The doctor continues, “because he doesn’t have any contacts”. The man frus...

Eye doctor...

A world famous painter is diagnosed with a serious eye disease and is sure to lose his sight. He goes to a local eye doctor in desperation and after giving it some thought, he is able to reverse the disease and cure the man.

In gratitude, the painter goes to work painting a large rendition o...

What do you call a student who’s studying to become an eye doctor?

A pupil.

A Ukrainian guy goes to the eye doctor.

The bottom line of the eye chart has the letters:

C Z Y N Q S T A S Z.

The Optometrist asks, "Can you read this?"

"Read it?" the guy replies, "I know the guy!"

I just came back from the eye doctor, he says I have kindergarden disease.

I asked her what that meant, she said that means I have really small pupils.

You’ll never believe who I bumped into on my way to the eye doctor!

Everybody.

I went to the eye doctor.

Eye doctor: Your results aren't good.


Me: Can I see them?


Eye doctor: Probably not.

I thought I saw an eye doctor in Alaska yesterday

But it was only an optical Aleutian

Why did the Grim Reaper schedule an appointment with his eye doctor?

He was having issues with his death perception.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes to the eye doctor....

The man says I think I'm getting nearsighted. So the doc sits him down and gives the man an eye exam.
The doctor pulls up a chart of letters, asking the man to read each line util he can't make out the letters. The man gets to about the 3rd line when he starts to have problems, and he can't read...

A man goes to the eye doctor.

He sits down and the receptionist asks him why he is there. The man complains, "I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes."

The receptionist asks, "Have you ever seen a doctor?" to which the man replies, "No, just spots."

Why'd the gun go to the eye doctor?

*It had glock-oma . . .*

It is nearly impossible to find an eye doctor on an Alaskan island.

They are all optical Aleutians.

So a Chinaman goes to the eye doctor

and after giving a check up, the doctor says, "I see what the problem is: you have a cataract."
"No I don't," the Chinaman responds, "I drive a Lincoln Continental."

What do you call a one night stand between two eye doctors?

An optome-tryst.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend has been telling me for years that I need glasses. I finally decided to go to the eye doctor to prove her wrong.

Now I have to hide these fucking glasses.

His visit to the eye doctor.

A man was scheduled to go to an eye exam, so he walks in and gets it done. When the doctor walks into the office, he has a concerned look on his face. “What’s wrong?” the patient asks. “Well, your test results don’t look too good” said the doctor. The patient replied, “well can I see them?” The doct...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

At The Eye Doctor's

A woman went to her optometrist for an exam. The doctor turned the exam chart on the wall and asked her to read it. she replied that she couldn’t see anything. He increased the size to 6″ and asked her to try again. Still nothing.

So he enlarged it again to a foot. Still cant see it. out of f...

Guess who I bumped into on my way to the eye doctor!

>!Everybody!<

Edit 1: Wow, this blew up. is this where you post your soundcloud?

Edit 2: My inbox is ruined, I should start charging reddit coins for formatting questions.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A group of golfers get stuck behind a really slow group

Four golfers (a doctor, a lawyer, a priest, and an engineer) are stuck behind a really slow group of golfers. They start to get frustrated, so they call up the course's pro.

"Hey, how come you're letting guys like this on the course? They're hitting their balls all over the place, spending wa...

I think my eye doctor is crazy

She always asks me if I see things

A guy meets an eye doctor

,,give me some glasses, doctor, I don't see great.''
,, Let's take a look outside... See the sun?''
,,Yes.''
,,Why would anyone want to see any further?''

Asked my eye doctor if he had my test results. He said there’s good news & bad news.

He said, “The good news is we’ve discovered why you’ve been so lethargic & slovenly lately…The bad news is we’ve discovered your lazy eye has spread to the rest of your body.”

I visited my eye doctor the other day for an eye test.

Found out I was color blind, it was completely out of the purple. Devastated.

My earliest childhood memory is visiting the eye doctor and getting my glasses...

Before that, life was a blur...

My Asian eye doctor

Since I am half-Chinese and half-Filipino, and in recognition of AAPI month, I shall relate what happened visiting the eye doctor. I had been having trouble seeing while driving, so I went to my eye doctor, who happens to be Asian like me. He did the usual things, the eye charts, peering into my e...

Did you hear about the Eye Doctor who changed professions to become a comedian?

He made a spectacle of himself.

.

ok its bad. Apologies in advance.

A priest, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers

The engineer quite upset, "What about them? We've had to wait here for 15 minutes!"

The doctor agreed, "I don't know, but I've never seen such incompetence!"
The priest said, "Hey, here comes the groundskeeper. Let's go talk to him! - Hey, George, what's going on with that
Group ahea...

Former eye doctor Rand Paul decided to run for president in 2016

Of all people, you would have thought he'd have 2020 vision

A Polish man was at the Eye Doctor to test his sight, and looked at a chart with the following letters:

G U O Y L V B J I T D A Z C K

Doctor: Can you read the letters?

Polish Man: Of course i can read it, I know the guy!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes to his eye doctor for an examination.

They start talking as the doctor is examining his eyes. In the middle of their conversation, the doctor casually says, "You need to stop masturbating."

The man replies, "Why Doc? Am I going blind?"

The doctor says, "No, but you were upsetting the other patients who are out in the wa...

Asian guy goes to the eye doctor

When the doctor comes back with test results and feedback he tells the Asian guy, "I've got some bad news; you have a cataract." To which, Asian guy responds "No, no, I drive a lincoln."

My eye doctor just told me my eyesight is so perfect I can see into next year!

He called it “2020 Vision.”

An old Chinese lady goes to see the eye doctor...

The optometrist gives her the regular eye exam then proceeds to do a few more tests because of her advanced age. After peering through one of his instruments into her eyes, he says "Well ma'am, I'm sorry to tell you this, but you've got cataracts." To which the Chinese woman replied, "No cataracts, ...

Mr Wong goes to the Eye Doctor...

Mr Wong goes to the Eye Doctor. He tells the Dr "I cannot see where." The doctor gives him an exam and says "Mr Wong, I know what your problem is. You have cataracts." Mr Wong replies angrily "No sir!! I drive Rincoln Continentor!!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two snakes bump into each other after a long time

After intial pleasantries one snake confesses that he is struggling with his failing eyesight.

The other snake suggests an eye doctor who he is sure can help the other snake improve his eye sight. They exchange addresses and part ways.

After few weeks they bump into one another again.<...

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