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Do Drugs Jokes

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Why doesn't Mike Tyson do drugs?

Cause that shit will meth up your life.

I like to do drugs in a Chipotle bathroom

Because no one questions you if you spend 45 minutes in a Chipotle bathroom.

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Two Teenage Boys Were Arrested For Doing Drugs

When they went to court, the judge said that he would like to give them a second chance if they could work in the community and convince young people not to do drugs they would avoid jail time. The two boys went to the community and did their work and returned to court the following month.

Th...

Why should you never do drugs three times in one night?

Over dos.

I used to do drugs in the 80’s

Now I do them in any temperature.

I used to do drugs...

I mean, I still do, but I used to too.

Credit: Hitch Medberg

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How do drugs end up in prison?

They get smuggled in by some asshole.

Why did the cloud do drugs and join a gang?

Atmospheric Pressure.

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One day a guy dies...

...and finds himself in hell. Walking around, he runs into the devil.

Devil: Why are you so sad?

Guy: Why do you think? I'm in hell.

Devil: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man?

Guy: Sure, I love to drink.

Devil: Well ...

Why don’t Balloons do drugs?

Because they are afraid that the will get high and get busted

I've decided not to do drugs any more.

I mean I'm not doing them any less, but it's something.

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A guy takes up a new job.

On Monday he calls in and says, ‘I can’t come in today, I’m sick.’ He works the rest of the week, but the following Monday he calls in and says, ‘I can’t come in today, I’m sick.’

The boss asks the foreman about him and he replies, ‘He’s great. He does the work of two men. We need him.’
...

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I used to do drugs until some asshole dealer ripped me off with a gram of washing powder.

I've been clean ever since.

How come balloons don't do drugs?

Because they're afraid of getting high and getting busted

PS: Heard in a TV show and wanted to share the laughter to everyone in here.

When I was visiting France, my French friends kept insisting I stay up every night and do drugs.

I was under a lot of Pierre pressure.

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A bear goes into a bar

he sits down and immediately mauls to death and devours the woman on the stool next to him.
he then calmly orders a beer

bartender: "sorry, we don't serve drug users in here"
bear: "but I don't do drugs"
bartender: "what about that barbitchyouate"

Why don't ducks do drugs?

Because they know quack kills.

Why do deep sea fish do drugs?

Because the pressure is too high.

Why don't optometrists do drugs?

They're always contact high.

I swiped right on a girl without a picture, and we matched.

# So after a brief chat i went to go pick her up. I wasn't expecting much, probably 300 lbs with bad skin, but hey, I was so desperate it was this or join an incel chatroom.

I walked up to the door and lo and behold, 5'2", baby blue eyes, strawberry blonde hair, all the right curves in all th...

I had to go to the doctor's today...

...and he asked me what he said were routine questions...

He asked, "Do you drink?"

I said I do.

He said, "Do you smoke?"

I said a little bit, mainly when I drink.

He leaned in and said, "And do you do drugs?"

I shamefully admitted that, well, yeah, I do....

My friend Pierre tried to convince me to do drugs with him.

It was really hard, but I managed to resist Pierre pressure.

What does a power ranger say before they do drugs?

It's morphine time!

We always teach people not to do drugs because they ruin your life.

Yet we celebrate marriage.

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