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Easier Jokes

What gets easier to pick up the heavier it gets?

Women

Bondage is so much easier now we're older. I used to have to blindfold her.

Now I just hide her glasses.

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An easier question

Bob had finally made it to the last round of the $64,000 Question. The night before the big question, he told the M.C. that he desired a question on American History.

The big night had arrived. Bob made his way on stage in front of the studio and TV audience. He had become the talk of the wee...

Everything is easier said than done.

Unless it’s Worcestershire sauce.

If only there was an easier way

Paddy and Paddy, two Irishmen, went out one day and each bought a pig.


When they got home, Paddy turned to Paddy and said, "Paddy, me ol'mate, how
are we going to tell who owns which Fookin' Pig?"


Paddy says, "Well Paddy, I'll cut one of te ears off my Fookin Pig, a...

They say that breaking up is hard to do – but it's much easier

with a restraining order and a Rottweiler.

How do you make easter easier?

You uncross the t and dot it instead.

Why is it often easier to pose questions in the third person?

Asking for a friend...

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Female masturbation is like preparing coffee.

You can grind your beans by hand, but it's easier and faster to just use a machine.

What's easier to get from Trump than a stimulus check?

A pardon.

One thing got a lot easier during this pandemic

ventriloquism.

My friend drops French fries when he eats them. I told him to try onion rings because they're easier to hold, so he switched but it's still a problem.

They’re dropping like fries.

It's easier to conduct undercover crime investigations on Reddit or Twitter.

You don't get followed easily.

A bucket of zippos is easier to lift than a bucket of bricks

Zippos are lighter

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When you think about it, a vagina is a lot like a university.

They're both a lot easier to get into, if you're rich or an athlete.

Wife: "I have a lot of my own clothes I'd like to donate."

Husband: "Why bother? It's easier to throw the clothes in the garbage can."

Wife: "Don't be selfish! There are so many poor people who have no clothes and are starving."

Husband: " Honey, anyone who fits into your clothing is not starving..."

Quitting drinking's been a lot easier ever since I became friends with the Antichrist

Hard to get buzzed someone turns all your wine into water...

Dating is much easier since the lock down started.

Zero effort.

My friend thinks fractions are easier to deal with than decimals.

I think he’s missing the point.

Putin thought that taking Kyiv was just a matter of painting letters on tanks.

It was easier Z than done.

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What activity is easier as it gets harder?

Pissing on the ceiling

I gave my father $100 and said, “Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.”

So he went out and bought a present for my mother.

I have a way to make math easier.

Make the numbers communist. That way, every number is equal.

Looking back at all my mistakes next year will be easier....

Hindsight = 2020

Floccinaucinihilipilification... easier done than said.

Floccinaucinihilipilification: giving something a value of nothing, and easier done than said...
well that joke was worthless.

Med school is a lot easier than I expected!

I didn’t even study and my blood test says I got an “A+”

With everyone being so scared of COVID-19, robbing banks should be easier.

Take it from me, I robbed one yesterday, and I didn’t even have to bring a gun, I just threatened to cough on them.

Why has a dentist’s job gotten so much easier?

All the kids are flossing all the time.

What gets easier as you get taller?

Washing your junk in the sink

I heard beauty pageant contestants use Vaseline to make it easier to smile.

I ate the whole jar and I’m still not happy.

A woman goes into a restaurant with 15 kids.

The kids start goofing around while she's talking to the waitress. The mom gets impatient and yells, "Eddy! Stop that! Or else!" All 15 boys suddenly sit down, obedient and quiet.

The waitress asks, **"Did you really name all 15 of your boys Eddy?"**

"Yup," says the woman. "Makes it ea...

Coming out of the closet would be a lot easier...

if my wardrobe wasn't so fabulous!

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Titles are really hard, but jokes are a bit easier.

A scientist invented a machine that could combine anything for form a hybrid of the objects.


He goes to a convention to present the machine.
For his presentations he decided to combine himself with two objects.

He stands in front of the crowd and brings out a xerox machine an...

Hey what's easier than posting to r/personalfinance?

Getting laid.

It's way easier to drink goat milk than you'd think.

It's getting the grass stains out of your clothes that's the hard part.

Why does it get easier to be a cop at midnight?

Both hands are already up

We made learning so much easier for the younger generation.

They now have schools with smart devices, digital textbooks, and online courses.

We even reduced the planets down to eight.

Its getting a lot easier to un-lock phones these days

Now that they've added facial recognition you don't need to lift a finger!

What's easier to get, aids or lung cancer?

Depends what you smoke.
(Not native speaker, sorry if it doesn't make sense)

I told my dad recently "life would be a whole lot easier if you just pulled out"

He replied "I think I tried!"

The thought of going home to my wife makes work much easier for me.

Think of all the stress I avoid by staying in the office.

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It’s easy to tell how big a woman’s breasts are, but now it’s even easier to see the biggest dick

They’re the one not wearing a mask

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Sex is like threading a needle.

It's easier to get in after a little lick.

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An engineer goes to hell

A professional engineer dies and because of some misfiled paperwork, ends up in hell. Trudging through the sweltering heat, eventually he comes across Satan and says, "You know, with a little work, we can probably cool this place off..." At first, Satan is enraged and prepares to unleash fury on thi...

I kept forgetting my passwords until someone told me to use 1Password!

That's a much easier password to remember.

It’s easier to take Wales out of the EU...

...than it is to take a Welshman out of the ewe.

Whats easier than stealing candy from a baby?

... Stealing candy from a dead baby.

It was a lot easier to keep track of the days of the week back then

Monday: Greg

Tuesday: Ian

Wednesday: Greg

Thursday: Ian

Friday: Greg

Gregorian Calendar.

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Reddit Karma is a lot like sex

It's easier to get if you lie about having cancer

Why is the second traffic citation always easier to read?

Because it's re-fined!

Doctor Frankenstein created life, via great skill with a surgeon's knife. Igor loved to say, an easier way,

Would have been knocking boots with his wife.

How do you make it easier for your kids to eat vegetables?

Take 'em off the wheelchair

Why is it easier to pick a prime minister than any other leader?

Because there's only 2 factors involved.

Before buying Christmas gifts for your friend's children, ask them what they like because it'll make your life easier.

For example, I asked my friend's daughter what she was into and she said "anything Frozen" so I bought her a bag of peas and some Pizza Pockets. Easiest Christmas shopping ever!

As a 30 year old man, I can tell you that dating never gets any easier......

I've been with my girlfriend for 6 months now, and last night we had dinner at her parents house. Her Mother doesn't care for me, but her Father hates me; which is weird, because we used to play football together in high school.

I realized why girls like tall men

Because it makes it easier to crop your head out of photos when you break up.

A blonde tried to sell her old car...

She was having a lot of problems selling it because the car had 250 000 miles.

One day she told her problem to a friend she worked with. The friend told her,

“There is a way to make the car easier to sell but it’s not legal.”

“That doesn’t matter,” replied the blonde.

“O...

Two conjunctions are struggling in the kitchen, when two more conjunctions come along to make everything easier.

It's good to have an extra pair of ands.

Why is Trump excited Russia was banned from the 2018 Winter Olympics?

It makes it easier to decide who to cheer for

This woman goes into a funeral home to make arrangements for her husband's funeral.

She tells the director that she wants her husband to be buried in a dark blue suit.

He asks, "Wouldn't it just be easier to bury him
in the black suit that he's wearing?"

But she insists that it must be a blue suit and
gives him a blank check to buy one.

When she comes ...

I just finished writing my book on penguins. It was very difficult and tiresome, but I managed to finish it.

I probably should have taken some advice from friends and family which would have made this process much easier and write it on paper.

The take a penny, leave a penny trays in businesses are a great idea that obviously makes things easier for customers and merchants alike by saving time and effort for all.

It's common cents.

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Gift for sweetheart

A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart for her
birthday. As they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration
he decided a pair of gloves would strike just the right note: romantic, but
not too personal.

Accompanied by the sweetheart's sister, he w...

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Scarlett Johansson and some guy were the only survivors of a shipwreck.

They didn't know each other before the shipwreck, but he did know who she was...

At the beginning it was hard, but as time passed, this guy learnt how to provide food and shelter, he started taking care of her, and eventually she started caring about him... after all, there wasn't anybody els...

The great thing about inflation,

is if you spend the same on groceries,

the bags are lighter and easier to carry home.

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