Snort Jokes - 51 Hilarious Snort Jokes

Why was the blonde snorting Sweet and Low?

She thought it was diet coke.

How much cocaine can Charlie Sheen snort?

Enough to kill Two and a Half Men...

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A drug addict stumbles upon a magic lamp

A drug addict stumbles upon a shiny lamp. As soon as he picked it up, ... pufff... a Genie appeared from the smokes.

"I shall grant you **three wishes**!", the genie said.

The drug addict, without hesitation: "Let's do a line of cocaine for both of us"

Poof... A line of cocaine ...

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What do you call a guy who snorts Viagra?

Fuck Nose

A coke addict accidentally snorts his grandma's ashes; how much of it did he snort?

About half a gran.

What do you get when you snort Kool-Aid powder?

A punchline

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2 mafia members are walking through the woods, late at night

2 mafia members are walking through the woods, late at night

The first guy says to the other: "I'm gonna be honest, this place is scaring the shit out of me"

With a snort, the second guy chuckles and says "You're scared? I gotta walk back alone!"

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A farmer has dozens of cows and two bulls, but both bulls are too old to mate anymore.

One day the famer brings a third bull into the field. The new bull is much younger than the other two, and immediately starts mating with cow after cow.

When the old bulls see this, one of them starts huffing, snorting, and scraping the ground with his hoof.

"Don't bother competing wit...

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A man buys a lie detecting robot that slaps people when they lie, so he decides to try it out at dinner.

He asks his son, "Did you go to school today?" The son replies, "Yes," and the robot slaps him. The son says, "Alright, I went to the movies."

The father asks, "What did you see?" and the son replies, "Toy Story 4." The robot slaps him again, and the son says, "Okay, okay! It was an a...

What's it called when a red head snorts a line of coke?

A ginger rail.

I once got high by snorting ground-up bones of a marine mammal, then I ran my neighbor over.

I did it on porpoise.

*snorts loudly in laughter

It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbour if someone will be sitting there. ‘No,’ says the neighbour. ‘The seat is empty.’ ‘This is incredible,’ said the man. ...

What do you get when you snort a mix of cocaine and speed?

Speed bumps

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A lonely woman, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married. She put an ad in the local paper that read:

HUSBAND WANTED!
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,
AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.

On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman wi...

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I hate that I regularly snort cocaine...

I'm not even addicted, it just smells so fucking good.

I rarely find cocaine jokes funny.

But occasionally, an one-liner makes me snort.

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A Marine boarded a train on his way home from deployment...

The train was quite crowded, and the Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat. There seemed to be one next to a well-dressed middle-aged French woman, but when he got there he saw it was taken by the woman's poodle. The war-weary Marine asked, "Ma'am, may I have that seat?"
The French...

I made a guy snort after telling him one of my jokes.

I'm quite bossy when it comes to cocaine.

I have an addiction to snorting powdered fruit drink mix...

Anybody got a punch line?

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A rabbit is running around the woods

When he encounters and elephant, who was just about to light a joint.

The rabbit yells: "No!! Are you seriously gonna throw your life away like that? Come run with me, that's way more healthy!!"

So the elephant starts running with the rabbit, they run through the woods until they enco...

What does a norwegian guy sounds like when snorting cocaine?

snjort

I used to be addicted to snorting washing powder

Luckily I'm clean now

I tried snorting coke for the first time

I didn't like it, the bubbles tickled

I tried snorting coke once

But the ice cubes got stuck in my nose

NSFW On a baking hot day, the Pope steps into the shower to cool down.

He is overcome by the urge to bang one out, and just as he releases the holy seed he sees a flash of reflected sunlight across the street through the open window and realises someone has been taking photos.
Furious, he gets on his shower intercom and demands the Swiss Guard find the photographer ...

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A nun walks into the Mother Superior's office and plunks down into a chair.

She lets out a sigh, heavy with frustration.

"What troubles you, Sister?" asked the Mother Superior. "I thought this was the day you spent with your family."

"It was," sighed the Sister. "And I went to play golf with my brother. We try to play golf as often as we can. You k...

A woman was accused of snorting a family members ashes.

She snorted half a gran.

Girlfriend broke up with me because I snorted a condom.

She said I rubber the wrong way.

Three bulls heard the rancher was bringing another bull onto the ranch.

Three bulls heard the rancher was bringing another bull onto the ranch.

First Bull: "I've been here five years. I'm not giving this new bull any of my 100 cows."

Second Bull: "I've been here three years and have earned my right to 50 cows. I'm keeping all my cows."

Third B...

I was doing drugs with my friends and we ran out of coke, so we snorted some estrogen.

Now my nose bleeds once a month.

What do you call people snorting up juice at a party?

A punchline

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During the War, some German PoWs were working in a field in England when one of them called out to the guard.

By the bank of a nearby river a small boy was screaming for help. His dog had jumped in the river and couldn't get out. The German yelled "I go help, *ja*?". The guard gave him the okay and the German ran and jumped in the river.

In a few moments he had freed the dog from the weed it was tang...

Coke vs Pepsi…

Well, I wouldn’t recommend snorting Pepsi so Coke wins.

I opened a pack of cereal and snorted it

I got high on Life

American Soldiers

An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines. He had finally been granted R&R and was on a train bound for London. The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty sea...

I snorted coke and meth, smoked four blunts, and injected heroin today...

...and this guy at the auction house is STILL saying im not the highest bidder.

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A rabbit spots a fox rolling a blunt

The rabbit dashes to him and shout : " Don't smoke weed man, just go for a run with me!"

And so they went for a run.

After a running for a bit they spot a squirrel ready to snort up a big fat line of coke.

The rabbit again dashes to him and shouts : "Mate, don't do it! just go f...

Three bulls

Three bulls heard that the rancher was going to bring yet another bull onto the ranch, and the prospect raised a discussion among them.

First Bull: "Boys, we all know I've been here 5 years. Once we settled our differences, we agreed on which 100 of the cows would be mine. Now, I don't know ...

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Don't Stop

A Frenchman and an Italian were seated next to an Englishman on an overseas flight. After a few cocktails, the men began discussing their home lives.

“Last night I made love to my wife four times,” the Frenchman bragged, “and this morning she made me delicious crepes and she told me how...

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It was a dark and rainy night…..

Our hero’s car had broken down right in front of an old looking mansion.

After knocking, an old Chinese man came to the door. “ I was wondering if it’s at all possible you might have a room for me for the night. I will be out of your hair the next morning and on my way to the service stati...

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3 drunk mice

3 mice are up late at night, drinking and bullshitting, as mice often do. Just eating cheese bits and chasing them down with copious amounts of alcohol.

They begin to brag about how tough they are relating various experiences evading the cat, the exterminator and other adventures, each one...

Can't escape Dad jokes when you're a Dad...

Son (in crowded store): "Hey Dad, do you know where Mom went?"

Me: (knowing Mom can hear around the corner) "Just ask some people where the most beautiful woman in the store is..."

Mom: (snort-laughs from around the corner)

Me: "...and see if she has seen your Mom."

Mom: ...

I heard this great joke about cocaine

It was so funny that I snorted a little.

An old guy was sitting eating at a local truck stop...

when three big, burly bikers walked in. The first stubbed his cigarette out in the old guy's pie, the second walked past and spat in his coffee, and the last flipped the guy's plate over, tipping the rest of his meal everywhere.

The old guy didn't say a word. He just got up and slowly walked...

A rabbit goes for a run through the forest

As he’s running a cones across a possum about to light up a joint. The rabbit says, “Oh no! Mr. Possum! Don’t do that! It’s so bad for you. Come running with me and stay healthy!” The possum looks at his joint and decides they the rabbit is right and he needs to get healthy. So off they go for a run...

We were at Kyle's place last week and had an idea

You know how everyone has occasionally had the great idea to try and snort assorted things? Like pixie stix and rock candy? That's where this story takes place.

Somehow the topic of conversation wandered to the effects of cocaine and other substances on the nostrils. The attention seeker of t...

A dog walks into a butcher shop and the butcher asks

“What do you want?” The dog points to steak in a glass case. “How many pounds?” The dog barks twice. “Anything else?” The dog points to some pork chops and barks four times. So the butcher wraps up a two-pound steak and four pork chops, and places the bag in the dog’s mouth. He then takes money from...

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A tough guy walks into a bar…

…and sits down next to a small man. He looks over at the small man and snorts condescendingly. The small man decides to just ignore him.

Several minutes go by, and *WHACK!* The small man falls to the ground from his stool. The tough guy sneers and says, “THAT was a Kung Fu chop from China!” T...

Fear

Sunday morning services were going very smoothly when suddenly a flash of light and smoke appeared in front of the pulpit followed by a large BOOM. When the smoke cleared, the astonished congregation saw a red figure complete with horns, pitchfork and tail. Immediately, panic set in. People crowd...

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A rabbit is running hastily through the forest

And suddenly sees a deer relaxing under a tree smoking some hash. "What're you doing here, are you crazy?" says the rabbit, "We're in nature in the clean air, and you're smoking hash? Get up so we can run together and clean out our lungs!" "Youre right!" says the deer, and he gets up and starts runn...

A man enters a brothel...

he talks to the Madame and tells her:" I am an exceptional pervert, i have tried unimaginably disgusting acts, but now i have run out of ideas, do you have something disgusting and unusual for me?"
The Madame tells him to go to a room on the 2nd floor and talk to the girl there.
He goes to...

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