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Four guys have been going to the same fishing trip for many years.

Two days before the group is to leave, Ron's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.

Ron's mates are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do. Two days later the three mates get to the camping site only to find Ron sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, an...

At a Diplomats' dinner, a waiter tripped and shattered the beautiful plate in which he was carrying a large turkey.

Hushed silence turned into a roar of  laughter, when the quick-witted Diplomat  announced:


"Gentlemen ! 

You have just witnessed 4 major international events happening :-


Fall of Turkey

Breakup of China

Spillage of Greece 

 and

Frustration of ...

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So Putin, Biden and Zelensky Goes to A Boat Trip...

They got stuck in the middle of the ocean, not a single land on sight. After a few hours, they decide to swim back, but they were afraid of hypothermia.

Putin puts his finger into water and says "The water is approximately 32°C".

Biden puts his finger into water and arrogantly says "No...

A man returned to the U.S. after a trip abroad feeling very ill.

He goes to see his doctor and is immediately rushed to the hospital to undergo a barrage of extensive tests. He's negative for COVID, Ebola, Malaria, and pretty much all the recognizable infectious diseases.


The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital, and the phone...

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Schrodinger, Heisenberg and Ohm are all on a road trip...

Schrodinger, Heisenberg and Ohm are all on a roadtrip and they are zooming down a highway on a summer night. Heisenberg is driving, Schrodinger is riding shotgun and Ohm is in the back-seat tinkering with the light. They get pulled over for speeding.

The officer walks over to the driver's si...

Three guys were traveling for a ski trip to the mountains and had to stop in a small town to rent a room for the night.

The small mountain inn only had one room left, and it only had a single queen size bed. Being a drafty old inn, the men decided to sleep together in the same bed to conserve space and warmth.

The next morning the guy who slept on the left side of the bed said, "Oh my god, you guys, I had the ...

When he was 10 years old, a boy went on a cross country trip with his family. (Long)

They had seen the Grand Canyon and the world’s largest ball of string and today they were going to see the man with the best memory in the world. The man was Native American, and he entertained visitors at his home in Arizona.

The boy was very intrigued but struggled with how to test the man’...

A Scottish bloke goes on a skiing trip to Canada.

After a hard day on the slopes, he retires to a bar at the bottom of the mountain. After about five or six whiskeys, he looks up and notices a stuffed animal with antlers on the wall... He asks the bartender, "What the fock is that?"

The bartender replies, "It's a moose."

The Scottish ...

I wish my girlfriend wasn't so obsessed about her breast size. Even a trip to the car dealership became embarrassing.

She told the guy she wanted something that'll get her from A to B.

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I tripped on a bra…

It was a booby trap

Little Johnny's preschool class went on a field trip to the fire station.

The firefighter giving the presentation held up a smoke detector and asked the class: "Does anyone know what this is?"



Little Johnny's hand shot up and the firefighter called on him.



Little Johnny replied: "That's how Mommy knows supper is ready!"

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The Trip to Rome

A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome.

He mentioned the trip to the barber who responded, "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded & dirty and full of Italians. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"

"We're taking Delta," was the ...

Three village women are walking home from a trip to town...

(Full disclosure: I modified this joke from one in *The Pretty Good Joke Book*)

(Disclaimer: You can assign any nationality or ethnicity you like to these women. To avoid controversy, I'm calling them "Poltroonian")

So these three Poltroonian village women are walking back to their vi...

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A little boy returns from a school field trip

Joke #134,789 for those that wish to just chuckle now,

Little boy returns from a school field trip to a farm. His mother asks him what he saw and he replied, "Well we saw sheep, goats, chickens, a neat dog, ducks, and a fucker."

"Wait what was the last thing you saw?". The boy answers,...

I was on a road trip with my wife, who insisted on staring at large map, and barking out directions...

...So I took it off her, and scrunched it up into a little ball.

She was not impressed to say the least, and whined "how are we going to find our way now" as she un-crumpled the paper, "we're lost now".

I said "well you're not going to get anywhere with that latitude".

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a newly wed couple decided to spend their honeymoon on a camping trip

it was fucking intense

Did you hear about Daft Punk's horrible Vegas trip?

They stayed up all night and couldn't get lucky.

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Husband comes back from the business trip early to surprise his wife

However his wife has a surprise of her own as she is busy with someine else in the bedroom. As soon as he enters the house and announces "surprise, I am home honey"

she gets scared shitless and hides the guy in wardrobe(closet?). while doing that his nuts are stuck in the door and are left ha...

What would a horse say if it tripped and fell over?

Help, I’ve fallen and I can’t giddy-up!

I peed on a bush in texas during a road trip

Now the secret service is looking for me.

I recently took a trip to learn more about Greek culture and to gain a greater appreciation of their amazing works of art and architecture.

The British museum is a really cool place.

Free trip to Europe

A despondent young woman who had lost her job and her house had decided to commit suicide.

She was walking along a bridge across the harbor, getting the nerve to jump in, when a young man saw her.

"Don't do it!" he called out. He looked at her and realized she was incredibly beautiful....

I've just been on Trip Advisor

Absolutely no help about a twisted ankle and a grazed knee

I went on a trip to China and it wasn’t great. 2/5

But the flag was five stars

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George and Harriet decided to celebrate their 25th Wedding Anniversary with a trip to Las Vegas

When they entered the hotel/casino and registered, a sweet young woman dressed in a very short skirt became very friendly. George brushed her off. Harriet objected, "George, that young woman was nice, and you were so rude."

"Harriet, she's a prostitute."

"I don't believe you. That swee...

Italian Girl

An American woman goes to Italy on business and asks her husband what she could bring back for him.

He laughs and says, “An Italian girl!”

When she returns home he picks her up at the airport and asks, “So, honey, how was the trip?”

“Very good,” she replies.

“And did you ...

What did the tech geek say when he tripped over his computer wire?

Ow that megahertz!

Why did the Toilet Paper trip on the door mat?

It ran out.



Courtesy of my six year old nephew !!!

A priest, a rabbi, and an evangelical pastor all go on a mission trip to Africa together...

The three spiritual leaders bring their sons along on the trip. The priest's son was a good Catholic boy who knew all his catechisms, devoted himself to the church, and had just become an altar boy to serve alongside his father. The rabbi's son was a good Jewish boy who learned all the Hebrew script...

A blonde tried to sell her old car...

She was having a lot of problems selling it because the car had 250 000 miles.

One day she told her problem to a friend she worked with. The friend told her,

“There is a way to make the car easier to sell but it’s not legal.”

“That doesn’t matter,” replied the blonde.

“O...

A couple made a trip the the hospital

Brandon Jackson and Mary Brown are a young couple who needed to rush to a hospital. Mary has been having so much pain it’s like she’s pregnant. The doctor says they’ll need Mary alone for the appointment, to which Brandon agrees.

Later, the doctor walks out and tells Brandon, “We have good ne...

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A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. 'Have you ever done anything of particular merit?', St. Peter asked.

'Well, I can think of one thing,' the cowboy offered.

'On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and ...

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.

"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Watson replied, "...

A man returning from a trip to France was stopped by customs.

Official: "What is in this bottle? It seems you haven't declared it."

Man: "It's holy water from a famous church. What about it?"

Official: "You’re lying! It's cognac!"

Man: "It’s a miracle!"

A wealthy man on a business trip calls home and the butler answers the phone: “Can I talk to my wife, please?”

The butler answers that she is currently in the bedroom with a man. “What?!! Take the rifle in my study, go to the bedroom and shoot them both - I’ll stay on the line”

“Very well, sir”, the butler answers and he walks away from the phone. After about a minute, the man hears two gunshots and a...

A cattle buyer goes on his annual hunting trip

A cattle buyer and his buddy decide to go on their annual hunting trip in the wilds of Canada. They always went pretty far out from civilization to hunt moose and had to hire a small Cessna and pilot to take them out so far. Contracting a guy, they fly out and booth shoot and kill the limit, a moose...

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A man and his wife went on a weekend trip to the big city

Tired of going from shop to shop and arguing with his wife about it, he stands outside the next shop in protest.

While waiting a prostitute walks up to him and ask if he wants a quickie in the alley.

After thinking it over, he replies: "Well why the hell not. I haven't tried much in m...

Business Trip Pun

A man on a business trip went into a singles bar, approached two women, and offered either of them two hundred dollars to spend the night with him. One girl stormed out in a rage, but the other remained cool, calm...and collected.

Did you hear about the girl who went on a fishing trip with six guys?

She came back with a red snapper.

Not long ago and far away, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip...

But there were problems everywhere.

Four of his elves were sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her mom was coming to visit. This stressed S...

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In a mental institution a nurse walks into a room…

In a mental institution a nurse walks into a room and sees a patient acting like he's driving a car. The nurse asks him, "Charlie, what are you doing?" Charlie replied, "Driving to Chicago!" The nurse wishes him a good trip and leaves the room.
The next day the nurse enters Charlie's room just a...

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Frank.....

Frank was excited about his new rifle. So, he went bear hunting. He spotted a small brown bear and shot it. Then there was then a tap on his shoulder, and he turned round to see a big black bear.

The black bear said "You've got two choices. I either maul you to death or we have sex."

F...

A French man tripped over

He said 'Eiffel'

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An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines.

He had finally been granted R&R and was on a train bound for London. The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged lady and was being used by her little dog.
...

Why did Mike Tyson's wife divorce him after his trip to Belgium?

Because he told her he had a great time in Brothels.

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On Air Confession

Just imagine sitting in traffic on your way to work and hearing this. Many Chicago folks DID hear this on the WBAM FM morning show in Chicago. The DJs play a game where they award winners great prizes. The game is called "Mate Match". The DJs call someone at work and ask if they are married or serio...

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A man is out of town on a business trip, and he decides to go looking for some action.

He finds and enters a bar, and is pleased to find that there are several good-looking women inside. Not just good-looking, actually, but beautiful, and all dressed to the nines in sexy outfits, made up to look their prettiest. It's what the Army calls a "target-rich environment". The only problem is...

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At the airport for a business trip, I settled down to wait for the boarding announcement at Gate 35.

Then I heard the voice on the public address system saying, "We apologize for the inconvenience, but Delta Flight 570 will board from Gate 41."
So my family picked up our luggage and carried it over to Gate 41. Not ten minutes later the public address voice told us that Flight 570 would in fact b...

A sixteen year-old boy came home with a brand new Ford F150.

His parents look at the truck and ask, "Where did you get that truck?!"
"I bought it today," he says.
"With what money?" says his mother. They knew what a new F150 cost.
"Well," he says, "this one cost me just fifteen dollars."
The father looks at him like he's crazy. "Who ...

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A man and woman, both married separately, had to share a room one night on a business trip.

They feel weird at first, but they both fall asleep in their separate beds.

After a few hours of sleeping, the man wakes the woman up and asks her, "Could you grab me another blanket from the closet? I'm really cold."

The woman responds, "Or we could just pretend to be married for the ...

What do you get if you trip over a Pokemon?

A bulbous sore

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Call me Trumper if you must, but I've got proof masks don't do shit.

Last Thursday my wife went on a business trip and they made her wear a mask the whole time - but she got chlamydia anyway!

A guy walks up to the ticket counter at an airport. He ask to buy a round trip ticket. The agent asks “to where?”

He says “to here!”

A furniture salesman from Ontario was on a business trip in Quebec, selling furniture to various stores.

After a long day of selling furniture in Montreal, the guy was almost back in his hotel when he ran into a gorgeous woman who seemed to be interested in him. But he spoke no French, and she spoke no English. So he came up with a plan.

The guy pulled out a notepad and drew a picture of a taxi....

A Viking is out shopping when he comes across an old woman in a wheelchair crying.

"What's wrong?" asks the Viking.

"Well," the woman says, wiping her tears, "I have been living on my own for many months now, and my daughter and son-in-law have at last come to visit me. My daughter has brought me along on this shopping trip, but it's the first time I've really been out and ...

Every Trip

A businessman packing for a trip glances in his briefcase. "Honey," he says to his wife. "Yes, darling?" she replies. "Honey," he says, in mild exasperation, "Why do you persist in putting a condom in my briefcase every time I go on a trip? You know I only have eyes for you. I'd never be unfaithful....

A blind person tripped on his way into a restaurant and crashed onto the floor.

The waiter rushed up and asked if he was ok. The blind man said "Fall...awlful..." And the waiter said "sorry we don't have that on the menu but there's a Mediterranean place next door."

my nagging wife died suddenly on a trip in Jeruselum

Funeral director: "Sir, it would cost about $45,000 if we send her home back to the states or $500 if we bury her here in Jerusalem"

Me: "ship her home"

Funeral director: "But sir, why don't you bury her here in the Holy Land and you can save money"

Me: "A long time ago a man wa...

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Voodoo Dick

There once was a businessman who was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was of a flirtatious sort, and so he thought to find something to keep her occupied while he was away. So he went to a sex store to find something special for his wife. He asked the old man in the shop...

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A priest was fishing in the old country when he caught a really big fish...

He hauled it up on the bank and this guy walked up and looked at it. He looked over at the priest and said, "Wow, that's a big son of a bitch!" The priest looked over and said, My son, I'm a man of the cloth. You shouldn't talk like that." The guy looks at him and says, "That's what we call those fi...

A man suddenly appeared at the gates of Hell… (Story Joke)

He looked up to see the Devil sitting at a chair.

“Hello my friend,” The Devil said kindly, “How are you this fine eternity?”

“A bit confused,” the man replied, “I didn’t realise that I was dead.”

“I understand,” the Devil said sympathetically, “Why don’t you tell me how you go...

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A couple has sex everyday

But one day the man has to go on a business trip and his wife says to him "how am I gonna get by without you" so the husband suggest that he and the wife go to an adult toy store to find something the wife could use but after going to all but one of the stores in town and they couldn't find anything...

An Atheist Walking In The Woods Is Chased By A Bear

An atheist was walking through the woods. "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself.

As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him.

He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him. He...

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My friend regularly takes anti-diarrhea pills and claims it increases his work productivity, due to reduced trips to the restroom daily.

I think he's full of shit.

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Biz trip

American businessman lands in Tokyo, goes to his very fancy hotel to prepare for his meeting with the CEO of the countries largest corporation to be held at japans finest golf course the next day. As he checks in the hotels concierge asks him if he desires company for the evening stating that it’s o...

Read This One In Playboy Decades Ago

You older pervs will have heard this one.

So a young couple were out driving late, and got caught in a snowstorm. Wouldn't you know it? The car stalls while they're out in the middle of nowhere, and has to pull over to the side of the road.

The man pops the hood, exits the car & pr...

Two women were fighting for the last available seat on the bus.

No amount of reasoning was helping the bus driver resolve the issue. In desperation he grabbed his training manual and announced:

'The policy is to allow the seat to go to the uglier one.'

Both women stood for the remainder of the trip.

I knew a man who was taking a trip.

His destination was a guillotine.

It was a terrible place to be headed.

Wisdom or Money?

A man goes on a trip to the desert. At one point, he walks off alone, and suddenly stumbles upon an old lamp.

It's old but may bring a few bits, he rubs the lamp and is amazed when a genie pops out!

The genie says that he will grant the man only one wish, and that he has to pick from t...

I accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles

Now I'm experiencing constant vowel movements. My next trip to the bathroom could spell DISASTER.

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I was enjoying my trip to the glory hole until I heard a man moan from the other side of the wall...

I was pretty upset when I found out I was sucking a dudes cock the whole time.

Why can’t orphans go on a field trips?

They need a parents signature.

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Out with the girls...

The other night I was invited out for a night with the girls.

I told my husband that I would be home by midnight and even did a pinkie swear.

Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home.

Just as I got in th...

I was tripping all night last night...

...I should really work on my balance...

Steve and Buddies were hanging out and planning an upcoming fishing trip. Unfortunately, he had to tell them that he couldn't go this time because his wife wouldn't let him. After a lot of teasing and name calling, Steve headed home frustrated.

The following week when Steve's buddies arrived at the lake to set up camp, they were shocked to see Steve.
He was already sitting at the campground with a cold beer, swag rolled out, fishing rod in hand, and a camp fire glowing.
"How did you talk your missus into letting you go Steve?"
"I ...

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A jumbo jet is just coming into the Toronto Airport on it's final approach. The pilot comes on the intercom, "This is your Captain. We're on our final descent into Toronto. I want to thank you for flying with us today and I hope you enjoy your stay in Toronto".

He forgot to switch off the intercom. Now the whole plane can hear his conversation from the cockpit. The copilot says to the pilot, "Well, skipper, watcha gonna do in Toronto?"

"Well," says the skipper, "first I'm gonna check into the hotel and take a big crap ... then I'm gonna take that ne...

Frank was getting ready to go on a trip to New York for the first time, and was talking to his friend Bill

Frank was getting ready to go on a trip to New York for the first time, and was talking to his friend Bill.
Bill: “While you are in New York, there is a bar that you have to go to. When you walk through the front door, you are handed a free drink. Then you can go to the back room and get lai...

Wife: Honey, what will you give me for our 25th anniversary? Husband: A trip to Paris. Wife: Wow! That’s wonderful! How about for our 50th?

I’ll pick you back up.

If you’re over the age of 40 and prone to frequent trips to the bathroom, I’ve got bad news…

Urine trouble

A woman from Connecticut goes on a business trip to Arkansas...

...and, her meeting over and business concluded, she goes to the hotel bar to enjoy a quiet drink.

The bartender, hearing her order, says "Yew shore talk purty. Whar did yew go to school?"

Smiling slightly, the lady says "Yale."

Bartender draws a deep breath and says "YEW SHORE ...

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So I take a trip to my local glory hole…

So I took a trip down to the local glory hole and was lucky enough to find someone on the other side who was down to party! I was having a great time until I heard a GUY moan on the other side of the hole. Like, wait, has it been a DUDE’S cock i’ve been sucking this whole time?!?!

The Irish farmer

While on a trip in Europe, the farmer from Texas was driving through Ireland. He came to a farm and saw a man repairing a fence by the road. The Texan stopped and asked the man if this was his farm. Oh yes answered the Irish farmer, everything you see from the river down there to the hills up there ...

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I've just finished my time machine, and the first thing I'm going to do...

...you know, I'm sick of all these trashy paintings by Adolf Hitler, I'm going to go back and make sure he never gets into art college.

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A man's wife was heavily pregnant

A man's wife was heavily pregnant and had started to get a lot of weird food cravings. One afternoon she said to her husband "I'm really peckish and would love some escargot(a meal made from snails)... Can you run down to the store and pick up some snails for me?"

The man dutifully agrees and...

I bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer

I dunno what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day.

A woman and a man are lying in bed

A woman and a man are lying in bed next to each other when her phone rings. She picks up, the man looks over at her and listens. She is speaking in a cheery voice, "Hi. I'm so glad you called. Really? That's wonderful. I'm so happy for you. That sounds terrifiic. Great! Thanks. Okay. Bye bye." She h...

Bob is about to celebrate his 30th anniversary

Bob wants everything to be perfect for his anniversary trip to the hotel where he and his wife honeymooned 30 years earlier. So he gets there a day early to make all the arrangements. That night he emailed her, but misspelled the address, and it goes to a recent widow.

The next day, the wido...

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What's it called when you get nostalgic over boobs?

A trip down mammory lane.

A guy asked his buddy to teach him how to fish

His buddy then gave him a list and said "Alright, here are some basic things you need, go get them and I'll prepare the boat for our trip."

A week went by and the guy went back to his buddy accompanied by another guy in complete fishing gear.

"Where the heck have you been?" asked his b...

How did the T-rex feel after his first trip to the gym?

He felt Dino-sore

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Voodoo dick

So a older gentleman had fallen in love with a very attractive young woman (maybe around 21 or 22) she was a very sexually active woman and he was always able to please. One day his job called him out on a business trip and he’s be gone for atleast a week. The young woman promised to be faithful but...

Late for school

Little Johnny is constantly late for school and what's worse is that he always has to tell a big lie explaining why.

The teacher tells the headmaster that she is fed up with his exaggerations.

The headmaster tells her to send Johnny to him the next time he turns up late.

He'll t...

Russia

Putin feels like taking a trip and heads to the Moscow airport.

Immigration: Destination ?

Putin: Ukraine

Immigration: Occupation ?

Putin: Yes

The Wife, the Husband and the Genie

A husband and wife in their sixties were coming up on their 40th wedding anniversary.

Knowing his wife loved antiques, he bought a beautiful old brass oil lamp for her.

When she unwrapped it, a genie appeared. He thanked them and gave each of them one wish.

The wife wished for a...

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Three couples go on a camping trip.

On their last day, the men decide they want to go explore a cave, while the women choose to hang out at the campsite.

After a while of exploring the cave, it forked into 3 different paths. The men agree to all follow one path and meet up in an hour to tell the others what they had found.
<...

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An Arab has a rendezvous with a British soldier, and they plan to trek across the desert to a secret military base.

"Come on my friend," says the Arab, "We must trek across the desert. The food here is the poorest in the world, so we must make haste. Would you like one of my camels?"


"No I don't want a camel." says the Brit. He starts walking.


Confused, the Arab knows it's a long trip to...

One eyed guy goes fishing without any word or notice to his wife. Has a great trip, comes home sunburnt with a cooler full of fish fillets. Wife meets him at the door, screaming, "HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF YOU DIDN'T SEE ME FOR TWO DAYS?!". Guy answers without thinking, "That'd be freakin' GREAT!".

So the rest of that night, he doesn't see her. Next day, doesn't see her. Third day? He finally sees her.

She says "So, smart ass? How was that?"

.

.

.

He says, "Punch me again, it was better when I was all swollen and couldn't see you."

After Quasimodo's death…

…, the bishop of the cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed. The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process. After observing several applicants demonstrate their s...

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The husband is going on a business trip.

Immediately before leaving, he says to his wife: "Honey! I am leaving for a long time and I understand that it will be difficult for you without a man. Therefore I constructed a robot. His name is Bob. As soon as you want a man, say: " Bob! "and he will do his job."

Just after the husband cl...

How many DIY buffs does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but it takes two weeks and four trips to the hardware store.

Jose came back from his first trip to the U.S. and was very excited and wanted to tell his family all about it.

"What did you do?" asked his brother.

"I went to a Yankee baseball game. It was great!"

"Were the people nice to you?" asked his mother.

"Mama, they couldn't have been nicer. Before the game started, everyone stood up and asked me 'Jose can you see?'"

Little Benny was very sick, and the doctors had given up hope.

As a last present, his parents brought him to Arabia on a trip. While they were walking through a market, little Benny bought a lamp from a vendor.

When he arrived home, he rubbed the lamp to clean it, and, to his surprise, a genie popped out in a flash of light.

"What is it that you ...

A Trip to the Doctor

The doctor says to the old man "I'm sorry, you have cancer, and Alzheimers..."



The old man says "Thank god I don't have cancer!"

Wayne was returning home from a business trip,

bags in hand, and slowly making his way to his vehicle in the crowded airport garage.
Suddenly a large dark car screeched to a stop in front of Wayne, and the driver pointed menacingly at him. "Get in," the driver ordered. "I'll take you to your car."

Startled, Wayne took a step backward....

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A married man keeps telling his wife "Honey, you have such a beautiful butt"

Every person in the town agrees that she does have a very beautiful butt. The man's birthday is coming up so she decides to take a trip to the tattoo parlor and get the words "Beautiful butt" tattooed on her ass.

She walks in and tells the tattoo artist he husband thinks she has a beautiful b...

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A Man wants to go on a fishing trip with his wife and dog, but his wife doesn’t want to go. He says you can either go on the trip, suck my dick, or take it in the butt. She doesn’t want to do any but decides to give him a BJ.

“This tastes like shit!” She says “Yeah, the dog didn’t want to go either.”

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NSFW Two guys are on a camping trip...

And on the last day, they can't decide on what to do. So one decides he'll go for a lonely walk in the forest, while the other goes to a mountain lake.

When they meet up in the evening, the forest guy is "Hey, how did your day go?"

"Awesome. I went to this mountain lake, and there was...

John, Paddy and Scott are on a trip in Saudi Arabia.

Paddy is driving his little red car, which has seen better days. John and Scott are drunk in the back.

Suddenly, ahead of them, they see an oil well on fire.
The firefighters are unsuccessfully trying to extinguish the flames.

Paddy drives straight over the well, blocking the oxygen...

Four Nordic men with terrible memories took a trip.

Four Nordic men with terrible memories, Finn, Mark, Lan, and Svee, took a trip.

Together, they travelled far and wide - they sipped wine under the Eiffel tower, climbed Kilimanjaro, met elephants in Thailand, saw the Hollywood sign in California, road tripped across the US, and ended up in Ne...

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Cake Day joke repost

A father was walking down the hall when she heard a humming sound coming from her daughter's bedroom.

When she opened the door she found her daughter naked on the bed with a vibrator.

What are you doing?" she exclaimed.

The daughter replied, "I'm 35 and still living at home with...

A German man on his first trip to America decides to see New York City.

As he's wandering around the smell of corned beef and fresh baked rye bread draws him into a Kosher deli. The man sits at the counter, eyes the menu and says, "I vood like to try ze bagel and ze lox." In a thick accent.

On his first bite he's throughly enjoying his food and pipes up to the gu...

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Three guys were on a trip to Saudi Arabia.

One day, they stumbled into a harem tent filled with over 100 beautiful women. They started getting friendly with the women, when suddenly the sheik came in.
“I am the master of all these women. No one else can touch them except me. You three men must pay for what you have done today. You will be...

How many anti-vaxxers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, they’re too busy screaming that God gave them eyes and tripping over each other in the dark.

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A woman has to decide between three bachelors

A woman in her early thirties is desperate to get married and goes on dates with three elegible bachelors: One from Italy, one from France, and one from China. They have all been equally amazing to the woman, who took years and years to make her decision because she just couldn’t pick.

One da...

As a woman passed her daughter's closed bedroom door...

She heard a strange buzzing noise coming from within. Opening the door, she observed her daughter with a vibrator.

Shocked, she asked: 'what in the world are you doing?'

The daughter replied: 'Mom, I'm thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get ...

My wife is an economist and I am an engineer.

I was watching my wife make her breakfast one morning, and noticed that she made way too many trips to get each of the items she needed. So I said in my best engineer voice, “Hey sweetheart, why don’t you utilize the load maximization principle and carry all the items you need in one trip, thereby ...

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My girlfriends name is Wendy and I had it tattooed on my penis (NSFW)

My girlfriends name is Wendy and I had it tattooed on my penis.

When it’s flaccid you can only see WY.

On a trip to the Caribbean I went to the bathroom and was standing at the trough next to a local.

I briefly gazed down and saw that he too had WY tattooed on his penis.

...

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(NSFW) Bob Gets Assigned to the Artic Circle and to His Dismay He Notices There are No Women?

Bob gets assigned to the Artic Circle and to his dismay he notices there are no women?

Bob approaches a random coworker named Steve and says, "I notice there are no women around here?"

Steve: You've got good eye, sadly, no, there are no women.

Bob looks around and says, "Well...

A bumblebee suddenly wakes up in a cold sweat, realizing he has overslept and is about to miss his connecting flight home after a successful overseas business trip.

He makes a mad rush to the airport, suitcase in one hand, passport and airline ticket in the other. His tie flaps loose in the breeze, his shirt wrinkled and untucked, with his face covered in bushy bumblebee beard stubble.

He recklessly flies into the main entrance, nearly knocking over a fa...

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Three climbers were trapped atop a cliff with no way down.

After exhausting any feasible options a genie appeared to them. He said, "I'll help you down, but you must do as I say. One by one, I want you to sprint to the edge and leap off the cliff. When you jump you must speak something, and that is what you will land upon."

The first climber ran to t...

Last week, i tripped over my bike and really hurt myself.

So i moved it into another room. But the next day, forgetting i moved it, i tripped again. So i moved it into another room. The next day, again I forgot, and I tripped again. So i moved it. The next day...

It's a vicious cycle.

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Do you want to know what happened to the guy who tried watching Two Girls One Cup on his trip to Michigan?

He couldn't watch it. Can't have shit in Detroit.

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A man asks his hunter friend to take him on a trip

It's a rather cold and windy day so the man asks his friend: "How do you bear this freezing cold?"
His friend replies: "I just take one of these." and hands him a flask of whiskey.The wind gets stronger and still nothing to shoot in sight, so they help themselves out to a couple of more shots. ...

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Some guys are arguing over who has the dumbest wife

The first guy says, "My wife spent $15,000 on a new kitchen, and she can't even cook!"

The second guy says, "That's nothing. My girl spent $45,000 on a sports car but can't drive a manual transmission!"

The third guy goes, "That's the best you can do? My wife packed a box of 50 condoms...

I recently heard about this young adult novel in which Schrodinger's cat and Pavlov's dog team up for a cross county adventure...

So I took a trip to the library to see if they
had a copy.


The librarian said that my description rang a
bell but she wasn't sure if it was there or not.

There once was an Irishman that wanted to immigrate to America

His name was Tom Dunn. He lived in Ireland his whole life, but wanted to see what better opportunities America had to offer him.

He decided to make the trip, promising his mother he will write to her every day and that she should come visit him when he is all squared away. “I’ll be the Presid...

A man was driving in a deserted road at night, when suddenly his car starts to cough and splutter as the engine dies

He is forced to pull over to the side of the road in the complete darkness and silence of the night. He grabs his flashlight and pops the hood to see if there's anything he can do to get it going again. Unfortunately, he can't seem to figure out what's wrong with it and he starts to get anxious.
...

Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange

When the waiter brought our water and cutlery, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.

When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, "Why the spoon?" "Well, "he explained, "the restaurant’s owners h...

First trip to the USA

My friend and I visited the USA. We landed at LAX and after an epoch, we cleared Homeland Security and got our luggage.

My friend immediately pulled out a pair of brown, furry, shoulder length gloves and pulled them on. I stared at him. He looked ridiculous - the gloves even had claws. ...

4 comrades go to a Soviet hotel for a night during a business trip...

As they walk into their room, 3 of them, whip out some vodka, food and cigarettes and begin to make jokes about the government and be very loud indeed. The 4th one is trying to get some meaningful sleep and knowing that it would be fruitless to ask them to stop, hatches an ingenious plan.
He goes...

Three men approach a wishing well one after another

The first, wishes to have one million bucks. Instantly, he is now in ownership of one million wild deer. He sets up a venison business and makes millions

The second wishes for his ex-wife to fall for him again. She instantly trips while thinking about him, and on the way to the hospital, he m...

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Prostatitis

A guy develops prostrate problems and goes to his doctor for a checkup.

The Doctor tests him and gives him an ointment to apply in the rectum.

The patient not knowing how to do that, asks his doctor to apply it for him and goes there everyday for the treatment.

Once the doctor h...

Jack and John decided to go skiing.

They loaded up their mini van and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they were caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door,if they could spend the night.

"I realize its terrible weather out there and I have thi...

Why was the blonde disappointed with her trip to London?

She found out Big Ben was only a clock.

I don't know why people hate Communism; In fact, I wrote a nice poem about it!

*H*appiness all around
*E*veryone is free
*L*ove fills the air
*P*eople are unbound

*M*aybe you should consider
*E*quality for All

If you want to know more, just send a letter to me. If I don't reply soon, I might be away *intermittent*ly on a nice *camp*ing trip ...

[OC. Hope you like!] Every birthday my Grandmother makes me hand sewn clothing as a gift and mails them from her hometown...

... Last year she sent me an oversized ascot. Now, I haven't seen her since I was a kid and I'm an average sized adult male now, but my sweet grandmother must have thought I grew into being a giant because everything she sends me is extremely large and I just can't fit anything she makes so I simpl...

Did you hear about M.C. Escher?

Poor guy tripped and fell up the stairs

I got jet lag on my last trip to Paris...

The French doctor prescribed me something to keep track of time: Queloratil.

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A man is leaving for a business trip and is worried his wife might be unfaithful, so he stops by a sex shop.

He explains his situation to the owner of the store and the owner smiles widely, "I have just the thing for you." From behind the counter she pulls out an old wooden box with strange writing scratched all over it. "I will let you rent this," she says. She opens the box and inside is a large, smooth ...

It was going to be a long road trip. I popped on my headphones, pulled up a movie on my phone, and got lost in the action as the car headed down the highway.

The passengers probably wished that I'd waited until I wasn't driving to do that.

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