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The wife of a wealthy business man calls their butler into her bedroom while her husband is away on a trip for work

"Jeeves," she says at once, "take off my dress."

"Yes madam!" He replies, unbuttoning the top of her dress and watching it fall to the floor.

"Now, I want you to take off my bra."

"Oh, yes ma'am!" replies Jeeves, unhooking the front clasp of the fancy lace bra and throwing it ca...

Two rednecks flew to Canada on a hunting trip.

They chartered a small plane to take them into the Rockies for a week hunting moose.


They managed to bag 6. As they were loading the plane to return, the Pilot said the plane could take only 4 moose.


The two guys objected strongly. "Last year we shot six. The pilot let ...

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Mr. Smith kisses his wife goodbye before she leaves for a business trip....

On the way to the airport, Mrs. Smith gets in a terrible car crash and is life-flighted to the hospital.

Mr. Smith receives a call from the police telling him about the accident and rushes to the hospital. There, he waits for hours while his wife is in surgery.

After many hours of wa...

For our recent field trip, our teacher told us that jeans were appropriate, but we weren’t allowed to wear pairs with holes in them.

I still don’t know how we’re supposed to get the darn things on!

The company sent my department on a work trip

The last night before heading back home, we decided to play a prank to one of our colleges - we put a pack of condoms in his suitcase. When he got home, his wife started unpacking his stuff, and found our "gift". Without skipping a beat, he explained: "We were all given pack of condoms when we arriv...

Donald Trump claimed his trips to Mar-a Lago didn’t cost the taxpayers anything.

He paid for them with Frequent Liar miles.

(Thanks, father in law)

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A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband.

She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:

"Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"

“We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"

"Continental?" exclaimed the...

Three guys go on a skiing trip together.

When they get to the ski lodge there aren’t enough rooms, so they have to share a bed.

In the middle of the night, the guy on the right side of the bed wakes up and says, “Wow, I had this mad dream I was getting a hand job.”

The guy on the left side of the bed has also woken up, and sa...

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A businessman is getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knows his wife is always horny, so he decides to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone, because he didn’t much like the idea of her screwing someone else.

So he went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to another man for him. He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He ...

On a trip to Russia.

4 Americans spys find themselves in a sleeper cabin on a train to Moscow. One of the men thought it would be funny to play a trick on the other three. He goes out to the tea cart and asks for 4 cups of tea to be delivered to his cabin in 10 minutes.

Returning to his cabin, he spoke to his bun...

A father came home from a long business trip to find his son riding a very fancy new speed bike. “Where did you get the money for the bike?

“Easy, Dad,” the boy replied. “I earned it hiking.” “Come on,” the father said. “Tell me the truth.” “That is the truth,” the boy replied.

“Every night you were gone, Mr. Reynolds from the grocery store would come over to see Mom.
He’d give me a $20 bill and tell me to take a hike!”

A Cowboy is riding his horse on his first trip to cowtown when he reaches a fork in the road...

At the fork, there is a sign which reads "Reddit go right, cowtown go left." The cowboy, confused and having never heard of Reddit, decides to give in to his curiosity and go right.

After riding for a mile or so on the path, he reaches another fork. This sign reads "Reddit go right, cowtown ...

Why did the conjoined twins take a trip to England?

So the other one could drive.

What happens when water trips over?

Waterfall

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip.

After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awakens and nudges his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”

​

Watson replies, “I see millions and millions of stars.”

&...

A Christian goes on a hunting trip...

He sits in his tree stand all day and sees nothing.

As he climbs out of his deer stand he slips and rolls down a large hill breaking both his legs, losing his rifle in the process.

As he lays in pain at the bottom of the hill he hears a grunting. He looks up to see a massive Grizzly lu...

An American is on a business trip to Mexico and has the first day off.

He decides he wants to ride a donkey, a traditional Mexican thing.

He asks this local man if he can rent a donkey for the day. The man says, "Gringo we call them asses here in Mexico. If you want him to stop though you need to scratch him." The American agrees and pays the Mexican man his ...

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A man returning home a day early from a business trip got into a taxi at the airport.

It was after midnight. While enroute to his home, he asked the cabby if he would be a witness. The man suspected his wife was having an affair and he intended to catch her in the act. For 100 dollars, the cabby agreed.
Quietly arriving at the house, the husband and cabby tiptoed into the bedroom....

A golfing trip

There were two men named John and Bill who were going on a golfing trip for the weekend. They packed their bags and set away on the long drive. On their way there, they ran into some heavy weather. So they stopped by a farm, and they asked the attractive woman who answered the door if they could sta...

Class 3B go for a class trip into the woods one day.

The teacher says to Mary “what’s this tree made of?”
“I don’t know miss.”
“Bark you silly girl!”

Mary goes “woof woof!”

Two Tomatoes out jogging when one trips and falls....

T1 : “ Grab my Heinz and I’ll help you up!”
T2 : “ Nah, you go on ahead and I’ll Ketchup!”

People always ask why my trips to the salon are so quick.

I take the shortcut.

Weed Joke for 4/20

Don't walk on the grass. Trip on it

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Holmes and Watson are out on a camping trip

Finally away from work, Dr Watson and Sherlock Holmes decide to spend there time off the great outsiders They set up their camp, get a fire roaring, put up their tent and get ready for the evening in the wild. After a nice meal, the two detectives decide it’s time to head on to bed. They both crawl ...

Heisenberg, Schrodinger, and Ohm are taking a road trip.

A cop pulls them over. Heisenberg is driving and the cop asks "Do you know how fast you were going?"


"No, but I know exactly where I am." Heisenberg replies.

​

The cop says "You were doing 60 in a 35." Heisenberg throws his hands up and yells "Great, and now I'm...

Just been on Trip Advisor...

They recommended LSD and Magic Mushrooms.

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A boy went camping for a school trip....

He could not fall asleep, as he wasn’t a good camper. His female teacher was sleeping in the tent next to him, so he walks over, and this is the conversation that breaks out.

Teacher: “Ummmmm.... what are you doing?”

Kid: “I can’t sleep. My mommy let’s me sleep with her if I can’t slee...

A man calls home to his brother while on a trip.

The man asks, "How's my cat?"

The brother says, "Right after you left, the cat got out, ran into the street and was killed by a passing car."

The man says, "that's a hard way to break that news to me. I wish you had prepared me for it instead of just blurting it out like that."

...

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An engineering professor and his students are offered a free airplane ticket for an educational trip

Once they get on the plane the captain announces that the plane has in fact been built by the engineering students and that this is the first test ride.

Everyone rushes off the plane while the professor remains calm in his seat.

A flight attendant then approaches the professor and asks...

Bill & Hillary are on a trip back to Arkansas..

They're almost out of gas, so Bill pulls into a service station on the outskirts of town. The attendant runs out of the station to serve them when Hillary realizes it's an old boyfriend from high school.

She and the attendant chat as he gases up their car and cleans the windows. Then they al...

Three guys go on a ski trip

Three guys go on a ski trip, and the lodge they are staying in only has one room with one bed. The guys are close friends and they don't mind sharing a bed for the night. In the morning the one friend on the right side of the bed explains how he had a dream where he got a handjob. The guy on the lef...

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George Bush meets with the Queen of England during his first diplomatic trip to England.

Impressed by the way her government functions, he asks her during their meal : “Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?”

“Well,” says the Queen, “the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people.”

Bush frown...

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A businessman was about to go on a long business trip

and was worried that his wife would cheat on him while he was gone. So to prevent this, he visited the local sex shop in order to buy his wife a vibrator to keep her occupied in his absence.

After examining the products, he hadn't found an appropriately amazing vibrator and asked the store cl...

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Little Johnny was running behind for his weekly trip to the prostitute

When he got there, she said

"Eh Jack! You late!"

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A phone call in a business trip...

I checked into a hotel on a business trip and was a bit lonely so I thought I'd get me one of those girls you see advertised in phone booths when you're calling for a cab.

I grabbed a card on my way in. It was an ad for a girl calling herself Erogonique, a lovely girl, bending over in the pho...

I hated my trip to China

Left my review on their flag.

Everyone criticizes Apple Maps, but I enjoyed using it for my road trip from New York to Florida.

There's a lot to do in Chicago.

After returning from a trip from the Sunshine State, a man tells his friend all the things he’d seen.

“Did you know in Florida they use alligators to make handbags?”

​

His friend says in amazement, “Wow, it’s crazy what they can make animals do these days.”

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A man left for a vacation to Jamaica. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail message.

Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory.

Unfortunately, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving wi...

A man is on a cross-country trip when he picks up a hitchhiker.

During a lull in the conversation, the hitchhiker notices a brown paper bag resting in the center console. The driver notices his glance and says, “That’s a bottle of wine. I got it for my wife.”

The hitchhiker replies, “That’s a pretty good trade.”

A Physicist, a Mathematics Professor, and a Statistician go out on a hunting trip.

They all spot a deer, sitting out in the open, totally exposed. The mathematics professor loads his rifle, shoots, and misses by 5 inches to the right. The shot shocks the deer and it freezes in place. The physicist then loads his rifle, shoots, and misses by 5 inches to the left. The statistician c...

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A hunting trip

A hunter goes into the woods to hunt a bear.
He carries his trusty 22-gauge rifle with him.
After a while, he spots a very large bear, takes aim, and fires.
When the smoke clears, the bear is gone.
A moment later, the bear taps the hunter on the shoulder and says, “No one shoots at m...

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What’s the difference between staring hard at someone, and homosexuals on camping trips?

One is an intense gaze, the other is gays in tents.

Arriving home from a shopping trip, a wife was horrified to find her husband in bed with a pretty girl.

Just as the wife was about to storm out of the house, her husband called out: ‘Before you go, I want you to hear how all this came about. Driving home, I saw this young girl, looking poor and tired. I offered her a ride. She was hungry, so I brought her home and fed her some of the roast you had for...

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I thought I’d try going to a swingers camping trip, but I was too shy to participate.

It was two fucking in tents for me.

My wife and I are finally planning a trip to San Francisco for my life long dream of seeing the Golden Gate in person.

She said, “What are you going to do when you finally see it?”

I said, “Let’s cross that bridge when we get there.”

Yanni trips on a cable while performing with Michael Jackson. MJ runs up to him and asks

Yanni are you okay?

So Yanni are you okay

Are you okay Yanni

Why did Mickey Mouse take a trip into space?

He wanted to find Pluto!

Will an Ant trip if you...

Give it antacid?

How do you keep a Mormon from drinking all your beer on a camping trip?

Take two of them with you.

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Two homies from Oakland decide to go on a road trip, without a destination...

As Tyrrell is loading the trunk with booze, weed, and all sorts of ill shit, Jerome is loading himself up with all sorts of bling. They jump in the low riding Cutlass and hit the road.

A few days of mindless driving goes by, Tyrrell asks Jerome: "Ay bruh, where we at?" Jerome responds: "Sheee...

A man from Maine heads to Florida for a weekend trip.

A man from Maine heads to Florida for a weekend trip. The man’s wife is coming to see him the next day. He checks into a hotel room and opens his laptop. He sends her a brief email to let her know he got to his destination safely. Unfortunately, he makes a typo in the address and the email is sent t...

Arranging a business trip.

"Hello I need to book a business trip to Thailand."

"Are you going to Bangkok?"

"No, I'm just going to Phuket."

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A kindergarten class comes back from a trip to the farm.

The teacher asks the kids, "So, what sounds did we hear at the farm today?"

Little Sally: "Moooooo"

Little Billy: "Baaaaaa"

Little Timmy: "Quack, Quack"

Little Johnny: "GET THE FUCK OFF MY TRACTOR, YOU LITTLE CUNT!!!!"

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A Jew and a Czech while on a trip are attacked by two bears, one male and one female.

The Jew is able to escape; however, the Czech gets eaten by the male bear. Being a good Samaritan the Jew alerts the park ranger that there are two bears on the loose, one of which has eaten his friend. The park ranger then proceeds to kill both of the bears. The Jew asks the park ranger if he can c...

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Hunting Trip

Two guys are hunting in the woods and come across a goat with its head stuck in the fence.

1st guy says, "Man I haven't had sex in a while and I'm thinking about fucking that goat. Can you keep it a secret?"

2nd guy says, "sure go ahead"

So the 1st guy goes up and just pounds ...

It was an expensive trip to visit those cannibals

cost me an arm and a leg!

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A man is leaving for a business trip and is worried his wife might be unfaithful, so he stops by a sex shop.

He explains his situation to the owner of the store and the owner smiles widely, "I have just the thing for you." From behind the counter she pulls out an old wooden box with strange writing scratched all over it. "I will let you rent this," she says. She opens the box and inside is a large, smooth ...

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My trip to the zoo

I just went to this zoo while on a road trip and it was the worst. It only had 1 animal, a normal house dog.



It was a shitzu

What's a good book to read on a short trip?

*Italian Military Victories*

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One day a man went on a business trip to Florida. He saw this hooker and he asked,

“How much for a hand
job?”
The hooker replied, “100 Bucks.”
The man said “100 Bucks, that’s a lot of got damn money.”
So the hooker pulled him to the side and said, “See that
Mercedes, I paid for that by giving hand jobs.”
So he gave her the money and received the best hand he ha...

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So a woman was in bed with her lover when her husband unexpectedly came back early from a business trip.

She said, "Quick! Stand in the corner." And she quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just pretend you're a statue."

"What's this, honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.

"Oh, it's...

On my recent trip to Australia, I made the mistake of buying a boomerang with teeth.

Sure enough, it came back to bite me in the ass.

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A normal trip to the doctor.

Doctor: “Do you do any sports?”

Patient: “Does sex count?”

Doctor: “Yes.”

Patient: “Then no.”

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[Long] This wealthy couple from New York made a trip down south...

To visit some relatives that retired down in Florida. They were big foodies and decided to make a stop in Tennessee because they had never had good southern food but had heard how good it was. They find a hole in the wall southern food joint and pulled their new Range Rover in between two old beat u...

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Four religious men of the cloth go on a fishing trip

Four religious men of the cloth go on a fishing trip
That night in the fish house they decide to confess their greatest sin to each other. The Catholic priest says, "my greatest sin is lust. I look at porn constantly online and when I can I have crazy sex with parishioners." The Rabbi says "my ...

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A Japanese businessman goes golfing while on a trip in America

When he returns to his co-workers in Japan, they ask him about his trip.

"In America, they have strange game. You hit little white ball over great green field. Try to get in tiny little hole."

"What is this game called?" his co-workers ask.

"I think it's called...."Oh Shit."

NSFW - Long - A man takes a trip to a bar in Florida

While drinking, the Bartender tells the man that they have a local challenge, which no one has ever actually successfully completed. However, the prize is free liquor from that bar for the rest of the man's life. The man, never one to back down, decides to bite, and asks the Bartender about the chal...

I checked my phone bill after my trip to Italy, and it said I spent DCXII dollars.

I must have left on Data Roman.

A statistician, a physicist, and an engineer go on a hunting trip (better ending)

They are walking through the woods when they spot a deer in a clearing

The physicist calculates the distance of the target, the velocity and drop of the bullet, adjusts his rifle and fires, but misses the deer 5 feet to the left.

The engineer rolls his eyes and says "you forgot to acc...

My last trip to Europe reminded me how bad I was at chess

I was beaten by a Czech mate

A little trip to Heaven

You know, I just came back from the dead. Well, they kicked me out, but that's a different story. The one thing I can tell you about heaven is that there are no windows in any of the houses.


Why, you ask?


Apparently, when Jobs died and went up there, he was put in charge of a...

I took a trip to Stockholm and really didn't like it.

After a few days though, it really grew on me.

Three stages for every trip

Planning


Discussing


Cancelling

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A 1st grade teacher brings his class out for a science field trip to the local park

At the park, one of the kids screams "oh look! There's a big doggy poo poo here!"

The teacher requests that the class gather around and explains

"Look kids, I just taught you about our five senses haven't I?

Don't just rely on one of your senses to observe the world. We have fiv...

We, the taxpayers, keep paying to send Trump on very expensive trips overseas.

It might be worth it too, except he keeps coming back.

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A football team went on a trip by a plane

They started playing football in the cabin and the pilots were not happy, so the captain said to the flight attendant : "Go deal with this shit! " Later the plane was quiet and he asked his flight attendant : "What did you do? " The flight attendant answered : "Simply I told them to go play outside ...

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Why did Hitler trip over his dog?

He did Nazi him.

TICKET AGENT: "And will this be round trip?"

FLAT EARTHER: "Here we go again."

I had been told that Hot Chocolate and Churros were a must on my trip to Barcelona...

So on the final day of my trip to Spain I had carved out some time to head down to the ramblas to a little shop that supposedly had he best hot chocolate and churros in the world. Having read that the lines were often long I had allotted a good three hours thinking it would still give me plenty of ...

A man is walking along the beach, when he trips over something, looks down and sees an old bottle. He picks it up and out pops a genie. "I will give you one wish and only one. What will it be?" The man thinks and thinks...

He lives in California and really loves to visit Hawaii, but he despises flying, so he asks the genie.

"I want a bridge from California to Hawaii, over the Pacific ocean."

The genie looks at him for a bit.

He says, "No, no, no. Sorry, but a bridge over the Pacific? That is too ...

What did one Password say to the other password during an LSD trip?

“We are all made of stars!!”

A hitchiker is taken by an elderly couple in an RV. During the trip, the husband, driving the vehicle, says "152", and the couple laughs. Then the wife says "365" and they also laugh.

The hitchhiker then asks "What's the deal with these numbers?"

The old man replies: "We've been telling each other jokes for such a long time that we memorized and numbered them all, and now only refer to them by numbers."

A few minutes after hearing that, the hitchhiker says "984", an...

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[NSFW] Tow best friends where on a skiing trip together with their wives.

During the after ski, the men decide it would be a good idea to go to bed with each others wives. The men whom had been drinking both though this was a fantastic idea. They both agreed to make a competition out of it. Whom could make the others wife climax the most times wins.

Not to draw su...

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A man and his beautiful blonde wife liked to sunbath in the nude. On a trip to the Caribbean, the man fell asleep in the hot mid-day sun...

... while his wife was out shopping. Hours later he woke up with a terribly painful sunburn on his privates. The hotel medical attendant recommended applying cold milk to his penis to prevent blistering.

His wife came home to find her husband sitting with his member soaking in a large saucer ...

A rich lady hires an old mountain guide for a climbing trip in the Alps

One day, as they cross into Switzerland for more climbing, they are stopped at the frontier by a custom agent. He makes them open their bags and, with Swiss serious and thoroughness, inspects the contents of the lady's bag first.

He immediately finds 6 pairs of panties and cries:

"Ha! ...

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Two men are on a hunting trip

The drive up north was long and excruciating, and there were no rest stops, so when they get to their camp, they’re already extraordinarily tired. However, they only have two days, so they figure they should start right away.

The men split up and wait for deer for several hours. The first ma...

Nobody and Stupid were on a ferry trip

Suddenly Nobody fell into the water, and Stupid immediately ran to the captain and said:

*- Nobody fell into the water!*

*- What, are you stupid?*

*- Yeah, Stupid said.*

​

A man was out on a fishing trip

When suddenly, he dropped one of his oars into the water, frustrated that he couldn't get the boat moving, he decided to seek help.

He saw someone with two beautiful women on his boat who also had a spare oar. "Excuse me, may I borrow one of your oars?" he yelled.
The man appeared offended...

A third-grade class is on a field trip to the museum when they come across a mummy exhibit.

The display has a sign in front saying “2982 BC.”

One of the kids asks his friend, “What do you suppose that means?”

His friend thinks for a few seconds, then concludes, “It must be the license plate number of the car that hit him.”

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Three men are on a road trip across the US...

One is from Kentucky, another is from Tennessee and the last if from West Virginia.

So they are on the road and the man from Kentucky gets hungry so they decide to stop and get some food. He stops and buys some peanuts and a drink. As hes checking out the lady says

"Oh you must be from...

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Mac and Dave are out hunting in the woods when Dave trips over something.

He looks back and picks up a lamp, buried in the undergrowth. As he gives it a quick rub, a genie pops out.

"WHO DISTURBS MY ENDLESS SLEEP!?" Booms the genie, "MY FURIOUS WRATH YOU NOW SHALL REAP!"

Mac helps Dave to his feet and pulls him away from the angered genie.

"Ta Mac",...

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John goes on a business trip to Japan

On the first night upon arrival, he found a brothel and spent the night fucking a prostitute who kept yelling "Machigatta ana! Machigatta ana!" during sex. Since he didn't understand a word of Japanese, John assumed it meant approval and kept going.

The next day he played golf with several J...

It makes my heart race when my GF puts her head in my lap during long road trips

So now I only let her do it when it’s my turn to drive

Two guys from New York go on a cross-country trip and end up walking into a bar in Kansas.

After a few too many drinks, one of the guys asks the bartender, "Hey, can you tell us how to go cow tipping?" "I'm sorry, gentlemen. Cow tipping is simply an urban myth," the bartender explains. "The farmers actually pay them a competitive wage."

I was banned from being a Scout leader after a baking mishap on a joint group weekend camping trip.

I fudged a Brownie.

A few of my friends took a road trip from Iowa to California

Things were great as they drove through Nebraska. But driving through Wyoming was a disaster! First, one of them got sick and they had to pull over. Then they got to the Great Continental Divide and it was all downhill from there.

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A guy goes to Las Vegas to gamble and he loses all his money. He doesn't even have enough for a cab, but he flagged one down anyway. He explained to the driver that he would pay him back next time and gave him his phone number, but the driver told him, "Get the fuck out of my cab."

He walked all the way to the airport and got home.

Some times rolls by and he decides to go back to Vegas again and this time he wins BIG.

He gets his bags and is ready for the airport with all his new winnings.

There are a line of cabs and at the very end he sees the driver ...

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A dog went on a backpacking trip to Africa and decided he'd spend a few days in the safari

During one of the days he got lost when suddenly he saw a tiger lurking in the nearby woods. Knowing he had no chance escaping the tiger, he rushed over to a nearby pile of old bones. As the tiger approached ready to devour him for breakfast, the dog turned its back to the tiger, resiliently stuck a...

A family is out on a trip to see nature.

Dad : And that up there, is a family of swallows.

Boy : That's so cool!

Girl : Wait a minute, where's mommy swallow?

Dad : I haven't seen mommy swallow since before you were born.

A woman was giving birth and the husband was away on a work trip, so she had her brother to accompany her.

She passed out whilst giving birth and when she woke up she was very worried. In her hospital the first thing they do after a baby is born is to name them. Her brother wasn't the smartest person in the room and she was understandably worried.

'Congrats mam you had twins, a boy and a girl!',...

NASA officials were interviewing three prospective astronauts to sent to Mars on a dangerous one-way trip

Only one of the three would go, and that candidate would never return to Earth. The interviewer asked the first candidate, an engineer, how much he wanted to be paid to go.

"One million dollars," replied the engineer, "and I want it donated to my alma mater, Rice University."

The inter...

A nostalgia trip.

Knock knock

Who's there

Doctor

Doctor who?

A trip to the doctor...

Doctor: "You'll be thrilled to hear that you don't have cancer in your liver. It was all in your head!"

Me: "Oh great!"

Doctor: "No, brain cancer is way worse."

what do you call a bishop on a hiking trip

a roamin' catholic

I once knocked a kid out on our 3rd grade class trip

so now I’m no longer allowed to chaperone.

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A man, his friend and a camping trip

A man walks over to his friend and asks, “ If you went on a camping trip with your mates and you woke up the next morning and realised you had been fucked in the ass would you tell anyone?”. His friend pauses for a second and then replies with, a simple, “no”. The man then says, “wanna go camping?”

A romantic Xmas shopping trip

A husband and wife go shopping for Xmas presents. After a couple of hours of scouring the shelves at the big department store, the wife realised she couldn’t see her husband anywhere. She phoned him to find out where he is.
 

*“Sorry dear, I wanted to go and get you a surprise Xm...

A man checks into a hotel on a business trip

The hotel is one of the most resplendent hotels imaginable, a surprise as the man was expecting rather bland accommodation. As comes with such high standards, there is a computer in the man's room.

He decides to send an e-mail to his wife, but unfortunately typed in the wrong messaging addres...

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A family is on a road trip

When suddenly a dildo bounces off their windshield.

"What was that?" asks the daughter.

"It was just a bug, dear" the mom replies.

"Damn" the son says, "did you see the size of it's dick?"

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Three Friends Goes On A Hunting Trip.

3 friends are on a hunting trip in the woods. After a successful day, they brought a buck back to their camp to field dress. They then proceed to get drunk and are having a all around good time. One of the hunters announces that he has to take a shit, so he shuffles off into the woods for privacy. S...

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A redneck is in his trailer park bragging to his friends about his recent trip to New York.

He says, "I was walkin' down the street, and saw this place called a sex shop. I was curious so I went in and the place was loaded with rubber women!"

One of the redneck women speaks up. "Did they have rubber dudes?"

The country bumpkin thinks for a moment, then says "Ya know, I ain't ...

I'm a programmer, my wife works part-time in tech support. (NSFW)

Last Friday night, we felt a little frisky, so we made a trip to the bedroom. For her, everything went great. For me... Not so much. An hour later, I had yet to climax once.

So my wife had a brilliant idea. She went to our living room, grabbed some books we'd bought so we could teach our kids...

Three friends go on a skiing trip.

Three friends go on a skiing trip, but they need to save money so they rent a cabin with only one bed that’s big enough for all three of them.

After the first night the guy on the left says he had the most amazing dream. A busty blonde seduced him and gave him an amazing handjob.

The...

A German was going to a trip in France...

He reached passport control and the officer asked:

"Name?"

"Hans Kleiner"

"Age?"

"31"

"Occupation?"

"No no, just visiting"

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A Scotsman decides to make a trip to America for the first time.

A scotsman decides to make a trip to America for the first time. When he got there he wanted to do the most American thing he could think of so he went to a baseball game. He had never seen the sport played before so didn't really know the rules and was just copying what the crowd was doing. A batte...

World Trip

An American, a Englishman and a Russian are on a plane flying around.

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Suddenly, the American puts his hand outside and exclaims: "Wonderful, the land of the free below us."

The Englishman and the Russion look at him and ask: "How do you possibly know?"

The Am...

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The Tale of Three Brilliant Brothers

Once upon a time, there lived a rich old man in a remote town. This old man had three sons who are among the smartest people of the century. One day, this old man fell extremely sick, and felt the inevitable is coming. He asked his sons to gather around his deathbed and wanted to talk to them for on...

My friend and I took a trip to Egypt. While we were sightseeing, he slipped and fell into a river. I told him he needs to get out as soon as possible but he refused to acknowledge his predicament.

He was in denial.

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My pc suddenly died while on a trip to japan

it appeared to have committed cpuku

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A man goes on a business trip to Japan. The night before his big meeting, he hires a prostitute.

He really seems to be having a good time, because as they do their thing, she keeps enthusiastically saying things in Japanese over and over again.

The next day, he invites the Japanese businessmen out for a game of golf after their meeting. After a nice hole-in-one, he decides to try out a ...

After a recent trip with my wife

I can say for a fact that the town of Moorehead Kentucky was given the wrong name.

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"My wife got hurt after annoying the marsupials on our trip to a Malaysian zoo."

""Kuala Lumpar?"
"No, a kangaroo kicked her up the arse".

On my recent trip to Kenya, I booked a hotel within walking distance of the beach.

You can’t imagine how far the Kenyans would walk.

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