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A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:

"Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?”

"We're taking United” was the reply. "We got a great rate!”

“United?" exclaimed the hairdresser. " That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight...

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A businessman is getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knows his wife is always horny, so he decides to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone, because he didn’t much like the idea of her screwing someone else.

So he went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to another man for him. He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He ...

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I once went on a business trip to china, while there I ordered myself a prostitute. Half way though she was screaming in delight “meee how” meeee hooow” and I thought to myself “she’s loving this”

Just the next day out golfing with a few clients when I hit a ball from the edge of the green to roll on the hole perfectly, of course I couldn’t speak mandarin so I screamed the only happy words I knew “Mee how” “meeeeehow”, whilst celebration one of my colleges comes over and says “no you’ve got t...

A man and his wife take a trip to Jerusalem

Unfortunately, while they're there, the wife has a heart attack and passes away. So the Rabbi, who the man hired to handle the procedures, told the man:
"Sir, i have two options for you.
You can have her cremated here in Jerusalem for $500.
Or, we can ship your wife back to the United Stat...

A joke I made up 10yr ago on a road trip: What did the calendar say on its death bed

My days are numbered

A woman is waiting for her husband to get back from his business trip when she flips on the news and sees that a man is driving the wrong way on the airport highway.

She quickly calls her husband to tell him to “Be careful driving home, there’s an idiot driving the wrong way”

He says “One idiot? They’re all driving the wrong way!”

Plane Trip

Getting on a plane today, I told the ticket lady, "Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles, and send one to Miami." She said, "We can't do that!" I told her, "You did it last week!"

My 5th grade class took a field trip to a funeral home - the director told us this joke

Why do you always have an extra chair at a funeral?

For rigor mortis to set in.

Seriously....the funeral director told this joke to a bunch of 11 year olds.

A man had to attend a large convention in Chicago. For this particular trip, he decided to bring his wife. When they arrived at their hotel and were shown to their room, the man said: “You rest here while I register – I’ll be back within an hour.”

So, his wife lies down on the bed…and just then, an elevated train passes by very close to the window and shakes the room so hard she’s thrown out of the bed. Thinking this must be a freak occurrence, she lies down once more. Again a train shakes the room so violently, she’s pitched to the floor....

A bumblebee suddenly wakes up in a cold sweat, realizing he has overslept and is about to miss his connecting flight home after a successful overseas business trip.

He makes a mad rush to the airport, suitcase in one hand, passport and airline ticket in the other. His tie flaps loose in the breeze, his shirt wrinkled and untucked, with his face covered in bushy bumblebee beard stubble.

He recklessly flies into the main entrance, nearly knocking over a fa...

While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant, and resumed their trip.

When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table, and she didn't miss them until they had been driving for about forty minutes.

By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around, in order to
retur...

A businessman takes his pet beagle on a business trip to Africa

A businessman takes his pet beagle on a business trip to Africa. When the man is away on meetings, the beagle decides to explore the vast African landscape.

One day the beagle is exploring when he notices a lion sneaking up on him. But the beagle is clever, and doesn't panic. He finds a pile...

A blind man trips on a bottle

That's all.

Didn't see that one coming, did ya?

Today's litigious culture is ridiculous. I was injured in a slip/trip/fall from a cardboard box.

I sued the box and won £5000 in corrugations.

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A man on a business trip in Spain decides to take in a bull fight

After the event, he stops in to the little restaurant next to the venue called "The Matador". As he checks out the menu trying to decide what he wants, he sees a waiter bring a dish to another customer.

The other customer starts eating what appear to be two large meatballs with great gu...

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A man on a business trip in Japan

Goes out to a gentleman's club. He leaves with a dancer from the club and they go to his hotel room. They turn out the lights and things get steamy.

They are in the passion of the moment and he takes her clothes off and she takes his off. Before long he is on too of her.. the hard he goes th...

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NSFW Two guys are on a camping trip...

And on the last day, they can't decide on what to do. So one decides he'll go for a lonely walk in the forest, while the other goes to a mountain lake.

When they meet up in the evening, the forest guy is "Hey, how did your day go?"

"Awesome. I went to this mountain lake, and there was...

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson had once gone on a camping and hiking trip.

As they lay on their beds staring at the night sky Holmes said, " Watson, look up. What do you see?"

"Well, I see thousands of stars."

"And what does that mean to you?"

"Well, I imagine it means we will have another nice day tomorrow. What does it mean to you, Holmes?"

"T...

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Paddy staggered into his house after a night of drinking. He tip-toed up the stairs to avoid waking his wife Kathleen, but tripped & fell on his rump.

A whiskey bottle in each back pocket made the landing especially painful. He stifled a yell, pulled down his pants & looked into the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut & bleeding. Quietly he managed to find a box of Band-Aids and put one on each place he saw blood. The next mo...

[Dark Humor] Why can’t orphans go on field trips.

Because they need a parent signature.

What do you call a bad weed trip?

Blunt trauma

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[NSFW] A American businessman takes a trip to Japan

An American businessman travels to Japan for a very important business meeting that will make or break his career. He realizes that sealing the deal for their business will not happen in the board room and so he agrees to join them afterwards for a night out on the town.

After a night of dri...

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Having invented a time machine I'm going to do the art world a favor

I'm going to make sure Adolf Hitler never gets into art school. I'm tired of seeing his paintings everywhere.

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Fishing Trip

Two guys are fishing. The first guy reels in his line and sees that he's snagged an old bottle. As he's taking it off the hook, a genie pops out and promises to grant him one wish. "Turn the lake into beer," he says.

The genie goes "Poof!" and the lake turns into beer.

The first guy...

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So I was walking through a busy street with a ‘lady of the night’, when she tripped and fell over.

I shouted ‘Hey everyone, It’s a Hoe Down!’. A man produced a fiddle, and everyone broke into dance as you would expect in this kind of crappy joke.

Marshall Dillon is returning from a 3-day trip hunting for outlaws. He see Chester walking down the middle of the street completely naked.

"Chester! What the hell are you doing walking down the street without your clothes?"

"Well, Mr. Dillon," says Chester, "since you were gone, Miss Kitty asked me to go on a picnic with her. So, we rode out to the woods, and she put a blanket on the ground. Then she took off all her clothes, an...

A woman has to go to Italy for a conference, so her husband drives her to the airport.

“Thank you honey,” she says, “Is there anything I can bring back for you?”
He laughs, and says, “An Italian girl!”
When the conference is over, he meets her up at the airport and asks, “How was the trip?”
“Very good,” she replies.
“And what happened to my present?”
“Which present?” sh...

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Me and my wife decided to spice up our camping trip by having sex

It was fucking in tents

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A friend told me about his trip out with his grandson.

This is what he said. "Last week, I took my grandchildren to a restaurant. My 6 year-old grandson asked if he could say grace."

As we bowed our heads he said, "God is good, God is great. Thank you for the food and I would thank you even more if Grandpa gets us ice cream for dessert. And ...

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An Asian man goes on a trip to America

He goes to an American Bank to converts his money to dollars, while going through his trip he meets a generous old friend who decides to let him stay in his place and also pay for his expenses during his stay.

After a few days he decides to return back to his country and heads to the bank to...

A fifth grade class from Chicago goes on a field trip

A fifth grade class from Chicago goes on a field trip to a farm. One of the chaperones asks the farmer "Why doesn't that cow have horns?"

The farmer takes off his cap, scratches his head and replies

"Well ma'am, there are lots of reasons why an animal doesn't have horns, some breeds,...

A man, a squirrel, and 2 bees are going on a road trip.

On the road, they run out of gas so the man pulls over. One of the bees says, “Don’t worry, I’ll pee in the tank. It’ll get us a little further.” It works, until they run out of gas again.

The second bee steps up and says, “Don’t worry, I’ll pee in the tank. It’ll get us a little further.” I...

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An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines.

He had finally been granted R&R and was on a train bound for London. The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged lady and was being used by her little dog.
...

A wife and husband are going on a road trip

After a few hours, the wife decides thay she is tired

Wife: Y'know honey, i think i might take a nap

The husband gives her a nod, and after putting her chair into a comfortable position for sleeping, she dozes off

A while later, she wakes up,and notices that they are completely ...

I tried to book a trip over the phone today

"I'd like to take my wife to her favourite US state for our anniversary," I said.

"Which state is that then?" the salesman replied.

"Alaska," I responded.

"Don't you think you should have found out *before* you made the call so you weren't wasting my time?" the salesman said ang...

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Three guys discuss whose wife is the most stupid.

"Mine bought a kitchen for $10,000 - and she cannot even cook!"

"Yeah, mine bought a car for $20,000 - and she cannot drive!"

"Ah, that's nothing. Mine bought 100 condoms for a business trip - and she does not even have a penis!"

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Bianca's boyfriend (Brad) goes on a business trip...

A week goes by, and Brad gives Bianca the bad news that his business trip would be extended to one more week. Bianca, starting to feel a bit horny was not excited to hear the news but she thought "its just one more week, I can wait."

The second week goes by and Brad is still not home, so Bian...

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A man going on a business trip visits a witch doctor for his wife

He explains to the witch doctor that his wife has a very high sex drive and he wants to make sure she can satisfy herself while hes gone. No ordinary item will do.

The witch doctor nods and says "I have just the right thing." And he pulls out a box. "This is a voodoo dick. It is quite easy to...

Three men go on a hunting trip in the woods...

They gather around the fire at dusk. They eat and drink and tell stories. Then slowly the fire goes down, and they finish their drinks. The men have no more stories to tell, and boredom starts to take over.

"ENOUGH!" Says the first man, standing up. "We should do something! I bet the two of ...

My significant other purchased a map and handed me a dart and said “Throw this, and wherever it lands we’re taking a trip there after the pandemic ends.”

Turns out we’re spending 2 weeks behind the fridge.

I had a chance to buy an ant that had been on a recent trip to the ISS...

But it was too exorbitant for an ex-orbit ant.

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Darth Vader takes a trip to the clinic after having unprotected sex. What did his test results come back positive for?

Sithilis

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A man goes to Japan for a business trip

The night before he meets a very important executive he's extremely nervous. So he hires a prostitute to help him relieve some stress. As they're having sex in his room, she moving around a lot and keeps yelling "machigata ana!" The man doesn't know what this means, but he figures that she's enjoyin...

Three guys on a hiking trip find a lamp, so they rub it until a genie appears who generously offers to grant each of them three wishes.

The first one goes "I would love to be as rich as I ever want, with enough money appearing in my bank account whenever I want to buy anything." The second one says "that's amazing, I want the same!", but the third one says "I want my left arm to constantly rotate clockwise."
- "Done", says the ge...

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went on a camping trip.

After a good meal and a bottle of wine they lay down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.


"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."


Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."


...

I had a bad trip on LSD

Chicago traffic is really slow along the lake

I booked a trip to visit the Cherokee in Oklahoma this summer, but having second thoughts...

I'm having a reservation reservation reservation.

I was on a trip in Africa when I was asked to rate the tour guide.

To which I responded “Safaris pretty good.”

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A man was visiting Japan for a business trip when he decided to buy a prostitute.

That night when the prostitute showed up to his hotel, he spent all night having his way with her. Though, all night, she keeps screaming, "Yoshimoto! Yoshimoto!"

Not knowing what she's saying, he thinks that it means something good.

The next day while conducting business on the golf c...

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A guy goes to Las Vegas to gamble and he loses all his money. He doesn't even have enough for a cab, but he flagged one down anyway. He explained to the driver that he would pay him back next time and gave him his phone number, but the driver told him, "Get the fuck out of my cab!"

He walked all the way to the airport and got home.

Some times rolls by and he decides to go back to Vegas again and this time he wins BIG.

He gets his bags and is ready for the airport with all his new winnings.

There are a line of cabs and at the very end he sees the driver fro...

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Fred and George went on a camping trip.

After a long day of trekking, they laid their camp, had dinner and went off to sleep for the night.

Later however, George was awakened by a nudge from Fred.

Fred: What do you see, George?

George: I see the moonless sky, the stars.

Fred: ...and?

George: ..and..the c...

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A man is returning home a day earlier than expected from a business trip......

While en-route home, he asks the cabby if he would be a witness, because he suspects his wife is having an affair, and he wants to catch her in the
act. For $100, the cabby agrees.

Quietly arriving home, the husband and cabby tip toe into the bedroom. The husband switches on the lights, ya...

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Trips to the dispensary always make me horny

Time to blow this joint.

A father told his daughter not to use the swings during her school field trip to the park...

...because she was wearing a skirt that day so he told her not to swing as the boys in her class could see her underwear.

When the girl got back home her father asked if she did swing, she said don’t worry dad no one saw my underwear I took it off and put it in my bag.

My trip to the Egyptian Pyramids was great!

I saw mummies of cats, dogs, and even donkeys! But I will not talk about the elephant in the tomb.

Have you heard of the new 18 wheelers that can drive themselves for almost the whole trip?

They're semi-automatic!

Two friends are going on a trip.

They see its getting late so one sugests they stop at the first hotel. So they stop at the first hotel and when they are in they ask for a room.
"There is only one room left and its on the 100th floor but the elevator is broken. You will have to climb up stairs." said the receptionist. Friends lo...

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A man needs to leave for lengthy a business trip, but his wife is saddened by this

She explains to him that if he isn’t home every night, there will be no way to satisfy herself if she feels horny. The man claims that she doesn’t need sex, because a dildo should work just fine. He quickly runs to the local gift shop and asks the cashier if the store carries anything really special...

I visited a strange, small shop on my trip to Egypt...

They had some really weird goods for sale. Honestly, the whole thing was just a little bazaar.

A tourist is at the Sea of Galilee and is looking for a boat trip

A tourist is at the Sea of Galilee and is looking for a boat trip. He asks the boatman how much would it cost.

The boatman: 100 dollar.

The tourist: That's outrageous, it can't cost this much

The boatman: But Jesus himself walked on these waters!

The tourist: Yah,no w...

A penguin is on a long-deserved vacation from the zoo.

He decides to take a road trip out west, where his car breaks down. Luckily, it's right in front of a mechanic in town.

He drops the car off and tells the mechanic he's going to get some lunch. Its a really hot day, so after eating he stops by the ice cream shop for a little treat.

...

It was getting close to my wife’s birthday. She was looking at herself in the mirror. I asked her what she’d like for her birthday. She sighed and said I’d like to be eight again...

On the morning of her birthday. I woke up early and made her a nice big bowl of coco pops. I then took her to for a special trip to Legoland. On the way home we stopped at McDonald’s where I got her a Happy Meal together we a special McDonalds balloon. We then went to the cinema where they were pl...

4 comrades go to a Soviet hotel for a night during a business trip...

As they walk into their room, 3 of them, whip out some vodka, food and cigarettes and begin to make jokes about the government and be very loud indeed. The 4th one is trying to get some meaningful sleep and knowing that it would be fruitless to ask them to stop, hatches an ingenious plan.
He goes...

This year, we had to cancel our annual trip to Hawaii because of Covid-19.

Usually we do it because we can’t afford to go.

Patrick died and went to the gates of heaven

There he saw a man with a halo sitting behind a table waiting. As he approached the Saint looked up and Patrick saw two keys hanging around his neck on a chain, the keys to the pearly gates themselves. This must be St. Peter, Patrick thought.

''Hello Patrick. I just have to check through you...

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Fishing trip

Two guys vacationing in Florida decide they want to go fishing. So they go into town and enlist the help of a local redneck who says he knows the perfect spot.

The guys grab their gear and head out on the hike. Along the path they come across a sheep tangled up in a barbed wire fence.
...

What road did Satan take on his road trip?

Route 666

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For a wedding gift a guy decides to tattoo his wife's name on his penis.

When erect it proudly reads "Wendy" on the side of his shaft, but when soft it only shows "Wy". While on his honeymoon in the Caribbean, he is using the bathroom and notices the guy in the urinal next to him also has a "Wy" on his penis. He then asks the guy if his wife is named Wendy. The guy re...

I tripped in France

Eiffel over

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Trip to the Doc

This old man in his eighty's got up and was putting on his coat.

His wife said "Where are you going?"

I'm going to the doctor.

Why, are you sick?

No" , "I'm going to get me some of those new Viagra pills."

So his wife got up out of her rocker
and was putting o...

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Ouch!

A man traveling by plane and in urgent need to use the mens room is nervously tapping his foot on the floor of the aircraft. Each time he tried the mens room door, it was "OCCUPIED".

The stewardess, aware of his predicament suggested that he go ahead and use the ladies room, but cautione...

A man and his wife plan a trip to the South.

Sadly, because of work, the wife has to leave one day after the husband. This was before cell phones, so he had to borrow a computer to send her an email. However, he makes a small spelling mistake in the email address and the email is sent to someone else. That someone was the wife of a priest who ...

A man with hearing problems crashed his car into an expensive car,

The owner of the expensive car walks out of his house and says “give me 10.000 dollars or I’ll beat the hell out of you!!” The man replies “Woah woah buddy I don’t have that much, but let me call my son he trains dolphins”. The man calls his son and right as he was about to talk the owner of the exp...

What can I say about my trip to Egypt...

-I thought I was having fun, but I was in denile the whole time.

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Johnny’s trip to school

Little Johnny and his friend were on their way to school one morning, late as usual they decided to take a shortcut and hop the fence of a back alley, Jonny went up and over the fence and then it was his friends turn. His friend slipped and landed with a fence post up his ass, Johnny tried to help h...

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A husband and wife are preparing to leave for a trip.

A husband and wife are preparing to leave for a trip. The husband suddenly remembers that their cat is in the house. So, he told his wife to wait while he was going inside the house to leave the cat in the backyard.

Just as the husband went inside the house, their neighbor came and asked the ...

A guy on a long road trip walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm.

He orders two beers: "One for me and one for the road"

A bus load of Senior citizens were traveling to a casino. Halfway into the trip, a little old lady walked up to the front of the bus and told the driver they had a pervert on the bus.

The driver told her he would check it out at the Casino. So she went back to her seat and sat down. Five minutes later a second little old lady walked to the front of the bus and told the driver they had a pervert on the bus ... Since this was the second complaint in five minutes, he thought he had ...

A son asks his father to chaperone a school field trip.

Father was thrilled, it's the first field trip of the school year. His son asks only one thing: NO dad jokes.

Dads are dads though! So father cracked off one after the other all day for his son's entire class and the son was totally embarrassed.

Before the field trip was over father g...

A man goes on an overnight business trip, and hires a babysitter to watch his two kids. It's an easy job with good pay, but she's creeped out by the life-sized clown statue he has in his den.

That night, the man calls to see how things are going.

The babysitter says: "Everything's great, the kids have been wonderful. But I had to throw my coat over that clown statue in your den. No offense but it's really creepy."

Horrified, the man replies: "*What?! I don't have a den! Gra...

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The trip

Guy comes in to work with a cut on his forehead.

Coworker: “That's a nasty cut. How'd you get that?”

Guy: “You could say I got it on my trip abroad.”

Coworker: “You went traveling?

Guy: “No. I tripped over a prostitute.”

A bloke is sent by his wife to get snails to make escargot...

"I expect ya back in an hour as the bread's already bakin' and the wine's already breathin' on the table" says his wife .

The bloke walks down the path towards town and the local market. Upon arriving he finds the snails, and he spends a good five minutes picking out the biggest and juiciest ...

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A teacher took all her kids on an overnight camping field trip...

In the middle of the night, little Johnny comes into her tent and asks “teacher, can I sleep with you? I’m scared... and at home my mother lets me sleep in her bed every night”

Thinking it wouldn’t hurt, the teacher said “sure”

“Teacher” said little Johnny “when I sleep with my mother ...

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A mother and her young daughter take a trip to the bakery where the daughter selects a delicious cupcake to eat.

On the way home the mother decides to stop and get her hair done at the hairdressers.
The mother takes a seat in the hairdressers chair and daughter plonks herself down next to Mum and starts eating her cupcake.
The hairdresser begins cutting away at Mums hair, looks down to the daughter and s...

A man's wife is close to giving birth but he has to go away on business.

He asks his brother to look after his wife. A couple days into the trip and his brother calls from the hospital.

"I have good news and bad news. Good news is you have perfectly healthy twins! A boy and a girl! The bad news is they had to put your wife under for the birth. She's fine, but the...

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A jet took off for the long flight from Sydney to Perth.

As it got to cruising height the pilot finished his spiel but forgot to turn the microphone off. He turned to his co-pilot and said "You hold the plane while I take a massive dump, and then I'm gong to screw that hostess".

Hearing this the hostess ran to the cockpit in order to tell the pilo...

4 college guys go on a weekend road trip.

They are having such a good time that they decide to play hooky and skip out on their Monday exam in psychology. They all send their professor an email saying they had a flat tire while out of town and the professor said no problem, unexpected things happen. They could take it on Tuesday.

Ce...

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.

I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.

Two rednecks flew to Canada on a hunting trip.

They chartered a small plane to take them into the Rockies for a week hunting moose.


They managed to bag 6. As they were loading the plane to return, the Pilot said the plane could take only 4 moose.


The two guys objected strongly. "Last year we shot six. The pilot let ...

A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.

'Have you ever done anything of particular merit?' St. Peter asked.

'Well, I can think of one thing,' the cowboy offered.
'On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota , I came upon a gang of bikers, who were threatening a young woman.
I directed them to leave her alone, but they wo...

"I was due for an appointment with the gynecologist later in the week. Early one morning, I received a call from the doctor's office to tell me that I had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 am. I had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45 am.

The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn't have any time to spare.

As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time I wasn't going to be able to make the full effort. So, I rushed upstairs, threw off my pajamas, wet the ...

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I took a trip to the sperm clinic today...

A lady asked me if I'd like to masterbate in the cup. I told her I'm pretty good at it but I'm not sure if I'm ready to be competing in tournaments.

A CEO went on a rock climbing trip with one of his employees.

The CEO, an experienced climber, reached the top of a difficult section and was holding a rope tied to both men. As the employee was climbing up, he lost his grip, and was only saved by the strength of the CEO who was barely able to hang on. The CEO yelled, "Hurry, I'm losing my grip!", but the empl...

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A man walks into a bar with a donkey and an ostrich.

He sits down at the counter and asks for a beer.

“That will be 5.98$, sir.”, the bartender says.

The man, puts his hand into his pocket and pulls out 5 dollars and 98 cents in exact change.

“How much will it cost to buy everyone here a round of drinks?”, the man asks, taking a s...

A church has a job opening for..

a bell ringer. So they posted the position and a man came in with no arms wanting the job. The clergy weren't sure he could do it, but he convinced them to let him try it.

They climbed the bell tower and the guy ran toward the bell and hit it with his head. They gave him the job.

The n...

Day trip

Police officer on patrol saw a man driving in a rural area with a goat in the front seat. He pulled the guy over and asked what he was doing driving around with a goat in the front seat? "I saw him wandering around so I stopped to pick him up so he wouldn't get hit by a car. Now I'm driving aroun...

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After the safety talk in the airplane the pilot forgets to turn off the microphone...

He turns to his copilot and says:
"I'm gonna take a dump and then I'm gonna fuck that smoking hot stewardess."
When the stewardess realizes what's going on she starts to sprint to the front to warn the pilot that his mic is still on but trips and falls. A passenger turns to her and says: "Calm...

Just got back from a camping trip with the family

The days were incredible, but the nights were in tents

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A father and a son decide to go on a trip...

One of my friends told me this in elementary school and I still remember it.

A father and a son decided to go on a trip. They decide to ride a camel to their destination. The father decides to ride the camel to the first city they stop at because he is very old and the son is still very young...

A Spanish man, an Italian man, and an English man are seated together on a flight to the US.

As they talk during the flight, they discover that they are all on extended business trips, and they each spent their last night at home making love to their wives.

The Spanish man says, "I made love to my wife three times, and when it was time for me to leave she cried and cried for me to st...

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If your sexual experience would be reviewed in trip advisor style, what would it be?

Be the first to give a review

A 15-year old boy came home with a Porsche.

His parents began to yell and scream. “Where did you get that car?”

He calmly told them, “I bought it today.”

“With what money?” Demanded his parents. “We know how much a Porsche costs!”

“Well,” said the boy, “this one cost me fifteen dollars.”

The parents began to yell e...

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A restaurant patron drops his spoon on the floor and asks the waiter for a new one.

The waiter immediately reaches into his apron and pulls out a new spoon and gives it to the customer.

The table finishes their meal and the waiter comes to drop the check. The man who had earlier dropped his spoon says to the waiter, "Hey, that was pretty impressive that you were able to giv...

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Truck driver

One a normal day of trip, truck driver realized that his brake system was busted, and he was going full speed. He knew, he had to stop the truck somehow.

So he decided to get off the road and crash into something

He looked right, there was little boy in an empty field, alone.

H...

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The wife of a wealthy business man calls their butler into her bedroom while her husband is away on a trip for work

"Jeeves," she says at once, "take off my dress."

"Yes madam!" He replies, unbuttoning the top of her dress and watching it fall to the floor.

"Now, I want you to take off my bra."

"Oh, yes ma'am!" replies Jeeves, unhooking the front clasp of the fancy lace bra and throwing it ca...

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A man goes on a business trip to Japan

In Japan, he picks up a hooker and they go all night long. The entire time they were making love she was excitedly shouting:
##Hasimota! Hasimota!
Since the man obviously didn't know a word of Japanese, he concluded it was some sort of an excitement noise. The next morning he meets with a few...

What do you call it when a man in a suit takes some acid?

A business trip

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A lesson in etiquette

Three sophisticated southern women sit together at a country club, Eliza, Josephine, and Isabelle.

Eliza says to the other two, "You know girls, my husband bought me the most wonderful jewelry for our anniversary. A lavish diamond necklace and some beautiful earrings."

"How wonderful!...

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A group of friends decide to get together and go on a hunting trip in Georgia to get away for a few days. The arrangements are made and a few days later they are being picked up by their guide 'Bubba' at the airport and off to the hills of Georgia they go.

Bubba decides to hold a little church call before they take off on the hunt: "Now you city boys be real careful with them thar guns and don't go shooting each other in the foot and don't shoot nothing till I tell ya its all right. Now listen up real good to this here, you see them bunch of Hound dog...

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A guy suddenly let out a big fart nearby a 4th grade class road trip to a historical war landmark

A young kid who happened to hear it got close to the guy and asked him "Sir, what was that?"

The guy, sweating nervously tried to invent a lie "Errrr, see kid... that was... the cannon of the historical park nearby, that was, er... announcing that it's five o' clock, yeah!"

There was a...

An OverweightTime Traveler goes to ancient rome

An Overweight Time Traveler goes to ancient rome and realizes he wore historically incorrect clothes for the trip. Realizing his mistake he visits a toga shop to purchase new clothes. He looks around the shop and realizes they do not have togas big enough to fit him. He goes to the counter and asks ...

Why did the man trip in the road?

THAT DAMN CHICKEN EVERYONE ALWAYS ASKS ABOUT!!!

A father had promised his two young sons he would take them on a fishing trip

The boys were digging for fishing bait in their parents' garden. Uncovering a many legged creature, one of the boys proudly dangled it before his Father.

"No, son, he won't do for bait" his Father said. "He's not an earthworm".

"He's not?" the boy asked, his eyes wide. "What planet i...

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A big trip to the mountains with married women and their mothers-in-law was organized. They would go there by separate busses (the women in one bus and the mothers-in-law in another).

During the trip to the mountains, the bus carrying the mothers-in-law had a flat tire. Suddenly the bus driver lost control and the bus fell off the mountain, at least a couple thousand meters downhill. No chance anyone in that bus survived it. Obviously all of the women started cheering up, startin...

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A man goes on a business trip to Japan...

The night before his important meeting he decides to unwind with a hooker. As he's banging away, she screams "Nakamushi! Nakamushii!" not speaking much Japanese he assumes this is a complement to his outstanding performance.

His meeting the next day goes well and he's invited to play golf wi...

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A woman visited an Amazonian tribe on a research trip...

She spent several days taking notes on the lifestyle and habits of the tribe and interviewing their ruler, King Paolo, via an interpreter. As the tribe's land was near several rich gold mines, the king and his people were extremely wealthy.

During the woman's time with him, the king fell hop...

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One ticket to Boobston

The year is 1993 a young upstart business executive has to take a quick trip to Boston for a board meeting.

Running late he didn't have time to have his administrative assistant call ahead and book his flight, so he decided just to do it himself once he got to the airport.

After being ...

Three Guys Go On a Skiing Trip...

Three guys go on a skiing trip but can only find a cabin with one bed, so they all decide to sleep together.

The next morning:

Guy on the right, “I had the strangest dream last night that somebody gave me a handjob.”

Guy on the left, “ I also had the strangest dream that somebod...

Trip to the zoo

It’s a beautiful warm spring day and a man and his wife are at the zoo. She’s wearing a cute, loose-fitting, sleeveless pink spring dress with straps. As they walk through the ape exhibit and pass in front of a very large gorilla, the gorilla goes ape. He jumps up on the bars, holding on with one ha...

I accidentally swallowed a bunch of Scrabble tiles...

My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster!

A bus load of blind people were on a day trip and the bus driver starts getting tired...

He says to the blind people, "I'm pretty knackered. I'm going to stop at the next pub for a bite to eat and a drink, what are you all going to do?"

One of them replies, "No worries, we'll have a little game of football." "Football?!" The driver cries, "But you're all blind!"

The blind...

Where did the heart, liver, and kidney go on a road trip?

Oregon

One night, a man on his way...

One night, a man on his way home happened upon a drunk, down on his hands and knees searching for something under a street light. The man asked the drunk what he was looking for so diligently and the drunk said he had tripped and his Rolex wrist watch had broken loose from his wrist. The man, being ...

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A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room.

She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of b\*tches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of b\*tches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks." The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don...

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I once tripped down an escalator.

I was there for 3 fucking days

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Little Johny's mom dies and dad remarries

The stepmom is very loving and caring and always goes the extra mile to make Little Johny feel loved. One day the dad leaves town for a business trip. At night Little Johny has a nightmare and gets scared. So he goes upto his stepmom's room and enquires if he could sleep next to her, and she obliges...

Stand up acts anyone?

So, I was on a trip staying at a hostel. You know, budget travel.
I was in Australia, a small town, and I wake up needing to use the bathroom. The catch is it was 2:30 in the morning. And I would need to walk through an outdoor area to get there. So I decide to wait.

However, while waiting...

I witnessed my wife trip and drop all the laundry.

She got red with embarassment and said: "Did you see that?"

I said: "I watched it all unfold."

What happens when water trips over?

waterfall

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The Farmer’s Fruits

Three guys are on a road trip and their truck breaks down in the middle of nowhere with only a farm by them, the farmer lets them in and says the only rule was that they couldn’t sleep with his daughter.

That night, all three of them sleep with his daughter. The farmer gets mad and takes the...

Two friends are on a hunting trip.

One gets attacked by a bear. The other hunter calls a doctor.

"Hello?" the doctor asks.

The hunter replies, "Help, my friend has been attacked by a bear! What do I do?"

"Well, make sure he's dead," the doctor says.

The doctor then hears a gunshot over the line.

The...

A young boy living on a farm came down to eat breakfast.

His Mother told him he had to do his chores before he could eat. He got mad but went out to do his chores when a chicken ran across in front of him so being still mad he kicked it. Momma was watching. When the cow kicked over the milk pail, he kicked the cow. Momma was watching. When a pig splattere...

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A long strange trip

So a professor gets on a bus and the only other passenger is a farmer man. The professor, who takes a seat by this farmer starts chatting to him and they get to know each other a little bit. The professor says while they are talking “I’m pretty smart, and I know a lot of things and this trip will ta...

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A man recieves $500 for his birthday and decides to make a trip to his local brothel.

He walks inside the establishment and informs the madam that is is his birthday, so she offers him the birthday special. He hands over $250 and heads up the stairs entering the first room, to find a very attractive woman laying spread eagle on the bed.

Impressed by what the establishment has...

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