What do you get when you inject human DNA into a sheep?

Banned from the zoo.

They want us to get vaccinated so they can inject us with microchips and track us anywhere.

-Sent from my iPhone

I don't like the injection nurse

He's a real prick

I always carry this insulin injection with me.

My dear friend gave it to me when he was dying. It seemed to be very important to him that I had it.

I don't need to inject disinfectant

I'm still protected by that Tide pod I ate two years ago.

I used to inject bleach, but not anymore.

I'm clean now.

There was a man sentenced to death by injection.

The doctor asked "Any last words?"

"Yes," the criminal replied. "Can you tell me a joke?"

"Sure! What's brown and sticky?" He paused for a moment. "A stick!"

The criminal burst out laughing, on the chair. He was so amused, he was injected with poison while laughing. However, ins...

Trump just suggested that injecting sanitizers like bleach might have a cleansing effect on the body

I think medical research would agree that injecting bleach definitely cures stupidity.

Trump recommends injections with disinfectant to save thousands

True if he does it first.

I thought I had Covid 19 so I decided to give it a go and I injected myself with bleach...

Surprisingly I’m all white now.

My friend has been injecting disinfectant since that advice was given out...

He got addicted to it and has been working hard to kick the habit. You’ll be glad to hear he is clean now.

Well, if you inject yourself with bleach and disinfectant...

I guarantee you won’t die of Covid-19

To counter the Islamist movement, we need to inject more christianity into our children.

No, father, not THAT way.

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I've been secretly injecting soap into my balls to see if I can jizz bubbles.

It's time for me to come clean.

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The president says we can cure COVID-19 by injecting ultraviolet light into humans....

... but I know when someone is blowing sunshine up my ass.

Friends, it happened yesterday! And this is CONCERNING!

Friends, it happened yesterday! And this is concerning!

A friend had his 2nd injection of the vaccine at the vaccination center and began to have blurred vision the whole way home.

When he got home, he called the vaccination center for advice and to ask if he should go see a doctor or...

It's has finally happened. A Pastor has died in the US after injecting himself with disinfectant.

President Trump is being charged with a bleach of the priest.

Do you know what the scientific term is for injecting disinfectant?

Embalming

I once tried to make a joke about a botched lethal injection...

...but the execution failed.

I saw a guy this morning injecting himself with brake fluid. Stunned, I asked him if he had lost his mind?!

He looked at me and said - It’s ok. I can stop anytime

My girlfriend and I were doing some doctor/patient ropelay. "Oh ny god," she purred, "are you going to inject ne, doc?"

I said, "Yes, honey. But don't worry, you won't feel a thing."

The woman who injected her 8-year old daughter with Botox for beauty pageants has lost custody.

The child didn't look surprised.

I, for one, fully condone injecting yourself with a generous amount of disinfectant.

It will definitely make COVID-19 the least of your worries.

Everyone is debated capital punishment nowadays talking about lethal injection and humane treatment. Me, I think we should just shoot them in the head...

Seems like a no-brainer to me

A couple go to the hospital because the wife is extremely pregnant.

A couple go to the hospital because the wife is heavily pregnant. The consultant tells them , “ We have this revolutionary new treatment, we give this special injection to the mother and all the birth pain transfers from the mother to the father.Would you like to try it?”

They discuss it and ...

It’s a sin to burn the bible and inject the ash into your bloodstream

For you are forbidden to use the Lord’s name in vein

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News from School

Dear Mom and Dad,

It has been three months now since I left for college. I have been remiss in writing and I am very sorry for my thoughtlessness in not writing before. I will bring you up to date now, but before you read on, please sit down. You are not to read further unless you are s...

Villain: ok we've injected you with truth serum

**Tony the Tiger:** they're kinda OK

**Voice-over guy:** just OK *is not OK*

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My friend said he once injected heroin into his dick.

But that was just poppycock.

What does a diabetic neckbeard inject himself with?

Incel-in

What do you get when you inject soda from a dirty needle?

Pep C

My wife is concerned about my vaccine side effects

Day 1:

“How’s your arm doing?”

“It’s just a bit tender near the injection site.”

Day 2:

“Google said it is supposed to last 4 hours.”

“I think you got the wrong Pfizer info sheet.”

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After deliberating for a long time, Kanye finally decided that Kim can no longer get new butt injections.

He's putting a cap on that ass.

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In injected Viagra into my eyes

it made me look hard

A lot of people are injecting this new drug called "Jesus", but I've started taking it orally...

...because I'd never take the Lord's name in vein.

I'm starting a business that is half bowling alley and half safe injection site.

It's going to be called "Pins & Needles".

Today I tried to give a subcutaneous injection

Unfortunately it was all in vein

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A man goes to the dentist.

A man goes to the dentist. The dentist tells him he is going to remove a few teeth and will give him some gas to numb the pain. Suddenly the man exclaimed that he hates gas and won't do it. So the dentist tries a different approach. He tries an injection but again the man exclaimed that he is scared...

BREAKING: North Korea announces breakthrough 100% effective COVID-19 treatment

Sources report the new treatment involves injecting a bullet into the forehead of people infected with the virus.

A middle-aged woman has a heart attack and sees the angle of death beside her in the ambulance.

"Am I dead?" she asks.
The reaper says, “No. You have 30 more years to live.”.

When she wakes up after surgery, she is happy to be alive after that near death experience, and with 30 years to look forward to, she decides to make the best of it. So since she’s in the hospital, she gets bre...

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Getting A Physical

The Doctor's office called and said there was a problem with my blood work. The Doctor wanted to see me immediately.

Doctor: We need to draw more blood. We found some disturbing problems with your first sample.

Me: It is okay Doc. I've been injecting myself with blood from a rooster an...

A chap Tours a factory that produces latex products.

A chap is going on tour of a factory that produces latex products.
At the first stop, he's shown the machine that manufactures baby-bottle nipples. The machine makes a loud Hiss-Pop! noise.

"The hiss is the rubber being injected into the mold," explains the guide. "The popping sound is a ...

Trump has tested positive for covid 19

If he injects himself with bleach, then he will have a taste of his own medicine.

Why aren't the people eating laundry soap injecting it instead?

Seems like it'd be a little Tidier

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So this guys goes to the doctor because he is often delirious

The doctor says;

“Listen, take this syringe, go home, and inject some anti-bacterial dish soap RIGHT into your veins”

The guys says “Ok” then goes home and does exactly that.

The next day he returns and says “Doctor, i did what you said, and it made my penis shrivel into a lit...

Newfie execution

A Torontonian, an American and a Newfoundlander are involved in a grisly crime and are all sentenced to death. The executioner told them that they would each get to choose the method by which they would die.

Their choices were: lethal injection, electric chair or by hanging.

The Americ...

I thought my doctor was helping me with these lumbar injections...

But come to find out, he was just stabbing me in the back.

I had an injection to prevent me from becoming Robin Hood.

Yeah, it was the MenInTightus Jab.

I snorted coke and meth, smoked four blunts, and injected heroin today...

...and this guy at the auction house is STILL saying im not the highest bidder.

I always get nervous before injections so I shut my eyes.

I usually end up stabbing the chair.

The Mrs just said Gavin from Autoglass came round & injected special resin into her crack.

I'm not normally suspicious but she hasn't got a car

Famous Quotes from US Presidents

“The harder the conflict, the greater the triumph.” ― George Washington

“Honesty is the first chapter of the book wisdom.” ― Thomas Jefferson

“If tyranny and oppression come to this land it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.” ― James Madison

“Try and fail, but don...

A boy scout says to his scout leader, "Sir, is this snake poisonous?" The scout leader says, "No, that snake's not poisonous at all." So the boy picks up the snake, which bites him and the boy starts to spasm and foam at the mouth as the other kids look on in horror...

The scout leader says, "But that snake is venomous. Poison is ingested or absorbed, while venom is injected. Let's get it right next time, boys."

A doctor is operating on a patient.

He says to his assistant: “Helium please” so the assistant wheels over a tank of helium.
The doctor proceeds to put a mask on the patient so he can inhale the gas, but the patient doesn’t respond to the treatment.

The doctor turns to his assistant again. “Curium please”. And the assistant...

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A girl I know got collagen injections in her butt. Now she looks like a smuggler's desk.

She's got a false bottom in her drawers.


Just thought of that one today.

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call him maestro... or else

many years ago there was an orchestra in omaha whose conductor was notoriously ill tempered. he would fly off the handle at the smallest mistake, yet he would never offer any constructive criticism. he thought he was the greatest, and demanded to be called maestro. but sometimes, he'd give the wrong...

A rabbit is running in the woods, he sees a giraffe smoking pot.

- Dude, don’t smoke it, it’s harmful for your body. Let's keep it healthy, come run with me, and they start running.

A little later they see an elephant prepared to snort cocaine.

- My elephant friend, drop the cocaine, come run with us.

After a little run, they see the lion ...

A n old farmer grows watermelons

However, every night, a group of kids would sneak into his farm at night and eat some of his produce. One day the farmer gets fed up with this and places down a sign in the field saying "Warning: one of these watermelons has been injected with cyanide". He then waits. Night passes and the farmer exc...

In a hospital room

Doctor: *Im sorry sir, but the virus will continue to spread throughout your body. There’s nothing we can do.”*

Patient: *but what about the treatment you injected into me?”

Doctor: *Turns out, that was the wrong medicine. It was all done in vein.*

It is year 2030

A 16 year old boy is in a bathroom and is in a process of opening an injection.
His mom suddenly opens a door to the bathroom and sees him injecting an unknown substance. She watches it in horror, when son suddenly turns pale and starts explaining: 'Mom, no le-let me explain. I-it's a he-heroin....

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Little Johnny was in class one afternoon

And the teacher asked him to come to the front and tell the class what he had done that weekend, hoping that it would be a nice clean story (ok...)

"Well miss, me and my mate grabbed a frog from the stream and shoved a firecracker up his arse th-"

Feeling a bit flustered and trying to ...

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A man is at the dentist for a root canal.

The dentist, picking up a syringe, moved toward the patient.

“WHOAAA! What’s that for?” Asked the patient

“Well, this injection will numb the area around your tooth and keep you from feeling pain during the procedure” explained the dentist.

“No way! I am deathly afraid of needl...

An Englishman, a Scottish man and an Irish man were captured by a serial killer.

The serial killer said “I will kill you all, but as a final act of kindness I will let you each decide how I will kill you.”

The Englishman accepting his impending death said “I want to die by suffocation, but please make it quick.” So the serial killer picked up a pillow, smothered the face ...

A man travelling across Europe catches a nasty cold

While resting at a hotel in Madrid, a man realizes hes sick and needs to go to the hospital. He quickly walks to the hotel's check-in desk and asks where the nearest hospital is, as he didnt really know what to call or where to go.

The hotel clerk says to the man: "No worries, sir. We shall ...

After years of saving Saul finally had enough money to get his eye transplant in China

His wife was opposed to the idea on moral grounds. His brother was worried he might lose what little sight he had now. His friends were worried that what he was doing wasn't entirely legal.

He dismissed them all one by one and finally bought his ticket and set off with grim determination. <...

Ther was a German, an Italian and a Redneck on death row...

and their time was up.

In a new, enlightened program, the warden gave them a choice of three ways to die.

- To be shot

- To be hanged

- To be injected with the AIDS virus.

So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head." (Boom, he was dead instantly.)

Th...

A Blonde, a Brunette, and a Redhead are sentenced to death.

They come face to face with the executioner and he asks each which way they would prefer to die: electric chair or lethal injection.

The Redhead says that she’ll go with the lethal injection. The executioner readies his equipment and gives her the injection. Within 10 minutes she is dead....

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A monkey is smoking a joint.. (NFSW)

A monkey is smoking a joint when rabbit arrives and says: “ Come on monkey leave the joint and go for run with me, its healthier...”

A monkey thinks about it and says: “You are right, lets go!”

They both start running and after a while they see a zebra preparing some hash.

Rabb...

My heroin-addicted friend

I used to have a great friend. As we grew older, he started doing heroin. Of course, this affected him pretty strongly. Eventually, he even started calling the injection his "God". Weird, I know, but that's just how he was.
Sadly, he passed away recently, although I guess that was to be expected....

3 people are kidnapped by a group of terrorists

The terrorists are about to kill them but decide to give them the choice between a quick bullet to the head or getting infected with AIDS.

The first two pick the bullet to the head but the last guy chooses to get injected with AIDS through a syringe.

Once the injection is done, the g...

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Little Billy loved to visit at his uncle’s junkyard

Even though he ran a junkyard, uncle Stu was a very bright man who loved to teach and answer all of his beloved nephew Billy’s questions. Over one particular summer they restored a classic old car. Each step was a learning experience. When a part was rusted, uncle Stu would explain all about the pro...

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Chuck Norris Facts!

-can lift up a chair with one hand... While he's sitting on it.

-can make scissors beat rock.

-when he's looks in a mirror, the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough
to get in between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.

-can unscramble eggs.

-counted t...

Feeling strange, Mr. Bond?

That’s because my assistant just injected you with the measles vaccine. You’re autistic now.

A grad student is working with his lab partner on a science project for his robot acoustics research

When the student says to his lab partner, “There seems to be something missing from our robot that is keeping the voice audio from converting into an electrical signal”.

The lab partner, in an effort to help his friend, heads down the street to the computer shop to see if he can figure out w...

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Piss Pop Piss Pop

A new shift manager was being shown around the Latex factory where he had just been hired. The plant manufactured various latex products, and had a reputation for using cutting edge technology in its manufacturing process.

On one side of the building, the factory made baby bottle nipples. The...

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Drugs in the Savanna

A rabbit is running in the forest when he sees he giraffe rolling a joint.

The rabbit stops and says to the giraffe:

- Giraffe, my friend, don't smoke this joint. Come run with me to stay in shape!

The giraffe pauses, thinks it over, and throws her joint to follow the rabbit. Sh...

Sean Bean is walking down the street

Heard you guys like long OC.

&nbsp;

Sean Bean is walking down the street, enjoying his Sunday night. Suddenly, a black paneled van pulls up next to him. Four massive dudes in ski masks wearing all black leap out and try to grab him. Sean remembers his GoT training and manages to ta...

There was a farmer who grew watermelons...

He was doing pretty well, but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his water melon patch at night and eat his watermelons. After some careful thought, he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure. He made up a sign and posted it in the field. T...

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Heard the one about the Pope!

One morning the Pope awoke in his bed chamber in the Vatican. To his surprise, he noticed that he had woken up with a massive erection. Perplexed, he called on his personal physician.

'Doctor, this should not be possible,' he said, 'I'm the Pope, and I'm celibate! I haven't had one of these f...

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Cant Sex Today

Husband Climbs On The Bed Naked Wanting To Get Really Saucy With His Wife.

To His Dismay, The Wife Told Him That She Has Headache.

The Husband Then Got Off Bed Went To The Kitchen And Came Back.

Then Told Her, “Okay, I Have Powdered My Dick With Aspirin. You Want To Take It Oral...

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