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Distancing Jokes

If social distancing makes you feel lonely...

... just buy some stocks. Then you'll have a bit of company.

My dad is a social distancing champion!!!

I havent seen him since 2005

I wanted to make a social distancing joke.

But this is as close as I could get.

I know why social distancing is 6 feet...

A prequel for life in the grave.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A fellow stuck in a coronavirus outbreak, prayed to God for help.

Soon the head of the WHO came by. He said “Try social distancing! It can save you!”

The fellow shouted back, "No, it's OK, I'm praying to God and he is going to save me.” So the head of the WHO went on.

Then Dr. Fauci came by and told the man “Wear a mask! It can save you!”

The ...

I hate social distancing.

Seriously? I can't be within 300 feet of a school?

Social Distancing

We are two months into self-isolation and it is really upsetting me to witness my wife standing at the living room window gazing aimlessly into space with tears running down her cheeks. It breaks my heart to see her like this. I have thought very hard about how I can cheer her up. I have even consid...

Social Distancing.

You'd better stay six feet apart or you are going to be six feet deep...

Social distancing at a nudist colony

Is directly influenced by the tempture.
Warm days, 6'3"
Cold days less

Social distancing will never work in India because...

... by the time you are 6 feet away from one, you will be too close to another person.

I don't practice "social distancing."

After 30 years of social anxiety and a deep disgust of humanity in general, I operate on an "expert" level.

Social distancing...

...is the new reason why women tell me to get away. At least I’m not a creep anymore!

Social distancing

I logged on to Facebook the other day only to post on my daughter's wall that she's a horrible dancer.
She asked why I would do such a thing.
I told her because I heard we were supposed to be "social diss dancing"

Social distancing...

oh you mean the thing I've been doing my entire life due to my extreme introvertedness and low self-esteem and self confidence that I have trouble looking people in the eye and getting to close for fear of having to interact with them?

Yeah I think I can manage.

The joke is my life.

What is an example of redneck social distancing?

Sleeping with your 3rd cousin instead of your 1st.

I dunno why my work has posters up saying 'practice social distancing'

I mean, do we really need more practice?

I figure we're all pretty good at it by now.

Social Distancing is so unbelievably stupid

If corona came from China, surely it can go another 6ft.

Wanna see some social distancing?

Loan someone some money.

Social Distancing during COVID-19

Me n my wife decided to do something about following social distancing and keeping ourselves satisfied...


We 69'd so that our mouths weren't within 2 feet distance...

Michigan has updated their social distancing guidelines

Residents are now asked to stay one oars-length away from one another.

What do whales do during Social Distancing?

Netflix and Krill

Two musicians, violating social distancing

I was annoyed to see two musicians together today, violating social distancing. They were counting: one repeated "1 2 3, 1 2 3,"…; the other, "1 2 3 4 5, 1 2 3 4 5,"… "Hey!", I said, "It's unsafe, so close together!" "No worries", they replied, "we have two meters between us."

Good social distancing practice

Is one wet fart away, eat lots of cabbage and let's beat Covid-19

My wife is socially distancing me...

Just to be safe, she started it in 2008.

I like my anxiety like I like my distancing:

Social, behind a mask, and away from people.

1960s kids don't have a problem with social distancing.

Everyone was pretty spaced-out then.

We've been practicing social distancing for a while now

When's the test gonna be?

We've been practicing social distancing for a while now;

I think we're ready for the real deal.

India is taking social distancing seriously

Citizens without masks were seen getting hard whacks on the behind by policeman with batons as punishment.

When asked if the punishment was too severe, one constable responded, "Not at all. I'm just flattening the curve".

social distancing is great, public school shootings are down 100%

Unfortunately home school shootings are up 100%

A court declares social distancing unenforceable in Alabama

Reasons the judge: The entire state’s population can reasonably be considered as a family unit

Which cheese is always compliant with social distancing?

Provolone

The CDC advises practicing social distancing during the holidays

That is why I didn't call my mom this year

How did the cavemen survive the asteroid that killed all the dinosaurs?

Social distancing, they stayed 56 million years apart.

This social distancing is going too far.

I just went to make a cake and the first line on the packet said separate 2 eggs 🥚<-->🥚

Here is a quick guide to social distancing.

If you can smell my fart, we are not far enough apart.

I don't need to worry about social distancing.

Nobody comes near me anyways

Why can’t flat earthers practice social distancing?

They would run out of room and fall off the edge.

Cemeteries are great places to practice social distancing.

Everyone is always six feet away from you.

What game should you not play when social distancing?

Space invaders

COVID-19 didn't kill John Conway. It was the social distancing.

He had fewer than 2 neighbors.

[Credit to "Darren New" on YouTube for this one. Also, if you find this funny, you're an awful person.]

I suggested to my wife that we practice social distancing

She agreed, but wanted to call it a trial separation.

There were so many people at my house today without masks and social distancing, imagine the stench…

Lucky I haven’t been able to smell anything in the past few days…

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There’s a C, N, & T in social distancing...

All I need is U to get the fuck away from me.

Flat earthers are very worried about the COVID-19 pandemic.

They are afraid that social distancing measures may push people over the edge.

Army soldiers can't comprehend the 6-foot social distancing requirement.

But everyone in the Navy can fathom it.

Most often heard response to the social-distancing 1 meter apart rule in Norway?

We have to stand closer to people?

Who is the REIGNING, DEFENDING and UNDISPUTED Social Distancing Champion of the World?

A whistleblower.

Unfortunately men are still getting infected even when they abide by social distancing

That's because six feet to them is in reality 5'8"

Want to follow social distancing guidelines but still meet with your friends and family?

Just gather in groups of three, as there will be 6 feet between all of you :)

Finnish people eagerly await giving up the mandatory social distancing guidelines

So they can return from the government mandated 2 meters of distance to the normal 5 meters

My girlfriend and I have been practicing social distancing since the start of the pandemic.

She calls it a restraining order for some weird reason.

It's unfortunate that the NASA and SpaceX astronauts weren't social distancing with eachother...

But their PPE is out of this world!

Due to social distancing, only six of the seven dwarfs can meet at their favorite coffee shop.

One of them isn't Happy.

Social distancing guidelines have been relaxed, and we can now have gatherings of up to 8 people without issues

But I don't even know 8 people without issues.

"Social Distancing" is a strategy designed to protect you from someone coughing close to you.

So make sure you let everyone know to far cough.

Due to social distancing, everyone is asking Kim Jung Un how far six feet is Exactly!

Because he is the supreme ruler.

In order to support social distancing, the National Association for Celebacy has cancelled its March meeting.

Please share this message. They want to make sure nobody comes.

Didja hear about the two fat chicks flouting social distancing rules while going for a walk?

They just wanted to flatten their curves.

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