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What's your favorite frequency?

Mine's 440Hz. It's fucking A.

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There’s this psychiatrist who claims to guess the frequency of sex by looking at the smile on the guys face

. A talk show host challenges him and it goes really well with a 100% accuracy till this one guy shows up with a grin that would dislocate a crocodile’s jaw.

“Twice a day,”

“Nope.”

“Daily.”

“Nope.”

“Every other day.”

“Nope.”

“Weekends.”

“Nope.”...

I used a digital dog whistle on my dog at max frequency

His other ear Hertz now

Got in a fight with frequency today

We’ve been friends for ages, so it kinda hertz.

What happens when a high frequency wave hits you?

It hertz.

At what frequency does laughter become painful

1 gigglehurts

What did the frequency say when it was hit?

Ouch it Hz

School shootings in the U.S. have only increased in frequency in the past few years

Between the increased interest in photography class and the heroin epidemic, I've lost enough friends

The frequency of bad physics jokes in this sub...

It Hertz

The latest hipster music craze plays songs at a frequency of 50000 Hz.

You probably never heard of it.

Today I saw a frequency of 16.667 mHz...

Took me a minute.

TIL the Earth produces global electromagnetic resonance with the highest peak frequency of 33.8Hz, slightly lower than a C#1 note with a frequency of 34.65Hz.

I guess you can say the earth is flat.

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A person throws a bunch of balls in their friend’s face at a high frequency.

The friend said it Hertz a lot.

In light of the rising frequency of human and bear conflicts, the Alaska Department of Fish and Game is advising hikers, hunters, and fishermen to take extra precautions and keep alert of bears while in the field...

They advise that outdoors men wear noisy little bells on their clothing, so as not to startle bears that aren’t expecting them.

They also advise outdoors men to carry pepper spray with them, in case of an encounter with a bear.

It is also a good idea to watch out for fresh signs of bea...

I'm very sensitive to sounds of a certain frequency.

When I hear them it hertz.

Why do light bulbs burn out with frequency?

Because it hertz.

Something hit me at high frequency today

It really hertz.

Why are hippy drum circles like high frequency radiation?

They both cause the formation of free radicals.

I keep trying to think of the unit for frequency...

It hertz my head.

An ultralow frequency sine wave radiates into a bar.

The bartender says, "Hey, why the long phase?"

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(Warning, this is worse than those laffy-taffy jokes) Why don't engineers have sex with much frequency?

Because it hertz!

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A doctor was presenting a lecture about sex

In a discussion about the frequency of sexual relations, he asked

-"Is there anybody here who has sexual intercourse only once per year?"

An old man jumped up and exclaimed

-"Me, me! I do!"

The doctor asked

-"OK, sir, but why are you so happy about it?"

-"It...

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What every doctor is taught in med school.

"What the patient says he drinks, double. What he says he smokes, triple. Frequency of sexual intercourse, divide by four.”

The Consultant

A timeless lesson on how Consultants can make a difference.

Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I noticed he als...

I noticed a nuclear fusion reactor the other day in my backyard.

While in my backyard the other day, I noticed a large gravitationally confined plasma thermo-nuclear fusion reactor. Being an engineer, I saw that it was radiating huge amounts of energy at very high velocity in the form of incredibly high frequency transversely polarized Maxwellian electromagnetic ...

My political ambition...

So my big plan is to one day create a huge political scandal.

The main piece of evidence will be encoded on a layered MIDI file that has to be discovered, decoded, and played at just the right frequency.

Then I can laugh maniacly while I sit and watch all the news stories about MIDIgat...

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Survey About Sex and Happiness

Years ago, I did a simple survey. Basically, I was trying to determine how the frequency of sexual intercourse correlates to happiness. I went to my college campus and started observing people. I saw a woman who looked somewhat unhappy, so I asked "how often do you have sex?" and she said "once a...

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[nsfw] Totally legit, but you can use a joke if you want to.

**Scene:** I was living in an apartment complex where all the bedroom windows faced into a small courtyard of sorts, walled on three sides with 3 stories of bedroom windows. None of the apartments in this complex have air-conditioning. It's close to midnight, December in Sydney AUS, it's a hot humid...

Physics Joke

I just bought a pair of bad frequency shoes. I keep doppling over and my foot hertz.

In response to the invitation for a rather unusual REUNION of all time greats

* Newton said he'd drop in.
* Socrates said he'd think about it.
* Ohm resisted the idea.
* Boyle said he was under too much pressure.
* Darwin said he'd wait to see what evolved.
* Pierre and Marie Curie radiated enthusiasm.
* Volta was electrified at the prospect.
* Pavlov pos...

Stellar objects and radio waves?

I always wondered, when hearing stellar bodies like pulsars, quasars and black holes emit radio waves, the following:

1) Are these waves akin to AM/FM/VHF/UHF type signals in that they transmit signals and sound?
2) If not, are these "waves" just variations in the redshift of hydrogen?
...

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Performance In Bed

Accountants do it with Double Entry

Acupuncturists do it with a small prick

Ambulance Drivers come quicker

Australians do it Down Under

Bankers do it with Interest

Bartenders do it on the Rocks

Chess Players check their Mates

Cops do it with H...

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Is it too soon to joke about 9/11?

There's an urban legend amongst pilots from that day that goes something like this:

It's 9/11. All aircraft have been grounded and diverted to other airports. As news of the tragedy begins to spread, a somber mood permeates all flight crews as they whisper amongst themselves and discretely on...

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Engineering pickup lines

Engineering pickup lines:

Hey babe, what's your factor of safety?

Can I use my sigma to find your tau max?

What frequency does it take to make your O-me-ga

How big does your period need to be to reduce our frequency

How about you and I go have a couple moment
...

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A Sexual Encounter between a Capacitor and an Inductor

One evening, with his charge at full capacity, Micro Farad decided to get a cute coil to discharge him. He went to the Magnet Bar to pick up a chip called Millie Amp. He caught her out back trying self induction; fortunately, she had not damaged her solenoid. The two took off on his megacycle and ro...

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BP and Exxon were at a press conference

... and when asked about the frequency and amount of oil that has been spilled recently, they responded "Oh that, that is just the lube we needed to be able to fuck the world."

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A researcher carrying out a phone survey on marital sex...

phoned one of the participants to check on a discrepancy. He asked the husband: "In response to the question on frequency of intercourse, you answered 'once a week,' but your wife answered 'several times a night.'"

"That's correct," said the husband. "And that's the way it's going to be unti...

A fire breaks out at a large chemical plant.....

...and is blazing violently out of control. Engine companies from all over the city keep rolling in to fight the fire, but it keeps growing worse and worse. Storage tanks are exploding and warehouses full of toxic chemicals are burning so hot the firemen keep getting pushed further and further back....

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