What do you call currency in space?

Starbucks.

In space, two aliens are talking to each other.

The first alien says, "The dominant life forms on the Earth planet have developed satellite-based nuclear weapons."

The second alien asks, "Are they an emerging intelligence?"

The first alien says, "I don't think so, they have aimed at themselves"

I thought I had a good joke about space but...

I needed more time to planet.

If Britain leaves the EU, how much space will be freed up?

1GB

Went to the Air and Space museum today.

There was nothing there.

Why is girlfriend one word and best friend two words?

Because the best friend gives you space when you need it

Why can't you get cell reception in space?

Because it's 0 G

Did you hear about the Mexican space program?

They’re sending chickens to the moon for the first time ever, they’re calling it A-pollo 11

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Space joke

Whats the similarity between Starship Enterprise and toiletpaper.

They both circling around Uranus looking for Klingons

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What do you call a black man in space?

An astronaut, you racist bastard

Astronaut 1: "I can't find any milk for my coffee."

Astronaut:"In space no one can. Here, use cream."

Orion's Belt is a big waist of space.

Terrible joke... Only 3 stars

Q : With Britain leaving EU soon, how much space will be freed up?

A: 1 GB

My wife left me to become an astronaut...

she needed Space

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When watching space porn together...

Do you think Han or Greedo would shoot first?

You use a telescope for looking through space and a periscope for looking through water. But what do you use to look through walls?

A window.

A man was recruited for a space colony

He had been posted to a planet 14 lightyears from Sol. As his ship landed on the planet's glowing surface, he saw a car waiting for him.

"Welcome to Anti-Earth," The driver said, "don't worry we are going to change the name soon.I am here to take you to your quarters and show you the colony o...

How do you call a cats personal space?

It's his own catmosphere

Our local cemetery is running out of spaces ...

...It’s a grave issue

Why are dogs afraid to go to space?

Because of the vacuum

Edit: Sorry if this joke is ruff

Double Edit: on the other hand, when I go to space I feel no pressure

Cargo space?

Car no do that. Car no fly.

When a space telescope hits debris...

...it becomes a collide-oscope.

What did the vegans say when they were captured and put into a small space?

Kelp! Lettuce leaf! There isn’t mushroom in here...

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What do you call the space between a pair of fake breasts?

Silicon Valley

Women and Crime...

Despite making up roughly 49% of the population.

Women are responsible for 100% of the crimes in space.

Yoda and Obi Wan in a space ship

Obi wan asks: "are we going the right way?"

Yoda answers: "off course, we are"

I decorated my parking space the other day.

It changed a whole lot.

What do you do when you see a space man?

Park your car, man.

-my 4 year old niece

Why aren't there any thugs in space

Because there's zero G's

Canada just announced that they are launching their first manned space shuttle next year.

They are calling it the Apollo-G.

Yesterday my friend told me I “ often make people uncomfortable by violating their personal space.

It was an incredibly hurtful to say and it completely ruined our bath.

People think having space isn't important

But there is a big difference between a kid napping, and a kidnapping.

Overcome with the beauty of the Earth from space, the astronaut removed his helmet...

The view was breathtaking!

So Einstein finally finished that theory of his about space

It's about time too

Why don't we send women to space?

Her:Houston we have a problem!

Houston:What is the problem?

Her:Oh you know whats the problem

The European Space Agency (ESA) recruits one Dutch, one French and one Turkish astronaut for a space mission

As the mission should last 10 years, they ask the astronauts what they want to bring with them in space.

The Dutch says: "I would like to master a new language, can I bring a Spanish teacher?". ESA recruits the best Spanish teacher trains them and sends them to the space with the others.
<...

Space isn’t as empty as we think. It actually contains everything in the universe.

Except a girlfriend for me apparently.

What currency do they use in space?

Star bucks

I keep pressing the space bar on my computer

But for some reason I am still on Earth.

Party in space

What’s the worst part about throwing a party in space?.....

....You have to planet.

I went to the space restaurant yesterday

Their food was out of this world

The leaders of Russia, North Korea and the United States fly up to the international space station...

Upon their arrival, they all marvel at the view of the earth from such magnificent heights. They begin to toss around ideas of ways they could all benefit from the ISS.

The Russian leader talks about all of the opportunities to use imaging to spy on people from outerspace. The other leaders ...

What does a woman do in outer space?

Vacuum cleaning

In the early days of space exploration, there were two astronauts on a space station orbiting earth

The first astronaut says:
"I want to make some coffee but I can't find the milk"

Second astronaut replies:
"In space, no one can. Here, use cream"

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You should never give a therapist space

A space is what seperates the rapist from therapist

What type of tea is not in outer space

Gravitea

You're living, you occupy space and you have mass. Do you know what that means?

You matter.

Did you know that a dog wrote a book about his adventures in space?

*I, Shih Tzu-Naut*

Talking about a one-dimensional space isn't always productive

But it's usually not pointless

When I die, I want my remains sprinkled around Disney World, maybe a little bit in "Space Mountain", a bit in "It's a Small World."

Also, I don't want to be cremated.

As soon as space travel is possible, I’m moving from the Milky Way to the Soymilky Way galaxy

I’m galactose intolerant

Everyone keeps talking about these “safe spaces”...

well call me old fashioned but I’m going to keep calling them banks!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call two astronauts having sex in space?

Fucking light weights.

My boy asked me what the pictures from space were yesterday.

I told him they're black holes, son.

[NSFW] Women are like parking spaces

Usually all the best ones are taken, so when nobody’s looking, stick it in the disabled one

One space rock, said to the other space rock, “got any more gossip on the affair?” The other space rock replied, “yeah, turns out Carl’s mistress... is a man!”

Space rocks always love when the story gets meteor.

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What happens if you masturbate in outer space?

Your orgasm would be out of this world.

What is black and white and flies through space?

A cowmet!

She wanted space.

My wife says I take things too literally.
I say if you say you want "space" and I put you in a vacuum chamber chilled to 2.7 degrees Kelvin you got what you asked for. Roughly.

What do you call a person who beautifies space ?

Cosmo-tologist.

Nasa was experimenting with different animals in space.

Monkeys were an obvious choice, but they had no patience. Mice chewed all the cables, dogs were too stupid and chickens were always scared. It seemed the only animal that could cope with the intense stress of space travel was a chilled out alley cat.

After a few months of testing and training...

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A Turk, an American and a Russian are going on a space mission.

They’ll have to stay for a year and observe various space anomalies.

Before they go, they are given the right of picking a stock of something they like for keeping their morale up.

Russian goes for Vodka and he gets 30 bottles of Smirnoff.

American wants some bacon, it’s granted...

A space mission sent from Earth had landed on a distant planet.

The purpose of the mission was to meet with another intelligent species who called themselves "ishen".

Another such mission had taken place a year before, and Michael Chapman, the leader of the mission, had decided to stay on the planet with the ishen to learn their ways.

The ishen pri...

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What has three balls and flies through space?

E.T. The Extra Testicle

Have you herd about the claustrophobic astronaut?

Yeah he just needed a little space.

Why did Mickey Mouse take a trip into space?

He wanted to find Pluto!

An astronaut is the first to step onto an alien planet.

An astronaut is the first to step onto an alien planet. The alien's are so excited that they change all their signs to English, and even rename some of their places and landmarks after Human places and landmarks and things.
The astronaut decides the first place he wants to go is a pub. He sees ...

Why were cosmonauts on the Russian space station always bumping into things?

Because objects in Mir are closer than they appear.

When you're trying to slingshot around Jupiter but you run out of fuel and end up on a collision course with one of Jupiter's moons...

Europa creek with no paddle.

I hope someone smiles at this dumb space joke.

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What happens when a human in space cums?

He astronuts

Why did NASA cancel the all-female spacewalk?

None of them would go outside the rocket wearing the same outfit.

It is now legal to park bovines with foot coverings in motorcycle parking spaces.

They're officially labeled as Cowasockies.

An astronaut collapses into his chair after a long day of work inside the space shuttle. He decides to make a cup of coffee.

Unfortunately, the space shuttle seems to be out of milk and so he goes to his companion to ask if he'd seen any.

Astronaut 1: "Hey, I can't find any milk for my coffee."

Astronaut 2: "In space, no-one can. Here, use cream."

Woman on a full bus to a guy sitting: "Can you give me space? I am pregnant."

Guy replies: "Sure. And how long are you pregnant? You dont show yet"
Woman: "Two hours. But my legs still hurt".

My friend told me that his DIY liquid rocket made it to space...

I told him to quit being hypergolic.

Canada's starting a space program to send a spaceship to the moon

They're calling the spaceship Apollo-G.

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