The 111+ Best Space Jokes

In space, two aliens are talking to each other.

The first alien says, "The dominant life forms on the Earth planet have developed satellite-based nuclear weapons."

The second alien asks, "Are they an emerging intelligence?"

The first alien says, "I don't think so, they have aimed at themselves"

If Elon Musk's space company establishes a Mars colony, and you have a girlfriend on mars, but later break up because of long distance, she'd be your....

Space x.

We are 11 days into self-isolation ands it is really upsetting me to witness my wife standing at the living room window gazing aimlessly into space with tears running down her cheeks.

Don’t get me wrong, I empathize with her. I’ve considered letting her in many times, but rules are rules.

Q : With Britain leaving EU soon, how much space will be freed up?

A: 1 GB

Why are dogs afraid to go to space?

Because of the vacuum

Edit: Sorry if this joke is ruff

Double Edit: on the other hand, when I go to space I feel no pressure

Canada's starting a space program to send a spaceship to the moon

They're calling the spaceship Apollo-G.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You're living. You have mass. You occupy space. Do you know what that means?

You matter.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In light of „jewish“ space lasers

1939
A Jewish man was sitting in the New York Metro reading a german newspaper. A friend of his, who happened to be in the same subway , noticed this strange phenomenon.
Very upset, he approached him and said:

'Moshe, have you lost your mind? Why are you reading a nazi newspaper?'...

Two Astronauts are chilling on the space station when one turns to the other and says, "I can't find any milk for my coffee."

The second astronaut replies, "In space no one can, here use cream."

If Britain leaves the EU, how much space will be freed up?

1GB

Today one of my friends told me I often make people uncomfortable by violating their personal space.

It was an incredibly hurtful thing to say and it completely ruined our bath.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call the space between the breasts of a woman with implants?

Silicone valley

An Irishman is struggling to find a parking space

“Lord”, he prays, ”I cannot stand this, please open a parking space for me and I swear I’ll give up the drink and go to mass every Sunday.”

The clouds part and the sun shines on an empty space in the car park. Without hesitation the Irishman says, “Actually never mind, I’ve found one.”

Why did Elon Musk choose SpaceX to land on mars?

Because if he chose SpaceY he’d land on 14 year old boys.

What do you call the combination of Tesla, SpaceX, and The Boring Company?

3Musketeers

Nasa was experimenting with different animals in space.

Monkeys were an obvious choice, but they had no patience. Mice chewed all the cables, dogs were too stupid and chickens were always scared. It seemed the only animal that could cope with the intense stress of space travel was a chilled out alley cat.

After a few months of testing and training...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day and they both go before an Angel to find out if they'll be admitted to Heaven Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so the Angel must decide which of them gets in.

The Angel asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she should go to Heaven.

Dolly takes off her top and says, 'Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity.'

The Angel thanks Dol...

The Irishman's parking space

An Irishman is trying to find a parking space outside his local pub on a busy evening, but cannot find a single one.

He looks skyward and says, "Lord, if you grant me this space, I'll come to Church every Sunday like a good Catholic should."

Low and behold, a space opens up right in fr...

Orion's Belt is a waist of space.

Bad pun, I know. 3 stars at best.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How much space is needed for fungi to grow?

As mushroom as possible.

Yoda and Obi Wan in a space ship

Obi wan asks: "are we going the right way?"

Yoda answers: "off course, we are"

What's it called when you get a hemorrhoid in space?

An assteroid.

Parking a single car doesn’t require much space.

But parking 200 cars, now that requires a lot.

Spaces between ladder rungs have increased because people are getting taller

Manufacturers claim it's due to climb it change.

Einstein asks his wife what she needed from him. She replied, “Just two things, space and time.”

Einstein: “Ok, what’s the 2nd thing?”

Have you heard about the film they're making, where Dallas gets destroyed by space junk?

Debris Does Dallas.

India Space mission.

The Indian government have said, the moon mission has been so successful, and have opened 4 corner shop stores and 3 Deli restaurants.. The food is good but there is no atmosphere.

Using the new James Webb telescope, scientists recently discovered an enormous object in deep space that shares nearly identical chemical composition as humor in the human brain.

Ultimately it was determined to be no laughing matter

I programmed my smart fridge to tell me how much space each item is occupying.

I think it speaks volumes.

What was the pinnacle of the primate space program called?

Apex

A man entered a contest for who can last the longest in space. He got first place, so what did he win?

A-trophy

I parked up in the hospital car park this morning and this official looking bloke says that space is reserved for badge holders only.

I said I have got a bad shoulder.

I visited the air and space museum today...

There was nothing to see there.

I heard a bunch of former soviet space engineers started an 80's cover band...

they called themselves Buran Buran

I can’t wait until we colonize space

And then it’s two worlds one cup.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

what happens when an astronaut masturbates in space?

They defile gravity

An astronaut flies in his space shuttle

And after flying for a while he stops at the nearest gas station in space to fill up. Once he’s done he asks the cashier where the nearest bar is. The cashier respond with “if you just go over to the next moon, you’ll find it. It’s called The Keyboard.” The astronaut thanks the cashier and leaves. O...

Why is the internet so bad in outer space?

It’s 0 g

What did the American rocket say to the soviet rocket in space.

Good we’re alone now we can speak German.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call the space between 2 artificial breasts?

Silicone Valley......

I'll leave and close the door behind me

Why didn't nasa send a duck into space?

The bill would be astronomical.

Space X rocket explodes minutes after take off in first test flight...

Now that's what I call a fiery start-up.

How much free space does the EU have since Great Britain left?

1 GB

Today SpaceX announced plans to launch several Guernsey cows into low earth orbit

They shall be known as "The Herd Shot Round The World."

How do you organise a space party?

You planet.

Why do strip malls love renting space to Chinese restaurants?

Because they’re lo mein tenants.

There are no queues in space

Everything's waitless

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is late for work, and desperately tries to find a parking space...

His boss has already told him before that if he is late one more time, he'll be fired on the spot.

The man is circling around the parking lot, but still all the spaces are completely full.

Suddenly, the man stops his car, puts his hands together and looks towards the sky.

"Dear ...

The Polish government is planning a manned space mission to the sun

When asked if they are afraid the mission will end in disaster, they responded, “no, we are not worried, we are going at night “.

(Credit the late great norm mcdonald)

I visited the National Air and Space Museum.

I believe the title is misleading because it's actually full of stuff.

What do you call J.K. Rowling in space?

AstroTERF

Yuri Gagarin returned from space and Khrushchev asked him a question: "While you were up there, did you see god?"

Yuri replied: "Yes."

"That's what I suspected, but don't tell anybody."

Gagarin traveled to Rome and met the Pope, who asked him a question: "While you were up there, did you see god?"

Yuri replied: "No."

"That's what I suspected, but don't tell anybody."

What do you call a Mexican in space?

An astronaut you racist

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why are Jeff Bezos, Elon Musk and Richard Branson so excited for space?

They’ve fucked almost everyone on our planet and want one last shot at Uranus.

The UK just passed a law so that corporations have to post earnings statements in public spaces to be accessible, like in parks, metro stations, high-density residential areas...

And the words of the profits are written on the subway walls and tenement halls.

MySpace got hit by a DDOS attack..

More than 8 users were disconnected.

Why is space so cold?

Because we have all the space heaters down here.

I tried to start a comedy club in outer space once.

But sadly there was no atmosphere on opening night.

What do you call an NCO in the Space Force?

A stargeant

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Space Tourism

One of the car hire companies was looking at diversification, to be able to better cope in the next pandemic.

They started getting interested in the space tourism market, currently dominated by companies such as Blue Origin, Virgin Galactic and SpaceX. They needed a hook to make them stand o...

Guy is backing out of a parking space and accidentally hits a car behind him

Guy who’s car got hit says “even I’m better than you at pulling out, and I got 3 kids!”

Why is CoD: Infinite Warfare set in space?

Because no one on earth wants to buy it.

Why did the James Webb telescope have to go a million miles out into space?

So it can see past your mom.

Einstein: I finally finished my theory about space.

Mrs. Einstein: It’s about time.

Einstein: Wow! How did you know that?

Women are like car parking spaces...

Usually, most of the good ones are taken....
So once in a while, you gotta stick it in a disabled one

Me: Mom, you're invading my personal space

Mom: Well, you came out of my personal space, so that makes us even.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One night, two aliens descend from outer space...

...and land their little spaceship next to an old gas station in a small town. They get out and walk up to one of the old gas pumps.
The little alien says
"Take me to your leader."
The gas pump doesn't say or do anything. Slightly annoyed, the little alien repeats
"Take me to your lea...

What do you get when you cross a duck with a small space

Sduck

I heard that NASA is going to send cows into space soon.

The steaks have never been higher.

4 things that can be seen from space

1. The Eiffel Tower
2. Mount Everest
3. Pyramids of Giza
4. President Volodymyr Zelenskyy's massive balls

What do you call a tangled rope on International Space Station?

Astroknot

I hate it when my fellow astronauts eject me into space without a suit.

It makes my blood boil.

Did you hear about the new restaurant in space?

The food was pretty good but it felt like there was no atmosphere.

My Hispanic friend keep telling me that NASA always have sent chicken propelled rockets to space

Look at all the "Apollo" missions, he say

What is it called when a space ranger dies?

Unfortunaut

I just went to the Air & Space museum.

Boy do I feel ripped off. It was just an empty room.

If you murder someone in space

Are you above the law?

What do visitors to the International Space Station have to do before boarding?

Pay the parking meteor.

What's the difference between a Viking and that one Bond movie where he's in space?

One's *Moonraker*, the other's a rune maker.

Why are rocks from space more delicious than rocks from Earth?

Because they're meatier.

Our local cemetery is running out of spaces ...

...It’s a grave issue

I don't know what to do with all my extra counter space in my bathroom!

Guess I'll go get a girlfriend.

Due to the lack of space, the city morgue and the comedy club will be in the same building

This Friday is open Mike night.

Need some space....

I asked her for some space, she got me an external hard drive.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you've had sex with less than 536 people, then having sex with you is a more exclusive club than going into space.

I though I'd post something my ex-girlfriend could feel good about.

Overcome with the beauty of the Earth from space, the astronaut removed his helmet

The view was breathtaking

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Some girl texted me the space button on her phone is broke

She texted "thespacebuttononmyphoneisbrokencanyoupleasegivemeanalternative" Can someone please tell me what ternative means.

Everyone knows the Russians sent a dog to space, but lesser known is the mission where they sent a cow.

The mission went terribly and everyone involved, including the cow was sworn to secrecy. He was a cows-moo-not.

Customer: I want cargo space

Me: Car no do that. Car no fly

Manager: See me in my office

What did the flat-earther say after finally seeing the earth from space?

Half of the so-called “continents” are missing.

What’s less than 150 meters and manmade, but can still be seen from space?

The international space station.

Did you hear about the Scottish Space Agency mission to land on the sun?

They went at night to make sure it wouldn't be too hot

What do you call an iPhone 6S that ran out memory space.

Successful

A man is looking for a parking space...

And, starting to get desperate, he prays to God. "Oh lord, deliver unto me a parking space, and I swear devoutly to give up all my sinful vices, and go to church weekly."

The clouds part and a ray of sun shines down on the only empty parking space. Overjoyed, the man continues.

"Neverm...

Bought a really nice pen today. It can write underwater and in space....

and many other fine words .

How do space travelers stay awake on the long journeys across the galaxy?

Do some light speed.

You know what you can't see from space?

The Chinese wall. That's fake news.

But you know what you can see from space? Selenskyj's huge balls

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

all it takes is one short space...

And the therapist has become the rapist.

Stephen Hawkings' last paper on space is finally going to published posthumously...

It's about time too.

If you get sick in space

Are you really under the weather?

Why does a space rock make the best rock soup?

# Because its a little meteor.

Recently a wine aged in space was put up for sale

I wanted to buy it, but the price was astronomical.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What has three balls and flies through space?

E.T. the Extra-Testicle.

The Trump administration is like the International Space Station

They're in constant free fall, and they needed Russia's help to get there

Based on Lebron's acting skills, I suspect Space Jam 2...

Will be a flop.

Two other guys pulled out from going on space flight tomorrow with William Shatner

Right after they were issued red shirts for the mission.

Apparently, astronauts grow up to two inches in space.

I never knew they were so minute.

Why has no electrician ever gone to the International Space Station?

They don't think it's safe. None of the wiring runs to ground.

How did Marjorie Taylor Greene find out about the secret Jewish Space Laser?

It Torah hole in the atmosphere!

"An early human" and "A nearly human" are spelled the same except for how you use the space bar.

They never thought of that, which makes us superior.

My Scottish girlfriend said she needed more space.

She wasn’t too thrilled when I surprised her at work with habaneros.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.