Q : With Britain leaving EU soon, how much space will be freed up?

A: 1 GB

If Britain leaves the EU, how much space will be freed up?

1GB

Yoda and Obi Wan in a space ship

Obi wan asks: "are we going the right way?"

Yoda answers: "off course, we are"

Why is girlfriend one word but best friend is two words?

Because your best friend gives you space when you need it.

Orion's Belt is a big waist of space.

Bad joke. Only three stars.

Space Jokes 101

How do you throw a space party???

**PLANET**

Did you know that a dog wrote a book about his adventures in space?

*I, Shih Tzu-Naut*

One of my friends told me that I often make people uncomfortable by violating their personal space.

It was an incredibly hurtful thing to say and completely ruined our bath.

My boy asked me what the pictures from space were yesterday.

I told him they're black holes, son.

She wanted space.

My wife says I take things too literally.
I say if you say you want "space" and I put you in a vacuum chamber chilled to 2.7 degrees Kelvin you got what you asked for. Roughly.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call a black man in space?

An astronaut you fucking racist.

Why are dogs afraid to go to space?

Because of the vacuum

Edit: Sorry if this joke is ruff

Double Edit: on the other hand, when I go to space I feel no pressure

You're living, you occupy space and you have mass. Do you know what that means?

You matter.

A space mission sent from Earth had landed on a distant planet.

The purpose of the mission was to meet with another intelligent species who called themselves "ishen".

Another such mission had taken place a year before, and Michael Chapman, the leader of the mission, had decided to stay on the planet with the ishen to learn their ways.

The ishen pri...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What has three balls and flies through space?

E.T. The Extra Testicle

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What happens if you give your therapist some space?

You get fucked.

[NSFW] Women are like parking spaces

Usually all the best ones are taken, so when nobody’s looking, stick it in the disabled one

What is black and white and flies through space?

A cowmet!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Turk, an American and a Russian are going on a space mission.

They’ll have to stay for a year and observe various space anomalies.

Before they go, they are given the right of picking a stock of something they like for keeping their morale up.

Russian goes for Vodka and he gets 30 bottles of Smirnoff.

American wants some bacon, it’s granted...

What currency do they use in space?

Star bucks

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What happens when a human in space cums?

He astronuts

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What happens if you masturbate in outer space?

Your orgasm would be out of this world.

Why did NASA cancel the all-female spacewalk?

None of them would go outside the rocket wearing the same outfit.

As soon as space travel is possible, I’m moving from the Milky Way to the Soymilky Way galaxy

I’m galactose intolerant

It is now legal to park bovines with foot coverings in motorcycle parking spaces.

They're officially labeled as Cowasockies.

Why is space so clean?

It's a vacuum

Why were cosmonauts on the Russian space station always bumping into things?

Because objects in Mir are closer than they appear.

Woman on a full bus to a guy sitting: "Can you give me space? I am pregnant."

Guy replies: "Sure. And how long are you pregnant? You dont show yet"
Woman: "Two hours. But my legs still hurt".

Astronaut 1: "I can't find any milk for my coffee"

Astronaut 2: "In space no-one can. Here, use cream"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Recently my gf cheated on me with a space alien

She said the sex was out of this world

An astronaut is the first to step onto an alien planet.

An astronaut is the first to step onto an alien planet. The alien's are so excited that they change all their signs to English, and even rename some of their places and landmarks after Human places and landmarks and things.
The astronaut decides the first place he wants to go is a pub. He sees ...

My friend told me that his DIY liquid rocket made it to space...

I told him to quit being hypergolic.

Why is everyone in outer space a basic white girl?

Because the universal currency is Starbucks

My wife told me she needs more space.

I said no problem and locked her out of the house.

Why did Mickey Mouse take a trip into space?

He wanted to find Pluto!

An astronaut collapses into his chair after a long day of work inside the space shuttle. He decides to make a cup of coffee.

Unfortunately, the space shuttle seems to be out of milk and so he goes to his companion to ask if he'd seen any.

Astronaut 1: "Hey, I can't find any milk for my coffee."

Astronaut 2: "In space, no-one can. Here, use cream."

When you're trying to slingshot around Jupiter but you run out of fuel and end up on a collision course with one of Jupiter's moons...

Europa creek with no paddle.

I hope someone smiles at this dumb space joke.

Have you heard about the man with an irrational fear of empty spaces?

Nothing scares him

Nasa was experimenting with different animals in space.

Monkeys were an obvious choice, but they had no patience. Mice chewed all the cables, dogs were too stupid and chickens were always scared. It seemed the only animal that could cope with the intense stress of space travel was a chilled out alley cat.

After a few months of testing and training...

Two black holes are jogging in space.

One says "You should slim down to get more attractive."

"Are you dense?" replies the other.

​

A man was looking for a space to park his car in the parking lot of a mall...

After a lot of effort of going round and round he couldn't find an empty space so he started praying, please God help me find a parking space, I will go to church everyday for the rest of my life and would even give half of my life savings to charity..

Suddenly he sees a car pulling out of a ...

I love the BBC’s documentaries about time and space!

I really quantum to continuum!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

One day I would love to have sex in Space.

Or on Earth.

I read a book on the International Space Station.

I couldn’t put it down.

How much space does a fungus need to grow?

As mushroom as possible.

What is Neil Armstrong's favorite key on the keyboard?

The SPACE BAR of course!!!!


My ten year old came up with that doozy :)

Delta airlines is probably chomping at the bit to get into the commercial space travel industry

After all

In space no one can hear you scream

In space, two aliens are talking to each other very closely

The first alien says, "The dominant life forms on the Earth planet have developed satellite-based nuclear weapons."

The second alien asks, "Are they an emerging intelligence?"

The first alien says, "I don't think so, they have aimed at themselves"

Have you heard of the restaurant in space?

Good food, no atmosphere

If the United States got the moon for winning the space race, what did the Soviet Union recieve for second place?

A constellation prize.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

[NSFW] how do you know your space man boyfriend is done having sex?

When he astronuts

(I got banned from r/sex for this one)

What do you call a potato that has been launched into space?

The Spudnik

How did the first woman get into outer space?

Chuck Norris came.

Why are there no dogs in space?

Because dogs hate vacuums

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call a jew in space?

Star Dust

Why does Trump want a space force?

To stop illegal aliens.

It’s 1961, and a NASA scientist is sitting in his office when an intern bursts in

“Sir! Sir! The Russians...”

The scientist looks inquisitively at him. “Yes? What about them?”

The intern takes a moment to catch his breath and says, “The Russians have gone into space!”

The scientist jumps out of his chair. “ALL OF THEM?”

“No, just one.”

The scien...

Canada's starting a space program to send a spaceship to the moon

They're calling the spaceship Apollo-G.

Good thing the Space Race ended when it did.

If it went all the way to Mars, the Soviets would have easily got to the Red Planet first.

What do you call a physically enhancing drug that comes from space?

Asteroid.

What would Newton be called if he ever went into space?

New, since the concept of weight does not exist in space.

A guy was trying to find a parking space at a baseball game

and he was already missing the first inning, so he prayed to God and said "If you find a parking space for me I promise I'll never miss church again." Just then a car pulled out of a space right in front of him, and the guy said "Never mind, I just found one."

A company owner was asked a question, "How do you motivate your employees to be so punctual?"

He smiled & replied, "It's simple. I have 30 employees and 29 free parking spaces. One is paid parking."

Why did Elon Musk choose SpaceX to land on mars?

Because if he chose SpaceY he’d land on 14 year old boys.

The Space Cat

NASA had run out of monkeys to send to space so they decided to start recruiting cats. However most of the cats seemed more interested in the fabric on the walls than the training courses. But 1 cat stood above them all this one cat outshined all the monkeys that were sent to space so on the big day...

Customer: I want cargo space

Me: Car no do that. Car no fly

Manager: See me in my office

Overcome with the beauty of the Earth from space, the astronaut removed his helmet

The view was breathtaking

We live on a tiny, useless ball of rocks and water, floating through the vast expanse of outer space

But it means the world to us.

A dangerous looking space ship comes down to earth

The aliens take over all radio, tv and other technologies to broadcast a message

Alien: “we are a dangerous species from the planet Pluto”

-
-
-
-

*all humans start to chuckle under their breath*

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I went to the National Air and Space museum today...

Well that was shit, the museum is filled with stuff!

Why do space rocks taste better than Earth rocks?

They're a little meteor.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My girlfriend just emailed me “Thespacebuttonisbrokenonmylaptop.canyougivemeanalternative?”

Does anyone know what ‘ternative’ means?

It's the year 2070. Instead of putting funny one-liners in Christmas crackers, they put them in timecapsules embedded in space-rocks and send them to other planets.

The real joke is in the comets

Why don't physicists and Bingo players get along?

They disagree on the application and existence of a free space.

Bloody Passwords

PASSWORD PROBLEMS:

WINDOWS: Please enter your new password.

USER: cabbage


WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.

USER: boiled cabbage



WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character.
...

Why did Elon Musk send a Tesla into outer space?

When NASA sent a Challenger up, it didn't go so well.