In space, two aliens are talking to each other.

The first alien says, "The dominant life forms on the Earth planet have developed satellite-based nuclear weapons."

The second alien asks, "Are they an emerging intelligence?"

The first alien says, "I don't think so, they have aimed at themselves"

If Britain leaves the EU, how much space will be freed up?


Yoda and Obi Wan in a space ship

Obi wan asks: "are we going the right way?"

Yoda answers: "off course, we are"

So Einstein finally finished that theory of his about space

It's about time too

Why is girlfriend one word but best friend is two words?

Because your best friend gives you space when you need it.

Q : With Britain leaving EU soon, how much space will be freed up?

A: 1 GB

Orions Belt is a big waist of space.

Terrible joke. Only 3 stars.

*Courtesy of my wife.

How do you throw a space party?


Why did the cows go to space?

To explore the mooooooo-n.

Yesterday my friend told me I “ often make people uncomfortable by violating their personal space.

It was an incredibly hurtful to say and it completely ruined our bath.

Why don't we send women to space?

Her:Houston we have a problem!

Houston:What is the problem?

Her:Oh you know whats the problem

What do you do when you see a space man?

Park your car, man.

-my 4 year old niece

Canada just announced that they are launching their first manned space shuttle next year.

They are calling it the Apollo-G.

The European Space Agency (ESA) recruits one Dutch, one French and one Turkish astronaut for a space mission

As the mission should last 10 years, they ask the astronauts what they want to bring with them in space.

The Dutch says: "I would like to master a new language, can I bring a Spanish teacher?". ESA recruits the best Spanish teacher trains them and sends them to the space with the others.

The leaders of Russia, North Korea and the United States fly up to the international space station...

Upon their arrival, they all marvel at the view of the earth from such magnificent heights. They begin to toss around ideas of ways they could all benefit from the ISS.

The Russian leader talks about all of the opportunities to use imaging to spy on people from outerspace. The other leaders ...

Why are dogs afraid to go to space?

Because of the vacuum

Edit: Sorry if this joke is ruff

Double Edit: on the other hand, when I go to space I feel no pressure

Overcome with the beauty of the Earth from space, the astronaut removed his helmet...

The view was breathtaking!

Space isn’t as empty as we think. It actually contains everything in the universe.

Except a girlfriend for me apparently.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a black man in space?

An astronaut you fucking racist.

People think having space isn't important

But there is a big difference between a kid napping, and a kidnapping.

I went to the space restaurant yesterday

Their food was out of this world

I keep pressing the space bar on my computer

But for some reason I am still on Earth.

What does a woman do in outer space?

Vacuum cleaning

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You should never give a therapist space

A space is what seperates the rapist from therapist

Party in space

What’s the worst part about throwing a party in space?.....

....You have to planet.

Everyone keeps talking about these “safe spaces”...

well call me old fashioned but I’m going to keep calling them banks!


I went to the Air and Space Museum. it was just a big empty room

Astronaut 1: "I can't find any milk for my coffee"

Astronaut 2: "In space no-one can. Here, use cream"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call 4chan in space?

Virgin Galactic.

Talking about a one-dimensional space isn't always productive

But it's usually not pointless

Did you know that a dog wrote a book about his adventures in space?

*I, Shih Tzu-Naut*

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What do you call two astronauts having sex in space?

Fucking light weights.

You're living, you occupy space and you have mass. Do you know what that means?

You matter.

In the early days of space exploration, there were two astronauts on a space station orbiting earth

The first astronaut says:
"I want to make some coffee but I can't find the milk"

Second astronaut replies:
"In space, no one can. Here, use cream"

What type of tea is not in outer space


This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Power of Space Bar button

Hubby to his wife
'where are you going?'
Wife: 'the rapist'

What do you call a person who beautifies space ?


What currency do they use in space?

Star bucks

My boy asked me what the pictures from space were yesterday.

I told him they're black holes, son.

She wanted space.

My wife says I take things too literally.
I say if you say you want "space" and I put you in a vacuum chamber chilled to 2.7 degrees Kelvin you got what you asked for. Roughly.

[NSFW] Women are like parking spaces

Usually all the best ones are taken, so when nobody’s looking, stick it in the disabled one

As soon as space travel is possible, I’m moving from the Milky Way to the Soymilky Way galaxy

I’m galactose intolerant

A space mission sent from Earth had landed on a distant planet.

The purpose of the mission was to meet with another intelligent species who called themselves "ishen".

Another such mission had taken place a year before, and Michael Chapman, the leader of the mission, had decided to stay on the planet with the ishen to learn their ways.

The ishen pri...

Have you herd about the claustrophobic astronaut?

Yeah he just needed a little space.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What has three balls and flies through space?

E.T. The Extra Testicle

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Turk, an American and a Russian are going on a space mission.

They’ll have to stay for a year and observe various space anomalies.

Before they go, they are given the right of picking a stock of something they like for keeping their morale up.

Russian goes for Vodka and he gets 30 bottles of Smirnoff.

American wants some bacon, it’s granted...

What is black and white and flies through space?

A cowmet!

Why were cosmonauts on the Russian space station always bumping into things?

Because objects in Mir are closer than they appear.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What happens if you masturbate in outer space?

Your orgasm would be out of this world.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What happens when a human in space cums?

He astronuts

An astronaut is the first to step onto an alien planet.

An astronaut is the first to step onto an alien planet. The alien's are so excited that they change all their signs to English, and even rename some of their places and landmarks after Human places and landmarks and things.
The astronaut decides the first place he wants to go is a pub. He sees ...

It is now legal to park bovines with foot coverings in motorcycle parking spaces.

They're officially labeled as Cowasockies.

Why did Mickey Mouse take a trip into space?

He wanted to find Pluto!

Nasa was experimenting with different animals in space.

Monkeys were an obvious choice, but they had no patience. Mice chewed all the cables, dogs were too stupid and chickens were always scared. It seemed the only animal that could cope with the intense stress of space travel was a chilled out alley cat.

After a few months of testing and training...

Woman on a full bus to a guy sitting: "Can you give me space? I am pregnant."

Guy replies: "Sure. And how long are you pregnant? You dont show yet"
Woman: "Two hours. But my legs still hurt".

Why did NASA cancel the all-female spacewalk?

None of them would go outside the rocket wearing the same outfit.

When you're trying to slingshot around Jupiter but you run out of fuel and end up on a collision course with one of Jupiter's moons...

Europa creek with no paddle.

I hope someone smiles at this dumb space joke.

My friend told me that his DIY liquid rocket made it to space...

I told him to quit being hypergolic.

An astronaut collapses into his chair after a long day of work inside the space shuttle. He decides to make a cup of coffee.

Unfortunately, the space shuttle seems to be out of milk and so he goes to his companion to ask if he'd seen any.

Astronaut 1: "Hey, I can't find any milk for my coffee."

Astronaut 2: "In space, no-one can. Here, use cream."

What do you call a connection between two points in space-time through which only dragons can pass?

A wyrmhole.

My wife told me she needs more space.

I said no problem and locked her out of the house.

Have you heard about the man with an irrational fear of empty spaces?

Nothing scares him

Why is everyone in outer space a basic white girl?

Because the universal currency is Starbucks

A man was looking for a space to park his car in the parking lot of a mall...

After a lot of effort of going round and round he couldn't find an empty space so he started praying, please God help me find a parking space, I will go to church everyday for the rest of my life and would even give half of my life savings to charity..

Suddenly he sees a car pulling out of a ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day I would love to have sex in Space.

Or on Earth.

Two black holes are jogging in space.

One says "You should slim down to get more attractive."

"Are you dense?" replies the other.

Our new Space Force is exploring mars

The new Space Force has finally arrived at mars, and an exploration ship has been investigating the snow and ice covered North Pole area.

A field biologist excitedly rushes in to his general, and exclaims, “Sir, incredible news! We have discovered a strange, silicon-based form of life in the...

I read a book on the International Space Station.

I couldn’t put it down.

Canada's starting a space program to send a spaceship to the moon

They're calling the spaceship Apollo-G.

If the United States got the moon for winning the space race, what did the Soviet Union recieve for second place?

A constellation prize.

How much space does a fungus need to grow?

As mushroom as possible.

I love the BBC’s documentaries about time and space!

I really quantum to continuum!

What is Neil Armstrong's favorite key on the keyboard?

The SPACE BAR of course!!!!

My ten year old came up with that doozy :)

Why did Elon Musk choose SpaceX to land on mars?

Because if he chose SpaceY he’d land on 14 year old boys.

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