Social Distancing Jokes - 86 Hilarious Social Distancing Jokes

If social distancing makes you feel lonely...

... just buy some stocks. Then you'll have a bit of company.

My dad is a social distancing champion!!!

I havent seen him since 2005

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A fellow stuck in a coronavirus outbreak, prayed to God for help.

Soon the head of the WHO came by. He said “Try social distancing! It can save you!”

The fellow shouted back, "No, it's OK, I'm praying to God and he is going to save me.” So the head of the WHO went on.

Then Dr. Fauci came by and told the man “Wear a mask! It can save you!”

The ...

I tried to come up with a joke about social distancing

this is as close as I could get.

I hate social distancing.

Seriously? I can't be within 300 feet of a school?

Social Distancing

We are two months into self-isolation and it is really upsetting me to witness my wife standing at the living room window gazing aimlessly into space with tears running down her cheeks. It breaks my heart to see her like this. I have thought very hard about how I can cheer her up. I have even consid...

Social distancing will never work in India because...

... by the time you are 6 feet away from one, you will be too close to another person.

Social distancing

I logged on to Facebook the other day only to post on my daughter's wall that she's a horrible dancer.
She asked why I would do such a thing.
I told her because I heard we were supposed to be "social diss dancing"

I don't practice "social distancing."

After 30 years of social anxiety and a deep disgust of humanity in general, I operate on an "expert" level.

Social distancing...

...is the new reason why women tell me to get away. At least I’m not a creep anymore!

What is an example of redneck social distancing?

Sleeping with your 3rd cousin instead of your 1st.

I dunno why my work has posters up saying 'practice social distancing'

I mean, do we really need more practice?

I figure we're all pretty good at it by now.

Social Distancing is so unbelievably stupid

If corona came from China, surely it can go another 6ft.

Wanna see some social distancing?

Loan someone some money.

Michigan has updated their social distancing guidelines

Residents are now asked to stay one oars-length away from one another.

What do whales do during Social Distancing?

Netflix and Krill

Two musicians, violating social distancing

I was annoyed to see two musicians together today, violating social distancing. They were counting: one repeated "1 2 3, 1 2 3,"…; the other, "1 2 3 4 5, 1 2 3 4 5,"… "Hey!", I said, "It's unsafe, so close together!" "No worries", they replied, "we have two meters between us."

1960s kids don't have a problem with social distancing.

Everyone was pretty spaced-out then.

We've been practicing social distancing for a while now;

I think we're ready for the real deal.

social distancing is great, public school shootings are down 100%

Unfortunately home school shootings are up 100%

A court declares social distancing unenforceable in Alabama

Reasons the judge: The entire state’s population can reasonably be considered as a family unit

India is taking social distancing seriously

Citizens without masks were seen getting hard whacks on the behind by policeman with batons as punishment.

When asked if the punishment was too severe, one constable responded, "Not at all. I'm just flattening the curve".

Here is a quick guide to social distancing.

If you can smell my fart, we are not far enough apart.

Why can’t flat earthers practice social distancing?

They would run out of room and fall off the edge.

Those idiots avoiding social distancing

What are they china do?

Which cheese is always compliant with social distancing?

Provolone

How can Santa Claus possibly practice social distancing?

He stays at least 6 feet away from his HO HO HO’s!

The CDC advises practicing social distancing during the holidays

That is why I didn't call my mom this year

Why are Anti-Maskers better at social distancing?

Because they keep 6 feet of dirt apart from the living.

This social distancing is going too far.

I just went to make a cake and the first line on the packet said separate 2 eggs 🥚<-->🥚

I don't need to worry about social distancing.

Nobody comes near me anyways

Cemeteries are great places to practice social distancing.

Everyone is always six feet away from you.

What game should you not play when social distancing?

Space invaders

COVID-19 didn't kill John Conway. It was the social distancing.

He had fewer than 2 neighbors.

[Credit to "Darren New" on YouTube for this one. Also, if you find this funny, you're an awful person.]

There were so many people at my house today without masks and social distancing, imagine the stench…

Lucky I haven’t been able to smell anything in the past few days…

I suggested to my wife that we practice social distancing

She agreed, but wanted to call it a trial separation.

I heard that social distancing is important now

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We, Americans have been told to keep practicing social distancing. But I’m curious...

When do we get to do it for real?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There’s a C, N, & T in social distancing...

All I need is U to get the fuck away from me.

Army soldiers can't comprehend the 6-foot social distancing requirement.

But everyone in the Navy can fathom it.

Finnish people eagerly await giving up the mandatory social distancing guidelines

So they can return from the government mandated 2 meters of distance to the normal 5 meters

There’s a new dating platform based on social distancing...

It’s called ‘Hinder’

Who is the REIGNING, DEFENDING and UNDISPUTED Social Distancing Champion of the World?

A whistleblower.

Unfortunately men are still getting infected even when they abide by social distancing

That's because six feet to them is in reality 5'8"

My girlfriend and I have been practicing social distancing since the start of the pandemic.

She calls it a restraining order for some weird reason.

Want to follow social distancing guidelines but still meet with your friends and family?

Just gather in groups of three, as there will be 6 feet between all of you :)

At our local shop, the police were there to enforce social distancing.

They were singing ‘don’t stand... don’t stand so... don’t stand so close to me’.

How did the cavemen survive the asteroid that killed all the dinosaurs?

Social distancing, they stayed 56 million years apart.

It's unfortunate that the NASA and SpaceX astronauts weren't social distancing with eachother...

But their PPE is out of this world!

Due to social distancing, only six of the seven dwarfs can meet at their favorite coffee shop.

One of them isn't Happy.

Social distancing guidelines have been relaxed, and we can now have gatherings of up to 8 people without issues

But I don't even know 8 people without issues.

"Social Distancing" is a strategy designed to protect you from someone coughing close to you.

So make sure you let everyone know to far cough.

In order to support social distancing, the National Association for Celebacy has cancelled its March meeting.

Please share this message. They want to make sure nobody comes.

Flat earthers are very worried about the COVID-19 pandemic.

They are afraid that social distancing measures may push people over the edge.

Social distancing for an introvert is like winning a free ticket to a Coldplay concert for an extrovert

I feel right at home

Right now everyone in Cleveland is taking social distancing very seriously. No one is even down by the lake.

It's Erie

Not a single person at those Memorial Day swim parties in Missouri was social distancing. They were packed in there, shoulder-to-shoulder, splashing around, making a...

...second wave pool.

Given social distancing regulations, a ton of condiment companies are being forced to cancel July 4th campaigns like sponsored concerts, where they planned to hand out signature color sunglasses to attendees.

Bad idea, Heinz-Sight 2020.

I got pulled over in the carpool lane.

Cop: Where's your passenger?

Me: Due to social distancing they're in the car behind me.

When covid and the pandemic started, us introverts became hipsters.

We were social distancing before it was cool.

During these uncertain times, it is important to remember that we are all still human beings and we should treat each other in a polite and respectful manner. If I come within 6' of you, just politely remind me about social distancing.

None of this, "I have a restraining order, creep!"

I just got kicked out of Flat Earth Facebook group.

I just got kicked out of Flat Earth Facebook group because I asked if the 6 foot social distancing guideline has pushed anyone over the edge yet.

Bar ad:

Due to the need for social distancing, the bar is operating at 1/3 of its capacity. Therefore, we kindly ask those who cannot drink for three to leave and give way to the professionals!

The Covid19 situation has been especially stressful for the Flat Earth Society.

They fear that the social distancing measures could push people over the edge.

Covid restrictions...

I'm down with social distancing, but I think my local grocery store has gone too far.

They've put a big X on the floor to show where to stand in line at the register.

I've seen enough Roadrunner cartoons, I'm not falling for that.

The real reason for the missing of many flat-earthers in recent weeks as suggested by their friends of similar thought

The Flat Earth Society has reported that the 6 foot social distancing measures have led to the pushing of some of their members over the edge.

I was queuing to go into the supermarket when the man in front of me farted.

Before I could say anything, he said, "If you heard anything it means you're not following social distancing. But if you can smell it, luckily for you it means that you're covid negative!"

Two guys sittin in a bed

6 ft apart cause they respect social distancing

Thanos would have made a great President.

He would have achieved social distancing in a snap.

A fathom is a unit of measure equal to 6 feet

Therefore, a cluster of rally attendees not practicing social distancing could be deemed "unfathomable"

I've not been laid all year!

With all the lock downs and social distancing this has nothing to do with it being Jan 1st..

Yo Mamma’s so ugly...

She’s been inspiring others to practice social distancing her whole life!

Two Bros, chillin' in a hot tub! 5 feet apart cause they're....

...following the guidelines of social distancing in regards of the recent coronavirus outbreak.

I see now that not being hugged enough as a child was just preparing me....

....for social distancing.

Your mother is so fat

She cannot do social distancing.

Redditors will save the world from the corona pandemic.

They are experts in applied social distancing.

Garlic

The most effective social distancing enforcer.

I haven't showered since COVID-19 hit the US . . .

Not because I'm lazy, it really helps with the social distancing . . .

Two grandmothers were bragging about their precious darlings.

One of them says to the other, “Mine are so good at social distancing, they won’t even call me.”

Your Momma is so fat...

...that she and the 2 guys DPing her are obeying social distancing guidelines.

My dads always been someone who plans ahead.

That’s why he started social distancing right as I was born!

I heard Harvey Weinstein caught the coronavirus

Not surprising, he wasn't exactly known for his social distancing.

Kenny Rogers

Is it too early to say that Kenny Rogers took this whole social distancing thing too far?

I can finally put a skill that I've honed over the years to good use in these trying times.

Social distancing.

A man doesn't walk into a bar

...because he is social distancing like a responsible citizen

A guy stuck in the Coronavirus pandemic prays to God for help (not a repost)

He is on his knees begging God for protection from the pandemic. Suddenly, he is distracted by his television. It is the W.H.O. telling people to socially distance and wear a mask in public. He switches it off, because it is distracting him and resumes praying.

The next day, still scared he p...

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