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Everyone seems to be making jokes about pi, radius, and diameters today

Honestly sounds like a big circle jerk

What's the difference between a radius and a diameter?

A radius.

A mathematician says to his friend 'I bet I can stretch my mouth so its exactly 1m in radius

His friend replies 'shut your pi hole'

What's the volume of a pizza with a radius of z and a thickness of a?

Pi * z * z * a

My friend broke his radius.

I am twice as jinxed, I broke my diameter.

A man walks into an Apple store

A man walks into an Apple store and begins to browse some of the items. He looks at phones, then the computers. He finally decides to go to the tablets. In this area, there were a lot more people than in other places.

Suddenly, he released a massive fart that everybody in a 30 ft radius heard...

Husband: My wife is missing. She went to rescue people from the flood yesterday and has not come home ...

Sergeant at Police Station:
What is her height?

Husband:
Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

Sergeant:
Weight?

Husband:
Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.

Sergeant:
Color of eyes?

Husband:
Sort of brown I think. Never really ...

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A math professor, John, is having problems with his sink so he calls a plumber.

The plumber comes over and quickly fixes the sink. The professor is happy until he gets the bill. He tells the plumber, "How can you charge this much? This is half of my paycheck." But he pays it anyways.




The plumber tells him, "Hey, we are looking for more plumbers. You could b...

How do you determine the volume of a pizza?

Well, it’s basically a very flat cylinder. Let’s give it a random radius “z” and an arbitrary height “a”.

The volume of a cylinder is 3.14 x radius squared x height.

(Pi)(z)(z)(a)

Just a joke I remembered from math class way back in the day.

An American, An Englishman and a Canadian were walking through a jungle said to be infested with cannibals...

Immediately they are ambushed by a group of cannibals and taken to the cannibal leader.

The leader feels sorry for them and tells them that he will let them go if they pick up any fruit within a 3 mile radius, get it back to the cannibal camp and manage to swallow it without making any facial...

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An african zoologist moves to Rural Alabama. One day, a farmer knocks on the door, behind him is his wife, holding a black baby...

Immediatly, the farmer grabs the zoologist by his collar and yells "Now you see here! See that kid over there! I've got Nine kids and they aaall white. And alla' sudden, this one comes out black! And you the only black man in a 300 mile radius, mind explaining that one to me?"

The zoologist r...

An engineer, a mathematician, a cartographer and a philosopher have a contest...

An engineer, a mathematician, a cartographer and a philosopher have a contest. Whoever can fence off the largest area of land with only 100 meters of fence will win and prove their profession superior.

The engineer goes first, and using his expertise makes a square 25m by 25m for 625m^(2). Co...

Everyone is self centred.

But it's the radius that counts.

Pakistani math problem.

Ahmed has 3 lunch boxes.
He gives one to Mohammed and another to Hassan. Calculate the radius of the explosion.

An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are shown a pasture with a herd of sheep, and told to put them inside the smallest possible amount of fence.

The engineer is first. He herds the sheep into a circle and then puts the fence around them, declaring,

"A circle will use the least fence for a given area, so this is the
best solution."

The physicist is next. She creates a circular fence of infinite radius around the sheep, and...

I have the heart of a lion

And that is why I'm banned from all zoos within a 100 mile radius

A group of Nuns opened a Flower Shop.

The Nuns started selling small bouquets, and after some success moved on to larger arrangements. Their business grew enough that they were eventually the only place in a ten kilometer radius to sell flowers; and gathered a monopoly on the market.
One day, a couple of Friars opened another green...

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A punk is sitting on the curb outside of a bar

asking everyone who walks in if they would buy him a beer, or spare some change for him to buy a beer. After a couple hours the bartender goes outside and invites him in, saying he'd give him a beer, but to stop harassing his customers. So, the punk takes a seat at the bar and the bartender gives hi...

Fidel Castro, Vladimir Putin, and the Oort Cloud are riding on a train.

Fidel Castro pulls an expensive Cuban cigar out of his pocket, lights it, and then throws it out the window after only a few puffs. Vladimir Putin and the Oort Cloud are both surprised by this and ask "what are you doing, Fidel? That's an expensive cigar!" To which Castro responds, "in your country/...

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Engineering pickup lines

Engineering pickup lines:

Hey babe, what's your factor of safety?

Can I use my sigma to find your tau max?

What frequency does it take to make your O-me-ga

How big does your period need to be to reduce our frequency

How about you and I go have a couple moment
...

So I was making this image...

There's this cat, and he's trying to find out how much cheese there is in a gyro. He knows its radius and length, but he asks "I can haz cheez density?"

Yeah, I know, it's not very funny.

I should probably stop using math and feta memes.

The Blonde Astronaut

One day three female astronauts, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde, had a few drinks in a bar to celebrate their accomplishments. The brunette said, "We should be proud that we were the first female astronauts to land on the moon." The redhead said, "And we should be proud that we were the first a...

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