What unit of measurement do you use to weigh bones?

Skele tons!
Stay spooky my dudes

What unit of measurement do you use to weigh bones ?

Skele Tons

What's the tastiest unit of measurement?

Milimeter (mm)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Trump and Obama are the new standard for penis measurement

One of them is a dick. The other one is a ruler.

we should stop making fun of the Americans for using inches, foot, miles, etc as units of measurements.

it's not like they crashed a rocket into Mars because of this or something... oh wait...

Why do anarchists prefer the Imperial system of measurement?

They want to live in a liter-less society!

Jesus got his body measurements for his crucifixion...

Call that CrossFit.

Why is a Stormtrooper's height of 5'11" measured in feet and inches?

They use Imperial measurements

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus.

They promised any officer who volunteered for Retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any Two points in his body.. The officer got to choose what those two points would be.

The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his hea...

TIL the Richter scale is no longer the standard measurement for earthquakes.

It shook me up a little bit.

What’s Karl Marx’s favorite measurement of time?

Hours

A man dies of a heart attack at 62 years old.

His widowed wife, after days of mourning, has to arrange the funeral service. She goes to the morgue and makes arrangements. During the detailing, she explains his last few wishes.

"He always told me, if he dies without disfigurement, he would like an open casket funeral so he would be rememb...

I have a friend who's really into measurements.

You guys really should meter.

My mother asked if I knew what I was gonna do next year.

I told her that I didn't have any clue due to the debilitating state of my eyesight. Ever since I was four years old, I have had severe astigmatism and the diametric measurement of my foveal avalascular zone. When I was seventeen, I was told of the very real possibility of being blind and the age of...

Why are other measurements afraid of 0° Kelvin?

Because it's an absolute unit.

The House Problem

A physicist, a biologist and a mathematician are sitting on a bench, watching people entering and leaving the house on the other side of the street. First they see two people enter the house; A while later, they watch three people leave the house.

The physicist says, “The initial measurement ...

If the US switched from the standard measurement system to metric overnight,

there would be mass confusion.

My tinder profile says I'm 6 feet, 2 inches, and 195 pounds, but the girls I match with are always furious when we meet.

I guess they don't realize those are three separate measurements.

Why are Sith measurements not as accurate as Jedis'?

Because a Sith deals only in absolutes.

Back in ancient Egypt, the standardized units of measurements were based off the length of the current pharoah's body parts. The pointer finger would be one unit of measurement, the forearm another, and so on.

It could be noted, the pharoah was the ruler.

What is the First Order's standard unit of measurement for length?

A Kylometer

Buzzfeed did a top 10 list of power measurements

You'll never believe Watt's number 6

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I sexually identify as a measurement of speed

Cuz I'm a loner and wanna km/s

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Measurements

A man and his wife were outside their house doing yardwork. The husband looked over at his wife bent over her flower bed and said "ya know honey, I never really noticed how big your ass is. Why, I bet it's just as wide as the range on the grill." To prove his point, the man went and grabbed the tape...

A chemist, a biologist and a mathematician are sitting in a cafe, looking out of the window.

They all watch three people walk into a house across the road. After 20 minutes, only two people leave the same house.

The scientists are very confused about what has happened.

'The measurements varied, and therefore the measuring equipment was likely inaccurate,' declares the chemist,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The year is 2222 and Mike and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough frequent flier miles.

They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things. Mike asks if Mars has a stockmarket, if they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc.
Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex. "Just how do you guys do it?" asks Maureen. "Pretty much the way you do,"responds the...

I have an obsession with the imperial measurement system...

...I guess it should be considered a foot fetish.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.