What’s Darth Vader favourite measurement system?

The Imperial System

It's crazy that they only have one unit of measurement in North Korea.

A supreme liter

An angel once visited me but only described the measurements of a triangle to me.

Its felt like a sine from God

I tried to build myself an armchair, but I screwed up some of the measurements and made it too wide

So near, and yet sofa

How long does it take someone who doesn't understand astronomical measurements to change a lightbulb?

A lightyear

Circle measurements.

Now that's rad.

What unit of measurement do you use to weigh bones?

Skele tons!
Stay spooky my dudes

A group of managers were given the assignment to measure the height of a flagpole.

So they go out to the flagpole with ladders and tape measures, and they're falling off the ladders, dropping the tape measures - the whole thing is just a mess.

An engineer comes along and sees what they're trying to do, walks over, pulls the flagpole out of the ground, lays it flat, measures...

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*Nsfw* The military is cutting staff and decide to get rid of three generals. One from the Army, the Airforce, and the Marines.

All of them are old, grizzled men who had seen their fair share of war, so the Pentagon comes up with a unique bonus system for their service. They can choose two points of their bodies and for every inch between them they would get 10k.

First up was the Army general. He chose to measure betw...

Why is Mike Tyson so interested in measurements in precision machining?

It's in tenths

What’s a communists favorite measurement of time?

hours.

What do you call a professional unit of measurement?

Program

Why do Americans still use imperial measurement system where almost the entire world has transitioned to metric?

Not necessarily, they've been using 9mm at schools.

When it comes to measurement

The USA has a foot fetish.

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A guy is constantly suffering from terrible headaches...

A guy is constantly suffering from terrible headaches. He goes to a bunch of doctors, runs any test imaginable, and no one can figure out why. One day a doctor tells him- “I think we figured out a solution, but you’re not going to like it. If we cut off your balls, the constant headache will stop”. ...

You know there's a unit of measurement for pain?

Its called Hertz

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The measurement

Got this text from my brother recently. 
It read. “Can I stay at your house for a while? 

The ol' lady kicked me out after she caught me measuring my cock. 

It just reaches the back of her sister’s throat!”

Yo momma

Yo momma's so fat, her measurements are 36-24-26, and that's just her left arm.

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Trump and Obama are the new standard for penis measurement

One of them is a dick. The other one is a ruler.

I would like to say a quantum mechanical joke.

I would like to say a quantum mechanical joke.
But then you would or wouldn't get it, unless you make a measurement.

Physics teacher: James, what do you call the standard measurement of power?

James: What?

Teacher: Oh, I guess you were paying attention.

What unit of measurement do you use to weigh bones ?

Skele Tons

Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top. A blonde walked by and asked what they were doing.

"We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said Sven, "but we don't have a ladder."

The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her handbag, took a measurement and announced, "Twenty one...

we should stop making fun of the Americans for using inches, foot, miles, etc as units of measurements.

it's not like they crashed a rocket into Mars because of this or something... oh wait...

I have a friend who's really into measurements.

You guys really should meter.

Why do anarchists prefer the Imperial system of measurement?

They want to live in a liter-less society!

A mathematician, a physicist and a biologist all stand in front of an empty house.

Suddenly, two people enter the house and after a couple of minutes, three people leave through the front door.

The biologist says - “They must’ve reproduced!”

The physicist says - “This must be a measurement error!”

The mathematician says - “If one more person enters, the house...

What's the tastiest unit of measurement?

Milimeter (mm)

If I had a pound for every time I got confused by measurements.

I’d have 454 grams by now.

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A man has been getting horrible debilitating headaches for a long time a& finally decided to go to the doctor...

And he’s just begging for some relief. “They just won’t stop,” he says. “I can’t do anything, my work is suffering, I can’t spend time with my family, it’s just gotta stop!”

So the doctor does some tests and says, “well there’s good news & bad news. The good news is, I found the problem, ...

TIL the Richter scale is no longer the standard measurement for earthquakes.

It shook me up a little bit.

Why are other measurements afraid of 0° Kelvin?

Because it's an absolute unit.

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Mr. Johnson has been having constant headaches ever since his teenage years. For years and years his doctor tries to cure him, but the headaches only get worse and worse.

Finally, one day, the doctor asks Mr. Johnson to undress. After inspecting Mr. Johnson's body, he sees the problem.

"You have an extremely rare condition," explains the doc. "Your testicles are pressed up against your spinal cord, giving you headaches. This condition has no known cause and on...

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I sexually identify as a measurement of speed

Cuz I'm a loner and wanna km/s

If the US switched from the standard measurement system to metric overnight,

there would be mass confusion.

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Measurements

A man and his wife were outside their house doing yardwork. The husband looked over at his wife bent over her flower bed and said "ya know honey, I never really noticed how big your ass is. Why, I bet it's just as wide as the range on the grill." To prove his point, the man went and grabbed the tape...

Back in ancient Egypt, the standardized units of measurements were based off the length of the current pharoah's body parts. The pointer finger would be one unit of measurement, the forearm another, and so on.

It could be noted, the pharoah was the ruler.

What is the First Order's standard unit of measurement for length?

A Kylometer

Why is a Stormtrooper's height of 5'11" measured in feet and inches?

They use Imperial measurements

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The Gunny's Gun (a military joke)...

U.S. Armed Services recruiting efforts are slipping. They've advertised, offered college money, granted large bonuses to new recruits... all to no avail.

So, the Joint Chiefs of Staff all get together one day at a tavern in Washington D.C. to brainstorm a solution. After many hours of back an...

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