What’s Darth Vader favourite measurement system?

The Imperial System

Why is Mike Tyson so interested in measurements in precision machining?

It's in tenths

What’s a communists favorite measurement of time?

hours.

You know there's a unit of measurement for pain?

Its called Hertz

What unit of measurement do you use to weigh bones?

Skele tons!
Stay spooky my dudes

What do you call a professional unit of measurement?

Program

What measurement of fluid rules them all?

The liter

Physics teacher: James, what do you call the standard measurement of power?

James: What?

Teacher: Oh, I guess you were paying attention.

What unit of measurement do you use to weigh bones ?

Skele Tons

Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top. A blonde walked by and asked what they were doing.

"We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said Sven, "but we don't have a ladder."

The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her handbag, took a measurement and announced, "Twenty one...

What's the tastiest unit of measurement?

Milimeter (mm)

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Three American colonels are in the US about to retire and they are offered an economic compensation...

..which consists of multiplying 100,000 dollars by the distance in inches they have between two parts of their body that they choose.

Colonel McDowell chooses this distance to be from his toe to the edge of his longest hair on his head and the result is 72 inches, so that means he gets $7,20...

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Trump and Obama are the new standard for penis measurement

One of them is a dick. The other one is a ruler.

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Veteran retirement salary

3 US Veterans are sitting before their last medical check-up.

The doctor walks out and says: we are going to take one measurement from your body and it will be your monthly payment for the retirement.

all the veterans agree. The first says from my toes to my head, they take the measur...

If I had a pound for every time I got confused by measurements.

I’d have 454 grams by now.

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Guy has a massive headache and its not responsive to any medication.

After doctors researching whats wrong with him for months they finally cone to conclusion. They called the guy and deliver the news. Doctor says;

-Its good news, found the problem.

-What is it doc?

-We need to remove your penis.

Guy looks sad. But after some consideration...

we should stop making fun of the Americans for using inches, foot, miles, etc as units of measurements.

it's not like they crashed a rocket into Mars because of this or something... oh wait...

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Frenchman in Morocco

A Frenchman seeking some thrills travels to Morocco and decides to go bungee jumping off the top of mosques. As he bounces back into the air, all of the passerby in Morocco are in awe and one Moroccan passerby decides that he wants to try it himself.

He finds the Frenchman at a nearby cafe a...

Why do anarchists prefer the Imperial system of measurement?

They want to live in a liter-less society!

I have a friend who's really into measurements.

You guys really should meter.

TIL the Richter scale is no longer the standard measurement for earthquakes.

It shook me up a little bit.

Why is a Stormtrooper's height of 5'11" measured in feet and inches?

They use Imperial measurements

Why are other measurements afraid of 0° Kelvin?

Because it's an absolute unit.

If the US switched from the standard measurement system to metric overnight,

there would be mass confusion.

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A man's lifelong dream was to meet the pope.

For years and years, he scrimped, scrounged, and saved up all his money for a lavish trip to Italy.

Wanting to look his best for the pontiff, he had a custom-fitted suit tailored to his exact measurements and bought the finest Italian leather boots money could buy.

The next morning h...

People keep telling me I’m tall

I’m not that tall. I’m just 6’ 8”... two different measurements.

Back in ancient Egypt, the standardized units of measurements were based off the length of the current pharoah's body parts. The pointer finger would be one unit of measurement, the forearm another, and so on.

It could be noted, the pharoah was the ruler.

What is the First Order's standard unit of measurement for length?

A Kylometer

Buzzfeed did a top 10 list of power measurements

You'll never believe Watt's number 6

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The Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus.

They promised any officer who volunteered for Retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any Two points in his body.. The officer got to choose what those two points would be.

The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his hea...

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I sexually identify as a measurement of speed

Cuz I'm a loner and wanna km/s

I'm 6 foot, 3 inches.

but those two measurements are separate.

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Measurements

A man and his wife were outside their house doing yardwork. The husband looked over at his wife bent over her flower bed and said "ya know honey, I never really noticed how big your ass is. Why, I bet it's just as wide as the range on the grill." To prove his point, the man went and grabbed the tape...

A biologist, a physicist, and a mathematician watch two people enter a building. A little later, three people walk out.

Biologist: “They procreated in the building.”

Physicist: “The first measurement was off.”

Mathematician: “If one more person walks into the building, it will be empty.”

One man said to the other:

Man 1: “The correct measurement of speed is km/h”

Man 2: “No it’s knot”

damn girl Are you a forestry major

Cause I wanna take a DBH measurement

A Mathematician, a Biologist and a Physicist are sitting in a street cafe...

...watching people going in and out of the house on the other side of the street. First they see two people going into the house. Some time passes. After a while they see three people leaving the house.

The physicist says: "The measurement was inaccurate."

The biologist says: "The peop...

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