What’s Darth Vader favourite measurement system?

The Imperial System

How long does it take someone who doesn't understand astronomical measurements to change a lightbulb?

A lightyear

When it comes to measurement

The USA has a foot fetish.

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*Nsfw* The military is cutting staff and decide to get rid of three generals. One from the Army, the Airforce, and the Marines.

All of them are old, grizzled men who had seen their fair share of war, so the Pentagon comes up with a unique bonus system for their service. They can choose two points of their bodies and for every inch between them they would get 10k.

First up was the Army general. He chose to measure betw...

What unit of measurement do you use to weigh bones?

Skele tons!
Stay spooky my dudes

Why is Mike Tyson so interested in measurements in precision machining?

It's in tenths

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The measurement

Got this text from my brother recently. 
It read. “Can I stay at your house for a while? 

The ol' lady kicked me out after she caught me measuring my cock. 

It just reaches the back of her sister’s throat!”

A mathematician, a physicist and a biologist all stand in front of an empty house.

Suddenly, two people enter the house and after a couple of minutes, three people leave through the front door.

The biologist says - “They must’ve reproduced!”

The physicist says - “This must be a measurement error!”

The mathematician says - “If one more person enters, the house...

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A guy is constantly suffering from terrible headaches...

A guy is constantly suffering from terrible headaches. He goes to a bunch of doctors, runs any test imaginable, and no one can figure out why. One day a doctor tells him- “I think we figured out a solution, but you’re not going to like it. If we cut off your balls, the constant headache will stop”. ...

What’s a communists favorite measurement of time?

hours.

What do you call a professional unit of measurement?

Program

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The Gunny's Gun (a military joke)...

U.S. Armed Services recruiting efforts are slipping. They've advertised, offered college money, granted large bonuses to new recruits... all to no avail.

So, the Joint Chiefs of Staff all get together one day at a tavern in Washington D.C. to brainstorm a solution. After many hours of back an...

You know there's a unit of measurement for pain?

Its called Hertz

Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top.

A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.

"We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said Sven, "but we don't have a ladder."

The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from h...

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Trump and Obama are the new standard for penis measurement

One of them is a dick. The other one is a ruler.

What measurement of fluid rules them all?

The liter

Physics teacher: James, what do you call the standard measurement of power?

James: What?

Teacher: Oh, I guess you were paying attention.

What unit of measurement do you use to weigh bones ?

Skele Tons

What's the tastiest unit of measurement?

Milimeter (mm)

we should stop making fun of the Americans for using inches, foot, miles, etc as units of measurements.

it's not like they crashed a rocket into Mars because of this or something... oh wait...

I have a friend who's really into measurements.

You guys really should meter.

If I had a pound for every time I got confused by measurements.

I’d have 454 grams by now.

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A guy suffering from banging headaches, finally gets to see a specialist after baffling doctors for years.

He explains to the specialist that for years now he has been suffering from banging headaches, and everything he has tried so far has no impact on the headaches at all.

The specialist carries out an examination, pokes and prods around a bit and has an idea. He runs a couple tests to be sure, ...

Why do anarchists prefer the Imperial system of measurement?

They want to live in a liter-less society!

Why are other measurements afraid of 0° Kelvin?

Because it's an absolute unit.

TIL the Richter scale is no longer the standard measurement for earthquakes.

It shook me up a little bit.

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Three American colonels are in the US about to retire and they are offered an economic compensation...

..which consists of multiplying 100,000 dollars by the distance in inches they have between two parts of their body that they choose.

Colonel McDowell chooses this distance to be from his toe to the edge of his longest hair on his head and the result is 72 inches, so that means he gets $7,20...

Hi my name is Dave I’m five feet, 11 inches

...Those are 2 different measurements!

Why is a Stormtrooper's height of 5'11" measured in feet and inches?

They use Imperial measurements

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Veteran retirement salary

3 US Veterans are sitting before their last medical check-up.

The doctor walks out and says: we are going to take one measurement from your body and it will be your monthly payment for the retirement.

all the veterans agree. The first says from my toes to my head, they take the measur...

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I sexually identify as a measurement of speed

Cuz I'm a loner and wanna km/s

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Measurements

A man and his wife were outside their house doing yardwork. The husband looked over at his wife bent over her flower bed and said "ya know honey, I never really noticed how big your ass is. Why, I bet it's just as wide as the range on the grill." To prove his point, the man went and grabbed the tape...

What is the First Order's standard unit of measurement for length?

A Kylometer

Back in ancient Egypt, the standardized units of measurements were based off the length of the current pharoah's body parts. The pointer finger would be one unit of measurement, the forearm another, and so on.

It could be noted, the pharoah was the ruler.

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