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Mathematics Jokes

Two mathematicians are in a bar

The first one says to the second that the average person knows very little about basic mathematics. The second one disagrees, and claims that most people can cope with a reasonable amount of math.

The first mathematician goes off to the washroom, and in his absence the second calls over the w...

With the international mathematics conference in town, the bars around the convention center were hopping.

As was her custom, the evening manager was going from table to table greeting her guests. When she got to the first table, there were eight mathematicians seated. Strange, she thought, since there were only six seats, but some of them were getting a bit frisky and were sitting on others' laps.
...

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An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar

The first mathematician orders a beer

The second orders half a beer

"I don't serve half-beers" the bartender replies

"Excuse me?" Asks mathematician #2

"What kind of bar serves half-beers?" The bartender rema...

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So a philosopher, a mathematician, and a physicist were at starbucks.

So a philosopher, a mathematician, and a physicist were at starbucks.

The mathematician turns to the physicist sitting next to him and says "You know, physics is just applied mathematics!"

They all have a good laugh, at which point the philosopher interjects from across the table. "And...

My Brother Said Science Is Better Than Mathematics

I Said "Prove It"

Studying History makes you numb

but studying Mathematics makes you number.

A Pure Mathematics degree is useless…

I want a Pure Mathematics radian.

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A math professor, Dave, has a problem with his sink so he calls a plumber.

The plumber comes over and quickly fixes the sink. The professor is happy until he gets the bill. He tells the plumber, "How can you charge this much? This is half of my paycheck." But he pays it anyways.

The plumber tells him, "Hey, we are looking for more plumbers. You could become a plumbe...

A mathematics professor arrived home at 3 am drunk...

His wife was up waiting for him...

"You said you'd be home by 11:45!" she yelled

He responded, "No my dear, I said I'd be home at a quarter of 12."

What is the name of Al Gore’s reggae band that sings about mathematics?

Al Gore Riddim

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Three Professors travel in a train in Switzerland...

A professor of sociology, a professor of mathematics and a professor of philosophy travel to a congress by train into Switzerland.

Looking out of the windows, the professor of sociology sees a black sheep.

"How interesting" he exclaims. "it appears there are black sheep in Switzerland"...

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A priest, an engineer and a mathematician stand on the roof of a burning house.

The only way down seems to be a big leap down into a nearby pool. The house is high though and the pool small.

The priest is ready right away for his leap of faith. "So god help me!" He says, takes a second to gather himself, sprints towards the edge and jumps. He just barely misses the pool....

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Son comes from school and says to dad he got 0 in Mathematics

So son came home and told his dad that he got 0 in Mathematics

Dad: how the fuck did you get 0 in mathematics

Son: well the teacher asked me how much is 2+3 and how much is 3+2

Dad: well its the same shit

Son: i said the same so she gave me a 0

Next day son came b...

A 13 year old boy has difficulty with mathematics, failing in public school.

His parents were not religious but after a friend's suggestion they felt a private Catholic school may be more effective. His grades began to rise dramatically after this switch. Asked what has helped him so much, he responded

"When I saw the guy nailed to the plus sign I knew they meant busi...

TIL The U.S is #18 in Mathematics worldwide.

At least we're in the top 10.

Average joke

3 teachers, Science, Auto shop, and Mathematics, go hunting together over their winter vacation. They come across an enormous 6 point buck. The science teacher who saw it first takes aim. He fires and misses by 3 feet to left. The auto shop teacher shoulders him asside and says, " this is how you do...

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A greek and an Irish were comparing their heritages.

"We built the pantheon, along with the Temple of Apollo", said the Greek.

"Aye, 'twas the Irish the discovered the Summer and Winter Solstices", replied the Irish.

"But it was the Greeks who gave birth to advanced mathematics."

"Granted, but was the Irish who built the first tim...

A teacher asks her student what's 2+2

He counts with his fingers and says "4"

The teacher asks the boy not to count with his fingers and do the mathematics in his head

She again asks the boy "what's 3+3?"

The boy again counts with his fingers and says "6"

The teacher angrily scolds the boy and tells him that ...

Einstein dies and goes to heaven

Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter tells him,

"You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea the lengths that some people will go to

sneak into Heaven. Can you prove who you really are?"

Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, "Could I have a ...

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A Greek and an Indian are having tea together and trying to one up each other on their historical achievements.

The Greek guy says, "Well, we have the Parthenon".

Arching his eyebrows the Indian replies, "We have the Taj Mahal.”

The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics."

The Indian, shaking his head, says, "But we invented the number 0.”

And so on and on th...

Mathematics is 90% common sense,

the other half is intelligence.

What is the most beautiful part about Ms. Mathematics?

Ellipse




I apologise, this is my worst one in a while. I nearly killed 3 people.

I feel severely let down by two people in my life.

My father, my mother, and my mathematics teacher.

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