"I'll take my chances", he said.

Wise man + Wise woman = Romance

Wise man + Dumb woman = Affair

Dumb man + Wise woman = Marriage

Dumb man + Dumb woman = Pregnancy

Wise man + Dumb woman = Affair

Dumb man + Wise woman = Marriage

Dumb man + Dumb woman = Pregnancy

Several years ago, a group of artistic polymaths decided to mathematically represent different styles of painting.

Each of the polymaths was a leading figure in a different field of mathematics, and each pursued and studied a different style of painting. Together, they decided that if they co...

Each of the polymaths was a leading figure in a different field of mathematics, and each pursued and studied a different style of painting. Together, they decided that if they co...

I told them I have a theoretical degree in mathematics.

They laughed, I laughed, HR laughed, the whole R&D department laughed. Then I got kicked out and they told me to never come back to NASA.

People can be so mean sometimes.

They laughed, I laughed, HR laughed, the whole R&D department laughed. Then I got kicked out and they told me to never come back to NASA.

People can be so mean sometimes.

Because for an achievement in math, you receive Abel whereas for science, you receive Nobel.

Algebros....

Sin-ning can cos(t)

Fortunately, I'm in the remaining 34%.

At school, a teacher is teaching little kids Mathematics. She says: "Does anybody of you already know how to count? For example you, what's your name?"

"My name is George Lucas. Yes, I know how to count."

"Please show me."

"Four, five, six, one two, three."

"My name is George Lucas. Yes, I know how to count."

"Please show me."

"Four, five, six, one two, three."

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

The first mathematician orders a beer

The second orders half a beer

"I don't serve half-beers" the bartender replies

"Excuse me?" Asks mathematician #2

"What kind of bar serves half-beers?" The bartender remarks. "That's ridiculous."

"Oh c'mon" says mathematician #...

The second orders half a beer

"I don't serve half-beers" the bartender replies

"Excuse me?" Asks mathematician #2

"What kind of bar serves half-beers?" The bartender remarks. "That's ridiculous."

"Oh c'mon" says mathematician #...

He called a plumber. The plumber came on the next day, sealed a few screws and everything was working as before.

The professor was delighted. However, when the plumber gave him the bill a minute later, he was shocked.

"This is one third of my monthly salary !" he yelled.

Well, a...

The professor was delighted. However, when the plumber gave him the bill a minute later, he was shocked.

"This is one third of my monthly salary !" he yelled.

Well, a...

Couldn't find my epi pen

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

Because it let's you figure out how many N dead bodies will fit into K cars.

Shits discrete.

Shits discrete.

Imagine yourself being a bus driver.

At stop number 1, you get 10 passengers.

At stop number 2, you get 3 passengers.

At stop number 3, 4 passengers get off, 2 male 1 female.

At stop number 4, 11 passengers got on.

At stop number 5, 6 passengers get off, 2 kids, 4...

At stop number 1, you get 10 passengers.

At stop number 2, you get 3 passengers.

At stop number 3, 4 passengers get off, 2 male 1 female.

At stop number 4, 11 passengers got on.

At stop number 5, 6 passengers get off, 2 kids, 4...

Duh, Because its easy to x-plane

*Fckin kill me already*

*Fckin kill me already*

They all spot a deer, sitting out in the open, totally exposed. The mathematics professor loads his rifle, shoots, and misses by 5 inches to the right. The shot shocks the deer and it freezes in place. The physicist then loads his rifle, shoots, and misses by 5 inches to the left. The statistician c...

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

I don’t get it.

His parents were not religious but after a friend's suggestion they felt a private Catholic school may be more effective. His grades began to rise dramatically after this switch. Asked what has helped him so much, he responded

"When I saw the guy nailed to the plus sign I knew they meant busi...

"When I saw the guy nailed to the plus sign I knew they meant busi...

the other half is intelligence.

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

A Greek and an Irishman were sitting in a Starbucks one day comparing their two cultures.

Over a double latte, the Greek mentions “We built the Pantheon, you may recall, along with the Temple of Apollo.”

“Well, it was the Irish that discovered the Summer and Winter Solstices.”

“But it was t...

Over a double latte, the Greek mentions “We built the Pantheon, you may recall, along with the Temple of Apollo.”

“Well, it was the Irish that discovered the Summer and Winter Solstices.”

“But it was t...

A large pizza can feed a family of four.

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

a professor of sociology, a professor of mathematics and a professor of philosophy travel to a congress by train into switzerland.

looking out of the windows, the professor of sociology happens to see a black sheep.

"how interesting". he exclaims. "it appears there are black sheep in s...

looking out of the windows, the professor of sociology happens to see a black sheep.

"how interesting". he exclaims. "it appears there are black sheep in s...

"My dearest wife, you must realize that you are 54 years old and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hote...

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

That horny bastard just couldn’t get enough of that three sum.

his phobia was so bad that he will stop at nothing to avoid them.

dedicated to my special friend blader2601.

dedicated to my special friend blader2601.

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

and introduce themselves, mostly trying to impress one another.

The first one says, "My family has been in America for more than 200 years. My father is C.E.O of the biggest bank in New York and he gave me a BMW to drive around the campus."

The second one says, "That's nice."

T...

The first one says, "My family has been in America for more than 200 years. My father is C.E.O of the biggest bank in New York and he gave me a BMW to drive around the campus."

The second one says, "That's nice."

T...

The struggle is real.

A college math professor and his wife are both 60 years old.

One evening the wife comes home and finds a note from her husband that says, "My dear, now that you are 60 years old, there are some things you no longer do for me.

I am at the Holiday Inn with my 20-year-old student. Don't ...

One evening the wife comes home and finds a note from her husband that says, "My dear, now that you are 60 years old, there are some things you no longer do for me.

I am at the Holiday Inn with my 20-year-old student. Don't ...

I always say that i can last 18 billion nanoseconds...

Unless they know mathematics

Unless they know mathematics

At least we're in the top 10.

mathematics puns make me feel number.

Before then, the only legal union was between man and woman.

The bartender asked what they want. The first says a pint, the next says half a pint, next says a 1/4th a pint, next says an 1/8th a pint and so on until the bartender gets tired of hearing what they want. He pours two pints and says "Y'all need to learn your limits."

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

The plumber comes over and quickly fixes the sink. The professor is happy until he gets the bill. He tells the plumber, "How can you charge this much? This is half of my paycheck." But he pays it anyways.

The plumber tells him, "Hey, we are looking for more plumbers. You could become a plumbe...

The plumber tells him, "Hey, we are looking for more plumbers. You could become a plumbe...

Cause they can't grasp the concept of integration.

(all credits to my friend if he reads it here but didn't post it himself!)

(all credits to my friend if he reads it here but didn't post it himself!)

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

She was a cute, sexy teacher. I called her Miss Cosnπ and man, did she have curves!

I don't believe it! Guess I'm with the rest 15%

Man: Six thousand eight hundred and fourty five.

Interviewer: Hm... that's not the right answer...

Man: But i'm quick.

Interviewer: Hm... that's not the right answer...

Man: But i'm quick.

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

Because I bombed the living fuck outta that.

Interview Start...

>> MP&HR Officer <<

........................................

HR : what is your name?

Mike : MP sir

HR : In full please...

Mike : Michael Phang

HR : your father's name?

Mike : MP sir

HR : what does that mean...

>> MP&HR Officer <<

........................................

HR : what is your name?

Mike : MP sir

HR : In full please...

Mike : Michael Phang

HR : your father's name?

Mike : MP sir

HR : what does that mean...

loga+logn = logan

... So he asked his secretary:

"If I give you USD 3 million less 17.5%, how much would you take off?"

Secretary: "Everything Sir! Dress, Underwear, Everything."

"If I give you USD 3 million less 17.5%, how much would you take off?"

Secretary: "Everything Sir! Dress, Underwear, Everything."

The first one says: "The average person is, mathematically, an idiot. People don't know algebra, can't figure out percents, can't read a simple graph, and don't even get me started on calculus..."

The second professor disagrees, "Surely you're exaggerating. Most people know all the math they ...

The second professor disagrees, "Surely you're exaggerating. Most people know all the math they ...

"Well", his colleague replies, "you're perhaps a bit too pessimistic."

"I don't think so", the first one replies. "And anyhow, I have to go to the bathroom."

He goes off, and the other professor decides to use this opportunity to play a prank on his colleague. He makes a sign to the**... **

"I don't think so", the first one replies. "And anyhow, I have to go to the bathroom."

He goes off, and the other professor decides to use this opportunity to play a prank on his colleague. He makes a sign to the

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

He tells his father his mathematics teacher wants to see him. His father asks why and kid says "well he asked me what is 6x7 and i said 42 then he asked me what is 7x6 and i said what the fuck is the difference?" his father says "ok i will visit your teacher when i have time.".

Next ...

Next ...

The professor looks up in shock from his work to see one of his students slamming a high school geometry textbook on his desk.

“What’s wrong?!” exclaims the professor.

“They’ve updates the syllabus,” the mathematician replies.

The professor, still confused, watches the mathemat...

“What’s wrong?!” exclaims the professor.

“They’ve updates the syllabus,” the mathematician replies.

The professor, still confused, watches the mathemat...

The book was said to answer any question asked of it. Being a professional, the archaeologist took the book back to his prestigious university, which was home to several leaders of certain fields. To research the book's power in a controlled manner, the archaeologist rounds up three of the universit...

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

So a philosopher, a mathematician, and a physicist were at starbucks.

The mathematician turns to the physicist sitting next to him and says "You know, physics is just applied mathematics!"

They all have a good laugh, at which point the philosopher interjects from across the table. "And...

The mathematician turns to the physicist sitting next to him and says "You know, physics is just applied mathematics!"

They all have a good laugh, at which point the philosopher interjects from across the table. "And...

2x2= 4

1x1= 1

0x0= a small brown cube you put in a casserole.

1x1= 1

0x0= a small brown cube you put in a casserole.

His parents tried everything they could to help him improve. Flash cards, tutors, books, nothing seemed to work. Finally, after getting some advice from the counselor, they decided to send him to a Catholic school.

Little Zachary didn't seem to mind. So the next week, he started going to th...

Little Zachary didn't seem to mind. So the next week, he started going to th...

Turns out he was just exaggerating

He was pretty rad.

A Professor of Mathematics and a Professor of Physics are in the staff room when the coffee machine bursts into flames. The Physics Professor jumps up, grabs the fire extinguisher and extinguishes the flame. The Mathematics Professor watches the whole thing without any reaction.

Years lat...

Years lat...

The first one says to the second that the average person knows very little about basic mathematics. The second one disagrees, and claims that most people can cope with a reasonable amount of math.

The first mathematician wanders off to the bathroom, so the second guy calls over their waitress...

The first mathematician wanders off to the bathroom, so the second guy calls over their waitress...

But reading mathematics-related jokes makes me go number

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

A Greek and an Italian were talking one day, discussing who had the superior culture.

Over coffee, the Greek says, "Well, we built the Parthenon."

The Italian replies, "We built the Coliseum.

The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to mathematics."

The Italian, nodding, ...

Over coffee, the Greek says, "Well, we built the Parthenon."

The Italian replies, "We built the Coliseum.

The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to mathematics."

The Italian, nodding, ...

Even more amazing - one of the answers is wrong.

He is informed upon arrival that his room is not yet ready.

"I hope you will not mind waiting in a dormitory. We are very sorry, but it is the best we can do and you will have to share the room with others," the doorman, Clyde, tells him. Einstein says that is perfectly fine and there isn't a...

"I hope you will not mind waiting in a dormitory. We are very sorry, but it is the best we can do and you will have to share the room with others," the doorman, Clyde, tells him. Einstein says that is perfectly fine and there isn't a...

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