There are a lot of sins in doing it

At least we're in the top 10.

Ellipse

I apologise, this is my worst one in a while. I nearly killed 3 people.

I apologise, this is my worst one in a while. I nearly killed 3 people.

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar

The first mathematician orders a beer

The second orders half a beer

"I don't serve half-beers" the bartender replies

"Excuse me?" Asks mathematician #2

"What kind of bar serves half-beers?" The bar...

His wife was up waiting for him...

"You said you'd be home by 11:45!" she yelled

He responded, "No my dear, I said I'd be home at a quarter of 12."

"You said you'd be home by 11:45!" she yelled

He responded, "No my dear, I said I'd be home at a quarter of 12."

It's good that I'm one of the other 55% who understand it.

Humans too lazy to figure out why: invents religion

Monks too lazy to follow rules: invents philosophy

Philosophers too lazy to contemplate: invents science

Scientists too lazy to experiment: invents mathematics

Mathematicians too lazy to calculate: invents computers

<...

Monks too lazy to follow rules: invents philosophy

Philosophers too lazy to contemplate: invents science

Scientists too lazy to experiment: invents mathematics

Mathematicians too lazy to calculate: invents computers

<...

Then I will be the Father of Mathematics. Get out of here, Pythagoras.

...is the true source of division.

Sin X

He found out about quantum’s entanglement.

First orders 1 beer. Second orders half of beer. Third orders 1/4 of beer. Another orders 1/8 of beer. It goes on for a while and than bartender says: "guys you're really idiots." And bring them 2 beers.

His parents were not religious but after a friend's suggestion they felt a private Catholic school may be more effective. His grades began to rise dramatically after this switch. Asked what has helped him so much, he responded

"When I saw the guy nailed to the plus sign I knew they meant busi...

"When I saw the guy nailed to the plus sign I knew they meant busi...

I told them I have a theoretical degree in mathematics.

They laughed, I laughed, HR laughed, the whole R&D department laughed. Then I got kicked out and they told me to never come back to NASA.

People can be so mean sometimes.

They laughed, I laughed, HR laughed, the whole R&D department laughed. Then I got kicked out and they told me to never come back to NASA.

People can be so mean sometimes.

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

The plumber comes over and quickly fixes the sink. The professor is happy until he gets the bill. He tells the plumber, "How can you charge this much? This is half of my paycheck." But he pays it anyways.

The plumber tells him, "Hey, we are looking for more plumbers. You could become a plumbe...

The plumber tells him, "Hey, we are looking for more plumbers. You could become a plumbe...

"I'll take my chances", he said.

The first mathematician insisted that the general American populace was woefully inadequate when it came to understanding even basic math, while the second felt the average person knew more than they were given credit. They made a friendly wager and agreed that the next time their waitress came by, ...

Algebros....

At school, a teacher is teaching little kids Mathematics. She says: "Does anybody of you already know how to count? For example you, what's your name?"

"My name is George Lucas. Yes, I know how to count."

"Please show me."

"Four, five, six, one two, three."

"My name is George Lucas. Yes, I know how to count."

"Please show me."

"Four, five, six, one two, three."

Several years ago, a group of artistic polymaths decided to mathematically represent different styles of painting.

Each of the polymaths was a leading figure in a different field of mathematics, and each pursued and studied a different style of painting. Together, they decided that if they co...

Each of the polymaths was a leading figure in a different field of mathematics, and each pursued and studied a different style of painting. Together, they decided that if they co...

Fortunately, I'm in the remaining 34%.

Wise man + Wise woman = Romance

Wise man + Dumb woman = Affair

Dumb man + Wise woman = Marriage

Dumb man + Dumb woman = Pregnancy

Wise man + Dumb woman = Affair

Dumb man + Wise woman = Marriage

Dumb man + Dumb woman = Pregnancy

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

The Greek says "We have the Parthenon!"

The Indian replies "Well we have the Taj Mahal."

The Greek says "We gave birth to advanced mathematics!"

The Indian replies "But we invented the number zero."

The Indian says "We invented the caste system".

The Greek replies ...

The Indian replies "Well we have the Taj Mahal."

The Greek says "We gave birth to advanced mathematics!"

The Indian replies "But we invented the number zero."

The Indian says "We invented the caste system".

The Greek replies ...

that's right, Magnum Pi.

He called a plumber. The plumber came on the next day, sealed a few screws and everything was working as before.

The professor was delighted. However, when the plumber gave him the bill a minute later, he was shocked.

"This is one third of my monthly salary !" he yelled.

Well, a...

The professor was delighted. However, when the plumber gave him the bill a minute later, he was shocked.

"This is one third of my monthly salary !" he yelled.

Well, a...

the other half is intelligence.

"My dearest wife, you must realize that you are 54 years old and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hote...

The hunter lets the professors have the first shot, and they both try to shoot the same duck.

The first professor shoots and misses by 25 metres to the right.

The second shoots and misses as well, by 25 metres to the left, then turns and high fives the first professor.

The hunte...

The first professor shoots and misses by 25 metres to the right.

The second shoots and misses as well, by 25 metres to the left, then turns and high fives the first professor.

The hunte...

Because for an achievement in math, you receive Abel whereas for science, you receive Nobel.

Me: yeah

Job interviewer: so whats 17×36

Me : 96

Job interviewer: thats not even close

Me : yeah.....but it was quick

Job interviewer: so whats 17×36

Me : 96

Job interviewer: thats not even close

Me : yeah.....but it was quick

Couldn't find my epi pen

Sin-ning can cos(t)

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

Because it let's you figure out how many N dead bodies will fit into K cars.

Shits discrete.

Shits discrete.

A large pizza can feed a family of four.

A college math professor and his wife are both 60 years old.

One evening the wife comes home and finds a note from her husband that says, "My dear, now that you are 60 years old, there are some things you no longer do for me.

I am at the Holiday Inn with my 20-year-old student. Don't ...

One evening the wife comes home and finds a note from her husband that says, "My dear, now that you are 60 years old, there are some things you no longer do for me.

I am at the Holiday Inn with my 20-year-old student. Don't ...

Duh, Because its easy to x-plane

*Fckin kill me already*

*Fckin kill me already*

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

a professor of sociology, a professor of mathematics and a professor of philosophy travel to a congress by train into switzerland.

looking out of the windows, the professor of sociology happens to see a black sheep.

"how interesting". he exclaims. "it appears there are black sheep in s...

looking out of the windows, the professor of sociology happens to see a black sheep.

"how interesting". he exclaims. "it appears there are black sheep in s...

The bartender asked what they want. The first says a pint, the next says half a pint, next says a 1/4th a pint, next says an 1/8th a pint and so on until the bartender gets tired of hearing what they want. He pours two pints and says "Y'all need to learn your limits."

They all spot a deer, sitting out in the open, totally exposed. The mathematics professor loads his rifle, shoots, and misses by 5 inches to the right. The shot shocks the deer and it freezes in place. The physicist then loads his rifle, shoots, and misses by 5 inches to the left. The statistician c...

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

That horny bastard just couldn’t get enough of that three sum.

Cause they can't grasp the concept of integration.

(all credits to my friend if he reads it here but didn't post it himself!)

(all credits to my friend if he reads it here but didn't post it himself!)

his phobia was so bad that he will stop at nothing to avoid them.

dedicated to my special friend blader2601.

dedicated to my special friend blader2601.

Man: Six thousand eight hundred and fourty five.

Interviewer: Hm... that's not the right answer...

Man: But i'm quick.

Interviewer: Hm... that's not the right answer...

Man: But i'm quick.

... So he asked his secretary:

"If I give you USD 3 million less 17.5%, how much would you take off?"

Secretary: "Everything Sir! Dress, Underwear, Everything."

"If I give you USD 3 million less 17.5%, how much would you take off?"

Secretary: "Everything Sir! Dress, Underwear, Everything."

The struggle is real.

Before then, the only legal union was between man and woman.

"Well", his colleague replies, "you're perhaps a bit too pessimistic."

"I don't think so", the first one replies. "And anyhow, I have to go to the bathroom."

He goes off, and the other professor decides to use this opportunity to play a prank on his colleague. He makes a sign to the**... **

"I don't think so", the first one replies. "And anyhow, I have to go to the bathroom."

He goes off, and the other professor decides to use this opportunity to play a prank on his colleague. He makes a sign to the

The first one says: "The average person is, mathematically, an idiot. People don't know algebra, can't figure out percents, can't read a simple graph, and don't even get me started on calculus..."

The second professor disagrees, "Surely you're exaggerating. Most people know all the math they ...

The second professor disagrees, "Surely you're exaggerating. Most people know all the math they ...

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

She was a cute, sexy teacher. I called her Miss Cosnπ and man, did she have curves!

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

Because I bombed the living fuck outta that.

loga+logn = logan

The host said, "Congratulations on being our first caller, all you have to do is answer the following question correctly, to win our grand prize."

"That's fantastic!" I shouted in delight.

"Feel confident?" she asked. "It's a basic maths question."

"Well, I've got a master's in ...

"That's fantastic!" I shouted in delight.

"Feel confident?" she asked. "It's a basic maths question."

"Well, I've got a master's in ...

He counts with his fingers and says "4"

The teacher asks the boy not to count with his fingers and do the mathematics in his head

She again asks the boy "what's 3+3?"

The boy again counts with his fingers and says "6"

The teacher angrily scolds the boy and tells him that ...

The teacher asks the boy not to count with his fingers and do the mathematics in his head

She again asks the boy "what's 3+3?"

The boy again counts with his fingers and says "6"

The teacher angrily scolds the boy and tells him that ...

2x2= 4

1x1= 1

0x0= a small brown cube you put in a casserole.

1x1= 1

0x0= a small brown cube you put in a casserole.

Hard.

The new mathematics school teacher on the very first day asks a very complicated question.

Teacher: Let me see if you can answer this question :

"A train in Russia covers a distance of 600 kilometres in 4 hours . A bomber flies over a City in the Middle East and drops a huge bomb. A...

Teacher: Let me see if you can answer this question :

"A train in Russia covers a distance of 600 kilometres in 4 hours . A bomber flies over a City in the Middle East and drops a huge bomb. A...

A Professor of Mathematics and a Professor of Physics are in the staff room when the coffee machine bursts into flames. The Physics Professor jumps up, grabs the fire extinguisher and extinguishes the flame. The Mathematics Professor watches the whole thing without any reaction.

Years lat...

Years lat...

His parents tried everything they could to help him improve. Flash cards, tutors, books, nothing seemed to work. Finally, after getting some advice from the counselor, they decided to send him to a Catholic school.

Little Zachary didn't seem to mind. So the next week, he started going to th...

Little Zachary didn't seem to mind. So the next week, he started going to th...

They often have to deal with calculus on the job.

Except mathematics jokes. They make me feel number.

Turns out he was just exaggerating

He was pretty rad.

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

With his degree, he got prizes in mathematics and metaphysics. The lad's father came up to the college to see his son graduate.

"Weel, Dr. Thompson" asked the old farmer to a professor, "And what may these mathematics be for which my son has getten a prize?"

"Mathematics is to do with ...

"Weel, Dr. Thompson" asked the old farmer to a professor, "And what may these mathematics be for which my son has getten a prize?"

"Mathematics is to do with ...

The physics department of a college seeks funds to buy a cyclotron.

"This is millions and millions of dollars!" says the Dean.

"That's our microscope," says the physicist. "We can't do our research without it."

"Why can't the physics department be more like the mathematics department?...

"This is millions and millions of dollars!" says the Dean.

"That's our microscope," says the physicist. "We can't do our research without it."

"Why can't the physics department be more like the mathematics department?...

Even more amazing - one of the answers is wrong.

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