My daughter informed me that the earth is tilted at a 23.5 degree angle

I responded, “That’s not right.”


With a scowl, she pulled up google and proved to me that the earth is, in fact, tilted at a 23.5 degree angle.


“Precisely,” I agreed. “If the angle were right it would be 90°.”

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The Angle

This prostitute is working the street when a John pulls up and lets her in the car. After sex, she tells him "That was great. What are we gonna name the baby?"

The guy panics and tosses her another $100 on the condition she forgets all about him. Seeing that she may have discovered a new ang...

Saw a right angle resting under a tree this afternoon and thought....

Wow! 90 degrees in the shade!!

Why are obtuse angles so depressed? (BPI)

Because they're never ***right.***



\- brought to you by the Bad Puns Initiative (BPI)

What do you call an angle that’s gotten into a car crash?

A rectangle

Angle: so what your saying is you want me to put hair on the outside, and milk on the inside?

God: yep

Angel: ...OH! Well if you wanted me to make another mammal then why didn-

God: Nope

Angel: Wait what?

God: were making coconuts.

Stop calling Karens children Angles....

They are not acute thing.

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family.

On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon."

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.

"Good morning, Ma'am", he ...

Why are obtuse angles so depressed?

Because they're never right.

A physicist, engineer and a statistician are out hunting...

A physicist, engineer and a statistician are out hunting. Suddenly, a deer appears 50 yards away.

The physicist does some basic ballistic calculations, assuming a vacuum, lifts his rifle to a specific angle, and shoots. The bullet lands 5 yards short.

The engineer adds a fudge factor f...

Everybody has an angle at which they look bad or unflattering.

Mine, for example, is 360°.

She’s from Minsk

A small, tight knit, Russian village buys their milk from the neighboring town. Eventually they realize they should pool their resources and buy a cow for the town.

They all gather their money, some put more, some less, whatever they can afford. Now they have 800 roubles, but to buy a cow fr...

Three angles compete to be Goldilocks' husband

The first is obtuse and unattractive; Goldilocks says no.

The second is a-cute one but is unintelligent; again, Goldilocks says no.

But the third, ah yes, the third, is just right.

A politician who did absolutely nothing good or bad in his life died...

God and Satan are discussing what to do with him.
God says "He's done nothing great in his life, so he cant possibly go to heaven."
Satan responds "Well, he did nothing to deserve eternal damnnation either."
So they let the man spend one day in each heaven and hell to decide where he wanted...

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One misty Scottish morning a man is driving through the hills to Inverness.

Suddenly out of the mist, a massive red-haired highlander steps into the middle of the road. The man is at least six feet four, has a huge red beard and, despite the wind, mist, and near freezing temperatures, is wearing only his kilt, a tweed shirt and a tam-o'-shanter at a rakish angle.

At ...

I’m seeing a lot of heaven related jokes, so here’s a bad one to lower every bodies expectations-

What do angles fish for in heaven?
Holy mackerels

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What happens when you fuck an angle too hard?

You get a rectangle.

Math teacher: "What do you call an angle of 90 degrees?"

Me: "Fahrenheit or Celsius?"

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An ad man is overwhelmed with work...

An ad man is overwhelmed with work so he contracts our his easiest account, for Acme Nails, to his brother in law, who is a professional animator, to produce the ad.

Two days before it's due he still hasn't heard anything so he calls his BIL.

"Hey man, you must be done by now, right? I...

Teacher: "What is a compliment to a 45 degree angle?"

Student: "My you're looking acute today."

Another deserted island joke...

A chemist, a physicist, and an economist are shipwrecked on a deserted island, with only a book of waterproof matches, a set of flares, and a case of canned soup.

“All we have to eat is this soup,” said the chemist as he set of the first flare. “Let’s set the cans here, near the water, so th...

A woman goes to the ER with a vibrator stuck inside her. After careful examination, the doctor tells her:

"Miss, I've got some good news and some bad news.
Bad news... The vibrator is stuck in a way that we will need to operate to remove it.
Good news... >!It sits at an angle where I will be able to change the batteries for you.!<

If an Anglophone speaks the language of the Angles

what does that make someone who speaks the language of the Saxons?

This dude and his girlfriend are making out on the sofa

After a while it starts getting a bit more intimate and intense. He asks her should we take this to the bedroom? She’s thrilled and agrees. Only problem of they couldn’t work out the right angle to get the sofa through the door.

Two friends met after a long time. First one said: my wife is an angle.

Second one replied: You are very lucky man. Mine is still alive.

A photographer was assigned to take photographs of a national park, so he decided to take them from the sky to get the best angle.

He requested permission to rent a plane and the arrangements were made. He was told to report to a nearby airport where a plane would be waiting for him.

He arrived at the airport and saw a plane warming up near the gate. He jumped in with his bag and shouted: “Let’s go!”

The pilot swu...

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A businessman met with the hitman on the rooftop as planned

"Look at those bastards cheating on me, in my own bedroom!" The businessman picked up a monocular and looked into the house across the street. "Like I said on the phone,I want them to die slowly.Shoot the fucker on the dick or something."

"No problem." The hitman set up the sniper rifle and l...

A horse walks into a bar and says, “On a right-angled triangle with sides X, Y and Z, if X and Z are perpendicular, which side is opposite the right angle?”

The bartender says, “Y, long face.”

Things You Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery:

Oops!

Has anyone seen my watch?

That was some party last night. I can’t remember when I’ve been that drunk.

Damn! Page 47 of the manual is missing!

Well, this book doesn’t say that… What edition is your manual?

Ok, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly ...

I was out by Starbucks today and saw a woman taking a picture of her food. she was there for 45 minutes trying to get the perfect angle,

Then I realized I just started at a woman from across the room for 45 minutes.

Lysol's marketing department are trying out some new angles to generate sales. They claim that one bottle can clean an entire family of dolphins!

It's the best multi-porpoise cleaner on the market!

There was once a soap opera called "Touched By An Angle"

but most episodes just went off on tangents

What do you get when two different pairs of similar angles get in a car accident?

a wrecked angle


(This took me one 20 minute shower to think out)

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A man walks into a bar

He goes up to the bartender and asks him if he likes to gamble.

The bartender says, "Sure, I'll take a bet. What's your action?"

The man offers a $50 bet that he can bite his own eyeball. The bartender, thinking it's easy money, accepts his bet, and is shocked when the man removes his ...

Hey girl, are you an angle?

Cos I'm sinning to know you.

My mum told me she never really liked the angles in a square.

I said "ehh, they're alright"

A Woman Was Redecorating Her House

But when it came time to choose her window curtains, she was torn between two different shades of blue. One set was a darker shade - which matched the sofa, and the other was a lighter shade - which matched the chair. No matter how she tried to justify one over the other, she could not come to a dec...

Taking the side length that’s opposite of an angle in a right triangle is very much frowned upon.

It’s considered a sin.

Girl, are you the secant of angle Z?

Cuz you sure are sec(Z)

Why was the 89 degree angle not trusted

He's never right

Why do hockey rinks have rounded corners instead of 90 degree angles?

If they were 90 degrees the ice would melt.

I'm like a 89° angle

I'm almost normal.

Which body part hurts most when you get hit by a right-angled triangle?

Your sinuses.

Jones the farmer and his son Berwyn sign up for a sight-seeing tour in a small aircraft. As always, Jones angles for the best deal possible.

“Very well, Mr Jones,” says the pilot. “If you can go through the entire flight without making a sound, you and Berwyn can have your tickets for free.”

So the plane takes off and the pilot makes sure it’s a rough one, launching almost straight up, flying under the Severn Bridge, using every s...

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An engineer, a physicist and a statistician go deer hunting.

An engineer, a physicist and a statistician go deer hunting. They see a massive buck, and the physicist gets to take the first shot.

The physicist takes out a notepad and pencil and starts calculating, "Account for coriolis force, air friction...carry the 9..." Finally the physicist has calcu...

How do you know an angle is dead?

When it shows no vital sines

What does the geometrist say when he's proven wrong?

"You're right, I guess I never considered that angle"

There was a farmer who had a machine which caculated the angle you sat.

He called it his pro-tractor

Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?

Because it was over 90°.

What's the best angle to approach any problem?

The TRYangle.

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I did an experiment with frogs in high school science class.

I set the frog down in front of me and told it to jump. The frog jumped beautifully up into the air.

So, I cut off one of its front legs. Then I said: "frog, jump!"
And the frog jumped. It was at a slight angle, but it wasn't too bad.

Then I cut off its second front leg and told it ...

Why was the Angle freezing?

Because it was less than 32 degrees!

Why do math textbooks only ever give you one angle in a triangle?

Just cos.

I hate it when kids spell "angel" as "angle"

They're just trying to be edgy.

Three professors are on a hunting trip

After hours of trudging through the woods, they spot their first game of the day: a deer sleeping soundly in the middle of a clearing.

The first one, a physicist, takes out his notebook and uses the equations of motion to aim his rifle at the perfect angle. Bang! His bullet whizzes past the d...

My Math teacher asked me if I have learnt about angles

yeah, to a degree

What do you get if you set off dynamite planted in the corner between two perpendicular walls?

A wrecked angle

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So a man was thinking about what his wife said about pregnancy.

His wife had just been arguing with him the child birth is more painful then getting hit in the balls.
He politely thought about it from both angles and realized he was right all along. Because if a woman gives birth after about a year or two she says "wouldn't it be nice to have another child", ...

What happens when an angle gets itself into a car wreck?

The angle becomes a rectangle

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Which quadrilateral seems to have a boner all the time?

Erect-angle.

A priest told me this joke as a kid.

There were 3 men, they were best friends, and they were quite unhealthy. Their names were, Bert, Chester, and Earl.

They were actually really unhealthy and Bert decided that he needed to take charge of him and his friends' health. He decided that they were going to be on a diet together to he...

Why was the 40 degree angle so nice to the 50 degree angle?

Because its very complementary!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 guys die

They go to heavean and the angle there tells them they will go to heavean depending on the relationship they had with their wife. The first man comes up and says I was horrible I cheated on her 5 times. The angel says ok here is this old tractor he goes up in the old tractor. The next guy comes up ...

My life is going in circles and circles...

Apparently, I am watching it from every angle.

A mathematician, physicist and an engineer...

... are trying to measure a building.


The mathematician tries to calculate the height of the building by using angle of elevation.


The physicist throws an egg off the top of the building and tries using the time it takes to fall.


The engineer walks up to the owner of...

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A traveller enters a mysterious looking hotel and is greeted by a rather attractive girl sitting behind the check in desk.

She smiles at him, exposing slightly crooked teeth and endearing dimples. "You can have me, right here, right now." She gestures to a door he hadn't noticed before and continues, "Or, you can carry on to success."

The traveller is a little nonplussed, a little flattered about being propositio...

Saw this girl in math class and said

Hey girl you might be a little obtuse, but at the right angle you kind of acute.

Did you hear about angle 57.29

He's rad

Where do angles go for fun on the weekends?

To watch movies in the THETA

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A jewish man goes into a public restroom

He goes to the urinal as another man enters and starts using the urinal next to him. The other man looks over at him and asks, "Are you a Jew?"

"Why yes, I am," he replied.

"Are you circumcised?" The second man asked. A bit put off, the first man answered warily.

"A strange ques...

What the difference between anime and hentai?

The camera angle.

How did the triangle kill itself?

It used a hypotenuse.

The contestants of the Nashville beauty pageant enter the stage.

Infront of them is an audience of over 2000 and a judging panel consisting of one man, on his own, wearing an eyepatch.

Suddenly, the judge thrusts his arm out infront of him. He opens his hand out, and there, sitting in the middle of his palm is a bee staring intensely at the contestants on ...

Two women in heaven

After falling in front of a bus and dying a women found herself in front of St. Peter at the pearly gates. she was let in with after having been told the rules of heaven.

"You can do anything you like, except step on a duck"

She found that odd bu twas happy anyway.

When she ent...

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