The 66+ Best Angle Jokes

At what angle do most car accidents happen?

The Rectangle!
(Wrecked Angle)

A friend sent me a message the other day, "Your dog is such a lovely angle."

Acute dog, indeed.

What did the 90 degree angle say to the 60 degree angle?

Aren’t you a cute one.

Struggling with sharp angles when writing the letter V?

Sounds like a U problem

What is the best angle from which to approach a problem?

The TRY-angle.

Which angle are you most likely to ask out on a date?

Acute angle.

Chuck Norris can trisect an angle...

...With only a straight edge and a compass

What do you call a triangle with angles 42.0°, 69° and 69°?

A Nice-osceles triangle.

Saw a right angle resting under a tree this afternoon and thought....

Wow! 90 degrees in the shade!!

How do you hang a man at an angle?

With a hypotenuse

When I was a young boy, I made a mechanism that would change the angle of my bed.

I guess I have always been mechanically inclined.

Why are obtuse angles so depressed?

Because they’re never right.

My daughter informed me that the earth is tilted at a 23.5 degree angle

I responded, “That’s not right.”

With a scowl, she pulled up google and proved to me that the earth is, in fact, tilted at a 23.5 degree angle.

“Precisely,” I agreed. “If the angle were right it would be 90°.”

In geometry class, the teacher went up to the board and drew a 23 degree angle.

She then drew a 67 degree angle. The class was astonished when the angles started talking! The first one said "That's a lovely blouse you're wearing." and the second one chimed in "And I love what you've done with your hair."

The students asked the teacher if she knew what was going...

Did you know I can fly on United Airlines from Los Angles to New York in just 60 seconds?

I even called and asked how long it would take, she told me "just a minute"

Did you hear about the angle that cought COVID

It was acute

What do you call an angle that’s gotten into a car crash?

A rectangle

What do you call a Dent that looks better from a different angle?

Harvey

\*My first 100% original dad joke. I am proud of me\*

What kind of tree has branches with angles that all add up to 180 degrees?

A Trigonome-Tree.

Found a rusty propane tank like thing burried in my backyard today. As I open it with an angle grinder

My mind was blown

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A guy goes to see a prostitute. (unpleasant joke ahead)

"Is it true what they say about you?"
"Yes honey, absolutely. I can suck you off, and sing the Star-Spangled Banner at the same time. Wanna give it a go?"
"That sounds amazing. I've got to experience it for myself."

They go up to her place. They move to the bedroom immediately and he p...

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The Smiths had no children and decided to use a proxy father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr.Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon."

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning madam. You don't know me but I've come to...."
"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in.

"Really..?" the photographer asked. "Well, good....

What happened to the pentagon which lost an angle?

It got squared up.

Three angles compete to be Goldilocks' husband

The first is obtuse and unattractive; Goldilocks says no.

The second is a-cute one but is unintelligent; again, Goldilocks says no.

But the third, ah yes, the third, is just right.

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My Gf says I can get anal on my cake day if this post reaches front page

Please upvote because I want to rearrange the whole house furnitures to make them perfectly symmetric from every angle

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The Angle

This prostitute is working the street when a John pulls up and lets her in the car. After sex, she tells him "That was great. What are we gonna name the baby?"

The guy panics and tosses her another $100 on the condition she forgets all about him. Seeing that she may have discovered a new ang...

I was going to make an acute joke about right angles

But it was just a reflex.

Why are obtuse angles so depressed? (BPI)

Because they're never ***right.***

\- brought to you by the Bad Puns Initiative (BPI)

Two friends met after a long time. First one said: my wife is an angle.

Second one replied: You are very lucky man. Mine is still alive.

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What happens when you fuck an angle too hard?

You get a rectangle.

Stop calling Karens children Angles....

They are not acute thing.

Everybody has an angle at which they look bad or unflattering.

Mine, for example, is 360°.

Why was the 89 degree angle not trusted

He's never right

How do you know an angle is dead?

When it shows no vital sines

A photographer was assigned to take photographs of a national park, so he decided to take them from the sky to get the best angle.

He requested permission to rent a plane and the arrangements were made. He was told to report to a nearby airport where a plane would be waiting for him.

He arrived at the airport and saw a plane warming up near the gate. He jumped in with his bag and shouted: “Let’s go!”

The pilot swu...

What do you get when two different pairs of similar angles get in a car accident?

a wrecked angle

(This took me one 20 minute shower to think out)

There was a farmer who had a machine which caculated the angle you sat.

He called it his pro-tractor

If an Anglophone speaks the language of the Angles

what does that make someone who speaks the language of the Saxons?

Hey girl, are you an angle?

Cos I'm sinning to know you.

Girl, are you the secant of angle Z?

Cuz you sure are sec(Z)

Lysol's marketing department are trying out some new angles to generate sales. They claim that one bottle can clean an entire family of dolphins!

It's the best multi-porpoise cleaner on the market!

Why was the Angle freezing?

Because it was less than 32 degrees!

I hate it when kids spell "angel" as "angle"

They're just trying to be edgy.

Why do math textbooks only ever give you one angle in a triangle?

Just cos.

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A farmer separated the bulls and cows to prepare them for the mating season a few days later

He built a wall with barbed wires on top.*

*A young bull could not resist his temptations and wanted to mate a cow.*

*Other bulls told him there was one veteran consultant bull amongst them that could help.*

*The bull went to him and asked how to cross the wall to the cows.*...

A horse walks into a bar and says, “On a right-angled triangle with sides X, Y and Z, if X and Z are perpendicular, which side is opposite the right angle?”

The bartender says, “Y, long face.”

Taking the side length that’s opposite of an angle in a right triangle is very much frowned upon.

It’s considered a sin.

I'm like a 89° angle

I'm almost normal.

My mum told me she never really liked the angles in a square.

I said "ehh, they're alright"

Jones the farmer and his son Berwyn sign up for a sight-seeing tour in a small aircraft. As always, Jones angles for the best deal possible.

“Very well, Mr Jones,” says the pilot. “If you can go through the entire flight without making a sound, you and Berwyn can have your tickets for free.”

So the plane takes off and the pilot makes sure it’s a rough one, launching almost straight up, flying under the Severn Bridge, using every s...

What kills people who sail through the Bermuda Triangle?

Heat exhaustion - it's 180 degrees inside of a triangle.

What happens when an angle gets itself into a car wreck?

The angle becomes a rectangle

Why was the 40 degree angle so nice to the 50 degree angle?

Because its very complementary!

Where do angles go for fun on the weekends?

To watch movies in the THETA

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A man walks into a bar, he goes up to the bartender and asks him if he likes to gamble.

A man walks into a bar...

He goes up to the bartender and asks him if he likes to gamble.

The bartender says, "Sure, I'll take a bet. What's your action?"

The man offers a $50 bet that he can bite his own eyeball. The bartender, thinking it's easy money, accepts his bet, and is ...

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A beautiful young woman is sunbathing on the beach of an upscale resort, when she feels a buzzing in her vagina.

Alarmed, she runs to her father for help. "I think there's an insect in my coochie!" she tells him, frantically dancing from the buzzing sensation.

They call up the resort's resident doctor. He takes her into his office for an examination.

"Yup. It looks like a bee has crawled into yo...

My Math teacher asked me if I have learnt about angles

yeah, to a degree

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What do you call a horny square?

Erect-angle

The contestants of the Nashville beauty pageant enter the stage.

Infront of them is an audience of over 2000 and a judging panel consisting of one man, on his own, wearing an eyepatch.

Suddenly, the judge thrusts his arm out infront of him. He opens his hand out, and there, sitting in the middle of his palm is a bee staring intensely at the contestants on ...

A priest told me this joke as a kid.

There were 3 men, they were best friends, and they were quite unhealthy. Their names were, Bert, Chester, and Earl.

They were actually really unhealthy and Bert decided that he needed to take charge of him and his friends' health. He decided that they were going to be on a diet together to he...

a^2 + b^2 = c^2

But only if the angle is right.

What happened when the square had an accident?

It became a wrecked angle.

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A jewish man goes into a public restroom

He goes to the urinal as another man enters and starts using the urinal next to him. The other man looks over at him and asks, "Are you a Jew?"

"Why yes, I am," he replied.

"Are you circumcised?" The second man asked. A bit put off, the first man answered warily.

"A strange ques...

Why did the triangle not bother to attack the circle?

It was pointless.

A snail goes into a car dealership....

and he asks "What's the fastest car in this place?"

The car dealer takes him to a super-fast Lamborghini. "This one right here, it will do two-hundred eighty kilometres per hour."

"And do you do custom paint jobs?" The snail asked.

"Yes sir, absolutely anything for our customers...

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A priest, an engineer and a mathematician stand on the roof of a burning house.

The only way down seems to be a big leap down into a nearby pool. The house is high though and the pool small.

The priest is ready right away for his leap of faith. "So god help me!" He says, takes a second to gather himself, sprints towards the edge and jumps. He just barely misses the pool....

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