UPJOKE
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A friend sent me a message the other day, "Your dog is such a lovely angle."

Acute dog, indeed.

At what angle do most car accidents happen?

The Rectangle!
(Wrecked Angle)

What did the 90 degree angle say to the 60 degree angle?

Aren’t you a cute one.

Struggling with sharp angles when writing the letter V?

Sounds like a U problem

Which angle are you most likely to ask out on a date?

Acute angle.

What is the best angle from which to approach a problem?

The TRY-angle.

Saw a right angle resting under a tree this afternoon and thought....

Wow! 90 degrees in the shade!!

What do you call a triangle with angles 42.0°, 69° and 69°?

A Nice-osceles triangle.

My daughter informed me that the earth is tilted at a 23.5 degree angle

I responded, “That’s not right.”


With a scowl, she pulled up google and proved to me that the earth is, in fact, tilted at a 23.5 degree angle.


“Precisely,” I agreed. “If the angle were right it would be 90°.”

You hear what happened when the triangle tried to make all its angles 90 degree?

Didn't end well, I hear it's a wrecked angle now.

Chuck Norris can trisect an angle...

...With only a straight edge and a compass

How do you hang a man at an angle?

With a hypotenuse

Stop calling Karens children Angles....

They are not acute thing.

When I was a young boy, I made a mechanism that would change the angle of my bed.

I guess I have always been mechanically inclined.

What do you call a Dent that looks better from a different angle?

Harvey





\*My first 100% original dad joke. I am proud of me\*

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Man walks into a bar with an octopus

He says "I bet anyone $50 they can't bring me a musical instrument this octopus can't play."

People in the bar look around, talk amongst themselves, and someone brings up an acoustic guitar. The octopus looks at the guitar, tests the strings, tunes it, and begins playing a country song.
...

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"I want you to have this,"

said the husband to his wife, handing her a gold bracelet with an engraved medallion. "It belonged to my mother."

"Oh honey, thank you!" she said, smiling and putting on the bracelet. "It's a beautiful bracelet and a beautiful gesture."

As she moved her arm around admiring it from ...

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A construction foreman is interviewing three guys for a job.

He asks the first guy, "Can you take this hammer, throw it in the air, and catch it in your tool belt?"

The first guy says "I sure can!" and tosses the hammer 6 feet in the air. He catches it behind him right in his tool belt.

The foreman nods his head, and says to the second guy, "...

Three angles compete to be Goldilocks' husband

The first is obtuse and unattractive; Goldilocks says no.

The second is a-cute one but is unintelligent; again, Goldilocks says no.

But the third, ah yes, the third, is just right.

What happened to the pentagon which lost an angle?

It got squared up.

What do you call an angle that’s gotten into a car crash?

A rectangle

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My Gf says I can get anal on my cake day if this post reaches front page

Please upvote because I want to rearrange the whole house furnitures to make them perfectly symmetric from every angle

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The Angle

This prostitute is working the street when a John pulls up and lets her in the car. After sex, she tells him "That was great. What are we gonna name the baby?"

The guy panics and tosses her another $100 on the condition she forgets all about him. Seeing that she may have discovered a new ang...

Did you hear about the angle that cought COVID

It was acute

Why are obtuse angles so depressed?

They’re never right.

Why are obtuse angles so depressed? (BPI)

Because they're never ***right.***



\- brought to you by the Bad Puns Initiative (BPI)

Why was the 40 degree angle so nice to the 50 degree angle?

Because its very complementary!

In geometry class, the teacher went up to the board and drew a 23 degree angle.



She then drew a 67 degree angle. The class was astonished when the angles started talking! The first one said "That's a lovely blouse you're wearing." and the second one chimed in "And I love what you've done with your hair."

The students asked the teacher if she knew what was going...

I was going to make an acute joke about right angles

But it was just a reflex.

What kind of tree has branches with angles that all add up to 180 degrees?

A Trigonome-Tree.

Hey girl, are you an angle?

Cos I'm sinning to know you.

I'm like a 89° angle

I'm almost normal.

Why was the 89 degree angle not trusted

He's never right

How do you know an angle is dead?

When it shows no vital sines

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What happens when you fuck an angle too hard?

You get a rectangle.

Why was the Angle freezing?

Because it was less than 32 degrees!

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A guy goes to see a prostitute. (unpleasant joke ahead)

"Is it true what they say about you?"
"Yes honey, absolutely. I can suck you off, and sing the Star-Spangled Banner at the same time. Wanna give it a go?"
"That sounds amazing. I've got to experience it for myself."

They go up to her place. They move to the bedroom immediately and he p...

Girl, are you the secant of angle Z?

Cuz you sure are sec(Z)

If an Anglophone speaks the language of the Angles

what does that make someone who speaks the language of the Saxons?

Did you know I can fly on United Airlines from Los Angles to New York in just 60 seconds?

I even called and asked how long it would take, she told me "just a minute"

I hate it when kids spell "angel" as "angle"

They're just trying to be edgy.

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A farmer separated the bulls and cows to prepare them for the mating season a few days later

He built a wall with barbed wires on top.*

*A young bull could not resist his temptations and wanted to mate a cow.*

*Other bulls told him there was one veteran consultant bull amongst them that could help.*

*The bull went to him and asked how to cross the wall to the cows.*...

Everybody has an angle at which they look bad or unflattering.

Mine, for example, is 360°.

Found a rusty propane tank like thing burried in my backyard today. As I open it with an angle grinder

My mind was blown

Two friends met after a long time. First one said: my wife is an angle.

Second one replied: You are very lucky man. Mine is still alive.

There was a farmer who had a machine which caculated the angle you sat.

He called it his pro-tractor

You know why the 89 degree angle went to school?

He was missing his master's degree.

My mum told me she never really liked the angles in a square.

I said "ehh, they're alright"

Why do math textbooks only ever give you one angle in a triangle?

Just cos.

A horse walks into a bar and says, “On a right-angled triangle with sides X, Y and Z, if X and Z are perpendicular, which side is opposite the right angle?”

The bartender says, “Y, long face.”

What do you get when two different pairs of similar angles get in a car accident?

a wrecked angle


(This took me one 20 minute shower to think out)

What happens when an angle gets itself into a car wreck?

The angle becomes a rectangle

My Math teacher asked me if I have learnt about angles

yeah, to a degree

What kills people who sail through the Bermuda Triangle?

Heat exhaustion - it's 180 degrees inside of a triangle.

Where do angles go for fun on the weekends?

To watch movies in the THETA

Taking the side length that’s opposite of an angle in a right triangle is very much frowned upon.

It’s considered a sin.

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What do you call a horny square?

Erect-angle

A photographer was assigned to take photographs of a national park, so he decided to take them from the sky to get the best angle.

He requested permission to rent a plane and the arrangements were made. He was told to report to a nearby airport where a plane would be waiting for him.

He arrived at the airport and saw a plane warming up near the gate. He jumped in with his bag and shouted: “Let’s go!”

The pilot swu...

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The Smiths had no children and decided to use a proxy father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr.Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon."

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning madam. You don't know me but I've come to...."
"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in.

"Really..?" the photographer asked. "Well, good....

Lysol's marketing department are trying out some new angles to generate sales. They claim that one bottle can clean an entire family of dolphins!

It's the best multi-porpoise cleaner on the market!

Why was the rectangle in love with a triangle?

She has acute angle.

a^2 + b^2 = c^2

But only if the angle is right.

Jones the farmer and his son Berwyn sign up for a sight-seeing tour in a small aircraft. As always, Jones angles for the best deal possible.

“Very well, Mr Jones,” says the pilot. “If you can go through the entire flight without making a sound, you and Berwyn can have your tickets for free.”

So the plane takes off and the pilot makes sure it’s a rough one, launching almost straight up, flying under the Severn Bridge, using every s...

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A jewish man goes into a public restroom

He goes to the urinal as another man enters and starts using the urinal next to him. The other man looks over at him and asks, "Are you a Jew?"

"Why yes, I am," he replied.

"Are you circumcised?" The second man asked. A bit put off, the first man answered warily.

"A strange ques...

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A priest, an engineer and a mathematician stand on the roof of a burning house.

The only way down seems to be a big leap down into a nearby pool. The house is high though and the pool small.

The priest is ready right away for his leap of faith. "So god help me!" He says, takes a second to gather himself, sprints towards the edge and jumps. He just barely misses the pool....

The contestants of the Nashville beauty pageant enter the stage.

Infront of them is an audience of over 2000 and a judging panel consisting of one man, on his own, wearing an eyepatch.

Suddenly, the judge thrusts his arm out infront of him. He opens his hand out, and there, sitting in the middle of his palm is a bee staring intensely at the contestants on ...

A snail goes into a car dealership....

and he asks "What's the fastest car in this place?"

The car dealer takes him to a super-fast Lamborghini. "This one right here, it will do two-hundred eighty kilometres per hour."

"And do you do custom paint jobs?" The snail asked.

"Yes sir, absolutely anything for our customers...

What do you call a triangle that's had too much to drink?

A rekt angle

What do you call a medieval knight with one leg that’s shorter than the other?

An Angled-Saxon

Did you hear about the square that got into an accident?

Now it’s a wrecked-angle

What did the geometry teacher say when the class had trouble solving a problem?

Let’s try a different angle

When are protractors the same as calculators?

When they start counting but no matter the angle, protractors don't measure up.

Why did the triangle not bother to attack the circle?

It was pointless.

Science/Engineering joke from my lab today

So today I was in fluids lab and our lab was about surface tension. As part of that, we were supposed to estimate the angle of a meniscus of water in a tube, so one guy was doing the angle estimation, I was measuring something else and the other guy was recording data. Anyway, I asked the guy who wa...

Crazy drinking session we had last night.

My wife got her stomach pumped. In my defence it was dark and she fell asleep at a funny angle.

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NSFF: Secretly taped me and my wife having sex...

It was kinda hot seeing her disappointed face from another angle.

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