Location Jokes - 55 Hilarious Location Jokes

A New Pho Restaurant Opened up its second location

The proprietor, Mr. Ngo, was very excited for the opening of his new restaurant. It had been a dream of his for many years to expand his business. He wasn't very original and named his original restaurant "Ngo Pho."

However, business was great and he was soon able to open a second location o...

Which location is lower than the depths of Hell?

Apparently Georgia, if the Devil had to go down.

Why couldn't the zoo reveal the name and location of its newest animal?

HIPPO compliance

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A Marine returns from duty in Iraq and is immediately reassigned to a remote location in Afghanistan

That evening he arrives at his new post; a run down mosque in the middle of nowhere.

As he switches over with the marine currently stationed there, he realises there is no bed, no clean water, no toilet, just him, his weapon and the dirt on the floor.

The next morning he wakes up to fi...

Fishing is all location location location

Me and a buddy rented a boat and went fishing on a lake we had never been to before. For several hours we tried everything we could think of and just could not catch anything. We moved to a spot at the far end of the lake and on the first cast and every cast after, we caught fish. Daylight was runn...

Justin Timberlake is under pressure from the US government to reveal the location of his secret fishing villa in war-torn Ukraine.

His only response is, Crimea River.

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The submarine sandwich shop by my work had moved to a new location and was replaced with an adult sex shop.

I didn't realize it until one day I walked in and asked for a 12-inch salami on an Italian.

I hate hostage negotiations, where you have to prove you're a trusted identity, and you have to meet up at some out-of-the-way location.

Sorry, I meant postage negotiations.

How do you set your digital location to Skyrim?

You use NordVPN

PETA wants to know your location.

A baby seal walks into a bar.

Bartender: What can I get ya?

Baby seal: Anything but a Canadian Club.

How do engineers pick a location for a hydropower dam?

They analyze the hydrology of several locations along the river, examine the geology of the underlying rock, determine the feasibility of bringing in materials and equipment, then they pick a spot that's a damsite better than the others.

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I have location-based constipation.

Can’t have shit in Detroit.

Relaxing location

While my parents were making their funeral arrangements, the cemetery salesman pointed out a plot that he thought they would like. “You’ll have a beautiful view of the swan pond,” he assured them.

Dad wasn’t sold: “Unless you’re including a periscope with my casket, I don’t know how I’m going...

The FBI, the CIA, and the KGB are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.

The FBI receive 1000 tips about the rabbit's location but refuses to investigate.

The CIA burns down the whole forest and said there's no rabbit.

The KGB drags a man out of the forest and beats him as he screams "OK I'm a rabbit!"

Unconfirmed rumors that The Rock has been injured while on location in Namibia

I guess Dwayne's down in Africa.

Today I set my location on Tinder to Flint, Michigan

Because I bet those girls are pretty thirsty.

A bakery owner hires a young female clerk who likes to wear very short skirts and thong panties.

One day a young man enters the store, glances at the clerk and at the loaves of bread behind the counter.

Noticing her short skirt, and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brilliant idea.

“I’d like some raisin bread please,” the man says.

The clerk nods and climbs up a la...

I met the most beautiful girl at the Covid testing location the other day

She left me breathless

How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Usually one. Lightbulbs are relatively easy to screw in, although depending on the position/location of said light it may require a stepladder or some sort of object to stand on to elevate yourself. Always be careful when installing electronics, make sure the light switch is OFF before going near it

theres something suspicious about the location of the g-spot

i just cant quite put my finger on it

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Dungeon Location

If you are going to build an S&M dungeon at home, it's location is very important. You need a place in your house with the right energy, right decor and the right mindset, probably best if it's on the lowest floor of the house for symbolic reasons.

I suggest you try debasement

Why do the avengers make Black Widow share her location on her phone?

To stop her from Romanoff

A mathematician spent his whole life trying to triangulate the location of hell.

He finally did cos sin.

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A taxi driver, new on the job, picks up his first customer.

The driver then started to head to the location designated by the passenger. A few minutes had passed and the whole trip had been quiet ever since. The radio wasn't even turned on.

The passenger is very interpersonal so he started to strike a conversation to break the silence.

"Hey, ma...

At the meeting location, why did the spymaster keep looking up, rather than scanning the crowd for his contact?

He was told the informant would be “in de skies”.

Jack calls an ambulance for his friend who has been hit by a car

The operator asks for his location.

Jack says “I’m outside 28 Eucalyptus Road”.

The operator knows there is no room for error and for clarity asks, "How do you spell that?"

There’s shuffling and sounds of straining at the other end of the phone. “Jack?” says the operator, conc...

Air traffic control - Flight 417, please confirm your location, over

Pilot - This is Flight 417, we are in the sky, over

If an object is large enough, it becomes a location.

Can’t wait to travel to yo mama.

When two marijuana dispensaries are unable to increase sales by changing location,

they have reached hash equilibrium.

Joke for any location...

I was at a "place of religion or race" the other day going through some magazines...

... I was perfectly happy till my rifle jammed.

At what location is the gold on a dog’s treasure map?

Where p marks the spot

In his grandfather's overcoat pocket, a man finds a ticket for shoes left for repair in 1955

A man is cleaning out his grandfathers home after the grandfather passed away at 90.
In one of the grandfathers old overcoats pockets he finds a ticket for some shoes that the grandfather had left to be repaired, dated from 1955.
In curiosity the man checks online and is surprised to see t...

What do you do when you want to find a mythical location on a map?

Well legend has it...

How are bats like real-estate agents?

It’s all echo-location location location

A study claims the filthiest location in a typical home isn't the kitchen floor,

the bin,

or even the toilet seat.

It's actually the hard drive.

After a 10 day journey, the turtle family finally arrives to the picnic location...

Upon arrival, mama turtle realizes they forgot the ketchup.

“Junior, please go back and fetch the ketchup”

“No way! You’ll start without me”

“Don’t worry, we’ll wait for you”

“I don’t believe you”

“We promise not to start without you”

Reluctantly, Junior lea...

The cook promised a chicken that he will spare its life if it can guess their location.

In a state of panic, the chicken asked "What's going to happen to my family?!" The cook looked down with disappointment smeared on his face. "Help! Help!" the chicken clucked for his final minutes have arrived. "I need your guess now," said the cook as the deep frier began to sizzle. "A volcano, the...

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I decided to sell some of my guns today

Times are rough, inflation is a bitch, and I need the cash so I decided to sell some of my guns.

I met the buyer at a public location, and being a responsible gun owner I decided to run a background check.

Within 5 minutes I discovered the buyer has a history of extortion, kidnapping, ...

A sheriff gets a call regarding a group of suspicious birds gathered along the highway.

So he drives to the reported location and sure enough there’s a group of about 15 vultures all huddled in a circle just off the right lane. The sheriff gets out and walks over to the birds to see what they’re up to. As he approaches he calls out “hey fellas, mind if I ask what this meetings about?” ...

The moon landing was staged

The moon landing was staged and it was shot by Stanley Kubrick, the reason it looks so real is because of Kubrick's obsession with filming on location.

I heard r/Jokes is going to open a brick and mortar location..

It’s gonna be a second hand store, of course

My uncle is a general contractor primarily focused on the construction of new branch locations for credit unions and other financial institutions.

He makes bank.

Downloaded that ap where you post your location when you're drinking a good cup of coffee, I think it's called Grinder.

The real plus is that I haven't paid for a single cup yet!

The fellas around here are just so friendly.

A guy with an inverted sight boarded a bus to a random location.

Whoops, wrong sub.

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A bear walks into a bar...

The bear says: “I’d like a whiskey and............................coke please.

Bartender says: “Why the big pause?”

Bear replies: “I was born with them.”

Edit:
Thanks for the upvotes! I actually lived this joke right before posting while making dinner for my kids (changed t...

Caller: Hello, 911, my friend collapsed, we need an ambulance. 911: What is your location?

Caller: Peotone St. at Charlevoix

911: Can you spell that?

Caller: Look, I'll drag him to 3rd and Oak - send the ambulance there.

A Montana cowboy was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud toward him.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?" The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefu...

I told the local business owner that I loved his convenient location -- walking distance from my house!

"That's nice, sir." He said. "But if you want an oil change, you'll have to drive"

A doctor is selling his victims on the dark web. He shows up to the location and no one is there. The doctor waits for hours. When the buyer shows up...

They say "Thank you for your patients"

Topograms are words that are derived from a real geographic location, like champagne and sandwich.

Tuxedo is also a topogram, dating from around 1888, the suit is named after Tuxedo Park, a Hudson Valley enclave for New York’s social elite where it was primarily seen in its early years. The area, known for its lavish estates, is too expensive for most people to own a home. Usually they just ren...

An English lady, while vacationing in Switzerland, fell in love with a small town and the surrounding countryside.

She asked the pastor of a local church if he knew of any houses with rooms to rent that were close to town, but out in the country. The pastor kindly drove her out to see a house with a room to rent. She loved the house and decided to rent the room. Then, the lady returned to her home in England to ...

The US government hired Stanley Kubrick to film the fake moon landing.

...but he was such a stickler for doing it right that he insisted that they film on location.

My wife said she’d leave me if I didn’t stop making puns about Scandinavian locations.

I said “There’s Norway you’d go Oslo as that.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Someone told me that when there is a tornado, to hide in a location without windows.

Such as a bathroom or basement. Replied that an Apple store would work as well.

While at work, I think I've finally come to a conclusion on why I'm still single. For years, I've blamed other people, or my weight, or my location, but I think I've found the real explanation.

If it hadn't been for Cotton Eyed Joe, I'd be married a long time ago.

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