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An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar

The first mathematician orders a beer

The second orders half a beer

"I don't serve half-beers" the bartender replies

"Excuse me?" Asks mathematician #2

"What kind of bar serves half-beers?" The bartender remarks. "That's ridiculous."

"Oh c'mon" says mathematician #...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call breasts that have both magnitude and direction?

Vector quantitties

Despite all the problems it has caused, this pandemic has given all of us direction

And magnitude. We're all vectors.

Man, I dont get those vectors..

I am skewed for the finals.

A group of mountain climbers all contract Coronavirus, but are strangely unable to infect anybody else.

This is because scalars aren't vectors.

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The mosquito that brings disease...

A village elder is brought a mosquito caught from a swarm. The townsfolks fear it may bring disease. So the elder says - "I will take this mosquito, and I will determine the aspects of the disease that it may bring." The elder rips up the mosquito into pieces. He places each one into a tiny square d...

Sometimes when I'm bored I'll convert vector images into bitmaps

But I really should stop procrasternating.

Baby you must be a vector image...

Cause no matter how close I look you're still perfect.

What do you get when you cross a mountain climber with a mosquito?

Nothing. You can't cross a scalar and a vector.

What did the 3D Vector say after making a bad joke?

i j k

Mountaineers are completely safe from Covid-19

because you can't cross a vector with a scaler.

Several years ago, a group of artistic polymaths decided to mathematically represent different styles of painting.

Several years ago, a group of artistic polymaths decided to mathematically represent different styles of painting.

Each of the polymaths was a leading figure in a different field of mathematics, and each pursued and studied a different style of painting. Together, they decided that if they co...

Bullies at school make fun of me and call me a terrorist because my name is Victor...

Tomorrow, I'll bring big brother Vector! He will teach them...

The Wright brothers.

The Wright brothers must have been vectors, because two of them made a plane.

I found out my friend is addicted to math.

I should have known. All the sines were there. He had a hard time functioning, and he would go off on tangents all the time. Such a shame - he was in his prime, his life was on a great vector. He wanted to write the next 'Matrix'. But now, he can't differentiate between what is real and what is imag...

Why should you wear a condom when writing C++ code?

It's full of std vectors.

Wife: What’s the difference between bird flu and swine flu?

Me: Well, it has to do with the original animal vectors and -
Wife: No! For bird flu you need tweetment and for swine flu you need oinkment.

REAL math joke

At a party vectors V and W see vector V+W poking in his head and asking: "Can I join?". "Yeah.", V and W reply; "It's a closed party..."

Physics Joke

A mountain climber goes out drinking with his friends.
He starts complaining "My wife called me annoying last night! She compared me to a mosquito." His buddy responded. "You know what they say. You can't cross a vector with a scalar."

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Engineering pickup lines

Engineering pickup lines:

Hey babe, what's your factor of safety?

Can I use my sigma to find your tau max?

What frequency does it take to make your O-me-ga

How big does your period need to be to reduce our frequency

How about you and I go have a couple moment

What do you call a room filled with members of the RNC all pointing in the air?

A conservative vector field.

Question- what's the worst possible poster you can hang in an STD testing clinic?


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