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An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar

   The first mathematician orders a beer 

The second orders half a beer 

"I don't serve half-beers" the bartender replies 

"Excuse me?" Asks mathematician #2 

"What kind of bar serves half-beers?" The barten...

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What do you call breasts that have both magnitude and direction?

Vector quantitties

What did the vector say when it lied?

I cap

What do you get if you cross a mountain climber with a mosquito?

You can't cross a scalar with a vector!

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A love story

A Love Story


Micro was a real time user and a dedicated multi-user. His broad-band protocol made it easy for him to interface with numerous input/output devices, even if it meant time sharing.

One evening Micro arrived home just as the sun was crashing. He had parked his Motorola ...

What did the 3D Vector say after making a bad joke?

i j k

Man, I dont get those vectors..

I am skewed for the finals.

In honor of the other math joke I saw on the front page

A mountain climber is climbing a mountain from the bottom along it’s only path. A mosquito starts at the top and follows the path downwards. Where do the two meet?

Nowhere. You can’t cross a scalar and a vector.

Baby you must be a vector image...

Cause no matter how close I look you're still perfect.

Sometimes when I'm bored I'll convert vector images into bitmaps

But I really should stop procrasternating.

A group of mountain climbers all contract Coronavirus, but are strangely unable to infect anybody else.

This is because scalars aren't vectors.

I have dabbled in Cartesian coordinates...

but vector geometry is where I draw the line.

Despite all the problems it has caused, this pandemic has given all of us direction

And magnitude. We're all vectors.

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The mosquito that brings disease...

A village elder is brought a mosquito caught from a swarm. The townsfolks fear it may bring disease. So the elder says - "I will take this mosquito, and I will determine the aspects of the disease that it may bring." The elder rips up the mosquito into pieces. He places each one into a tiny square d...

The Wright brothers.

The Wright brothers must have been vectors, because two of them made a plane.

Several years ago, a group of artistic polymaths decided to mathematically represent different styles of painting.

Several years ago, a group of artistic polymaths decided to mathematically represent different styles of painting.

Each of the polymaths was a leading figure in a different field of mathematics, and each pursued and studied a different style of painting. Together, they decided that if they co...

We always feel time passing forward and in a straight line and never otherwise

Because the history is written by the vector.

Bullies at school make fun of me and call me a terrorist because my name is Victor...

Tomorrow, I'll bring big brother Vector! He will teach them...

Physics Joke

A mountain climber goes out drinking with his friends.
He starts complaining "My wife called me annoying last night! She compared me to a mosquito." His buddy responded. "You know what they say. You can't cross a vector with a scalar."

REAL math joke

At a party vectors V and W see vector V+W poking in his head and asking: "Can I join?". "Yeah.", V and W reply; "It's a closed party..."

I found out my friend is addicted to math.

I should have known. All the sines were there. He had a hard time functioning, and he would go off on tangents all the time. Such a shame - he was in his prime, his life was on a great vector. He wanted to write the next 'Matrix'. But now, he can't differentiate between what is real and what is imag...

Wife: What’s the difference between bird flu and swine flu?

Me: Well, it has to do with the original animal vectors and -
Wife: No! For bird flu you need tweetment and for swine flu you need oinkment.

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Engineering pickup lines

Engineering pickup lines:

Hey babe, what's your factor of safety?

Can I use my sigma to find your tau max?

What frequency does it take to make your O-me-ga

How big does your period need to be to reduce our frequency

How about you and I go have a couple moment
...

What do you call a room filled with members of the RNC all pointing in the air?

A conservative vector field.

Question- what's the worst possible poster you can hang in an STD testing clinic?

[answer](http://image.shutterstock.com/display_pic_with_logo/947257/308963732/stock-vector-creative-vector-inspirational-poster-with-motivational-quote-think-positive-motivational-design-308963732.jpg)

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