The circle is the most ridiculous shape in the world

There's absolutely no point to it

A triangle says to a circle: You're pointless.

Then the circle says back: That's how I roll.

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In the middle of a summer, Bubba and Billy Ray are fishing in a lake, while a tourist on water skis keeps doing circles around their boat...

Bubba eyes the tourist, and, after a while, mutters:

"That guy sure's scarin' away all them fish with that racket..."

"Sure is," Billy Ray agrees.

"Say," Bubba suggests, "why don't we smack an oar next time he passes us, an' splash him?"

Billy Ray likes the idea, and they...

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Why is it called "The circle of life"?

Because it's fucking pointless

I walked past a circle the other day.

You could say i was ahead of the curve.

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A young shark asked his dad, "Why do we always swim circles around people before eating them?"

He replied, "They taste better if you scare the shit out of them first"

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One in our circle of friends is supposed to be gay.

I hope it's John, he's so cute.

What do you do when you see a baby spinning in circles?

Stop laughing and untie him from the ceiling fan

I took a detour on the way home yesterday. Took me through 8 traffic circles,

but it got me where I was going, in a roundabout way.

I hate circles

They’re so pointless

How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles?

Nail it's other hand to the floor.

What do you call a circle land lord?

Sir come for rents

A circus tamer was trying to arrange a trick where he'd have 50 bears marching in perfect lines, but they always ended up walking in circles, leading him to almost selling his bears...

Turns out he was the problem all along, he just had to get his bear-rings straight.

Mommy! Mommy! Look I'm running in circles!

Mom: Be quiet or I'll nail your other foot to the floor!

A circle is talking to a square.

The circle says “I only have one side.” The square responds with “what’s your point?”.

China recently tried to gain favor with the rest of the world by releasing a video of all their native bears, standing in a big circle, to show their repopulation and conservation efforts. Some people thought it was great.

I think it was just panda ring.

How long does it take to draw a line through a circle without going through the center?

About a secant

An imam, a priest and a rabbi are having a discussion about what they do with the money they receive from worshippers.

The priest explains his process: « the way I do things is very simple. First, I take a big piece of chalk and draw a circle around myself. After that I take the money in my hands, throw it up in the air and what falls inside the circle is for me while all the money that falls outside is for the Lor...

My wife and I couldn't figure out the British term for a traffic circle.

We got the finally found the roundabout answer from researching about it in the library.

A group of people were standing in a circle..

It was a pointless conversation.

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Where racism come from.

So, it’s early spring 1976 in Moscow. It’s cold, and raining and Svetlana asks her husband, Pavel, to get some meat from the store. He readily agrees to go, bundles up and heads out into the cold.

Pavel arrives at the meat store. Of course, there’s a long line (this is the USSR, after all), a...

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The Elevator

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, especially two shiny walls that could move apart, and back together again.

The boy asked his father, "What is this father?"

The father (having never seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I ha...

Nintendo just announced they're changing Pokemon Sword & Shield to Pokemon Circle & Oval

After Game Freak decided to cut every corner.

What’s the difference between me and a circle?

People like the circle to be a round.

What do you call Blackbeard’s average for counting circles?

His Pi-rate.

What do you call a section of a circle that ascends to heaven?

An arcangle.

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I was outside getting my mail when I noticed my neighbor cutting his lawn. The mower was loud and he didn’t see that his dog was licking something up by the garage door. Suddenly, the dog began running circles around the front lawn but shortly after he fell to the grass.

“Did he die?”

*No he just ran out of gas*

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It's Halloween evening, and the door bell goes

I get up and answer the door expecting to see some cute kids dressed in appropriate outfits, you know witches, zombies etc etc. So I was quite unprepared for what I saw when I opened the door...a group of maybe 15 year olds just wearing their normal clothes. Tracksuits and baseball caps maybe 5 or 6...

I don't understand why we study circles in geometry.

They're pointless.

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A roman, an american, and a jewish man all died.

They were immediately sent to hell because they had committed some pretty unsettling offenses in their lives. The roman was a lustful sex offender, the american was extremely gluttonous, and the Jewish man was very greedy and stole lots of money over his lifetime.

Well, God was feeling pretty...

A state trooper pulls over a farmer...

A farmer got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding, and the trooper started to lecture the farmer about his speed, and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the farmer uncomfortable.
Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket, and as he was doing that he ...

One day a man’s daughters came to him and circled round

“Papa,” said the first one, “why did you name me Lily?”

“Because when you were a baby a pedal from a lily blew in the window and landed on your head,” he said.

“And why did you name me Robin?” the next one asked.

“Because when you were a baby a robin flew in the window and perch...

I went to a white pride parade the other day.

The floats just kept going around in circles about 200 miles per hour.

How hot is a circle?

360 degrees

A circle is circular, a triangle is triangular, a rectangle is rectangular, but a square is...

You. You're a square.

In what way is life like a circle?

It's constantly repeating and utterly pointless.

I went to a support group for people with low self esteem

As an activity to boost our self esteem, the instructor had us all go around in a circle and say one thing that we had accomplished in our life.

When it got to me, I told them that once I put a USB in right on the first try!

"I'm sorry, you must be in the wrong group," said the instruc...

Why do dogs run in circles?

It’s too hard to run in squares

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Daddy shark was teaching his son how to hunt...

"You see those humans over there son..."
"Yes Dad, shall we attack them by surprise?"
"No son, first we circle round them for about ten minutes..."
"But dad... why? I'm hungry!"
"Well son, they taste better without any shit in them..."

My mom says that everyone has a beautiful side to them

So, I guess I am just a circle

A blonde is driving down the highway

She is applying make-up in her rear view mirror. Her car drifts into the next lane and trades paint with a pickup truck. They pull off to the side of the road, the driver of the pickup truck gets out and he’s fuming. He asks the blonde if she has insurance and she just stares at him blankly... So he...

I don’t like jokes about circles

They have no point

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A math professor, John, is having problems with his sink so he calls a plumber.

The plumber comes over and quickly fixes the sink. The professor is happy until he gets the bill. He tells the plumber, "How can you charge this much? This is half of my paycheck." But he pays it anyways.




The plumber tells him, "Hey, we are looking for more plumbers. You could b...

Did you hear the joke about the circle?

Nevermind. The punchline wasn't straightforward anyways.

50 dollars is 50 dollars

Every year for 45 years James and Lucille had gone to the state Fair. Every yearJames told Lucille he wanted to go on the helicopter flight. "Its only 50 dollars" he would say. Every year Lucille would say "50 dollars is fifty dollars" and that was the end of the discussion.

On their 46th ...

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Lady Enters a Bar

A lady enters a bar on the 50th floor of a hotel. She sees an attractive man across the room and sits by him.

Lady: what are you drinking.

Man: it’s a special drink, it gives you the ability to fly.

Lady: I don’t believe you.

The man takes a sip, jumps out the window ...

A duck waddled into a country grocery store and asked the clerk; "Do you sell duck food?".

"Of course not," replied the clerk, "We sell groceries to humans, not ducks."

The next day, the duck returned and asked again, "Do you sell duck food?"

Annoyed, the clerk snapped, "No! No duck food!"

When the duck returned the next day and posed the same question, the clerk thre...

I got the death sentence for making a fence out of large circles.

It was a capital 'O' fence.

There are 9 circles of Hell.

And if you think that's bad, there are 130 roundabouts of Milton Keynes.

A mail man is delivering a package when he realises that the send to address is the same as the send back to address

This package keeps getting sent around in a circle for weeks before he finally sees a man come and get it.

“I’m sorry for snooping , but I have to ask, why do you keep sending this one package to yourself everyday. It’s just weird,”

The odd old man replies” well my fellow man, reposts ...

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Pussy and Bitch

A kid comes home from school and says to his mom, "Mom I've got a problem."

She says, "Tell me."

He tells her that the boys at school are using two words he doesn't understand.

She asks him what they are?

He says, "Well, pussy and bitch."

She says, "Oh that's no bi...

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My friend jokingly said if a clown had to have sex with any shape, which one- I immediately said circle because

Of how they like to fuck around

A blind man walks into a bar.

A blind man walks into a bar with his seeing eye dog.

He proceeds to aproach the bar and take a seat on a stool.

As the bartender begins to walk over, the blind man grabs the dog tightly by the collar and throws the dog over his head, swinging him around in circles by the leash.
...

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What does a circle have in common with a knight who can only achieve orgasm with a talking tree?

Sir Cum for Ents

How do you fool an idiot

-Put him in a circle room
-Tell him to sit in the corner

I watched a dog show today and was not impressed. My Mutt would run circles around these Pure Breds!

And probably get disqualified for doing so.

Three men are lost in the desert with no supplies, when the devil appears before them.

The devil looks at their skin and bones, their cracked lips, and says, “I see you’re in a bit of a rough spot. I can help you - let’s play a little game. You each get one chance to name a task I can’t do. If you succeed, I’ll save you.”

The first man immediately replies, “I bet you can’t buil...

What did the copper circle say as it rolled through town?

"Cu around"

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What do the starship enterprise and toilet paper have in common?

They both circle Uranus looking for clingons.

Why do circles always feel depressed?

Because their entire existence is pointless.

“Dad, I can’t stop running in a circle...”

“Shut up son or I’ll nail your other foot to the floor”

Why did the shark keep swimming in circles?

It had a nosebleed.

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At first, me and my friends shook our fists at the idea of circle-jerking,

but eventually, we came around.

Why did the square breakup with the circle?

She wasn't edgy enough!

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[NSFW] A boy asked his dad what the C word stood for.

Boy, "Dad, what's a cunt?"

The dad replied, "Grab that marker over there and follow me."

He then went into his bedroom and grabbed a nude picture of his ex-girlfriend out of his dresser. He showed his son the picture and circled the woman's crotch.

The dad said "You see that ...

Buzz Aldrin and Mike Collins were invited to the White House to celebrate the 50th anniversary of the moon landing...

Buzz got to enter the White House and meet with the president, but Mike had to spend the entire visit driving in circles around the White House.

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A US Navy cruiser is anchored in Mississippi for a week's shore leave.

The first evening, the ship’s Captain received the following note from the wife of a very wealthy and influential plantation owner, who was also the sister of a highly respected Admiral:

“Dear Captain, Thursday will be my daughter Melinda’s Debutante Ball. I would like you to send four well-m...

Two thieves go to the church with their loot to confess..

.. their sins to the lord. They both decide to offer some part of the gold they robbed to the church to wash away their wrongdoings. But they couldn't decide how much of each of their loots to offer.

The first one thinks for a minute, draws a foot long circle on the floor and says, "Oh lord, ...

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A Green Beret walks into a Marine bar carrying a large snapping turtle under his arm...

All of the Marines go quiet.

The Green Beret sets the snapping turtle on the bar, pulls out his dick and taunts the turtle with it until it latches on.

He lifts the turtle off the bar with his dick, swings it around in a circle, spins it around, slams it back on to the bar and ...

Kevin had just gotten a new car and was out for a drive

when he accidentally cut off a truck driver. Truck driver motioned for Kevin to pull over.

When Kevin did, the driver got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket. He drew a circle on the side of the road and gruffly commanded to Kevin, "Stand in that circle and DON'T MOVE...

Jared Fogle's career was truly full circle

It began and ended with him trying to get into smaller pants

Recycled ones. But love them. 36 Math jokes and puns

Beginner

1. Why was the fraction apprehensive about marrying the decimal?

Because he would have to convert.

2. Why do plants hate math?

It gives them square roots.

3. Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?

It was a mean thing to s...

A blind man walks into a department store with his seeing-eye dog.

He walks to the middle of the store, bends down and firmly grasps the dog's collar, then yanks the dog into the air and starts whipping it around it in circles above his head.

A salesperson sees this happening and runs over to the blind man.

"Sir! Sir! Is there something I can help y...

For a long time, I’ve been trying to understand roundabouts.

It feels like I’m just going in circles.

What did the Polygon say to the Circle when the Circle wanted to be more edgy?

Triangles.

The Pope is saddend that he never sees much of the countries he visits and decides it's time for a change

After a visit to Berlin, the Pope decides he wants to travel to Rome by car. Off course, he didn't bring a car and so the German government seizes the opportunity to impress him with German engineering. They lend him the most powerful car they have available, with a German driver/bodyguard. And off ...

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The teacher was teaching the kids about starvation.

Being a good teacher,she decided to call on selected students to draw a picture of starvation on the board.


Sue went first, she drew a round circle with three little lines in the middle of the circle.


The teacher said, "That's very good Sue. What is it?"


Sue sa...

Did you hear about the Welsh baseball referee who circles the world each day?

The sun never sets on the British umpire.

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A shark and his son go looking for a snack...

The father says, "I'm going to teach you how to catch a human. First you raise your fin out of the water and start circling, then you go in and eat them."

"Why circle them?" asks the son.

The father replies, "They taste better without shit in them."

My doctor took one look at my gut and refused to believe that I work out.

So I listed the exercises I do every day: jump to conclusions, climb the walls, drag my heels, push my luck, make mountains out of molehills, bend over backward, run around in circles, put my foot in my mouth, go over the edge, and beat around the bush.

Why Sharks Circle You Before Attacking...

Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a sunken ship. "Follow me son" the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the Mass of people.

"First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing." And they did.

"Well done, son! Now ...

What do you call a man who illegally downloaded a documentary about circles?

A *πrate*

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I was in a circle jerk session last weekend..

I came in 2nd and 7th place

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Circle of life

Sid and Irv are business partners. They make a deal that whichever one dies first will contact the living one from the afterlife. So Irv dies. Sid doesn’t hear from him for about a year, figures there is no afterlife. Then one day he gets a call. It’s Irv. ‘So there is an afterlife! What’s it like?’...

Did you hear about the circle that graduated college

Apparently it got three-hundred and sixty degrees

A young boy says to his father, "Dad, why does the dog spin in circles when she's excited?"

The boy's father replies, "Because it's very hard to spin in squares."

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My favorite joke involving an old woman and a dildo

An old woman walked into a sex shop and approached the clerk behind the cash register.

"Excuse me young man, do you sell dildos here?" She asked the clerk.

The clerk was of course surprised to see such an old woman in the shop, but still managed to be polite and replied "Yes we do ma'...

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I posted myself drawing a perfect freehand ellipse on r/gifs. Everyone loved it and started trying themselves. We were all complimenting each others steady hands, when one guy commented, "circle jerk!".

"What an idiot", I thought and replied, "oval, you moron!"

A man is driving to work when he notices the flash of a traffic camera.

He figures that his picture had been taken for exceeding the limit, even though he knows that he wasn’t speeding. Just to be sure, he circles the block and passes the exact same spot, driving even slower this time through. Again, the camera flashes. He thinks it is hilarious, since he was obviously ...

A Rabbi, Priest and a Monk

Are discussing how they will divide their respective churches funds with God.
The Monk draws a circle on the ground and says “I will throw all the money in the air and what lands inside the circle I will give to God and what lands outside my monastery will keep”.
The Priest said, “Great idea...

How to get away with speeding

An older woman gets pulled over for speeding...

**Older Woman:** Is there a problem, officer?

**Officer:** Ma'am, you were speeding.

**Older Woman:** Oh, I see.

**Officer:** Can I see your license, please?

**Older Woman:** I'd give it to you but I don't have one....

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Circle party next Saturday!

Be there or be square

What did they circle say when he found out he wasn't actually a circle?

"Yeah whatever, I'm Oval it"

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