A math professor, John, is having problems with his sink so he calls a plumber.

The plumber comes over and quickly fixes the sink. The professor is happy until he gets the bill. He tells the plumber, "How can you charge this much? This is half of my paycheck." But he pays it anyways.




The plumber tells him, "Hey, we are looking for more plumbers. You could b...

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A young shark asked his dad, "Why do we always swim circles around people before eating them?"

He replied, "They taste better if you scare the shit out of them first"

Nintendo just announced they're changing Pokemon Sword & Shield to Pokemon Circle & Oval

After Game Freak decided to cut every corner.

Why did the circle hate geometry?

Because it's pointless

What do you call a bug that walks in a circle?

A centripede!

How do you stop a baby crawling around in circles?

Nail it's other hand to the floor as well.

My wife and I couldn't figure out the British term for a traffic circle.

We got the finally found the roundabout answer from researching about it in the library.

A circle told me a bad pun

So I bashed up his assistant, Sir Cumference

Trying to date me is like dating a circle.

It’s pointless

A group of people were standing in a circle..

It was a pointless conversation.

What do you call Blackbeard’s average for counting circles?

His Pi-rate.

How long does it take to draw a line through a circle without going through the center?

About a secant

What’s the difference between me and a circle?

People like the circle to be a round.

"Daddy, daddy! Why do I keep running in circles?"

Shut up or I'll nail your other foot to the ground

I don't understand why we study circles in geometry.

They're pointless.

What does the Sun and my girlfriend have in common?

they circle the pole.

I was outside getting my mail when I noticed my neighbor cutting his lawn. The mower was loud and he didn’t see that his dog was licking something up by the garage door. Suddenly, the dog began running circles around the front lawn but shortly after he fell to the grass.

“Did he die?”

*No he just ran out of gas*

How hot is a circle?

360 degrees

Kevin had just gotten a new car and was out for a drive

when he accidentally cut off a truck driver. Truck driver motioned for Kevin to pull over.

When Kevin did, the driver got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket. He drew a circle on the side of the road and gruffly commanded to Kevin, "Stand in that circle and DON'T MOVE...

In what way is life like a circle?

It's constantly repeating and utterly pointless.

I don’t like jokes about circles

They have no point

What did the circle weeaboo say when he saw 5 circles?

Notice me 10π

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A group of children are sitting in a circle around the teacher

Teacher: it’s time for Sex Ed

Ed: what the fuck

Did you hear the joke about the circle?

Nevermind. The punchline wasn't straightforward anyways.

There are 9 circles of Hell.

And if you think that's bad, there are 130 roundabouts of Milton Keynes.

What do you call a section of a circle that ascends to heaven?

An arcangle.

Why do dogs run in circles?

It’s too hard to run in squares

I got the death sentence for making a fence out of large circles.

It was a capital 'O' fence.

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My friend jokingly said if a clown had to have sex with any shape, which one- I immediately said circle because

Of how they like to fuck around

What did the copper circle say as it rolled through town?

"Cu around"

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What does a circle have in common with a knight who can only achieve orgasm with a talking tree?

Sir Cum for Ents

I watched a dog show today and was not impressed. My Mutt would run circles around these Pure Breds!

And probably get disqualified for doing so.

Why do circles always feel depressed?

Because their entire existence is pointless.

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A blonde and a trucker get into an accident on the highway

A blonde is taking her new sports car out for a drive on the highway. She cuts off a trucker and causes him to almost crash. The trucker angrily yells at her and motions for her to pull over.

They both pull over and get out of their vehicles. The truck driver takes a piece of chalk and draws...

7/11 is good, but Circle K is

Just ok

Why did the square breakup with the circle?

She wasn't edgy enough!

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At first, me and my friends shook our fists at the idea of circle-jerking,

but eventually, we came around.

“Dad, I can’t stop running in a circle...”

“Shut up son or I’ll nail your other foot to the floor”

Jared Fogle's career was truly full circle

It began and ended with him trying to get into smaller pants

Why did the shark keep swimming in circles?

It had a nosebleed.

The circle and the triangle

So a triangle and a circle meet each other and the triangle says: "you're pointless."

To which the circle replies: "that's how I roll!"

A Circle of Flies

A farmer got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding, and the trooper started to lecture the farmer about his speed, and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the farmer uncomfortable.

Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket, and as he was doing tha...

Did you hear about the Welsh baseball referee who circles the world each day?

The sun never sets on the British umpire.

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I posted myself drawing a perfect freehand ellipse on r/gifs. Everyone loved it and started trying themselves. We were all complimenting each others steady hands, when one guy commented, "circle jerk!".

"What an idiot", I thought and replied, "oval, you moron!"

Did you hear about the circle that graduated college

Apparently it got three-hundred and sixty degrees

What did the Polygon say to the Circle when the Circle wanted to be more edgy?

Triangles.

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Circle party next Saturday!

Be there or be square

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I was in a circle jerk session last weekend..

I came in 2nd and 7th place

What do you call a man who illegally downloaded a documentary about circles?

A *πrate*

A young boy says to his father, "Dad, why does the dog spin in circles when she's excited?"

The boy's father replies, "Because it's very hard to spin in squares."

What did they circle say when he found out he wasn't actually a circle?

"Yeah whatever, I'm Oval it"

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Circle of life

Sid and Irv are business partners. They make a deal that whichever one dies first will contact the living one from the afterlife. So Irv dies. Sid doesn’t hear from him for about a year, figures there is no afterlife. Then one day he gets a call. It’s Irv. ‘So there is an afterlife! What’s it like?’...

I wake up happy, slowly get angrier, then eventually start lightening up and by bedtime I've come full circle and am happy one again

I've got pi-polar disorder

For Christmas all I want is a circle of $100 bills...

Ya know, a wreath of Franklins.

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Theological debate

One day, the Pope decided he'd ban all Jews from the Vatican. The Jews understandibly got really angry about this, so the Pope proclaimed that if a Jew could manage to beat him in a theological debate, they could stay.

The Jews chose their wisest rabbi for the religious debate against the Pop...

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Why Sharks Circle

Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spotted survivors of a ship that had just sunk.

"Follow me son" the older father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people.

"First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing." And they did....

What's the most useless shape?

A circle. It's pointless.

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Pussy and Bitch

A kid comes home from school and says to his mom, "Mom I've got a problem."

She says, "Tell me."

He tells her that the boys at school are using two words he doesn't understand.

She asks him what they are?

He says, "Well, pussy and bitch."

She says, "Oh that's no bi...

No matter how hard I try, I always seem to be going round in circles.

Having a broken arm while in a wheelchair isn’t ideal.

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Dad, what is the difference?

An eleven year old boy comes home from school and tells his Dad, "Dad, I keep hearing the boys at school use the bad words Pussy and Cunt but I don't know what the difference is."
Dad: "Go get that Penthouse magazine in my nightstand and I'll show you."
The boy runs off to get the magazine...

What do you call a circle of $100 bills?

Aretha Franklins!


(Happy birthday to the Queen of Soul!)

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What do you get when you take the red circle off the Japanese flag?

The French flag.

A circle went to a party uninvited

"This party is only for shapes with edges. You cannot be here.", said the triangle.

The circle replied, sipping his drink, "I know. That's just how I roll."

My girlfriend dumped me 5 days before our one year anniversary

I guess you could say we made it full circle

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What is the female version of a circle jerk?

A finger ring.

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Doing Drugs O o Going to Prison o O

Two young guys appear in court after being arrested for smoking dope.

The judge says, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance instead of jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to convince others of the evils of drug use. I'll see you back in co...

I got a job at a circle making factory!

Sadly, I was fired today because I was cutting corners

Why did the 100 legged bug spin around in circles before attacking its prey?

To gain centipedal force

What's the difference between an infinite line and an infinitely large circle?

There is no difference.

The joke is you just learned math.

The "circle of life" applies to life in general,

your own life is more of a straight line that ends abruptly.




(Credit James Acaster)

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Me and my mates hosted a circle jerk the other night and put £5 in the pot. We all put £5 into a jar and whoever ejaculated last got all the money in the jar. I came in a respectable second.

Which meant I finished in last place.

Why are circles always peaceful?

They don't have a side to pick.

How many sides does a circle have?

Two. The inside and the outside.







I'll see myself out.

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What institution has powerful old men who sexually assault people, has a sick inner circle of keeping people quite, influenced thousands of people, and has a black book?

Hollywood

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