A math professor, John, is having problems with his sink so he calls a plumber.

The plumber comes over and quickly fixes the sink. The professor is happy until he gets the bill. He tells the plumber, "How can you charge this much? This is half of my paycheck." But he pays it anyways.




The plumber tells him, "Hey, we are looking for more plumbers. You could b...

Kevin had just gotten a new car and was out for a drive

when he accidentally cut off a truck driver. Truck driver motioned for Kevin to pull over.

When Kevin did, the driver got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket. He drew a circle on the side of the road and gruffly commanded to Kevin, "Stand in that circle and DON'T MOVE...

I don't understand why we study circles in geometry.

They're pointless.

What’s the difference between me and a circle?

People like the circle to be a round.

I don’t like jokes about circles

They have no point

There are 9 circles of Hell.

And if you think that's bad, there are 130 roundabouts of Milton Keynes.

How hot is a circle?

360 degrees

In what way is life like a circle?

It's constantly repeating and utterly pointless.

Did you hear the joke about the circle?

Nevermind. The punchline wasn't straightforward anyways.

"Daddy, daddy! Why do I keep running in circles?"

Shut up or I'll nail your other foot to the ground

My life is a circle...

It's pointless.

Why do dogs run in circles?

It’s too hard to run in squares

I watched a dog show today and was not impressed. My Mutt would run circles around these Pure Breds!

And probably get disqualified for doing so.

What do you call a section of a circle that ascends to heaven?

An arcangle.

What do you call a circle of Fe2+ ions?

A ferrous wheel.

What did the copper circle say as it rolled through town?

"Cu around"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My friend jokingly said if a clown had to have sex with any shape, which one- I immediately said circle because

Of how they like to fuck around

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What does a circle have in common with a knight who can only achieve orgasm with a talking tree?

Sir Cum for Ents

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A group of children are sitting in a circle around the teacher

Teacher: it’s time for Sex Ed

Ed: what the fuck

7/11 is good, but Circle K is

Just ok

“Dad, I can’t stop running in a circle...”

“Shut up son or I’ll nail your other foot to the floor”

I got the death sentence for making a fence out of large circles.

It was a capital 'O' fence.

Why do circles always feel depressed?

Because their entire existence is pointless.

Jared Fogle's career was truly full circle

It began and ended with him trying to get into smaller pants

Why did the square breakup with the circle?

She wasn't edgy enough!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A blonde and a trucker get into an accident on the highway

A blonde is taking her new sports car out for a drive on the highway. She cuts off a trucker and causes him to almost crash. The trucker angrily yells at her and motions for her to pull over.

They both pull over and get out of their vehicles. The truck driver takes a piece of chalk and draws...

The circle and the triangle

So a triangle and a circle meet each other and the triangle says: "you're pointless."

To which the circle replies: "that's how I roll!"

Why did the shark keep swimming in circles?

It had a nosebleed.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why do sharks circle around people before eating them?

Because they taste better without the shit in them.

50 dollars is 50 dollars

Every year for 45 years James and Lucille had gone to the state Fair. Every yearJames told Lucille he wanted to go on the helicopter flight. "Its only 50 dollars" he would say. Every year Lucille would say "50 dollars is fifty dollars" and that was the end of the discussion.

On their 46th ...

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I posted myself drawing a perfect freehand ellipse on r/gifs. Everyone loved it and started trying themselves. We were all complimenting each others steady hands, when one guy commented, "circle jerk!".

"What an idiot", I thought and replied, "oval, you moron!"

Why was the idiot going in circles?

He liked to fool around.

Did you hear about the Welsh baseball referee who circles the world each day?

The sun never sets on the British umpire.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Circle party next Saturday!

Be there or be square

What’s better than swinging a dead baby in circles around your head on a 5 ft rope?

stopping it with a shovel.

Did you hear about the circle that graduated college

Apparently it got three-hundred and sixty degrees

What do you call a man who illegally downloaded a documentary about circles?

A *πrate*

A Circle of Flies

A farmer got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding, and the trooper started to lecture the farmer about his speed, and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the farmer uncomfortable.

Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket, and as he was doing tha...

What did they circle say when he found out he wasn't actually a circle?

"Yeah whatever, I'm Oval it"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I was in a circle jerk session last weekend..

I came in 2nd and 7th place

I once knew a man who spun Asian people round in a circle a few times and when he was done they would be European

It’s the truth, he could disorient people.

A man goes to heaven, and to his surprise, he sees a huge wall covered in clocks.

A man goes to heaven, and after walking through the gates, he gets escorted to a waiting room. In the room, he sees a huge wall, covered in clocks. Each clock has only one hand, and each hand has a name written on it. Some clocks are moving rather slowly, while others go a full circle in less than t...

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Why Sharks Circle

Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spotted survivors of a ship that had just sunk.

"Follow me son" the older father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people.

"First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing." And they did....

I wake up happy, slowly get angrier, then eventually start lightening up and by bedtime I've come full circle and am happy one again

I've got pi-polar disorder

What did the Polygon say to the Circle when the Circle wanted to be more edgy?

Triangles.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Circle of life

Sid and Irv are business partners. They make a deal that whichever one dies first will contact the living one from the afterlife. So Irv dies. Sid doesn’t hear from him for about a year, figures there is no afterlife. Then one day he gets a call. It’s Irv. ‘So there is an afterlife! What’s it like?’...

A young boy says to his father, "Dad, why does the dog spin in circles when she's excited?"

The boy's father replies, "Because it's very hard to spin in squares."

For Christmas all I want is a circle of $100 bills...

Ya know, a wreath of Franklins.

How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles?

Nail its other hand to the floor.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What is the female version of a circle jerk?

A finger ring.

What's the most useless shape?

A circle. It's pointless.

No matter how hard I try, I always seem to be going round in circles.

Having a broken arm while in a wheelchair isn’t ideal.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Theological debate

One day, the Pope decided he'd ban all Jews from the Vatican. The Jews understandibly got really angry about this, so the Pope proclaimed that if a Jew could manage to beat him in a theological debate, they could stay.

The Jews chose their wisest rabbi for the religious debate against the Pop...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you get when you take the red circle off the Japanese flag?

The French flag.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Me and my mates hosted a circle jerk the other night and put £5 in the pot. We all put £5 into a jar and whoever ejaculated last got all the money in the jar. I came in a respectable second.

Which meant I finished in last place.

A circle went to a party uninvited

"This party is only for shapes with edges. You cannot be here.", said the triangle.

The circle replied, sipping his drink, "I know. That's just how I roll."

Why did the 100 legged bug spin around in circles before attacking its prey?

To gain centipedal force

The "circle of life" applies to life in general,

your own life is more of a straight line that ends abruptly.




(Credit James Acaster)

I bought my wife a mood ring.

Found out if she's in a good mood it turns green.

If she's in a bad mood it leaves big red circles on my forehead.

​

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Doing Drugs O o Going to Prison o O

Two young guys appear in court after being arrested for smoking dope.

The judge says, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance instead of jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to convince others of the evils of drug use. I'll see you back in co...

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Dad, what is the difference?

An eleven year old boy comes home from school and tells his Dad, "Dad, I keep hearing the boys at school use the bad words Pussy and Cunt but I don't know what the difference is."
Dad: "Go get that Penthouse magazine in my nightstand and I'll show you."
The boy runs off to get the magazine...

What do you call a circle of $100 bills?

Aretha Franklins!


(Happy birthday to the Queen of Soul!)

I got a job at a circle making factory!

Sadly, I was fired today because I was cutting corners

My girlfriend dumped me 5 days before our one year anniversary

I guess you could say we made it full circle

Why are circles always peaceful?

They don't have a side to pick.

What's the difference between an infinite line and an infinitely large circle?

There is no difference.

The joke is you just learned math.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What institution has powerful old men who sexually assault people, has a sick inner circle of keeping people quite, influenced thousands of people, and has a black book?

Hollywood

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two drug dealers are caught. They did not resist arrest and they owned up to it right away.

They go to court.

“Ok,” said the judge, “since this is your first offense and you cooperated so well I won’t send you to jail under one condition: you have to get as many kids off drugs as you can. You have he weekend to do it.”

The two of them spilt up and went out to get kids off dru...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do toilet paper and The Star Trek Enterprise have in common?

They both circle Uranus in search of Klingons.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A mom shark is teaching her son how to hunt swimmers properly.

“So, first you go and circle them making sure your fin is showing. And then you go at them full blast and eat them.” “OK, but why don’t I just go at them full blast and eat them right away?” “I guess you could, son, but would you really want to eat them with all that shit in their intestines?”

A circle accidentally shot a square...

his triangle buddy said, "Well, i guess he's poly-gone."

Three priests gathered together for a drink .

During their get together ,the host ask the other two :

- How do you split your money with the Lord ?

"I draw a line on the floor in my church ,then ,i throw the money in the air ,whatever is on my side I get to keep ,whatever falls on his side he keeps it" sais the first priest....