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Why is it called "The circle of life"?

Because it's fucking pointless

The circle is the most ridiculous shape in the world

There's absolutely no point to it

Why doesn’t a world of circles exist?

Because it would be pointless

I walked past a circle the other day.

You could say i was ahead of the curve.

What did the triangle say to the circle?

You’re pointless!

What do you do when you see a baby spinning in circles?

Stop laughing and untie him from the ceiling fan

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One in our circle of friends is supposed to be gay.

I hope it's John, he's so cute.

A triangle says to a circle: You're pointless.

Then the circle says back: That's how I roll.

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Time is a circle

H: You don't understand. These guys keep popping out of nowhere, in futuristic garb, yelling in some foreign languages i don't understand except for "Berg this and Stein that", trying to kill me. I have no idea whats going on and I'm constantly afraid. It just doesn't stop. They tried to kill me as ...

What do you call Bob Ross spinning around in circles at a theatre play?

Aphrodisiac

China recently tried to gain favor with the rest of the world by releasing a video of all their native bears, standing in a big circle, to show their repopulation and conservation efforts. Some people thought it was great.

I think it was just panda ring.

Man in a helicopter

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, ci...

I took a detour on the way home yesterday. Took me through 8 traffic circles,

but it got me where I was going, in a roundabout way.

What is round and angry?

A vicious circle.

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In the middle of a summer, Bubba and Billy Ray are fishing in a lake, while a tourist on water skis keeps doing circles around their boat...

Bubba eyes the tourist, and, after a while, mutters:

"That guy sure's scarin' away all them fish with that racket..."

"Sure is," Billy Ray agrees.

"Say," Bubba suggests, "why don't we smack an oar next time he passes us, an' splash him?"

Billy Ray likes the idea, and they...

How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles?

Nail it's other hand to the floor.

Mommy! Mommy! Look I'm running in circles!

Mom: Be quiet or I'll nail your other foot to the floor!

A circle is talking to a square.

The circle says “I only have one side.” The square responds with “what’s your point?”.

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A young shark asked his dad, "Why do we always swim circles around people before eating them?"

He replied, "They taste better if you scare the shit out of them first"

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A pretty blonde walks into a bar and asks the handsome fellow at the bar what he's drinking...

He says, "Magic beer. You want one?"
"Aw, that's stupid. There's no such thing" she says.
"Look, I'll show you". He takes a big swig and proceeds to throw himself  out of a nearby window, where he proceeds to fly up and around the  building, and back into bar window.
"That's incredibl...

A circus tamer was trying to arrange a trick where he'd have 50 bears marching in perfect lines, but they always ended up walking in circles, leading him to almost selling his bears...

Turns out he was the problem all along, he just had to get his bear-rings straight.

So Gary goes to prison...

One Friday, Gary is walking around the courtyard checking the place out, he notices a a huge group of the inmates gathered around in a circle. Curious, he walks up to group and asks someone what's happening.

"Every Friday we get together and tell jokes. We've got some good ones. Check it out...

Bill's new car

Bill decides after saving for a few years to finally buy a new red Lamborghini. He's so excited about it that he decides to go out and try it out on the highway.

As he's zooming down the highway, he sees a trucker up ahead slowing traffic, and decides to show off his new car by cutting the tr...

Nintendo just announced they're changing Pokemon Sword & Shield to Pokemon Circle & Oval

After Game Freak decided to cut every corner.

A blind girl walks into a museum and stops at the King Tut display.

She grabs her seeing eye dog and starts swinging him over her head in a circle.
A man tackles her and they both fall to the floor.
Why the hell did you do that? she exclaims...I was just having a look around.

A group of people were standing in a circle..

It was a pointless conversation.

A woman walks into a pet shop

She asks the shop owner, "I want a pet that is special above the rest" to which he replies, "I have just the one for you! You see this puppy? He is able to fly!"

Sure enough the shop owner throws the puppy into the air and it began to fly around it circles. The woman was rendered speechless a...

My wife and I couldn't figure out the British term for a traffic circle.

We got the finally found the roundabout answer from researching about it in the library.

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What do toilet paper and the USS Enterprise have in common?

They both circle Uranus looking for cling-ons

What do you call a bug that walks in a circle?

A centripede!

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A shark is teaching his son how to hunt humans

-First you circle them 3 times, let them see your fin, let them get away, circle them 2 more times and let them get away, them after waiting a little you can eat them.

-But dad, that sounds way too tedious, I'll just swim right next to them and eat them.

- oh no son, trust me, you don'...

An imam, a priest and a rabbi are having a discussion about what they do with the money they receive from worshippers.

The priest explains his process: « the way I do things is very simple. First, I take a big piece of chalk and draw a circle around myself. After that I take the money in my hands, throw it up in the air and what falls inside the circle is for me while all the money that falls outside is for the Lor...

A circle told me a bad pun

So I bashed up his assistant, Sir Cumference

Notch and God

God joined the game.

Notch joined the game.

God: I can create day and night!

Notch: Me too!

God: I can create animals!

Notch: Me too!

God: I can make worlds!

Notch: Me too!

God: I can create circles.



Notch left the ...

How long does it take to draw a line through a circle without going through the center?

About a secant

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I was outside getting my mail when I noticed my neighbor cutting his lawn. The mower was loud and he didn’t see that his dog was licking something up by the garage door. Suddenly, the dog began running circles around the front lawn but shortly after he fell to the grass.

“Did he die?”

*No he just ran out of gas*

whats the most useless shape?

circles because they are pointless

A priest, a minister and a rabbi are discussing how they divide the collection funds between Gods work and personal use.

The priest says “I draw a circle in the center of the room, take the money and throw it into the air and what falls in the circle goes to God and the rest I keep”.

The minister says “I use a similar system but I draw a line down the center of the room and what is on the left God gets and the ...

People usually tell me everyone has a beautiful side.

Now I think I am a circle.

What do you call Blackbeard’s average for counting circles?

His Pi-rate.

I don't understand why we study circles in geometry.

They're pointless.

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The Elevator

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, especially two shiny walls that could move apart, and back together again.

The boy asked his father, "What is this father?"

The father (having never seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I ha...

I went to a white pride parade the other day.

The floats just kept going around in circles about 200 miles per hour.

One day a man’s daughters came to him and circled round

“Papa,” said the first one, “why did you name me Lily?”

“Because when you were a baby a pedal from a lily blew in the window and landed on your head,” he said.

“And why did you name me Robin?” the next one asked.

“Because when you were a baby a robin flew in the window and perch...

How hot is a circle?

360 degrees

Why do dogs run in circles?

It’s too hard to run in squares

What do you call a section of a circle that ascends to heaven?

An arcangle.

I don’t like jokes about circles

They have no point

A circle is circular, a triangle is triangular, a rectangle is rectangular, but a square is...

You. You're a square.

A state trooper pulls over a farmer...

A farmer got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding, and the trooper started to lecture the farmer about his speed, and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the farmer uncomfortable.
Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket, and as he was doing that he ...

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A roman, an american, and a jewish man all died.

They were immediately sent to hell because they had committed some pretty unsettling offenses in their lives. The roman was a lustful sex offender, the american was extremely gluttonous, and the Jewish man was very greedy and stole lots of money over his lifetime.

Well, God was feeling pretty...

Did you hear the joke about the circle?

Nevermind. The punchline wasn't straightforward anyways.

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It's Halloween evening, and the door bell goes

I get up and answer the door expecting to see some cute kids dressed in appropriate outfits, you know witches, zombies etc etc. So I was quite unprepared for what I saw when I opened the door...a group of maybe 15 year olds just wearing their normal clothes. Tracksuits and baseball caps maybe 5 or 6...

In what way is life like a circle?

It's constantly repeating and utterly pointless.

There are 9 circles of Hell.

And if you think that's bad, there are 130 roundabouts of Milton Keynes.

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Daddy shark was teaching his son how to hunt...

"You see those humans over there son..."
"Yes Dad, shall we attack them by surprise?"
"No son, first we circle round them for about ten minutes..."
"But dad... why? I'm hungry!"
"Well son, they taste better without any shit in them..."

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A math professor, John, is having problems with his sink so he calls a plumber.

The plumber comes over and quickly fixes the sink. The professor is happy until he gets the bill. He tells the plumber, "How can you charge this much? This is half of my paycheck." But he pays it anyways.




The plumber tells him, "Hey, we are looking for more plumbers. You could b...

A blonde is driving down the highway

She is applying make-up in her rear view mirror. Her car drifts into the next lane and trades paint with a pickup truck. They pull off to the side of the road, the driver of the pickup truck gets out and he’s fuming. He asks the blonde if she has insurance and she just stares at him blankly... So he...

I got the death sentence for making a fence out of large circles.

It was a capital 'O' fence.

I was trying to teach my class a lesson on clocks today

But I just felt like I was teaching in circles.

(Based on actual events)

50 dollars is 50 dollars

Every year for 45 years James and Lucille had gone to the state Fair. Every yearJames told Lucille he wanted to go on the helicopter flight. "Its only 50 dollars" he would say. Every year Lucille would say "50 dollars is fifty dollars" and that was the end of the discussion.

On their 46th ...

Why do circles always feel depressed?

Because their entire existence is pointless.

I went to a support group for people with low self esteem

As an activity to boost our self esteem, the instructor had us all go around in a circle and say one thing that we had accomplished in our life.

When it got to me, I told them that once I put a USB in right on the first try!

"I'm sorry, you must be in the wrong group," said the instruc...

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Pussy and Bitch

A kid comes home from school and says to his mom, "Mom I've got a problem."

She says, "Tell me."

He tells her that the boys at school are using two words he doesn't understand.

She asks him what they are?

He says, "Well, pussy and bitch."

She says, "Oh that's no bi...

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My friend jokingly said if a clown had to have sex with any shape, which one- I immediately said circle because

Of how they like to fuck around

I watched a dog show today and was not impressed. My Mutt would run circles around these Pure Breds!

And probably get disqualified for doing so.

A duck waddled into a country grocery store and asked the clerk; "Do you sell duck food?".

"Of course not," replied the clerk, "We sell groceries to humans, not ducks."

The next day, the duck returned and asked again, "Do you sell duck food?"

Annoyed, the clerk snapped, "No! No duck food!"

When the duck returned the next day and posed the same question, the clerk thre...

A mail man is delivering a package when he realises that the send to address is the same as the send back to address

This package keeps getting sent around in a circle for weeks before he finally sees a man come and get it.

“I’m sorry for snooping , but I have to ask, why do you keep sending this one package to yourself everyday. It’s just weird,”

The odd old man replies” well my fellow man, reposts ...

What did the copper circle say as it rolled through town?

"Cu around"

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Lady Enters a Bar

A lady enters a bar on the 50th floor of a hotel. She sees an attractive man across the room and sits by him.

Lady: what are you drinking.

Man: it’s a special drink, it gives you the ability to fly.

Lady: I don’t believe you.

The man takes a sip, jumps out the window ...

A blind man walks into a bar.

A blind man walks into a bar with his seeing eye dog.

He proceeds to aproach the bar and take a seat on a stool.

As the bartender begins to walk over, the blind man grabs the dog tightly by the collar and throws the dog over his head, swinging him around in circles by the leash.
...

Why did the shark keep swimming in circles?

It had a nosebleed.

“Dad, I can’t stop running in a circle...”

“Shut up son or I’ll nail your other foot to the floor”

7/11 is good, but Circle K is

Just ok

Why did the square breakup with the circle?

She wasn't edgy enough!

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At first, me and my friends shook our fists at the idea of circle-jerking,

but eventually, we came around.

Three men are lost in the desert with no supplies, when the devil appears before them.

The devil looks at their skin and bones, their cracked lips, and says, “I see you’re in a bit of a rough spot. I can help you - let’s play a little game. You each get one chance to name a task I can’t do. If you succeed, I’ll save you.”

The first man immediately replies, “I bet you can’t buil...

How do you fool an idiot

-Put him in a circle room
-Tell him to sit in the corner

Jared Fogle's career was truly full circle

It began and ended with him trying to get into smaller pants

What did the Polygon say to the Circle when the Circle wanted to be more edgy?

Triangles.

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A Green Beret walks into a Marine bar carrying a large snapping turtle under his arm...

All of the Marines go quiet.

The Green Beret sets the snapping turtle on the bar, pulls out his dick and taunts the turtle with it until it latches on.

He lifts the turtle off the bar with his dick, swings it around in a circle, spins it around, slams it back on to the bar and ...

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[NSFW] A boy asked his dad what the C word stood for.

Boy, "Dad, what's a cunt?"

The dad replied, "Grab that marker over there and follow me."

He then went into his bedroom and grabbed a nude picture of his ex-girlfriend out of his dresser. He showed his son the picture and circled the woman's crotch.

The dad said "You see that ...

Buzz Aldrin and Mike Collins were invited to the White House to celebrate the 50th anniversary of the moon landing...

Buzz got to enter the White House and meet with the president, but Mike had to spend the entire visit driving in circles around the White House.

Kevin had just gotten a new car and was out for a drive

when he accidentally cut off a truck driver. Truck driver motioned for Kevin to pull over.

When Kevin did, the driver got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket. He drew a circle on the side of the road and gruffly commanded to Kevin, "Stand in that circle and DON'T MOVE...

The Pope is saddend that he never sees much of the countries he visits and decides it's time for a change

After a visit to Berlin, the Pope decides he wants to travel to Rome by car. Off course, he didn't bring a car and so the German government seizes the opportunity to impress him with German engineering. They lend him the most powerful car they have available, with a German driver/bodyguard. And off ...

Two thieves go to the church with their loot to confess..

.. their sins to the lord. They both decide to offer some part of the gold they robbed to the church to wash away their wrongdoings. But they couldn't decide how much of each of their loots to offer.

The first one thinks for a minute, draws a foot long circle on the floor and says, "Oh lord, ...

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A US Navy cruiser is anchored in Mississippi for a week's shore leave.

The first evening, the ship’s Captain received the following note from the wife of a very wealthy and influential plantation owner, who was also the sister of a highly respected Admiral:

“Dear Captain, Thursday will be my daughter Melinda’s Debutante Ball. I would like you to send four well-m...

Recycled ones. But love them. 36 Math jokes and puns

Beginner

1. Why was the fraction apprehensive about marrying the decimal?

Because he would have to convert.

2. Why do plants hate math?

It gives them square roots.

3. Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?

It was a mean thing to s...

What do you call a man who illegally downloaded a documentary about circles?

A *πrate*

Did you hear about the Welsh baseball referee who circles the world each day?

The sun never sets on the British umpire.

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I was in a circle jerk session last weekend..

I came in 2nd and 7th place

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A shark and his son go looking for a snack...

The father says, "I'm going to teach you how to catch a human. First you raise your fin out of the water and start circling, then you go in and eat them."

"Why circle them?" asks the son.

The father replies, "They taste better without shit in them."

Why Sharks Circle You Before Attacking...

Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a sunken ship. "Follow me son" the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the Mass of people.

"First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing." And they did.

"Well done, son! Now ...

A young boy says to his father, "Dad, why does the dog spin in circles when she's excited?"

The boy's father replies, "Because it's very hard to spin in squares."

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Circle of life

Sid and Irv are business partners. They make a deal that whichever one dies first will contact the living one from the afterlife. So Irv dies. Sid doesn’t hear from him for about a year, figures there is no afterlife. Then one day he gets a call. It’s Irv. ‘So there is an afterlife! What’s it like?’...

Did you hear about the circle that graduated college

Apparently it got three-hundred and sixty degrees

A blind man walks into a department store with his seeing-eye dog.

He walks to the middle of the store, bends down and firmly grasps the dog's collar, then yanks the dog into the air and starts whipping it around it in circles above his head.

A salesperson sees this happening and runs over to the blind man.

"Sir! Sir! Is there something I can help y...

For a long time, I’ve been trying to understand roundabouts.

It feels like I’m just going in circles.

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