UPJOKE
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Who invented the circle?

Sir Cumfrence

Yo mamma so fat... if she was murdered her chalk outline would be a circle..

I know it's not mine. But just heard it for the first time the other day. Made me smile. What is your favorite yo mamma jokes? Would love to read them

What does a triangle call a circle?

Pointless.

2 squares and 2 circles

2 squares were in an argument and 2 circles were in an argument.

The squares were arguing over who was hotter, even though they were both 90 degrees.

The 2 circles argue all the time so the argument was pretty pointless.

(Thought of this in the shower. It’s a little cheesy)

Why Sharks Circle You Before Attacking...

Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a sunken ship. "Follow me son" the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the Mass of people.

"First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing." And they did.

"Well done, son! Now ...

A Circle of Flies

A farmer got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding, and the trooper started to lecture the farmer about his speed, and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the farmer uncomfortable.

Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket, and as he was doing tha...

A rooster smokes marijuana and walks in a circle. What is the name for the ratio of the circumference of that circle to its diameter?

Chicken pot pi

Why are circles round?

They're to cool to be square..

If you don't know what a circle is, I can't explain it to you.

There's no point.

What did the triangle say to the circle?

You're pointless! (by the way, my 8 year old heard at school)

Why isn't Earth a perfect circle?

You try keeping your figure after 4.543 billion years.

What’s the difference between a circle and a zero?

Nothing.

Mommy Mommy, I'm tired of walking in circles

Shut up or I'll nail your other foot to the floor.

What did the Polygon say to the Circle when the Circle wanted to be more edgy?

Triangles.

What do you call a circle of $100 bills?

Aretha Franklins!


(Happy birthday to the Queen of Soul!)

Every shape is basically a circle

It's just that they are all edgy.

Why are farmers so good at drawing circles?

Because the are Protractors

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I've been told that one in our circle of friends is gay.

I hope it's Dave, he's cute.

There was a circle/sphere turning into a square....

It was going through Cuberty.

What do you call a boat driving in circles for a student's education?

An In-Turn Ship!

The other day I had was in a heated debate about circles

It was a pointless argument.

Circle

why did the shapes kicked circle out of their discord server?

Because circle was all edge, no point

Putin's inner circle is trying to hide the news that the war isn't going well in parts of Ukraine from him...

They have a very strict Donetsk-don't-tell policy.

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Can you have sex with a circle?

Fuck a round and find out.

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What do you call a group of knights standing in a circle ejaculating on each other?

A Sircumference

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A mother shark is teaching her young how to eat humans...

"First, you go straight at them and then you circle them. You go straight at them again and circle them again. Finally, you go straight at them and then you eat them"

"But, mom, why can't I just eat them the first time around?"

"Well, I suppose you can, but why would you want to eat th...

What did the circle say when the square kept asking him a question?

Wait a secant

I was lost in the woods and I found a dead hooker..

At that moment I knew I'd been walking in circles.

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Why do sharks circle people befor they eat them?

Because people taste better without shit in them....

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A shark and his son go looking for a snack...

The father says, "I'm going to teach you how to catch a human. First you raise your fin out of the water and start circling, then you go in and eat them."

"Why circle them?" asks the son.

The father replies, "They taste better without shit in them."

Why is it called “the circle of life?”

You can find happiness in every corner.

What did the triangle say to the circle?

“Ay bb you’re all curves, lemme smash. Come on, just the tip.”

So the circle says

“Wow … you’re rather pointed”

And the triangle replies,

“At least I’m not a square.”

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A psychiatrist was testing a patient’s personality. He drew a circle on a paper.

And asked the patient, “What does this remind you of?”

The patient answered, “Sex.”

The shrink drew a square and asked again, “What does this remind you of?”

“Sex,” the patient replied.

Then the doctor drew a triangle.

“It reminds me of sex,” the patient stated. ...

Kevin had just gotten a new car and was out for a drive

when he accidentally cut off a truck driver. Truck driver motioned for Kevin to pull over.

When Kevin did, the driver got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket. He drew a circle on the side of the road and gruffly commanded to Kevin, "Stand in that circle and DON'T MOVE...

A circle walks into a bar...

The bartender says, "another drink for everyone, on this guy!"
Everyone cheers and clinks their glasses.
The circle frowns, "what the hell are you doing man? Why'd you do that?"
The bartender says "you're round!"

Circle measurements.

Now that's rad.

Why do people walk in circles and not in squares?

Because they are cutting corners.

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Two young guys appear in court after being arrested for smoking dope.

The judge says, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance instead of jail time.
I want you to go out this weekend and try to convince others of the evils of drug use.
I'll see you back in court Monday.

"On Monday, the judge asks the first guy, "How did you ...

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Circle of life

Sid and Irv are business partners. They make a deal that whichever one dies first will contact the living one from the afterlife. So Irv dies. Sid doesn’t hear from him for about a year, figures there is no afterlife. Then one day he gets a call. It’s Irv. ‘So there is an afterlife! What’s it like?’...

I don't mind my geometry teacher asking me to draw a circle. But to then ask me to turn that circle into two equal parts?

That's where I draw the line.

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What do you call a circle of masturbating cows?

Beef circle jerky

My life is going in circles and circles...

Apparently, I am watching it from every angle.

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There's only one way to end a circle jerk

And that's to let it come full circle

Thots are like circles.

Curvy, but pointless.

Lets make a circle!

One day a farmer called up an engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician and asked them to fence of the largest possible area with the least amount of fence.

The engineer made the fence in a circle and proclaimed that he had the most efficient design.

The physicist made a long, straigh...

PSA: the term “Hipsters” is politically incorrect and is considered an offensive slur in many circles

Please use the medically-recommended term “conjoined twins” instead.

*Reddit account completes one circle around Reddit's servers*

Redditors: Happy Cake Day!!!

Why do good programmers never put circles into their games?

Because no one likes pointless features.

A lot of people think Crop Circles are done by alien aircrafts...

I think they're done by Cereal Killers.

Never invite a circle to a party

They tend to make one-sided conversations.

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What do you call a British circle jerk?

A Union Jack.

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The Circle Of Life

Two cowboys, Bill and Joe, are riding their horses through the prairie. Joe says "Bill, what happens when we die?" Bill says "Well Joe, do you know about the circle of life?" "I recon I don't" says Joe. "Let me tell you." Says bill. "So say an Indian rides by right now and shoots an arrow through yo...

What did they circle say when he found out he wasn't actually a circle?

"Yeah whatever, I'm Oval it"

Why Kim Jong-un has dark circles under eyes?

Because the enemy never sleeps!

Did you guys hear the one about the circle?

Yeah. That one really gets a-round.

What's the difference between an infinite line and an infinitely large circle?

There is no difference.

The joke is you just learned math.

Went to a restaurant that had circles 6 feet apart.

They only served people in the loop.

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A demon is checking a new arrival into Hell.

"Says here," he says, "you didn't really do anything wrong and they were willing to let you into the Other Place."

"Yes," said the dead soul. "But I said I'd rather be in Hell with my best friend than in Heaven with God!"

"Huh," says the demon. "Okay, we don't normally do requests, but...

A circle is talking to a square.

The circle says: “I only have one side.”

The square then responds with: “What’s your point?”

Why do circles always feel depressed?

Because their entire existence is pointless.

Did you hear the joke about the circle?

Nevermind. The punchline wasn't straightforward anyways.

A sheriff gets a call regarding a group of suspicious birds gathered along the highway.

So he drives to the reported location and sure enough there’s a group of about 15 vultures all huddled in a circle just off the right lane. The sheriff gets out and walks over to the birds to see what they’re up to. As he approaches he calls out “hey fellas, mind if I ask what this meetings about?” ...

Why did the shark keep swimming in circles?

It had a nosebleed.

How hot is a circle?

360 degrees

Why'd they dedicate a traffic circle to Matthew McConaughey?

Because it was all right, all right, all right.

My circle of friends is finally expanding

I haven't gained any, we are just standing further apart.

Why does America keep going in circles

Because they're all about their rights

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A Teacher asks the students..

"Is it possible to insert 2 holes through one hole?"

Nobody is able to answer

Teacher: "You guys are so stupid. Go and ask your parents and come back tomorrow with an answer."

The next day too, nobody is able to answer the question.

Teacher: "Well, it seems your parents a...

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(NSFW) Bob Gets Assigned to the Artic Circle and to His Dismay He Notices There are No Women?

Bob gets assigned to the Artic Circle and to his dismay he notices there are no women?

Bob approaches a random coworker named Steve and says, "I notice there are no women around here?"

Steve: You've got good eye, sadly, no, there are no women.

Bob looks around and says, "Well...

I hate those traffic circle thingies when I'm not needing to turn.

It seems straight forward, but it's a really roundabout way of doing things.

The circle is just the most ridiculous shape in the world.

There's absolutely no point to it.

A circle walks into a bar. The bartender sees him, and waves, then shouts to the whole room, "another drink for everybody - on this guy!" Everybody in the pub cheers.

But the circle is not happy. Frowning, he marches up to the bartender. "What the eff, dude? Why are all the drinks on me?" , the circle angrily demands of the bartender.



The bartender replies, "hey, don't get mad, circle buddy. It's just ... you're round!"

Circles.

I don't see the point in them.

A circle went to a party uninvited

"This party is only for shapes with edges. You cannot be here.", said the triangle.

The circle replied, sipping his drink, "I know. That's just how I roll."

I don’t like jokes about circles

They have no point

I made a joke about disabled people in my friend circle once.

My blind friend just sighed and told me it wasn't funny.

I guess she couldn't see the humor in it.

I hate it when people draw a circle or an oval...

I mean seriously, it’s pointless.

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I was in a circle jerk session last weekend..

I came in 2nd and 7th place

Its finally my cake day, thank god it isn't a circle.

Else it would be a pi.


Note: I hate to think if this hastily because I am late for my cake day. xd

Why did the man put his pennies in a circle?

To make ends meet.

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