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Distracting Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A gamer walks into a bar...

...and asks the barkeep "you got a console to play on?" And the barkeep says "yeah, but only have one game for it." The gamer shrugs, orders a cider and sits down to play.

While he's playing another guy walks in and says "hey, that guy with the cider is playing my game!" And the barkeep asks...

I just adopted two puppies the other day. I love them so much but they're so distracting whenever I try to watch a movie.

They keep pressing paws.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Doctor: ”I have the results of your test. You're gonna have to stop masturbating.”

Me: ”Oh no! Why doctor?"

Doctor: ”Because I'm trying to talk to you, and it's very distracting.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I find my girlfriend talking during sex distracting.

So I let her go to voicemail.

A teacher is teaching his class when he notices a student fooling around with a metre stick.

He tells the kid to stop, as it’s distracting. The kid does.

A few minutes later, the kid is tapping his desk with the same metre stick. The teacher tells him to stop, so he does.

Later in the class, the kid is poking his classmates with the metre stick. Once again, the teacher tells...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Doctor: You're going to have to stop masturbating.

Me: Why?

Doctor: Because it's distracting.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was having sex with my German girlfriend last night.

It was distracting when she kept yelling her age all the time.

I had to disable the lane departure warning on my new car.

It kept going off at random times, for no reason, and it was distracting me from my texting.

I told my wife that she’s like a firework

Explosive, distracting, and can put you in hospital if you get to close.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Trip To The Doctor

A man is sitting in an examination room when his Doctor walks in reading his chart.

"Sir, I'm afraid you're going to have to stop masturbating." Says the Doctor.

"WHAT!?! WHY!?!" Exclaims the man.

The Doctor looks up and says "Because I'm trying to read this chart and you're dis...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Once upon a time there was a toad named Ian.

Ian had tourette's. His life's dream was to become a toad janitor. But every place he applied turn him down because he would cuss repeatedly as a result of his tourette's. Him saying cuss words all the time was distracting to the other employees.

Finally he saw there was an opening to be a ja...

A guy stuck in the Coronavirus pandemic prays to God for help (not a repost)

He is on his knees begging God for protection from the pandemic. Suddenly, he is distracted by his television. It is the W.H.O. telling people to socially distance and wear a mask in public. He switches it off, because it is distracting him and resumes praying.

The next day, still scared he p...

I went to dinner and there was a man dressed as a pirate at the bar (long)

I had to find out what the deal was with this guy so I sat down next to him.

We talked for a while and then eventually he turned towards me and that's when I noticed he had a ship steering wheel sticking right out of his pants.

I tried listening to his story but it was too distract...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a shrink’s office.

“What’s wrong?” Asks the shrink.

“It’s a little embarrassing” answers the man.

“This is a safe place” assures him the shrink.

“Well doc, recently, i can’t seem to be able to focus” replays the man.

“What’s distracting you?” Asks the shrink.

“Well, i guess there is...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a strip club...

And sits down at the runway. He watches for a bit, and then the strippers start to make their rounds. One sits in his lap. "Would you like a dance?" She asks. Why not, the man thinks, "let's go!"

The stripper guides him to the lapdance area. While there, she asks if he wants to go to the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Freudian Slip

A man walks up to the bar to order a pint. The barmaid comes to serve him. She is well endowed in a low cut top. He finds them distracting.
He says to the barmaid "Can I have a pint of breasts please?
Realising what he has said he apologizes and asks for a pint of Guinness. The barmaid passe...

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