UPJOKE
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To all of you who say I'm "obsessed with the metric system"

Don't judge me until you've walked 1609 metres in my shoes.

Why will the American people never convert to the metric system?

Because they'll never accept a foreign ruler.

When I was younger one of my favorite jokes to tell was about a 4,000 lb. elephant. I tried to convert it to metric to share with the rest of the world.

But, it never got a laugh. Just these looks of mass confusion.

British people like to make fun of Americans for not using the metric system.

But I’ve never heard of a single British person walking into a pub and ordering a half liter…

Why hasn't America converted to metric?

Because the changeover would have been to in-tens.

We Americans know how to embrace the metric system

I'm an American. When I was a kid, my Dad told me, "The metric system is gonna be big. Support it and use it - the whole nine yards - every inch of the way."

Studies have shown that American youth has already started using the metric system

Nowadays you can even find students from various schools in America using 9mm

Nearly every country in the world uses metric, except for America...

because America has a foot fetish.

How do American school kids learn the metric system?

9 millimeters at a time

My online gf is teaching me the metric system on our first real date…

I can’t wait to metre

What do you call a metric cookie?

A gram cracker.

In America, using the metric system can get you in legal trouble

In fact, if you sneer at any other method of measuring liquids, you may be held in contempt of quart.

Why do Americans still use imperial measurement system where almost the entire world has transitioned to metric?

Not necessarily, they've been using 9mm at schools.

Why Americans don’t use metric?

Foot fetish

What’s the metric system’s favorite game?

Follow the liter

I think I cracked the overweight problem

# I think I cracked the overweight problem

Last week I weighed 150 pounds, I felt so miserable and was loosing all hope for my future. I couldn't think of a way to get over the shame. Then it struck me and I figured out the ultimate way to get it over with. I immediately did what I had to do,...

America hasn’t fully adopted the metric system yet…

… but believe me, we’re slowly inching towards it.

Why won't the US change over to the Metric system?

Because we'd rather die on our feet than live on your 30.48 centimeters.

Before you judge somebody who doesn't use the metric system...

You should walk 1.609344 kilometers in their shoes.

What is the metric system's favorite Halloween costume?

A skeleton

.

.

(Scale of ten)

Why won't the U.S. switch to the metric system?

There would be mass confusion

Why are people who use the metric system so good at computer science?

Because they are pro-grammers.

America is converting to metric units...

inch by inch.

America's almost finished switching to the metric system.

But they still have miles to go.

Metric system isn't popular in the United States?

Nonsense, just look how popular are two-liter bottles and nine-millimeter bullets

I know of someone who uses the metric system

I really want to metre

Useful Metric Equivalents

* 1 million microphones = 1 megaphone
* 1 million bicycles = 2 megacycles
* 2000 mockingbirds = two kilomockingbirds
* 52 = 1 decacards
* 1/2 lavatory = 1 demijohn
* 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche
* 435.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake
* 10 rations = 1 decoration
* 10 m...

Why is Metric Better?

Imperial is lit, but Metric is Liter

As an American and a runner, I love the metric system.

I can quit at 3.11 miles without feeling guilty

If American football switched to metric

They'd have to convert 4th and inches

America could never switch to the metric system.

Kilometers Davis, how does that sound?

You know what they call a foot fetish in Paris?

They got the metric system, they wouldn't know what the hell a foot is.

It always makes me smile when people suggest switching to the metric system.

Or should it rather make me skilometer?

People really need to start calling out US imperialism.

I can't believe they haven't switched to the metric system yet.

What’s type of boat does the metric system hate?

Galleons

How are the British taking to the Metric System?

Inch by inch

I was once accused of having a Foot fetish…

…but that’s a lie. I much prefer the Metric system.

I heard the United States is slowly moving towards the metric system...

They're getting closer inch by inch

Are you a metric unit of velocity?

Because you make me want to km/s

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hmmm Metric or Imperial?

"In metric, one milliliter of water occupies one cubic centimeter, weighs one gram, and requires one calorie of energy to heat up by one degree centigrade—which is 1 percent of the difference between its freezing point and its boiling point. An amount of hydrogen weighing the same amount has exactly...

Whats the single most important metric in brothel reviews?

Most bang for your buck

I was in London last summer

I was in London last summer, and I got food poisoning. I lost 6 kilograms. See a lot of Americans don't understand that because it's metric. But I did the math, and 6 kilograms is over $720,000 in cocaine.

Study finds Washington state residents consumed 175 metric tons of pot in 2013 (real news)

As a result, the state is changing it's slogan to "Whoa Dude."

I love the metric system.

It's the best by an absolute 1.6km

Who does the Metric Cult worship?

...Demetre.

There are two types of countries in this world.....

Those that use the metric system, and those that have set foot on the moon.

They say sitting through a bad PowerPoint presentation reduces your lifespan by 30 minutes

Going by that metric, I've been dead since 1909.

It's depressing to hear that a child can drown in just 2 inches of water.

I mean it's 2019. Why aren't we using metric yet?

I'm 5'8.5" and I'm not sure if it would be better to round it up or down on my dating profile

I can round down to 4'20" or round up to 69"

^^^post ^^^unavailable ^^^in ^^^metric

Have mercy I've never written any humor until now. I've attempted to write a joke about a meta joke.

A meta joke walks into a bar and says to the bartender

"I don't have much time to explain! We're living in a hypothetical reality, both of us, characters in a joke! I tell you this here and now, despite the fact that by all metrics I should not be a sentient or even tangible entity capable o...

An American lost a lot of weight

When he switched to metric system

It’s amazing how popular Instagram is in America.

Didn’t think they liked the metric system.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So I was at the bar the other day...

...and suddenly, I feel a large slap on my ass.

Turning around, I spot the ugliest woman imaginable; she was large, heavily tattooed, and caked with metric tonnes of makeup.

She said to me, "Hey there, guy. I saw you over there and thought you should call me."

I looked her over ...

All of my European friends tell me I have a foot fetish.

I tell them, I’ll never understand the metric system.

Alligators can grow up to 15 metres...

The joke doesn’t work with the metric system...

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