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Metric Jokes

Why will the American people never convert to the metric system?

Because they'll never accept a foreign ruler.

It’s surprising that Jules and Vince spend so much time talking about the metric system at the beginning of Pulp Fiction

Quentin Tarantino usually only does feet

Why won't the US change over to the Metric system?

Because we'd rather die on our feet than live on your 30.48 centimeters.

To all of you who say I'm "obsessed with the metric system"

Don't judge me until you've walked 1609 metres in my shoes.

Why won't Americans switch to the metric system?

They have a foot fetish

When I was younger one of my favorite jokes to tell was about a 4,000 lb. elephant. I tried to convert it to metric to share with the rest of the world.

But, it never got a laugh. Just these looks of mass confusion.

The history and reasons why France switched to the metric system is very interesting

But to make a long story short, it was Napoleon.

America is converting to metric units...

inch by inch.

Even in the metric system you serve tea in tea cups, and not in

tea liters.



We Americans know how to embrace the metric system

I'm an American. When I was a kid, my Dad told me, "The metric system is gonna be big. Support it and use it - the whole nine yards - every inch of the way."

How do American school kids learn the metric system?

9 millimeters at a time

Why hasn't America converted to metric?

Because the changeover would have been to in-tens.

Useful Metric Equivalents

* 1 million microphones = 1 megaphone
* 1 million bicycles = 2 megacycles
* 2000 mockingbirds = two kilomockingbirds
* 52 = 1 decacards
* 1/2 lavatory = 1 demijohn
* 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche
* 435.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake
* 10 rations = 1 decoration
* 10 m...

What do you call a metric cookie?

A gram cracker.

"Hey, aren't you a poetic metric characterized by a short syllable followed by a long, stressed syllable?"

"iamb"

Studies have shown that American youth has already started using the metric system

Nowadays you can even find students from various schools in America using 9mm

British people like to make fun of Americans for not using the metric system.

But I’ve never heard of a single British person walking into a pub and ordering a half liter…

America hasn’t fully adopted the metric system yet…

… but believe me, we’re slowly inching towards it.

Nearly every country in the world uses metric, except for America...

because America has a foot fetish.

Why won't the U.S. switch to the metric system?

There would be mass confusion

There are two type of countries.

Those that use the metric system and those that have been to the moon and have recreated nuclear fusion.

Why is Metric Better?

Imperial is lit, but Metric is Liter

Before you judge somebody who doesn't use the metric system...

You should walk 1.609344 kilometers in their shoes.

In America, using the metric system can get you in legal trouble

In fact, if you sneer at any other method of measuring liquids, you may be held in contempt of quart.

My online gf is teaching me the metric system on our first real date…

I can’t wait to metre

What is the metric system's favorite Halloween costume?

A skeleton

.

.

(Scale of ten)

If American football switched to metric

They'd have to convert 4th and inches

I honestly prefer the Metric system

Thirteen centimetres sounds way more impressive than five inches.

America's almost finished switching to the metric system.

But they still have miles to go.

America could never switch to the metric system.

Kilometers Davis, how does that sound?

Metric system isn't popular in the United States?

Nonsense, just look how popular are two-liter bottles and nine-millimeter bullets

I know of someone who uses the metric system

I really want to metre

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So I was at the bar the other day...

...and suddenly, I feel a large slap on my ass.

Turning around, I spot the ugliest woman imaginable; she was large, heavily tattooed, and caked with metric tonnes of makeup.

She said to me, "Hey there, guy. I saw you over there and thought you should call me."

I looked her over ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hmmm Metric or Imperial?

"In metric, one milliliter of water occupies one cubic centimeter, weighs one gram, and requires one calorie of energy to heat up by one degree centigrade—which is 1 percent of the difference between its freezing point and its boiling point. An amount of hydrogen weighing the same amount has exactly...

I wish I was the Metric System....

Because I really wanna km/s.

Why are people who use the metric system so good at computer science?

Because they are pro-grammers.

As an American and a runner, I love the metric system.

I can quit at 3.11 miles without feeling guilty

What’s type of boat does the metric system hate?

Galleons

Are you a metric unit of velocity?

Because you make me want to km/s

It always makes me smile when people suggest switching to the metric system.

Or should it rather make me skilometer?

I love the metric system.

It's the best by an absolute 1.6km

Why do Americans still use imperial measurement system where almost the entire world has transitioned to metric?

Not necessarily, they've been using 9mm at schools.

Whats the single most important metric in brothel reviews?

Most bang for your buck

I heard the United States is slowly moving towards the metric system...

They're getting closer inch by inch

I told the architect that the pool should be 6 feet deep

But he was working in metric and just couldn't fathom it

What do you call a metrically inclined elderly assassin?

A Killograndma.

Study finds Washington state residents consumed 175 metric tons of pot in 2013 (real news)

As a result, the state is changing it's slogan to "Whoa Dude."

I was once accused of having a Foot fetish…

…but that’s a lie. I much prefer the Metric system.

It's depressing to hear that a child can drown in just 2 inches of water.

I mean it's 2019. Why aren't we using metric yet?

You know what they call a foot fetish in Paris?

They got the metric system, they wouldn't know what the hell a foot is.

People really need to start calling out US imperialism.

I can't believe they haven't switched to the metric system yet.

I think I cracked the overweight problem

# I think I cracked the overweight problem

Last week I weighed 150 pounds, I felt so miserable and was loosing all hope for my future. I couldn't think of a way to get over the shame. Then it struck me and I figured out the ultimate way to get it over with. I immediately did what I had to do,...

I lost 80 pounds last week

I simply switched from imperial to metric

It’s amazing how popular Instagram is in America.

Didn’t think they liked the metric system.

I was in London last summer

I was in London last summer, and I got food poisoning. I lost 6 kilograms. See a lot of Americans don't understand that because it's metric. But I did the math, and 6 kilograms is over $720,000 in cocaine.

I'm 5'8.5" and I'm not sure if it would be better to round it up or down on my dating profile

I can round down to 4'20" or round up to 69"

^^^post ^^^unavailable ^^^in ^^^metric

An American lost a lot of weight

When he switched to metric system

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