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Mileage Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I wonder if she got mileage points?

So a woman goes to the Ob/Gyn.

Ob: What brings you in today?
Patient: Uhm... I’ve been finding Costa Rican postage stamps in my vagina.
Ob: You’ve been finding what, where?!
Patient: Costa Rican postage stamps in my vagina...
Ob: Have you BEEN to Costa Rica?
Patient: No!
Ob...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Funeral director takes his hearse to the mechanic, "My car gets really bad mileage."

Mechanic says, "I'm sorry sir I don't think I can help, It's because of all the dead weight in the back."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man was trying to sell his car but the mileage was too high

A man was trying to sell his car but the mileage was too high. A friend told him to set it back and it will look like a brand new car. The man did so and he thanked his friend for the tip.

*A few days later*

Friend: "So, did you sell the car?"

Man: "What the fuck? Why would I se...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Harley Davidson for sale, mint condition, not a single scratch on it, used as my weekend bike. Very low mileage and I am very flexible on the price...

I originally bought this without consulting my wife.

Apparently “Do whatever the fuck you want” doesn’t mean what I thought it did.

What does Santa say when he visits good pirates?

Ho ho ho and a bottle of rum!!


Made this one up when I was 5 or 6 and I’m still getting mileage out of it 30+ years later

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So I’m from Montana

A person asked me:
“Do you still ride a horse to work?”
To which I replied:
“Of course not! I traded it in for a mule; I lost horsepower, I make it up in ass mileage.”

A blond walks into a mechanic's shop.

She is concerned because her car has a lot of miles and nobody wants to buy it from her. The mechanic tells her that for a price, he can roll back the odometer. After she agrees, he does just that, telling her she can now sell her car. He blond says, "why would I do that? It has lower mileage now!"

Car for Sale

Paddy wanted to sell his car but was concerned he wouldn’t get much for it due to the high mileage, he spoke to his friend Mickey who suggested winding the clock back, reducing the mileage, in the hope he could ask for more money.
A few days later Paddy was talking to Mickey again, ‘How’d you get...

What disease do you get from buying too many Toyotas?

Corollavirus.

Symptoms include fever, cough, really good gas mileage and you run for 250,000 miles.

So a blonde was trying to sell her car..

Unfortunately, her car had over 200,000 miles on it and she wasn't able to get very good deals for it. After mentioning her issue to one of her co-workers, he says that he can reset the mileage so she can get a really good deal for selling it. She agrees to and he does his business, gives it back to...

A man who wants to sell his car walks into a bar

He meets a shady car salesman and the man asks him for help selling his car. He explained that he wants to sell his car but the mileage is too high.

“How high is the mileage?” The salesman asked, the man replied with “135,000 miles.” The salesman thinks for a minute, then replies with “If you...

A Rabbi, a priest, and a holy roller

walk onto a car lot. After much searching, they all find the car of their dreams. Perfect color, size, gas mileage, and price. They tell the salesman what they want, but he informs them that there is only one of these cars on the lot, and they have no idea when they will get another shipment.
...

A guide to effective academic communication

Academic phrases and their translations

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* It has long been known = I haven't bothered to look up the reference


* It is believed = I think


* It is generally believed = A couple of other guys think so too


* It is n...

My dad told this to me years ago

Three guys die in a car accident and are now waiting at the Pearly Gates to get into heaven. St. Peter walks up to them and says "Welcome to heaven. You have all made it to heaven however your eternal companion will be determined by your sins."

The first guy walks up and sees this really ho...

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