A penguin is driving along route 66

And notices his car is acting up. So he rolls over to the first garage he finds and asks the mechanic to fix it for him. The mechanic looks at the car and says it may take a few hours to find the problem to which the penguin agrees.

While waiting the penguin decides its very hot and he'd lov...

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A man is in a VIP airport lounge en route to Seattle.

He is meeting with a very important client who is also flying to Seattle but she is running a bit late. While waiting, he notices Bill Gates sitting in a chair enjoying a cognac. Being a forward type of a guy, the man approaches Bill Gates and introduces himself. He explains to Gates that he is cond...

A Scotsman, carrying a huge suitcase, has been riding a London bus for five miles along its route, all the while attempting to avoid the ticket collector. Finally, the conductor manages to corner him and tells him to pay up.

"You've been on for five miles--that'll be 50p, please, and 10p for your suitcase." The Scotsman responds, "I ha'not, I want a ha'penny fare, just got on this vera moment."

They begin to argue, and the ticket collector becomes more and more enraged, and finally, as the bus is passing over Lon...

It was George the Mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a tidy gift envelope.

At the second house, they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.



At the fourth house, he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful blonde woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gent...

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Donald and Mike

Donald Trump and Mike Pence were travelling down Route 66 when Donald fell asleep at the wheel and crashed head on to oncoming traffic and they both died. When Donald and Mike reached the pearly gates of hell Mike said:

"Listen Devil, my time on earth is not done yet. I'll do whatever you wa...

An overweight businessman decided it was time to shed some excess weight. He took his new diet seriously, even changing his driving route to avoid his favourite bakery.

One morning, however, he arrived at work carrying a gigantic muffin. The office all scolded him, but his smile remained cherubic.

“This is a very special muffin,” he explained. “I accidentally drove by the bakery this morning and there in the window were a host of goodies. I felt this was no ...

An assistant to Donald Trump

>**An assistant to Donald Trump told him she had a fantastic dream last night.**
**There was a huge parade down Pennsylvania Avenue celebrating Trump.** 
**Millions lined the parade route, cheering when the President went past.**
**Bands were playing; children were throwing confett...

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A trucker is driving his regular route from St Louis to New Orleans

He’s passing through Arkansas and it’s raining buckets outside. The trucker pulls over at a small gas station in the middle of nowhere, deciding to take a short break and wait for the rain to pass. He heads inside and is greeted by the store clerk. The clerk is a dirty looking man in his mid fifties...

Due to COVID-19, North Korea has shut down all of its air and railway routes across its borders with China, and is keeping all foreigners arriving in the country via China isolated for up to one month.

TIL People are trying to get into North Korea.

What do you call a droid that always take the longest route?

R2 Detour

Pretty sure it's original, very rough edges type joke. Input welcome.

A man decides to open his own Plant Nursery. After a few months his business starts going under so he goes to apply for a loan
The loan officer goes to the place of business and asks a couple questions
"sir do you have a background in the study of plants?"
"No, I just got this company on a ...

Why is it a good thing to study oceanic trade routes?

Because you’ll have a maritime (merry time)!

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Coming Home Early

A man, returning home a day early from a business trip, got into a taxi at the airport. It was after midnight. While en route to his home, he asked the cabby if he would be a witness. The man suspected his wife was having an affair and he intended to catch her in the act. For $100, the cabby agreed....

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Reading of last will

His nurse, his wife, his daughter and two
sons, are with him.
He asks for two witnesses to be present and
a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes.
When all is ready he begins to speak.

"My son, Bernie, I want you to take the Ocean Reef houses."
"My daughter Sybil, yo...

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A mailman was retiring after running the same route over 20 years, he had gotten to know the people pretty well so he left little notes of appreciation in their mailboxes...

The next day he gets to the first house on the block and the couple there greet him with a going away present and say there goodbyes.

This goes on for the next few houses.

But about 5 houses in a lady greets him at the door in nothing but her underwear. She snatches him inside and pro...

One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus garage, started his bus and drove off along the route:

No problems for the first few stops.
A few people got on, a few got off and things went generally well.

At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a guy got on.

Six foot eight, built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground.

He glared at the driver and said. "Big John...

A Police Officer was waiting along the side of a highway waiting to catch speeding drivers. There weren't as many violators this day as usual. The State Police Officer sees an old car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!"

So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five elderly ladies, two in the front seat and three in the back--wide eyed and white as ghosts.

The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly t...

What do you call a mailman who only delivers bills on his route?

Bill Parcells

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One Monday morning the postman was walking through the neighborhood on his usual route delivering the mail.

As he approached one of the homes, he noticed that both cars were still in the driveway.

His wonder was cut short by Dave, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer, wine and spirit bottles for the recycling bin.

'Wow Dave, looks like you guys had one hell of a party last nig...

Two nuns, Sisters Mary and Teresa, are riding their bikes back to the convent from the shops in the old city.

Sister Mary says “Up ahead the road is blocked, but if you follow me, I know another route.”

Sister Teresa dutifully follows the older Sister as they wind their way through the city streets and down an old lane.

“Sister Mary,” asks Sister Teresa, “do you know this route well?”

...

What road did Satan take on his road trip?

Route 666

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George The Mailman

It’s George The Mailman’s last day on the job after 30 years and the last go at his route. He delivers mail to the first house and there is a nice little envelope with his name on it and a $20 bill thanking him for his loyal service over the years. The second house had a nicely wrapped package for h...

"Dad, what's capitalism?"

"Here, take this £5 note and go and get me a BLT with a large coca cola."

The boy left his house and took the only possible route, up a huge hill. He got to the counter and made the order.

"That'll be £7.34," said the assistant.

"I only have £5, mister," said the boy. The assist...

Horrible people keep recommending me winding bike routes

Those goddamn twisted cycle paths.

Ronald finally landed a job as a school bus driver.

He was assigned a rural route on a long road called Sesame Street.

At the first stop, there were two very portly girls. “I’m Patty and this is my cousin Patty” one of the two girls announced as they made their way to the back of the bus.

At the next stop there was a tiny boy waiting....

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A cop was patrolling his regular route

when he started to get pretty thirsty. Naturally deciding to stop at his usual convenient store. As he's pulling into the parking lot he sees a woman pumping gas into her car while smoking a cigarette. She was older and maybe a little unstable. The cop dismounts his cruiser and approaches the woman ...

Here’s the oldest dirty joke I know.

Ethyl and Gladys walk the same route every day, and they stop at the same bench to smoke a cigarette before finishing their walk back to their apartments.

One day, just as they lit their cigarette, it starts to rain. Neither ladies brought umbrellas.

Gladys, the innovator she is, tak...

What's the worst route to take through Malawi's capital?

Lilongwe

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A Hindu, a Jew and a lawyer are traveling, taking a scenic route through the country when their car breaks down...

It's too late in the day to call a tow truck, so they walk up the road to a small farmhouse to ask for help.

They knock on the door and the farmer warmly greets them. They explain the situation and he says that he doesn't have he necessary equipment to tow them, but if they would like to sta...

A young man named Theseus moves to a lakeside fishing village looking for work

When he arrives, he finds one of the residents, Justin, is interested in going out and seeing the world, and wants to sell his fishing boat to fund that trip. Thinking that it might be a good way to make a living, Theseus buys the boat and spends the next few years learning the trade, establishing a...

Two nuns leave the abbey on their bicycles to spend the day in town. A road closure forces them to take a different route home....

"I've never come this way before," the first nun says.

The other says, "It's the cobblestones."

Two nuns are bicycling to church one morning, as they always do.

They decide to take a different route this time and eventually end up on a cobblestone road. One nun says the other, “I’ve never come this way before.” The other nun responds, “must be the cobbles.”

An officer running a speed trap stops a car on the interstate for going dangerously slow.

He walks up to the car and sees two very old women. The driver with very thick glasses, and one very pale, wide eyed passenger.

"Ma'am I have to tell you, it's very dangerous going so slow on an interstate."

"What do you mean too slow? The speed limit is 10" as she points to a sign. ...

A humpback and a peg leg are having drinks in a bar.

When they are quite drunk and the bar closes, they go their ways home and the humpback decides to take the short route through the graveyard. Suddenly a little gnome jumps him, cackling “What is that on your back!?” The man replies “Oh, that’s my hump.”
“Give it to me!” the gnome snarls and he ma...

A man was tired of working as a burger-flipper at McDonalds.

All day every day he made Big Macs. And in his head he would list off the ingredients; Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickle and onion, on a seasame seed bun.

Over and over: Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickle and onion, on a seasame seed bun.<...

A 5G cell tower was built in a rural neighborhood

After the cell tower was erected, people living near the tower started reporting worrying symptoms, such as, as dizzy spells, vomiting, and insomnia.

Over the next few months, these symptoms increased in both frequency and intensity--sometimes people would completely lose consciousness and fa...

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A mailman retires after 30 years service and starts his route for the last time.

At his first house, Mrs Smith congratulates him on his retitrement, takes him upstairs and boffs his brains out.

Afterwards she takes him downstairs and sits him at the table which is made up with pancakes, bacon, eggs, coffee and a one dollar bill on the plate.

After starting to eat h...

Joe is on his last day at work as a mailman.

He receives many thank-you cards and monetary gifts along his route. When he gets to the very last house, he is greeted by a gorgeous housewife, who invites him in for lunch. Joe happily accepts. After lunch, the woman invites him up to the bedroom for some "desert." Joe happily accepts again. When ...

I got fired from my mail route today.

They said I wasn't picking up people's mail. I should have seen it coming though, there were red flags everywhere.

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A mailman is on his last route before retirement. [NSFW]

He comes up to one of the last houses and, to his surprise, the wife opens the door in a bathrobe when he is about to put mail into the slot.

She asks if he’d like to come inside to which he agrees. Once inside she asks if he likes to see. He replies “yes, of course.” She then drops he robe a...

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John is a mailman in a small town. Everyone in the town knows him. Today he is retiring.

Every house he went to, families were greeting him and congratulating him. Most game him gifts. Flowers, cards, presents ... until he got to the last house on his final route.

A woman came to the door stark naked. She quietly took him upstairs and made sweet passionate love to him for hours u...

[Long] A new postman has been doing his route for about 6 months....

After a while ee notices at one house they keep receiving letters that look identical. Two or three times a week this happens. After a month or so he notices the envelopes start to look a bit shabby and he starts to suspect that it is the same letter being posted over and over again.

The pos...

A city bus driver is doing his route.

After picking up some passengers, an argument about race broke out. Most of the passengers on the bus are getting involved and after twenty minutes of bickering the driver, tired of the argument, slams on the brakes and stops in the middle of the street. Everyone shuts up. He stands up and shouts a...

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The Black Rider is coming!

So a man is doing Route 66, road trippin’ through through western America when he finds a bar on the side of the road that has all the makings of an old spaghetti western. He decides he needs a drink.

He swings open the doors and asks the barman for a whiskey.

“We’re about to close” sa...

A Man Finds a Lamp...

A man is on a walj when he comes across as lamp. He rubs the lamp and a genie comes out.

The genie tells the man he will grant him 3 wishes.

The man thinks long and hard and declares "I want to live a long and healthy life."

The genie immediately scans the man's body, eliminatin...

Two Dutch girls are out riding their bikes when one of them suggests taking an alternate, scenic route home.

After a while they are in an area that the other girl doesn't recognize and she has no idea where they are or which direction home is. As it is getting towards dusk she becomes nervous and a bit agitated, she says to her friend, "I've never come this way before." And her friend turns to her, smiling...

I'm acutely dyslexic and often forget my route home. AMA!

Sorry, wrong bus!

With many truck routes blocked from Wildfire, California residents are having beef shipments airdropped to them.

The steaks have never been higher.

One cold winter morning, during the Christmas season, a mailman was doing his route.

As he was
delivering all the Christmas cards, he came to a
house and realized that they had so much mail that
it wouldn't fit in the box, so he decided to knock
on the door.

As the door was answered, a beautiful blond woman
stood staring at him. The mailman said "I'm sorry
...

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An Australian Army Recruit sends home a letter . . .

Dear Mum & Dad,

I am well. Hope you're are too. Tell me big brothers Doug and Phil that the Army is better than workin’ on the farm - tell them to get in quick smart before the jobs are all gone! I wuz a bit slow in settling down at first, because ya don’t hafta get outta bed until 6am. B...

A salesman is assigned a new route that takes him to Texas for the first time...

After finishing his first sales meeting in Texas, It was getting late so he checked into a hotel and went to its restaurant for dinner. He ordered a small beer. The waitress brought him a huge mug.

“Waitress” he said, “I ordered a small beer.” She said, “ This is Texas. In Texas that’s a sma...

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A mailman is working his last day on a route he's been doing for 20 years

He gets to the first house and a man greets him at the door with a very expensive bottle of wine and thanks him for his service. He arrives at the next house and is greeted by the entire family with a box of Cuban cigars and everyone wishes him a happy retirement.

He arrives at the third hous...

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A guy is due to meet his friends for drink at a bar but arrives late. When he does eventually turn up his friends ask why he is late.

The guy says, "Well, you won't believe what just happened. I was walking my usual route via the rail tracks when suddenly I saw a young, naked woman tied up next to the tracks. Of course I untied her and we had sex because I freed her."

The friends are cheering and one friend asks, "So... did...

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A NYC cab driver is en route to pick up a passenger at the stock exchange

On his way, he keeps door-checking stock traders as he goes by, laughing his ass off.

As he pulls up, he notices his customer is a priest, so he internally curses - he can't keep hitting stock brokers while he's got a man of God in the car with him.

They exchange pleasantries and leave...

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It was a mailman's last day on his route after 30 years.

He'd grown to know all the people on one particular street and felt a fondness for each of them. As he approached the first house, he delivered the mail and was greeted by a kind old woman who offered him a loaf of fresh bread and a tall glass of milk. He took the bread, drank the milk, and moved on...

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A police officer on a bike route sees 2 men arguing.

The officer slows down to observe, and to see if the argument would become violent. The 2 men are bitter, and get louder by the minute. Suddenly, they both reach into their pockets. The first man pulls out some sodium chloride and throws it at the second man, while the second man get a 9 volt and 2 ...

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A LONG ONE( but worth it): One wet, cold morning...

A bus driver was just starting along his route. It was still dark and raining and the temperature hovered just above freezing.

As he approached the first stop on his route he could see some poor soul laying on the bench. He stopped the bus, opened the doors and called out to the soaking wet p...

The Pope is saddend that he never sees much of the countries he visits and decides it's time for a change

After a visit to Berlin, the Pope decides he wants to travel to Rome by car. Off course, he didn't bring a car and so the German government seizes the opportunity to impress him with German engineering. They lend him the most powerful car they have available, with a German driver/bodyguard. And off ...

How do i give my cat a pill?

Grab your cat and place it around your arm as if you were holding a baby. Place your right index finger and thumb on both sides of the cat's mouth and gently apply some pressure while holding the pill in the other hand. As soon as your cat opens the mouth, throw the pill in and give the cat the oppo...

A man driving down Route 66 stops by a gas station for the restroom...

Upon entering the store he sees the hot blonde behind the counter and asks her to use the restroom. She gives him the key and the man rushes to take care of business. After finishing he notices there's no toilet paper around and nothing else to wipe with. Then he spots a sign on the wall that reads ...

A cop pulls a car over for going 20 mph on the highway

The driver is a little old lady, and there are two old ladies in the back seat.

The cop asks, "Why were you driving just 20 miles per hour?"

The old lady responds, "I was just going the posted speed limit!" and points to a sign up ahead.

The cop smiles and says, "That's not the...

An elderly gentleman was on his deathbed as his wife and three children and nurse stood close by.

“Bill, you take the Beverly Hills houses.

"Mary, you take the offices in the Center.

"Debra, the apartments over the L.A. Plaza are yours.

"To my dear wife, take all the residential buildings near downtown."

The nurse was really impressed. She said, "Your husband must hav...

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A Mailman is about to retire

He is doing his last route before he is done with this. Many people have given him gifts and things as thanks, but one house had a package that needed signed for. So he went to the door, and the hottest woman he had ever seen greeted him and dragged him inside. She took him up to her room and banged...

The neighborhood postman was retiring after 30 years.

On his last day of delivering mail, all of the people on his route left him something in the mail box in honor of his retirement. Some left money, some left small gifts, and some met him at the door and invited him in for a drink.

As he was putting the mail in the mailbox of the last house, t...

Drugs may be that path to nowhere...

but at least it's the scenic route.

The Truck Driver and the Priest

In a small town outside of a big city, there was this truck driver who hated Lawyers. Now I mean like he really hated them lawyers. So whenever he was driving, he would intentionally swerve to hit them. Now, one day, he was driving his normal route, when he spots a priest on the side of the road. So...

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There was this woman that would go jogging every day.

She’d jog the same exact distance, the same exact route, at the same time each and every day. One day she notices on the pavement below her, as she jogs by, it is written in chalk “WILL”. She doesn’t think anything of it, and continues. The next day, when she’s jogging, at the same exact spot on the...

Two crows were flying from A to B

One turns to the other and says "Just for once, couldn't we take the scenic route?"

The genie of the lamp

A hipster goes to an antique market where he spots a cool looking brass lamp. It's only $20, so he buys and takes it home.
He spots a black mark on the side so he gets out the brass polish and rubs it to remove the mark. There's a flash and this giant Middle Eastern dude appeares in his lounge. "...

Three different types of engineers are debating which of their fields God must have worked in

A mechanical engineer speaks first. "Look at the joints, look at the tendons and ligaments, look at how strong our bones are. God was clearly a mechanical engineer."


An electrical engineer chimes in. "Are you kidding me? Look at the nerves, look at the way our brain can fire off a c...

A 50 year old postman is finally retiring

As he goes down his route one less time everyone showers him with gifts. A watch, a new wallet, money, a farewell card from one of children. All is well, until he comes upon his last house. When he knocks a beautiful woman, scantily clad is at the door. She pulls him in and they make love in her bed...

African Lumberjack

An African lumberjack is interviewing for a job at a major logging company. The foreman decides to take a practical route and hands the lumberjack an axe.

"Take a couple swings at that tree over there." The foreman said.

The lumberjack walks over to the tree and fells it in a single ch...

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It's Dale's last day as a postman

25 years he's been delivering the mail to the same neighborhood. When it was time to retire, he let everyone know ahead of time, that way if there was an issue with their mail, they new it would be a new letter carrier. As he made his way along his route, he found little going away gifts from some t...

My Girlfriend said she was going to leave me because of my obsession with pointing out obvious escape routes...

So I showed her the door.

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Retiring mail man

So a retiring mail man is making his route on his last day. He has been working the route for 30 years. He receives a few thank you cards, and some small gifts, which really makes him feel appreciated.

As his day is coming to an end, he comes to one of the final houses. As he puts the mail in...

What do you call a routed Greek army?

A Failanx

Why is visiting Taj Mahal before you reach your destination a cure for erectile dysfunction?

Coz it forces you to take the via Agra route

Drunk driver

This isn't so much a joke as it is a true story that happened to me. My buddy always got a kick out of it and it makes me laugh. Delete if not allowed.


My friends wife left him and I went to his house to drink beer and play music. We had a great time and somewhere around 3am I st...

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Three tourists board a taxi at LAX

One is German, one is Italian, the other is Japanese. En route to their accommodation, a Porsche speeds past the taxi, prompting the German to brag 'Porsche, very fast. Made in Germany'.


A few miles later, a Lamborghini speed past, prompting the Italian to brag 'Lamborghini, very fast. ...

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A husband arrives home at 3 AM

His wife is waiting. Furious.

"Where have you been?"

"Honey I know you wouldn't believe me, but I was at work"

" 'till 3 AM??"

"And since I knew you wouldn't believe me - I brought my boss to explain everything"

In comes the husband's boss:

"Hi, Umm.. yes, ...

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Shirley is driving to office for the first time when

her husband calls her on phone "Honey!! Please be very careful. It's being telecasted on the news that a maniac is driving recklessly on route 256 in the wrong direction".

Shirley goes : " One maniac? There's hundreds of these bastards".

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Retiring Mailman

The mailman is making his last rounds before retirement and he comes to the door of the prettiest woman on his route. She's standing there in a see through negligee and gestures for him to come in. She leads him upstairs where she gets undressed, removes his clothes and then screws his brains out.<...

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A woman and her 5-year old son are taking a bus home.

It's late in the evening and their stop last one on the bus route. All of the other passengers have disembarked, so it's just the woman, her son, and the bus driver. The boy looks out of the window and sees scantily-clad young women standing on a street corner.

"Mommy," says the boy, "what ar...

Why would a tree make an awful Uber?

They can’t decide on a route.

A old man was driving down the freeway when his wife called his cell phone.

"Herbert, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Route 280. Please be careful!"

"It's not just one car," said Herbert, "It's hundreds of them!"

Putin and Obama meet in Moscow

They're debating the merits of their respective societies. They argue about moral values and which country is doing better.

Obama: I've heard that all Russian are alcoholics.

Putin: That's a Russophobic myth. I bet there's not a single drunk out in Moscow tonight.

Obama: I don'...

Chicken in a Library

A young librarian is amazed during his first day at work to see a chicken stride into the library with an armful of books. The chicken walks up to him and deposits the book on the desk. Apart from a little pond weed on one of the pages, they were all fine and within the lending period, in fact, they...

Two old Jewish men are on their afternoon walk

On their route is a Catholic church. There's a sign out the front that says "Convert to Catholicism - takes 2 hours, get $200".

The first guy says "What the hell. We're retired - I've got nothing better to do, and $200 is $200!"

So in he goes. 2 hours later he comes back out. The seco...

A bus driver is on court for murdering 31 people

A bus driver is on court and being judged for running over 31 people with a bus. The judge asks the driver to explain what has happened from his vision and the following is his response.


Driver: I was driving the bus casually as I do every shift. I was going on the same route when I start...

A Catholic High School had a legendary American football team

Every year, the team was in the state championship game, and usually won it handily. Every able lad within a few hundred miles wanted to play football for Central Catholic Fighting Knights.

Those who were familiar with the program, knew that the true heart and soul of the Knights football pro...

A postman is going on holiday

A postman is going on holiday. He has a good relationship with a homeowner along his route and decides to let him know about his upcoming absence. During work hours, he arrives at the man's home and chaps on the door and after a few moments he opens it.



"Hey there, what have you got f...

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The year: 2029. A brilliant scientist is constructing the first sentient artificial intelligence.

He's working out of his garage in San Francisco, living on charitable donations from his worried friends. He dropped out of college when he realized he could change the world — there's no going back; his life is dedicated to this project. At first, he is met with failure upon failure. But then, he r...

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Little Johnny overheard a couple of girls in school

The kids were whispering "Purple flowers, purple flowers," and giggling. Curious what this meant, Johnny asked his friend.

"Jimmy, what does purple flowers mean?" Johnny asked.

Little Jimmy looked at Johnny in horror and said "I'm not gonna be friends with someone who says stuff like t...

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Farm kid writes letter home after joining Marines....

Dear Ma and Pa:

I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.

I was restless at first because you get to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. But I am ge...

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An old farmer is known across the state for his giant pumpkins.

Every year he takes the blue ribbon at the state fair for biggest pumpkin, and every year his town throws a Pumpkin Parade for him where he drives the winner down Main Street in the back of his pickup, the local marching band plays, the mayor makes a speech--- the whole works. Makes the front page ...

The following is announced on the radio:

All drivers on route 66, pay attention! Stay to the far right as much as possible. There have been reports off a driver driving in the wrong lane. A man looks at his radio and says: 1 driving in the wrong lane? There are thousands of them!

A man named Ralph decides that he can’t stand his wife any longer, and decides to hire a hitman.

He checks the newspaper one morning and sees an ad that says, “Get any job done for $1.” Ralph excitedly calls the number from the ad, and a man answers.

Man: “Hello, this is Artie. How can I help you?”

Ralph: “Hi there, I saw your ad in the paper and was wondering if you could help m...

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Grateful Girl

A man goes into his usual bar and says to the bartender, "You'll never guess what happened to me last night!"


Bartender says, "What happened?"


"Well", says the man, "After I left here I was walking home on my usual route when I saw a girl tied to the railways tracks. I ran ...

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Two Recently Married Men

Are on a plane in route to their honeymoon.

George turns to John and says "Hey baby. You wanna have sex right here in our seats?"

"What?! Are you crazy? There are hundreds of people on this plane!" Says John

George replies "Don't be so uptight. No one is paying a bit of attenti...

Three friends decided to visit the African Savanna and make a little tour all by themselves.

Let's call them Jack, Mark and Clark.

And to make it more thrilling and exciting, they decided to make it a tour by foot. So they chose the route and dates and they met at the airport when the day had come.



As they arrived at the place where they would be spending the first nig...

A cop pulls over three elderly woman..

The cop says "M'am, do you realize you were going 15 mph in a 55?"

Old lady driver: " Ooo I must have been mistaken then, that sign over there says 15"

The cop laughs and says "M'am thats route 15; you're on route 15 right now"

Old lady driver: "I am so embarassed! Please forgiv...

Two nuns are riding bikes back to the convent when the older nun says lets take this other road back.

The younger nun notices that it is a cobble stone path and very rough.
They get on the path and are subjected to as you can imagine a very rough ride.
Wondering why they were taking this route the Young nun asked?
Do you always come this way?
No not always... but today maybe.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old woman was watching the news while waiting for her husband to return from the Elk's club

A breaking news story came on about a car driving the wrong away on the interstate.
Being worked for her husband's safety she called him.

"Bill I hope I haven't caught you too late," she said. "The news is reporting a car driving the wrong way down the interstate you use to come home. You ...

The Three-Legged Pig

An insurance salesman decides to make one last cold call on his country route and winds up way in the back country at the end of a dirt road. He drives up to the farm, gets out of the car with his briefcase, and walks up to the door. On his way, he glances at the fenced in area attached to the bar...

A Student is in Engineering Class, when the Teacher asks What is a Machine?

Student 1: A machine is anything that reduces human effort

Teacher: Will you please elaborate?

Student 1: Anything that simplifies work, or saves time, is a machine

Teacher: What is the true definition?

Student 2: Sir, machines are any combination of bodies so connected t...

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