My wife is mad at me, says I have no sense of direction...

So I packed all my bags and right.

How did the band One Direction get it's name?

Because when they're running the trainbang they're all facing... one direction.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I fucking hate one direction fans.

I like the ones that oscillate back and forth.

My wife hated that I didn’t have a sense of direction

So I packed my stuff up and right

Me: Doctor, I am afraid of directions

Therapist: right

Me: *screaming*

Therapist: *What’s up?*

Me: *screaming intensifies*

Why is Hitler so bad at giving directions?

Because all he says is "take the Third Reich"

Luke:”Yoda, are we heading the right direction?”

Yoda:”Off course, we are.”

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What directions did the Allies need to locate and defeat the Nazis?

Simple. They just took the third reicht...

I read the directions to get a sticky residue off a window, it told me to try alcohol

So I drank a 5th of scotch and the damn thing is still on the window

How do you say ‘direction’ in pig Latin?

Hope you had a good one!

I met my good friend, who mixes up directions, for the first time in years. The first thing he said was,

"What's down?"

An Englishman stops Paddy for directions.....

An Englishman stops Paddy for directions... "Excuse me pal, what's the quickest way to Dublin?"

Paddy says "Are you on foot or in the car?"

The Englishman says "In the car."

Paddy replies "That's the quickest!"

Four Canadians arrived at an all-way stop sign from each direction at exactly the same time

They're still there

I'm currently reading this really captivating book called "How To Improve Your Sense of Direction".

It's so good that I can't put it up.

What direction did Mr. Bread go?

Yeast.

A monk and a priest are driving down a street in different directions. Oddly enough, they end up getting into a crash.

They both get out of their cars, infuriated that there had been a wreck.

But since both of them are men of God, they began to talk.

The priest says that it was fortunate for these two men of the cloth to have met in such a strange way.

The monk says that it was also lucky that h...

Yo mamma so fat when she moves earth moves in opposite direction.

because it’s flat, you dumb genius.

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Why is it not wise to ask the homosexuals for directions?

They'll never tell you when you need to go straight...

I looked up the nearest recycling center in my area in google maps and asked for directions

It opened up this subreddit

Why did Miss Muffet need directions?

She lost her Whey.

[Original] I asked my dyslexic Hispanic friend the fastest way to Las Vegas, and he pointed in the right direction. "Gracias", I said.

"Ne vada"

A Swiss man, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting.

“Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?” he asks. The two Americans just stare at him.

“Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?” he tries. The two continue to stare. “Parlare Italiano?” No response.

“Hablan ustedes Espanol?” Still nothing. The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgus...

My life has no meaning, the only thing that brings me joy is listening to my favorite member of One Direction.

I guess you could call me a nihilist

I’m banned for life from acting in our production of Romeo and Juliet, just because I misunderstood the stage directions.

It said, [Enter Juliet from the rear]

A North American arrives in the UK on vacation and needs directions.

Two plus size women with accents are walking by. The Foreigner says “excuse me. Do you two gals happen to be from England”. One of the women replies “ No idiot. Wales!!!!”

The Foreigner is taken aback. “ I’m sorry, let me start over” he says. “ Excuse me. Do you two whales ha...

How one direction ended.

The gone 5 directions

Called my wife on her cell to warn her about this crazy driver on the news who’s speeding down the highway in the wrong direction.

She replied: “I know! There’s like hundreds of them!”

So I asked my friend who is a flat Earther to keep walking in one direction...

I don’t know where he is now, but I know one thing: Best case scenario, one less flat Earther. Worst case scenario: one less flat Earther.

I’m dyslexic and have no sense of direction.

I don’t know my ears from my below

Wife calls her husband and says, “Be careful driving home. Some idiot is driving the wrong direction on the freeway.”

Husband frantically replies, “No! It’s not just one guy going the wrong direction! There’s dozens of them!”

My girlfriend is always yelling at me because I get my directions mixed up.

So I packed my bags and right left away!

My girlfriend said that I can't be a good driver because I have a poor sense of direction

I think she's left

I can't write jokes, but a friend of mine gave me a foolproof formula. He said "Start with a natural set-up, lead the audience in one direction, then hit them with a punch line they weren't expecting."

So here goes:

Walk forwards.

Turn left.

Pasteurization.

My wife took the kids downstairs this morning while i was stuck in the upstairs toilet, so to help i yelled down directions.

Im really taking my parenting to a whole other level.


You could even say my kids were answering to a higher power. (☞゚ヮ゚)☞

a sick kid was asked to throw a ball in any direction

and he threw up

“NSFW” Why are women so bad with directions?

They can’t tell distance. They’ve been told 5 inches is actually 8 inches so much it’s ingrained.

George W. Bush, Barack Obama and Donald Trump were all leaving Washington D.C. and going the same direction, so they decided to take Air Force 1.

Unfortunately, due to a mechanical malfunction, Air Force 1 crashed, killing all aboard.

So Bush, Obama, and Trump approached the pearly gates, where God sat on his throne.

“Tell me, what do you believe in?” God asked Mr. Bush.

“I believe in education and free trade,” was the re...

A blind tourist asks for directions...

A blind tourist asks a fella for directions.

He says, "Where can I find my way to Seattle?"

The fella looks at him, up and down, he hands the blind tourist a compass and said "Just follow the needle. "

The blind tourist replies sarcasticly, "oh haha, thaat's hilarious." and wal...

One direction have gone their seperate ways,

Isn’t that ironic!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know what when you say "poop", your lips move in the same direction your asshole does when you shit?

Well, same can be said with explosive diarrhea.

I heard that Chicago had a world renowned shooting range. So I went to go check it out. When I got there I couldn’t seem to find it, so I asked for directions...

The guy I asked gave me a funny look and said, “The city of Chicago is the shooting range.”

I bumped into two average Joes hanging out together, so I booked it the opposite direction...

... pair-a-normal activity freaks me out.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young man is touring Harvard campus and decides to ask for directions on how to get to the library.

He finds a girl reading a book under a tree and says "Excuse me, can you tell me where the library's at?" She cringes and says "You should never end a sentence with a preposition." The young man look confused for a second and replies, "I'm sorry - can you tell me where the library's at... bitch?"

Which military animal has the best sense of direction?

A navy gator.

My dad said he unscrambled a word out of the directions on his compass.

That's news.

A boy is walking down the street when a man runs from the opposite direction holding a nice shirt.

"Why are you running?" asked the boy.

"I just got this really nice shirt," the man answered.

"Where from?" asked the boy.

"JC Penny," the man answered before resuming his run.

Shortly after, another man came running from the same direction as the first holding a nice pair...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Directions to the Post Office

A delightful angelic little boy was waiting for his mother outside the ladies
room of the gas station.

As he stood there, he was approached by a man who asked, "Sonny, can
you tell me where the Post Office is?"
The little boy replied, "Sure! Just go straight down this street two blo...

So I asked the cow for directions...

I got steered in the wrong direction.

Zayn leaving one direction is just like putting a fork into a sausage..

It leaves four little pricks.

I asked a sailor for directions to a brothel. [NSFW]

He pointed to a building and said "Thar she blows"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Never ask a Nazi for directions

They'll always say the Third Reich is the best way to go

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a reptile with a belly button and a good sense of direction?

A navelgator

Thank you, thank you! I'm here all week!

In 15 days, a man with questionable hair and direction will be watched by millions as he takes control of a terrfied group of people who don't know how much they can trust him.

But enough about M. Night Shyamalan's new movie Split.

Why was hitler bad with directions?

Because three reichs don't make a left.

What do you call a Chinese man with a bad sense of direction?

Wong Wei

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old man asks a boy at a bus stop for directions

An old man walks up to a kid waiting at a bus stop. He says to the boy h-how d-d-do I g-get t-to high st-street? The boy looks at him but doesn't answer. The old man asks the boy a second time, and no answer. By this time, another man came by the bus stop, and gave the directions. Knowing the boy as...

A man asked for directions to the guillotine festival...

It's just ahead.

I forgot what direction I threw my boomerang.

Then it hit me.

What's the difference between one direction and futurama

There's only one bender in futurama

I took my pet woodpecker with me on a walk downtown. Lots of people were pointing and staring. Finally a cop walks up, points in the direction of my woodpecker and said "'Scuse me sir, but I'm going to have to ask you to put away your pecker."

So I said, "well where is my bird going to perch then?"

I rate the next One Direction album...

...four out of five stars.

Why don't you ask a suicide bomber for directions?

He'll make you go everywhere but where you want to go.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm 17 and I like to write jokes in my spare time. Thought reddit might like to hear some.

I think blonde jokes are awful. I mean, the poor things don't even understand them.

So I got this pair of shoes that cost me an arm and a leg. Luckily, my mom still pays for everything.

Statistics have shown that 9 out of 11 people are offended by this joke.

I've yet to be dispr...

(from my 8 year old) What do you call a Mexican chicken giving directions?

Arrows con Pollo

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm terrible with directions.

Fuck me, left?

One Direction broke up

Everything was just going south.

I once read the directions on the back of my shampoo bottle. It said to wash, rinse, and repeat.

They found me passed out in the shower four days later.

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