What's the difference between a woman and a computer?

There is a chance my computer will go down on me.

What the difference between Pizza and Musician?

A pizza can feed a family of 4.

How do you tell the difference between a fully vaccinated person and an unvaccinated person if they aren't wearing a mask?

Ask them who won the election.

What’s the difference between a Pakistani elementary school and an Al-qaeda outpost?

I dunno man I just fly the drone.

What's the difference between USA and USB?

One connects to your devices and accesses your data, and the other is a hardware standard.

What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

It only takes 1 nail to hang the picture.

Whats the difference between trump and a bird

One of them can still tweet

What's the difference between a cult and a religion?

In a cult, there is someone on top that knows it’s all nonsense.

In a religion that person is dead.

A major difference between men and women

is if a woman says "Sniff this." it usually smells nice.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between oral sex and anal sex?

One will make your day, the other will make your hole weak.

What’s the difference between a really strong weightlifter and a really, really, really strong weightlifter?

Repetitions.

What's the difference between me and cancer?

My dad didn't beat cancer.

What's the difference between a School bus and a pineapple?

The little pricks are on the outside of the pineapple!

What's the difference between deer nuts and beer nuts?

Beer nuts are always over a dollar, whereas deer nuts are always under a buck.

What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? (NSFW)

One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch.

There is a difference between I’m sorry and I apologise...

Don’t believe me?
Try saying “I apologise” at a funeral

What's the difference between a literalist and a thief?

A literalist takes things literally and a thief takes things, literally.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between hungry and horny?

Where you put the cucumber.

What is the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.

What's the difference between a battery and my wife?

A battery has a negative side

What's the difference between the US Capitol and Mordor?

One does not simply walk into Mordor

What's the difference between a polygamist and a cat?

A cat has 9 lives while a polygamist has 9 wives

How do you tell the difference between yogurt and Australia?

If you leave yogurt in the sun for 250 years, it’ll develop culture.

What’s the difference between a hormone and an enzyme?

You can’t hear an enzyme.

What's the difference between introverted and extroverted engineers?

The extroverted engineer looks at *your* shoes...

What’s the difference between a amateur thief and a professional thief?

The amateur thief says, "Give me all your money!" The professional thief says, “Sign here please.”

What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu?

For bird flu you need tweetment and swine flu you need oinkment.

What's the difference between a Tesla and an ambulance?

You can afford a ride in a Tesla.

What’s the difference between the truth and a conspiracy theory?

About 6-12 months.

What is the difference between a tire and 365 condoms?

One is a good year, the other is a great year.

The difference between men and women

What's the biggest difference between men and women?

What they mean when saying "I got through a whole box of tissues watching that film"

What's the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?

The first is a super hero, the other is simply a command.



PS: It's a joke, women are awesome.

Can you explain the difference between a noun and a verb?

"Hump" is a noun meaning "something on the back of a camel"... unless that thing is another camel, in which case, it's a verb.

You're welcome.

"Do you know the difference between toilet paper and a shower curtain?"

"No.."
"Hey, everybody! I found the guy!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between a prostitute and a politician

One has no morals, doesn’t care about the people, and will fuck anyone for money. The other just sells the body for sex.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My first NSFW joke that I proudly wrote when I was 9 years old: What's the difference between tennis and badminton?

A: One you play with your balls, one you play with your cock.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between an American prostitute and a British prostitute?

You can have sex with 200 pounds.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between hungry and horny?

Where you put the cucumber.

(EDIT: my gf came back to me with "the type of meat you're putting in your mouth" which is way better.)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between an Aussie and an arsehole?

An arsehole can’t go out for a night on the piss and make an Aussie of itself

Whats the difference between a cat and a coma?

One has claws at trend of its paws and the other is a pause at the end of a clause.

Whats the difference between a piano, a keyboard and a bottle of glue?

The piano doesnt need electricity, the keyboard does.

What is the difference between a light bulb and pregnant woman?

You can unscrew a light bulb.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a clitoris and Budweiser?

A clitoris only tastes like piss for a minute.

What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?

Answer: I wouldn't pay $50 to have a garbanzo bean on my face.

If you can't tell the difference between "there", "their", and "they're"...

Your an idiot.

What's the difference between a Texas energy company and a Dumpster Fire?

A Dumpster Fire creates affordable light and heat.

What's the difference between a liar and a lawyer?

Nothing, especially if you use an Australian accent.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between a fridge and anal sex?

The fridge doesn’t fart when you take the meat out.

What's the difference between a Harley Davidson motorcycle and a vacuum cleaner?

The Harley holds the dirtbag on the outside.

What'd the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

One is very heavy, and the other one is a little lighter

What's the difference between Taxes and Texas?

Taxes can keep your electrical grid operational.

The difference between a stupid person and a pizza

One is easy to cheat, the other is cheesy to eat.

What's the difference between a bench and the minimum wage?

A bench can support a family.

What’s the difference between a gun and a taser?

A taser shocks the criminal. A gun shocks the officer who thought they pulled out a taser.

Difference in friendship between men and women

A woman once didn't return home for the night and the next morning when she arrived home her husband started questioning her about where has she been. She lied saying she slept at one of her friends. The man proceeded to call all her friends all of which denied her sleeping at them the previous nigh...

The difference between a 21 year-old American and European

An American on their 21st birthday: Wow! I can finally drink!

A European on their 21st birthday: Wo-w-wow! I really ought to cut back on my drinking!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the difference between frustration and satisfaction?

What is the difference between frustration and satisfaction?

"What the Fuck!" and "What a Fuck!"

What’s the difference between Kim jong un and dominoes ?

Dominoes can deliver a crispy Hawaiian in less than 30 minutes

A little boy asks his father, "What 's the difference between having ups and downs?

His Father says, 'You don't have ups syndrome.'

What's the difference between a banjo player terrorist?

Terrorists have sympathizers.

Bonus joke:

What's the difference between a banjo and an AK-47?

>!The AK only repeats thirty times.!<

What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a unicycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle?

ATTIRE

What’s the difference between a police officer and a bullet?

When a bullet kills someone else, you know it’s been fired

What's the difference between a chick pea and a lentil

I wouldn't pay 200 dollars to have a lentil on my face

What's the difference between a black bear and a grizzly bear?

If you climb a tree to escape, a black bear can climb up the tree and you eat you.

The grizzly bear will knock the tree down and eat you.

Whats the difference between a knife and flat earther?

A knife has a point

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between an ass kisser and a brown noser?

Depth perception.

A man rejects a girl due to the height difference between them..

The girl: “you’re selling yourself short you know”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the difference between an epileptic corn farmer and a prostitute with explosive diarrhea?

One of them shucks between fits.

What’s the difference between prayer in church and prayer in a casino?

In a casino, you really mean it.

I used a magnum condom last night and I don't understand the difference.

It just fell off like a regular condom.

What is the difference between a philosopher and a dentist?

A dentist helps you solve *molar* dilemmas

What's the difference between Romeo & Juliet and Covid?

One is a Verona crisis. The other's a Corona virus.

What's the difference between humans and a bullet?

Humans miss John Lennon.

What's the difference between a doctor and an engineer?

A doctor kills people one at a time.

Do you know the difference between "complete" and "finished"

No dictionary has ever been able to satisfactorily define the difference between "complete" and "finished."

However, during a recent linguistic conference attended by some of the best linguists in the world, Samsundar Balgobin, a Guyanese linguist, was the presenter when he was asked to make...

What is the difference between the ladies and the laddies?

The 'D'

A joke from Ukraine about cultural differences [my translation].

[edit - grammar]

In a psychological experiment, three women - Arab, French, and Ukrainian - are asked the same question: "suppose you survive a shipwreck and are stranded on an uninhabited tropical island ... with fifteen brutal, muscular, stressed-out sailors, and noone else, what would you ...

What's the difference between regular Gatorade and Amish Gatorade?

Amish Gatorade has no electric-lights.

What's the difference between hard and light?

You can sleep with a light on.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between an equestrian and an equestrophile?

The amount of dick they can take.

How do you tell the difference between a chemist and an electrician?

Ask them how to pronounce “unionized”

What’s the difference between Nicholas Cage and someone who can’t eat wheat?

Nicholas Cage would never turn down a roll

How can you tell the difference between a physicist and a lawyer?

Have them say the word object.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between how daredevils and porn actresses become famous?

Daredevils get famous because of their cunning stunts.

(I thought that one up myself)

What’s the difference between an erection and a Camaro?

I don’t have a Camaro!


That joke works better when a guy says it so someone please take it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between and Arby's roast beef sandwich and a vagina?

I expect there to be pubes on the sandwich

What's the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?

SNOWBALLS.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between sexy and kinky?

Sexy is when you use a feather. Kinky is when you use the whole chicken.

whats the difference between a social media influencer and a bench??

one can support a family.

what is the difference between a sad ghost and an angry cow?

one boos sadly the other moos madly

What's the difference between a choking fetish and necrophilia?

About 20 seconds.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between the Grayhound depo and a lobster with tits?

Ones a busty crustacean and ones a crusty bus station.

What's the difference between a Coral Reef and Tienenman Square?

One's full of crustaceans and one's full of crushed Asians.

What's the difference between a spring roll and a summer roll?

Seasoning

What's the difference between wit and a joke?

A young filmmaker excited to be part of his first film festival is attending a talk between a director and a writer. At the end of the talk he gets up and shouts out, "If I could ask a question, what's the difference between wit and a joke?"

The writer looks at him for a second, picks up his...

What’s the difference between a physicist and a physician?

A physicist is busy before firing a catapult; the physician is busy after.

What's the difference between people who live in Dubai and people who live in Abu Dhabi?

People who live in Dubai never watch The Flintstones, but people in Abu Dhabi do.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between your mother, and your father's hamster tube?

One's a fat prostitute and the other's a fat prostate chute.

What's the difference between jam and marmalade?

You can't marmalade anything up your ass!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between an oyster shucker with epilepsy and a prostitute with diarrhoea?

One shucks between fits, the other fucks between shits.

What's the difference between two full time employees in America and a lasagne?

A Lasagne can feed a family of four.

What's the difference between a street cat and a philosophy graduate?

One is sad to look at because it's depressing. The other is a cat.

What's the difference between a Texas tornado and a redneck divorce?

Nothing. Either way, someone's going to lose a trailer.

People who don't understand the difference between...

People who don't understand the difference between etymology and entomology bug me in ways I can't put into words.

The difference between theory & reality.

A boy was given a essay to write about the difference between theory and reality.

Struggling to come up with a explanation he asked his dad who said to him that he could lend a hand with this one.

The father told him "go find your mother and ask her if she would sleep with the window c...

What’s the difference between Cirque de Soleil and the Mustang Ranch?

Cirque de Soleil has a cunning array of stunts, while the Mustang Ranch has a stunning array of .....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between Mark Zuckerberg and my neighbour Steve?

Steve's not a cunt.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a cockpit and a condom?

You can put only one dick in a condom!

Q: What's the difference between God and a cop?

A: God doesn't think she's a cop.

What's the difference between a Ferrari and a Camaro?

One is made by Italians.

The other is made for Italians.

What’s the difference between Jesus Christ and Matt Gaetz?

Matt Gaetz is not coming back after he’s crucified

What’s the difference between pie and cake?

π r². Cakes are round.

Happy cake day to me

Whats the difference between Simba and Timon?

Simba is a lion, and Timon is a mere cat.

What is the difference between a English actuary and a Sicilian actuary?

An English actuary can tell you how many people are going to die next
year.

A Sicilian actuary can give you their names . . . .

What the difference between a black joke and a Mexican joke?

Meh, if you’ve heard Juan, you’ve heard Jamal.

How can you tell the difference between a nerd and someone with a BDSM fettish?

Ask them what a dungeon master is

What's the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist?

One looks up your family tree, the other looks up your family bush.

What's the Difference between Pink and Purple?

Your Grip. :)

What's the difference between Little Miss Muffet and President Erdogan?

Nothing. Little Miss Muffet also had curds in her whey.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a wizard who raises the undead and a sexy vampire?

One is a necromancer and the other is a neck romancer.

What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy?

Don’t know don’t care

What's the difference between a boy clock and a girl clock?

A boy clock goes "tick tock, tick tock, tick tock" and a girl clock just tocks...and tocks...and tocks.

Oh hey girl, what's the difference between you and a pair of glasses?

Glasses seem to fit a bit higher on my face

How can you tell the difference between a male door and a female door?

One has a ding-dong and the other has knockers.

What's the difference between an oblivious person and an ignorant one?

I don't know, and I don't care.

What is the difference between men and women?

A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whats the difference between braces and homophobes?

There is none, they both promote being straight

What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?

I didn't make an en-zyme this weekend.

What is the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?

A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.