What’s the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

You only need one nail to hang a picture of Jesus.

What’s the difference between an anti-vaxxer and a hot dog?

The hot dog might actually have some brains in it.

My mom wrote this joke: What's the difference between a sweet potato fresh out of the oven and a pig thrown off a balcony?

One is a heated yam and the other is a yeeted ham

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a golf ball and a clitoris?

Guys will spend 10 minutes looking for a golf ball.

My niece told me this joke: What's the difference between Chanukah and a dragon?

Chanukah is always eight nights.

A dragon sometimes ate knights.

What is the difference between Capitalism and Socialism?

In a capitalist society, man exploits man and in a socialist one, it's the other way around.

Courtesy of my 11-year-old: Dad, what's the difference between a humorous reference and an imaginary bread?

One is a wry allusion and the other is a rye illusion.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Newt Gingrich, Rush Limbaugh, Donald Trump, and Jane Fonda?

Jane Fonda went to Vietnam.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between dildos and tofu?

I can put a dildo in my mouth without gagging.

Know the Difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?

A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between an epileptic chef at an oyster bar and a hooker with diarrhea?

One shucks between fits

The other fucks between shits

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between weed and pussy?

If you can smell weed from across the room you know it’s some good shit!

What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi?

Vast majority of folks in Dubai do not like the Flintstones, but most in Abu Dhabi do.

What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?

Snowballs

My 9 year old told me this one. What is the difference between girl spaghetti and boy spaghetti?

Meatballs.

She's so petite and delicate so it was perfectly hilarious.

What’s the difference between Jim Jones and Donald Trump?

Trump would’ve charged for the kool-aid.

What's the difference between a dog and a fox?

Four drinks.

What’s the difference between a casual dress party and an orgy with pirates?

One, you come as you are, and the other, you “arrr” as you cum!

What's the difference between your wife and your work?

After 10 years, your job still sucks.

What's the difference between Iron Man and Aluminum Man?

Iron Man stops the bad guys.
Aluminum Man just foils their plans.

What’s the difference between and enzyme and a hormone

You can’t hear an enzyme

There is a lot of difference between a man and woman saying,

"I went through a whole box of Tissues watching that movie"

What's the difference between a wife, a nymphomaniac, and a hooker?

The nympho says, "You're done already?" The hooker says, "Are you done yet?" And the wife says, "Beige, I think I'll paint the ceiling beige."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a porn addict and a pickpocket?

One snatches watches.

What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb?

You can unscrew a lightbulb

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a panda and a fuckboy on a date?

One eats shoots and leaves. The other eats, shoots and leaves.

What’s the difference between a bowling ball & my mother-in-law?

The bowling ball doesn’t have a beard.

What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig?

The letter F

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between the guy praying in church, and the guy praying at the track?

The fucker at the track means it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between being hungry and horny?

Where you put the cucumber.

A colon in a sentence can make a huge difference

For example:

Johnny ate his own lunch after school.

Johnny ate his own colon after school.

What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter

What is the the difference between erotic and kinky?

Erotic is using a feather... Kinky is using the whole chicken.

What's the difference between the Taliban and Texas?

The Taliban requires women to wear masks

What is the difference between my life and a knife?

The Knife has a point

What's the difference between a depressed person and a pizza?

Pizza won't cut itself.

What's the difference between a nun and a woman in a bathtub?

One has hope in her soul, the other has soap in her hole.

What's the difference between outlaws and in-laws?

Outlaws are wanted.

What's the difference between black eye peas and chick peas?

Black eye peas can sing us a song; chick peas can only hummus one

What’s the difference between kinky and perverted?

Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather, perverted is when you use the whole bird.

What's the difference between a drunk and a stoner?

When driving, a drunk will approach a stop sign and may speed right through it.

A stoner will actually stop... and wait for it to turn green.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's difference between Hitler and the Boston Marathon Bomber?

The bomber successfully stopped a race

What is the difference between the Government and the Drug cartel?

The cartels don't force you to take the drugs....I'll see myself out

What's the difference between me and cancer?

My dad didn't beat cancer.

What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?

One is a good year the other a great year.

What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?

I've never had a garbanzo bean on my face.

How do you tell the difference between a fully vaccinated person and an unvaccinated person if they aren't wearing a mask?

Ask them who won the election.

What is the difference between a well dressed man and a dog?

The man wears a suit, the dog just pants.

What is the difference between American girls and middle eastern girls?

American girls get stoned before committing adultery.

What is the difference between BTS and Logan Paul?

BTS is a boy band from Asia; Logan Paul is a boy banned from Asia.

What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants?

One is a crusty bus station the other is a busty crustacean

Whats the difference between you and an egg?

An egg gets laid

What’s the difference between a piano, a fish, and a bucket of glue?

You can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish.

What’s the difference between a blonde and a washing machine?

A washing machine won’t follow you around for a week after you put a load in it

(Thank you for the award!)

What’s the difference between R Kelly and a Tiger?

No one wants to see a tiger in a cage for the rest of its life.

Whats the difference between worry and panic?

About 28 days

What's the difference between a new AAA and a violent offender?

One's a battery with charge and the other's charged with battery



*I came up with this myself but in case someone beat me to this one, not meant to be a repost*

What's the difference between Americans and a computer?

The computer has troubleshooting at school

What's the difference between a clown and an athletic rabbit?

One is a little bit funny and the other is a little fit bunny

What’s the difference between ex-cons and a congressmen?

Every once in a while an ex-con passes few good bills.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between an escort and a student loan provider?

An escort will stop fucking you when you run out of money

What is the difference between being vegan and having Covid 19 ?

With Covid the loss of taste is only temporary..

My grandfathers favorite joke: what’s the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?

The drug dealer can’t wash the crack and resell it

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW What's the difference between eating pussy and drinking Bud Light?

Pussy only tastes like piss for a few seconds.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a jungle cat who wrote his PhD thesis on the economic effects of taxation, and the order of insects that includes butterflies and moths?

One's a leopard doctor of tax economy, the other's a lepidopteral taxonomy

You know the difference between my wife and work?

Two options:

1) work still sucks after a year

B) I still enjoy coming into my wife

What’s the difference between Americans and computers?

Americans don’t have trouble shooting

What’s the difference between a circus and 5 female line dancers without panties?

I don’t know either, but one sure is a cunning array of stunts.

What's the difference between a hacksaw and a blender?

Are you kidding? You should be able to tell them apart, they're two completely different tools.

>!Anyway, you can't just put the entire baby into the blender, it doesn't fit. That's what the hacksaw is for.!<

What’s the difference between a camera and a sock?

One takes photos -

- the other takes five toes.

What's the difference between Mariah Carey and Marie Curie?

One glitters, the other glows

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?

Oral sex makes your whole day,

Anal sex makes your hole weak.










Edit: added “whole”
Props to a fellow redditor for correction. u/rex-natchez!

What's the difference between pink and purple?

Your grip.

How do you tell the difference between a chemist and a blue collar worker?

Ask them to pronounce the word “unionized”

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan ?

Apple gets picked

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between Hitler and Usain Bolt?

Usain could actually finish a race.

What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy?

I don’t know and I don’t care.

What's the difference between L. Ron Hubbard and Ayn Rand?

One author is delusional and whose fans follow blindly like a religion...and the other is L. Ron Hubbard.

What’s the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?

One goes Whack! “Dang!”, the other goes “Dang!” Whack!

What's the difference between people who pray in church and those who pray in casinos?

The ones in the casinos are serious.

What’s the difference between a vitamin and a hormone?

You can’t make a vitamin

-RIP Benny Hill

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between NASA and the NSA?

One seeks to probe Uranus and the other seeks to probe your anus.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is a difference between a sexy woman and a beautiful woman?

How would I know, I am scared to talk to either.

What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?

The strength of the communion wine.

What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?

With the porcupine the pricks are on the outside.

What’s the difference between my wife and an umbrella?

Only one of them gets wet

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Last week, after a one night stand with a woman, she had the gall to get up and use my toothbrush without even asking first. I told her, "That's disgusting!" She replied, "Well, we just had sex, so what's the big difference?"

I answered, "The difference is, I was gonna use the toothbrush again."

What's the difference between a black bear and a grizzly bear?

If you climb a tree to escape, a black bear can climb up the tree and you eat you.

The grizzly bear will knock the tree down and eat you.

Whats the difference between a crack head and a meth head?

A crack head will steal your wallet. A meth head will steal your wallet and spend 20 minutes helping you find it.

What's the difference between a baseball player and a crack ho?

One gets base on balls, the other gets balled on base

What’s the difference between a Pakistani elementary school and an Al-qaeda outpost?

I dunno man I just fly the drone.

What’s the difference between foxholes and gloryholes?

If you answered, “I don’t know,” then stay out of the military.

What's the difference between a woman and a volcano?

Volcanos never fake an eruption!

How can you tell the difference between a plumber and a chemist?

Ask them to say the word unionized.

(This is the same joke I post every year on my cake day)

What's the difference between a prince and a booger?

A prince is heir to the throne and a booger is thrown to the air.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW I got confused between the difference between oral and anal

You can imagine my horror when we got told to do a French oral presentation for GCSE

What's the difference between jam and jelly?

There's no such thing as a jamfish.

What is the difference between a critic and a puppy?

With time, training and patience, it is possible to make a puppy stop whining.

What's the difference between Elvis and a millennial's spirit?

Some people still think Elvis is alive

What's the difference between an egg and a walrus?

An egg doesn't fight back when you're hungry.

What is the difference between falling from 10 storey building and 1 storey house?

10 storey building: "AAAAAAAAAAA" *BAM*

House: *BAM* "AAAAAAAAAAAAA"

What is the difference between a Joe Biden speech and a Donald Trump speech?

When Biden is speaking you wonder if he's had a stroke.

When Trump is speaking you wonder if you've had a stroke.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a cowboy hat and a tampon?

Cowboy hats are for assholes.

What's the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist?

A genealogist looks up the family tree.

A gynecologist looks up the family bush.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The difference between getting over constipation and getting over diarrhea...

...is the difference between getting caught up on your shit and getting your shit together.

What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer might let a case drag on for several years. A good lawyer knows how to make it last even longer.

What's the difference between your pregnant wife and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.

What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor?

Dark humor is 10 babies in a trash can.


Morbid humor is one baby in 10 trash cans.

What's the difference between Shakespeare and Panic At The Disco?

Shakespeare writes Tragedies, not Sins.

What's the difference between Donald Trump and a bird?

A bird can still tweet.

What's the difference between a crow and a raven?

A Raven has 17 feathers at the end of it's wing, these feathers help with flight and are known as pinion feathers. Where the Raven has 17 of them a Crow only has 16 of these feathers.

So the difference between a Crow and a Raven is a matter of a pinion.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the difference between a Mother and a Mommy?

Calling someone a Mommy Fucker sounds a lot more kinky

What's the difference between a sharply dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?

A tire.

What’s the difference between juice and cider?

A date can’t end with you in juice.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of crap?

The bucket

What’s the difference between a woman in church and a woman taking a bath?

Well, ones got hope in her soul..

What is the difference between choking fetish and necrophilia ?

About 15 seconds

What’s the difference between a French university student and a Russian one?

The French student is well shaved and slightly drunk; the Russian one is vice versa

What’s the difference between a girls track team and a tribe of Pygmies?

A tribe of pygmies are a bunch of cunning little runts.

What's the difference between red and blue thermometers?

The taste.

What’s the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?

The position of the dirt bag.

What the difference between cake and pie?

Put a candle on a cake and it’s a party.

Put a candle on a pie and someone’s drunk in the kitchen.

What is the difference between a Snow man and a Snow woman?

Snow balls

What's the difference between a politician and a flying pig?

The letter "F".



Edit: *To everyone making jokes in the comments comparing politicians to pigs, please stop.
It's really offensive and disrespectful. Pigs are not all that bad.*

What’s the difference between Reddit and Twitter?

Doesn’t matter. No one reads beyond the headline anyway.

What is the difference between a roast chicken and a pea soup?

Everybody can roast a chicken.

Whats the difference between going to war with China and eating at a Chinese restaurant?

Wanton destruction vs Wonton consumption

What’s the difference between a circumcision and a divorce?

In a divorce, you get rid of the whole prick.

What's the major difference between wives and husbands who are trying to have children?

Wives want to videotape the birth of their child. Husbands want to videotape the conception.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.