What's the difference between snowmen and snow women?

Snowballs.

What is the difference between Washington, Nixon and Trump?

George Washington couldn’t tell a lie.

Richard Nixon couldn’t tell the truth.

Donald Trump can’t tell the difference

What's the difference between a cactus and a school bus?

A school bus has the little pricks inside

What’s the difference between an Al Qaeda base and a Pakistani school?

I don’t know man, I just fly the drone.

What's the difference between deer nuts and beer nuts?

Beer nuts are always over a dollar, deer nuts are always under a buck.

Goofy, I know, but still makes me laugh 20 years after I first heard it!

ETA: GUYS! Thanks so much for the upvotes, I've never had so many! Y'all made my night!

What's the difference between Donald Trump and Barack Obama?

One gets made fun of for the color of his skin, and the other is Barack Obama!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between this joke and a nudist soaked in food coloring?

One is nude in dye and the other died in new.

What’s the difference between a spring roll and a summer roll?

Seasoning

What's the difference between a bag of cocaine and a 4yo kid?

Eric Clapton wouldn't let a bag of cocaine fall from a window.

What’s the difference between me and cancer?

My dad didn’t beat cancer


Edit: thank you for the gold, 7k upvotes, and 8 followers
r/emojiliberationarmy GANG🤪🤪😋😋🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🤤🤤🥱🥱🤠🤠🤠🤠🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑😈😈😈

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between Hitler and Jake Paul?

Hitler knew when to kill himself

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the difference between a gun with a bent barrel and a constipated owl?

One can shoot but not hit, and the other can hoot but not shit.

Why can't Harry Potter tell the difference between a cooking pot and his best friend?

They're both cauldron

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between your job and a dead prostitute

Your job still sucks

How do you tell the difference between a male and female chromosome?

You pull down it’s genes!

What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi?

People in Dubai don't like The Flintstones.



But the people in ABU DHABI DOOOO!!!!

What’s the difference between my ex and a bowl of spaghetti?

Spaghetti wiggles when I eat it.

What's the difference between a musician and a large pizza?

A large pizza can feed a family of four

What’s the difference between a police officer and a bullet?

When a bullet kills someone else, you know it’s been fired

What's the difference between a hippo, a zippo, and a stick of glue?

One is a heavy mammal and one is a little lighter.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a rimshot and a rimjob?

One goes *ba dum tiss*, the other is da bum kiss.

What’s the difference between an American and a computer?

An American doesn’t have trouble-shooting.

What’s the difference between cake and pie?

πr^2, cake are round

Bonus:

What do jokesters eat for breakfast?

Pun-cakes.

What's the difference between a terrorist training camp and a hospital?

I don't know, I'm just a simple drone pilot.

Do you know the difference between twelve-year-old scotch and baby formula?

No? Then you're sure as hell not babysitting for my kids!

What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

It only take 1 nail to hang the picture.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between a greyhound depot in Newark, NJ and a Lobster with big titties?

One is a crusty bus station, the other is a busty crustacean

What's the difference between a porcupine and a sports car filled with lawyers?

The porcupine has its pricks on the outside

How can you tell the difference between a plumber and a chemist?

Ask them to pronounce unionized

Difference between a wife and a girlfriend

A grandson asked his grandpa one question while on the way back from school.

Grandson: What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?

Grandpa thought for a minute and simplified the explanation like this:

Grandpa: Listen young one, a wife is like a TV and a girlfriend i...

What's the difference between COVID-19 and your mom?

COVID-19 doesn't spread *nearly* as fast.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between 2 dicks and a joke?

I can’t take a joke.

What's the difference between an oral and rectal thermometer?

The taste.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the difference between jam and marmalade?

You can't marmalade your cock in someones ass.

What’s the difference between North Korea and the US?

North Koreans can’t tell if their leader is seriously dead. Americans can’t tell if their leader is dead serious.

What’s the difference between necrophilia, and choke fetish’s?

Eh, about 15 seconds.

What's the difference between my corolla and my wife?

It leaks when I go under....

What's the difference between a redneck and a texan?

Texans ride horses and rednecks ride their cousins

What’s the difference between a man running and a dog running?

A man wears trousers. A dog pants.

What's the difference between a bullet and a cop?

A bullet hits you just once.

What's the difference btwn a mosquito and a masochist

A mosquito stops sucking when you slap it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whats the difference between excess and surplus

Excess is a boob you cannot contain in one hand..


Surplus is the other one..

What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.

What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom?

One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch.

What's the difference between a Fridge and a Granny?

A Fridge doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.

What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?

Ones a Goodyear. The other is a great year.

What's the difference between red and purple?

The grip.

What's the difference between a piano and tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between an American and a Saudi-Arabian girl?

The American girl gets stoned before sex.

What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a unicycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?

Attire

What's the difference between a church and most public places?

Most public places have a "little girls room" too

What’s the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman

You can unscrew a lightbulb

What's the difference between being kinky or being perverted?

When you're kinky you like using feathers, when you're perverted you like using the whole chicken.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between the Redditor and the nun who took a vow of chastity?

The nun actually lost her virginity.

Whats the difference between a quarter and the G spot?

My uncle never found a G spot behind my ear.

Whats the difference between cancer and kids

Kids are easy to beat.

What's the difference between an immigrant and a notebook?

A note book has papers.

Whats the difference between an amateur thief and a professional thief?

An amateur thief says, "Give me all your money!"

A professional thief says, "Sign here please."

Difference between Trump and a dump truck?

Four Goodyears.

What’s the difference between Donald Trump and a worm?

One of them is a slimy, loathsome creature incapable of complex thought, the other one actually shows up when it rains.

You know the difference between Americans and Europeans? .

Europeans think 100 miles is a long distance.

Americans think 100 years is a long time.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between your penis and your Christmas bonus?

Your wife will blow your Christmas Bonus.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between Usain Bolt and Hitler?

Bolt can actually finish a race

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW. How do tell the difference between a porn star and a statistician?

Get them to pronounce "analyzed".

OC. This is my take on the joke about how the chemist and the plumber pronounce "unionized"

What is the difference between a philosophy major and a liberal arts major?

One will ask WHY you need fries with that!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between anal and oral sex?

Oral sex makes your day. Anal makes your hole weak.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A girl turns to her boyfriend and says: "It doesn't matter, a small penis makes no difference"

He replies: "I know, I still wish you didn't have one"

What’s the difference between a circus and a sorority?

The circus features a variety of “Cunning Stunts”...

What’s the difference between a Ferrari and 17 dead children?

There’s no Ferrari in my garrage.

What's the difference between a Shakespeare comedy and Fox News?

One's The Taming of the Shrew, the other is the shaming of the true.

Thanks to my son for this one: What's the difference between a mayor and a person with diarrhea?

One of them runs a city, and one of them sits a runny.

What's the difference between a politician and a flying pig

The letter F

Whats the difference between arguing with a Politician online versus in real life?

He lets you finish your sentences

What's the difference between an improv teacher and an improv student?

The improv student might have a promising acting career ahead.

What is the difference between a politician and a poker player?

None. They are both lying with a poker face on.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hey girl, do you know the difference between a dick and a chicken leg?

“No” She says.
“Then let’s go on a picnic.”

what's the difference between drugs and kids?

people acctually want drugs

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a club and a spade?

I don't fucking know, what do I look like? A card-iologist?

What's the difference between Trump and a cheeto?

One is fragile, orange and can't run a country. The other one is a tasty snack.

What's the difference between Obama and Trump?

When Obama appears on the White House balcony people shout "Yes we can! Yes we can!"

When Trump appears on the White House balcony people shout: "Jump! Jump! Jump!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the difference between peanut butter and jam?

You cant get peanut butter your dick up someone’s ass

What's the difference between a dog and me?

You don't have to tell me to come.

What is the difference between US and Yoghurt?

If you leave Yoghurt for 200 years, it will develop a culture.

What’s the difference

What’s the difference between a genealogist and a gynaecologist?
One looks up the family tree, the other looks up the family bush.

What’s the difference between Miami and the Lost City of Atlantis?

A couple of years.

What's the difference between a Halfing and a Hobbit?

Copyright

A young girl who was writing a paper for school came to her father and asked, “Dad, what is the difference between anger and exasperation?”

The father replied, “It is mostly a matter of degree. Let me show you what I mean.”

With that, the father went to the telephone and dialed a number at random. To the man who answered the phone, he said, “Hello, is Melvin there?”

The man answered, “There is no one living here named Me...

What’s the difference between capitalism and communism?

In capitalism man exploits man, but under communism it’s the other way around.

What's the difference between your parents and a banana?

You didn't make the banana split.

What's the difference between booze and weed?

5 drunk guys will start a fight. 5 stoned guys will start a band

What's the difference between a cat and a frog?

A cat has nine lives but a frog croaks every night!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between tofu and a dildo?

A dildo can be used in place of meat in a satisfactory manner.

The same can't be said about tofu.

What's the difference between a person falling off 10th floor and 1st floor of a building?

The person falling of the 10th floor would sound like "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" *THUD*

The person falling of the 1st floor would sound like *THUD* "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Whats the difference between my son and taco bell

I love taco bell

What's the difference between toilet paper and curtains?

If you can't tell the difference, you will never be invited to my house.

What is the difference between a divorce and a hurricane in Louisiana?

Nothing, because someone is losing a trailer!

The difference

Its a 5 minute walk from my house to the pub, and its a 45 minutes walk from the pub to my house. The difference is staggering..

Did you hear about the newlywed couple that didn’t know the difference between KY lube and silicone caulk?

Their windows fell out.

What's the difference between Amy Schumer and dark jokes?

Dark jokes make me laugh.

What’s the difference between Harry Potter and a spelling bee contestant?

One conjures spells and the other spells conjure.

Whats the difference between a cooked sweet potato and a flying pig

One is a heated yam and the other is a yeeted ham

What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?

Trump has never had a garbanzo bean on him!

What is the difference between a Harley Davidson and a Hoover vacuum?

The position of the dirt bag.

What's the difference between a kleptomaniac and a reverse-kleptomaniac?

What's yours is mine and what's mine is yours.

What's the difference between America and yogurt?

If you leave yogurt alone for a couple hundred years, it develops a culture.

What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?

Beer Nuts cost $1.50 and Deer Nuts are under a buck.

What's the difference between light and hard?

I can sleep with a light on.

What’s the difference between OJ Simpson and Christopher Reeve?

OJ got to walk, Christopher got the chair

What’s the difference between red heads and red bricks

Red bricks get laid

What's the difference between a train wagon full of babies and a train wagon full of sand?

You can't unload sand using pitchforks.

What's the difference between Ben Shapiro and an umbrella?

The umbrella keeps you dry on purpose.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a zebra and a barman?

The zebra has bars all around it's asshole while the barman has assholes all around his bar.

What's the difference between love and herpes?

Herpes is forever

What’s the difference between bad luck and extreme bad luck?

Bad luck is when your mother-in-law falls into a river.


Extreme bad luck is when someone saves her.

What is the difference between a prince, a bald headed man, a monkey and an orphan?

The first is an heir apparent, the second has no apparent hair, the third has hairy parent and the last has nary a parent.

What's the difference between Reddit and the north pole?

The north pole doesn't have as many snowflakes.

What is the difference between standup comedy, and motivational speaking?

Which side of the mic the depressed people are on.

Do you know the difference between a car salesperson and a software salesperson?

The car salesperson knows when they're lying.

[OC] What's the difference between Grade A and Grade B beef?

One studied harder.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between "Ignorance and Indiference"?

Don't know and don't give a fuck.

Do you know the difference between a toilet and a pan?

If you clicked to see the answer don’t ever ask me to eat at your place.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Do you understand the essential difference between sex and conversation?

No? Do you want to go upstairs and talk?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the difference between an orgasm and a sneeze?

Nothing. The priest says bless you after both.

Whats the difference between an ancient Egyptian Prince and a Kardashian?

The Egyptian knew from the start that their daddy would become a mummy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW. What's the difference between a Budweiser and a clitoris?

A clitoris only tastes like piss for a second.

A mother says to her young son, "It's high time you learned the difference between a man and a woman."

"Take off my shirt," she says. So he takes off her shirt.

"Take off my pants," she says. So he takes off her pants.

"Take off my bra," she says. So he takes off her bra.

"Take off my panties," she says. So he takes off her panties.

Then the mother says to her son, "I don'...

What's the difference between a furniture store and our current president?

One is a shack of sit, and the other is a sack of shi\[THIS JOKE HAS BEEN TAKEN DOWN BY THE NSA\]

What's the difference between me and the guy that comes by to pick up your trash once a week?

He's a garbage man, and I'm just a garbage person.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The difference between "Let's eat out, Grandma!" and "Let's eat out Grandma!" is a comma. Don't let unnecessary punctuation rob Grandma of a potentially fulfilling sexual experience....

There should be a 3% syntax on jokes like these.

What's the difference between Smart Criminals and Dumb Criminals?

Dumb Criminals break laws



Smart Criminals make laws

What’s the difference between a redneck and a yuppie?

A $50 shirt.

What’s the difference between a cat and a comma?

One has its claws at the end of its paws, the other has its pause at the end of its clause.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.