UPJOKE
changedivergencediscrepancydisagreementvariancebalancedeviationconflictdisputedeparturegapdifferentialdistinctionvariationdissimilarity

What's the difference between deer nuts and beer nuts?

Beer nuts are always over a dollar, deer nuts are always under a buck.

Goofy, I know, but still makes me laugh 20 years after I first heard it!

ETA: GUYS! Thanks so much for the upvotes, I've never had so many! Y'all made my night!

There is a lot of difference between a man and woman saying,

"I went through a whole box of Tissues watching that movie"

Whats the difference between a school in Pakistan and an Al Qaeda base?

Not too sure. I just fly the drone.

What’s the difference between Disney+ and po*n hub?

Disney + wants you to hate your stepmother.

A colon in a sentence can make a huge difference

For example:

Johnny ate his own lunch after school.

Johnny ate his own colon after school.

What's the difference between grey and gray?

One is a color, and the other is a colour.

What’s the difference between a snow-man and a snow-woman?

Snowballs.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just read somewhere that capitalization is the difference between "I helped my uncle Jack off a horse" and "i helped my uncle jack off a horse".

Well that's embarrassing. Now everyone thinks my uncle's name is Jack.

what is the difference between a seal and a sea lion?

An electron.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a failed golfer and a failed parachutist?

One goes *whack, fuck*; the other goes *fuck, whack*.

What’s the difference between God and an electrician?

God doesn’t think he’s an electrician.

What's the difference between Elon Musk and God?

God doesn't think he's Elon Musk.

What's the difference between Donald Trump and a bird?

A bird can still tweet.

What's the difference between Bill Cosby and a small fencing sword?

One's a little rapier...

What's the difference between COVID-19 and Romeo and Juliet?

One is a Coronavirus, the other is a Verona Crisis.

What’s the difference between a Porsche and a porcupine?

Porcupines have pricks on the outside.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between Putin and Hitler?

Hitler knew when to kill himself

what's the difference between a large pizza and an American?

The pizza can feed a family of 4

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between this joke and a nudist soaked in food coloring?

One is nude in dye and the other died in new.

What's the difference between Republicans and Ukrainians?

Ukrainians defend their Capitol.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between weed and pussy?

If you can smell weed from across the room that means it’s good.

What’s the difference between Brazil and the USA?

About 1500 arrests within 48 hours of an attempted coup.

What’s the difference between elon musk and a lemur?

Elon Musk made an electric car

Lemurs Madagascar

What's the difference between Greta Thunberg and Andrew Tate

Greta was nominated for the Nobel Prize, and awarded Tate the No-balls prize.

What's the difference between a yogurt and The USA ?

If you leave the yogurt alone for 200 years, it develops a culture



Edit : didn't think i'd have to do this but here we go.

This is a Joke subreddit, this is a joke.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whats the difference between a politician and a hooker?

A hooker will stop fucking you once you run out of money.

Edit: As somebody observed below, this joke is as old as the sun, yet never gets old.

Considering all the comments, it's a fair conclusion that hookers would make honest politicians, if there is such a thing.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between dildos and tofu?

I can put a dildo in my mouth without gagging.

What's the difference between a wife and a job?

After 2 years the job still sucks

What’s the difference between a hooker and Jesus?

The look on their face when you’re nailing them.

What's the difference between a cop and a bullet?

When a bullet kills someone, you know it's been fired.

What's the difference between 9/11 and a cow?

Can't milk a cow for 21 years.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between a prostitute and Jesus?

The sound they make when you’re nailing them.

Happy Easter you filthy degenerates.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between having sex with a hooker, your girlfriend and your wife?

Hooker says, "are you done yet?"

Your girlfriend says, "you're done already?"

And your wife says, "beige, we should definitely paint the ceiling beige."

What's the difference between an atheist and an evangelical Christian?

The atheist is honest about not following the teachings of Christ.

What's the difference between the US Capitol and Mordor?

One does not simply walk into Mordor

What's the difference between Thailand and America?

Thailand reunites boys with their families.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between sex and cake days?

Most Redditors have had cake days

What's the difference between Donald Trump and a worm?

One of them is a slimy, loathsome creature incapable of complex thought, the other one actually shows up when it rains.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between Barbie and Oppenheimer?

Barbie product first manufactured in Japan and released in America.
Oppenheimer product first manufactured in America and release in Japan.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] What is the difference between a circus and a stripper club?

One is an array of cunning stunts . . .

What's the difference between a Taliban training facility and a children's hospital?

Don't ask me, I just fly the drone

What is the difference between USA and USB?

One connects to your computer and accesses all your data. The other is an industry standard.

What's the difference between a G spot and a golf ball?

A guy will actually search for a golf ball

Difference between a cult and a religion

In a cult, there's a guy at the top that knows it's a scam.

In a religion, that guy is dead.

What is the difference between Russia and reality?

Trump had connections with Russia.

What's the difference between a politician and a flying pig.

The F

What is the difference between BTS and Logan Paul?

BTS is a boy band from Asia; Logan Paul is a boy banned from Asia.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between EA and my uncle?

My uncle didn't take my money when he fucked me.

People who don't understand the difference between...

People who don't understand the difference between etymology and entomology bug me in ways I can't put into words.

What’s the difference between me and cancer?

My dad didn’t beat cancer


Edit: thank you for the gold, 7k upvotes, and 8 followers
r/emojiliberationarmy GANG🤪🤪😋😋🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🤤🤤🥱🥱🤠🤠🤠🤠🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑😈😈😈

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a rimshot and a rimjob?

One goes *ba dum tiss*, the other is da bum kiss.

What's the difference between kinky and perverted?

A feather vs the whole chicken.

What's the difference between me and Jimmy Fallon?

I can get through a Jimmy Fallon sketch without laughing.

What's the difference between humans and a bullet?

Humans miss John Lennon

Difference between I.T and management

A man flying in a hot air balloon suddenly realizes he’s lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts to get directions, “Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?” The man below says: “Yes. You’re in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field.”...

What’s the difference between a cat and a comma?

A cat has claws at the end of paws and a comma is a pause at the end of a clause.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between England and Viagra?

Viagra can get you past a semi

What’s the difference between a $20 steak and a $55 steak?

February 14th

What’s the difference between your mom and a refrigerator?

A refrigerator doesn’t fart when you take the meat out.

What's the difference between a casino and a church?

You actually mean it when you pray at a casino.

What’s the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

You only need one nail to hang a picture of Jesus.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a joke and a dick?

You're not good at taking a joke.

What's the difference between Iron Man and Aluminum Man?

Iron Man stops the bad guys.
Aluminum Man just foils their plans.

What's the difference between Donald and a piece of fruit?

Oranges have thick skin.

Let the downvotes fly, people! You've only got one!

What’s the difference between North Korea and the US?

North Koreans can’t tell if their leader is seriously dead. Americans can’t tell if their leader is dead serious.

What's the difference between everybody and bullets?

Everybody misses Harambe.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between oral and anal sex?

Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.

What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?

A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.

What's the difference between Yo Momma and a water buffalo?

About 25 pounds.


How do you change that?


Force-feed the buffalo or shave yo momma.


(I almost feel bad for trotting out a joke older than most Redditors but I can't.)

What's the difference between a Syrian kindergarten and an ISIS hospital?

I wouldn't know, I'm just the drone operator.

What’s the difference between a chickpea and a lentil?

I didn’t pay $100 to have a lentil on my face.

What's the difference between Matthew Broderick and Donkey Kong?

One's a furious barreller, the other's Ferris Bueller.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the difference between Ajit Pai and Hitler?

Hitler was doing what he thought was best for his country.

Edit: I'm getting a lot of comments that the comparison is very inaccurate and Hitler was much worse than Pai. To those people, I invite you to check which sub you are currently on. The results will shock you!

Edit 2: Wow so...

What is the difference between Washington, Nixon and Trump?

George Washington couldn’t tell a lie.

Richard Nixon couldn’t tell the truth.

Donald Trump can’t tell the difference

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.