What’s the difference between a police officer and a bullet?

When a bullet kills someone else, you know it’s been fired

What's the difference between deer nuts and beer nuts?

Beer nuts are always over a dollar, deer nuts are always under a buck.

Goofy, I know, but still makes me laugh 20 years after I first heard it!

ETA: GUYS! Thanks so much for the upvotes, I've never had so many! Y'all made my night!

What’s the difference between North Korea and the US?

North Koreans can’t tell if their leader is seriously dead. Americans can’t tell if their leader is dead serious.

What’s the difference between me and cancer?

My dad didn’t beat cancer


Edit: thank you for the gold, 7k upvotes, and 8 followers
r/emojiliberationarmy GANG🤪🤪😋😋🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🤤🤤🥱🥱🤠🤠🤠🤠🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑😈😈😈

What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?

Ones a Goodyear. The other is a great year.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a rimshot and a rimjob?

One goes *ba dum tiss*, the other is da bum kiss.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between COVID and a Karen?

One's a contagion, the other's a cunt aging.

What is the difference between standup comedy, and motivational speaking?

Which side of the mic the depressed people are on.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW. What's the difference between a Budweiser and a clitoris?

A clitoris only tastes like piss for a second.

What's the difference between me and cancer?

My dad didn’t beat cancer.

Whats the difference between an amateur thief and a professional thief?

An amateur thief says, "Give me all your money!"

A professional thief says, "Sign here please."

What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping Tom?

One snatches your watch and the other one watches your snatch.

What's the difference between America and yogurt?

If you leave yogurt alone it will eventually develop culture.

What is the difference between a Joe Biden speech and a Donald Trump speech?

When Biden is speaking you wonder if he's had a stroke.

When Trump is speaking you wonder if you've had a stroke.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between being hungry and horny?

Where you put the cucumber.

What is the difference between a vitamin and a hormone?

I've never heard a vitamin.

What is the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle?

Attire

What's the difference between a pizza and a musician?

A pizza can feed a family of four.

What’s the difference between a porcupine and a bmw?

Porcupines have the pricks on the outside

One big difference between men and women is...

that if a woman says "smell this" it usually smells nice

What's the difference between 4-layer toilet paper and a liberal arts major?

You don't find 4-layer toilet paper at McDonalds!

(NSFL) What's the difference between a homeless woman and a hockey player?

A hockey player showers after three periods.

What's the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?

Snowballs!! Even years after hearing this, it's still my favorite winter joke.

What’s the difference between an oral and rectal thermometer?

The taste

What's the difference between a BMW and an elephant.

Elephant has a trunk up front and a**hole in the back.

What is the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?

One will see you later and the other will see you in a while.

What's the difference between COVID-19 and your mom?

COVID-19 doesn't spread nearly as fast.

What is the difference between pink and purple?

The grip.

What is the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?

A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.

What’s the difference between a step stool and a 3D printer?

The former is a ladder and the latter is a former.

What’s the difference between school and church?

In school, the teachers care about you mentally, at church, the priests care about you physically.

What’s the difference between a plastic bag and a blue haired girl

It takes a plastic bag thousands of years to break down but blue haired girls can have a breakdown in a second

whats the difference between an Indian and an African elephant?

One's an elephant

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between a boner and a bonus?

Your wife will never refuse an opportunity to blow your bonus.

Whats the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus

It takes 1 nail to hang a picture

What’s the difference between a Hoover and a Harley?

The location of the dirtbag

(NSFW) What is the difference between love, true love, and just showing off?

Spitting, swallowing, and gargling

What's the difference between a school bus and a cactus?

A cactus keeps the little pricks on the outside.

I'm a beggar and I wanna make a difference in this world. You may disagree with me

But I beg to differ

What’s the difference between ninjas and a stage crew?

Ninjas move silently around walls and a stage crew moves walls around silently

What's the difference between a blonde and a limousine?

Not everyone has been in a limousine...

What's the difference between police officers and pizza delivery drivers?

Pizza delivery drivers actually face consequences when their jobs aren't done right.

What's the difference between an attempted-murder and a successful murder?

Execution.

What is the difference between a lightbulb and a police officer?

A light bulb gets replaced if it is not working

What’s the difference between a hot potato and a flying pig?

Ones a heated yam, and the other’s a yeeted ham.

What’s the difference between a Light bulb and a pregnant women?

You can unscrew a light bulb.

What’s the difference between matter and anti-matter?

It doesn’t matter.

What's the difference between China and Las Vegas?

What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between an American and a Muslim teenage girl?

The American teenage girl gets stoned before sex.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Difference Between Poetry and Prose

An English teacher was explaining the differences of poetry and prose to her class.

“Mary had a little lamb, whose fleece was white as snow, and everywhere that Mary went, the lamb was sure to go.”

“This is an example of poetry, but if I wanted to change it to prose I would say, ‘the l...

What's the difference between COVID-19 and Romeo & Juliet?

One is a corona virus and the other is a Verona crisis!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a constipated owl and a bad marksman?

A bad marksman shoots, but can't hit.

A constipated owl hoots, but can't shit.

What is the difference between a joke and a man

When the joke is dark ... it doesn't get shot

What's the difference between my hentai-driven auto-erotic asphyxiation fetish and an artichoke?

Nothing. One's an art I choke to, and the other's an artichoke, too.

What’s the difference between a woman and a computer?

Computers don’t laugh at 3.5″ floppies.

What’s the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?

Donald Trump doesn’t let a garbanzo bean on his face

I can't stand it when people don't know the difference between your and you're...

There so stupid!

What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.

What's the difference between USA and USB?

One connects to your devices and accesses your data and the other is a hardware standard.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a shitty golfer and a shitty skydiver?

The shitty golfer goes, \-WHAM!\- "FUCK!"

The shitty skydiver goes, "FUCK!" \-WHAM!\-

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a prison and a police department?

One is full of ruthless, degenerate scum with no respect for the law. The other is full of people they arrested.

How do you tell the difference between a dog and a tree?🇨🇦

By its bark!

What’s the difference between the London bridge and the Eiffel Tower?

You gotta lock hands and lean in.

What is the difference between school and shooting range?

Americans don't know this too.

What’s the difference between a lobster with a breast implant and a dirty bus stop?

Ones a busty crustacean and the other’s a crusty bus station

What's the difference between a vaccuum and a Harley motorcycle?

The vaccuum carries its dirt bag on the inside.

You know how to tell the difference between a cow and a bull?

A bull smiles when you milk him.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the difference between a joke and 3 dicks?

Your mom can't take a joke.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whats the difference between a politician and a prostitute

A prostitute is paid to f\*\*k somebody, a politician is paid to f\*\*k everybody

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Difference between pizza & pussy?

What’s the difference between pizza & pussy?


With pizza, you can eat the crust

What's the difference between my phone and my grandma?

When my phone died I pluged it in. When my grandma died I unplugged her.

What is the difference between being a vegan and suffering from the novel coronavirus?

In the case of COVID-19, the loss of sense of taste is only temporary.

Q: What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil?

A: I didn't pay $50 to have a lentil on me last night.

What's the difference between a junior software engineer and a senior software engineer?

A senior software engineer writes wrong code faster.

What’s the difference between a rock guitarist and a jazz guitarist?

A rock guitarist plays 3 chords for 10,000 people
A jazz guitarist plays 10,000 chords for 3 people

!NSFW! What is the difference between pimples and a catholic priest?

Pimples don't come on your face before the age of 13.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between sex and mental illness?

Most of Reddit has experienced mental illness

How can you tell the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scotsman?

Mick Jagger sings, "Hey, You! Get off my cloud!" A Scotsman says, "Hey, McLeod! Get offa my ewe!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

whats the difference between a rooster and a hooker

one says cock-a-doodle-doo, and the other says any-cock-will-do

What's the difference between COVID-19 and Donald Trump?

One is a ruthless force hellbent on killing hundreds of thousands, and the other is a virus.

What's the difference between a rabbit and a plum ?

They're both purple except for the rabbit.

What's the difference between the government and the devil?

You can say no to the devil.

What is the difference between a tuna, a piano and a pot of glue?

You can tuna piano but you can’t piano a tuna.












Wait what about the glue?

Aha I knew you’d get stuck on that!

What's the difference between sanitizer and moisturizer ?

One will burn your eyes, the other will moisturize

What's the difference between a literalist and a kleptomaniac?

A literalist takes things literally.
A kleptomaniac takes things, literally.

There *is* a difference between doughnuts and donuts

**Ugh!**

What's the difference between outlaws and in-laws?

Outlaws are wanted.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW -what is the difference between pussy and parsley ?

Nobody eats parsley

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the difference between oral and anal sex

One makes your whole day the other makes your hole weak

What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup.

Anyone can roast beef, but it’s not easy to pea soup.

differences..

Sometimes it is very important if a sentence was said by a man or a woman.

A good example: “I used a whole pack of tissues during that awesome movie yesterday...”

What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?

One less drunk.

What's the difference between a beef wellington and an asteroid?

One is meaty and the other is a little meteor!

What’s the difference between a cult and a religion ?

In a cult, there is someone on top that knows it’s all nonsense.

In a religion that person is dead.

What is the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?

One is a super hero other one is a command.

What's the difference between gtaV and a cow?

You stop milking a cow after 7 years.

What’s the difference between an Apple user and an android user.

Say “nine hundred and eleven” to Siri for the punchline.

What's the difference between my ex girlfriend and the Atlantic Ocean?

The Atlantic Ocean would never give me *that* many crabs.

What's the difference between a circus and strip club?

One is a cunning display of stunts...

What's the difference between a hooker and a onion?

I don't cry when i cut up a hooker.

What's the difference between black and white?

If you're white, you'll get Captain America.

If you're black, you'll get capped in America.

What is the difference between an American health care worker running out of PPE, and a Russian healthcare worker running out of PPE?

At least the American doesn't need a parachute too!

What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?

A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.

What’s the difference between a loin steak and sirloin steak?

The Sir loin is knighted

What is the difference between god and a lawyer?

God doesn´t think he is a lawyer.

What's the difference between a Boomerang and my Dad?

The Boomerang always comes back.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a condom and a cockpit?

You can only fit one prick in a condom.

What's the difference between Ice Cream and Sorbet?

About $3

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a fitness blog and a porn site?

One's all about proteins, whilst the other is more about amateur teens

If you re bored during lock down try finally learning the difference between your and you're.

Their, I finally said it.

What's the difference between your mom and the Grand Canyon?

One is a tourist attraction... The other is the Grand Canyon

What's the difference between a hooker and jesus?

The look on their face when you're nailing them.

What's the difference between a shower curtain and toilet paper?

If you said "I don't know," click here:



>!So you're the idiot that ruined my shower curtain!!!!!<

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between Corona Virus and sex?

Most Redditors lack the social skills to get both.

The difference between Nascar and Hockey is

In Hockey the fans have teeth and the players don't.

What's the difference between a police officer and Han Solo?

>!There's a debate as to whether Han shot first.!<

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between a woman and cocaine?

How sleepy you feel after a blowjob.

What's the difference between a bison and a buffalo?

You can't wash your hands in a buffalo.

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