What's the difference between falling from the 1st floor and falling from the 11th floor?

The 11th goes:

Aaaaaaaaaaaaah!

CRASH!



And the 1st goes:

CRASH!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaah!

As a non-English speaker, this is how I remember the difference between niece & nephew.

A woman who's 3 months pregnant falls into a deep coma.

6 months later, she awakens and asks the doctor about her baby.

Doc: You actually had twins, a boy and a girl, and they're both fine. Luckily, we had your brother name the children for you

Woman : Oh no! Not my brother! He'...

What’s the difference between a Boy Scout and a Jew?

One comes back from camp

What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman

You can't unscrew a pregnant woman.

What’s the difference between terrorism and democracy?

Whether the United States is attacking or being attacked.

What's the difference between ignorance and apathy?

I dont know and I dont care.

What’s the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy...and the other...is a little lighter.

What’s the difference between a golf ball and a g-spot.

Guys will actually look for a golf ball

What is the difference between like and love?

Spit and swallow.

What’s the difference between a baby and a potato?

About 400 calories.

What is the difference between a woman in a church and a woman in her bath?

The woman in a church has her soul full of hope whereas the woman in her bath has her hole full of soap.

My friend asked me if I knew the difference between table tennis and ping pong

I said yeah, ones what it looks like ones what it sounds like

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What's the difference between an architect and a surgeon?

When the architect fucks up he just plants ivy.

What's the difference between sailors and gluttons?

One worries about pirates while the other worries about pie rates!

What's the difference between Dubai and Abi Dhabi?

Dubai doesn't like the Flint stones...

But Abi Dhabi Do!

What's the difference between.....

What's the difference between an innocent man and a guilty one?

About $3,000,000 in attorney fees.

What’s the difference between Acne and a Priest?

Acne normally comes on boys faces over the age of 12.

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What’s the difference between Jesus and a prostitute?

The prostitute doesn’t hang around for 3 hours after getting nailed.

What's the difference between Star Wars fans and Star Wars haters?

the fans enjoyed 2 of the movies

Do u know the difference between a vitamin and a hormone ?

Can’t hear a vitamin

what's the difference between a ball and a prince?

one is thrown in the air and the other is heir to the throne.

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What's the difference between a traffic light and a vagina?

With a vagina you can go on when it's red, but you should definately stop when it's green.

What’s the differences between your wife and Mark Zuckerberg?

Mark Zuckerberg knows more about you.

What's the difference between a lobster with breast implants and a dirty bus depot?

One is a busty crustacean and the other is crusty bus station

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A Flight to Israel...

A woman wants to take her dog to Israel, so she goes to the travel agent to find out how. He says, "It's easy. You go to the airline, they give you a kennel, you put your dog in it, when you get off at Tel Aviv go to the luggage rack, and there's your dog.”

So she does, gets off at Tel Aviv,...

What is the difference between a dead dog and lawyer lying in the road?

The dog has skid marks leading up to it.

What's the difference between a lentil and a chickpea?

Donald Trump has never had a lentil on his face.

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What religion is your bra??

A man walked into then ladies department and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said,
“I'd like to buy a bra for my wife.”

'”What type of bra?”, asked the clerk.
“Type?”, inquires the man, “There's more than one type?”

“Look around”, said the saleslady, as she sh...

What’s the difference between a golfer and a skydiver?

A golfer goes *wack* “darn”

A skydiver goes “darn” *wack*

Whats the difference between a "hole in a boat" and a "hole in a bathroom stall"?

One is a "Man, that sucks" situation


The other is a "Sucks that man" situation.

What's the difference between an ISIS outpost and an Iraqi preschool?

I have no idea, I just fly the drone.

How can you tell the difference between an introvert and an extrovert developer?

An introvert developer looks at his shoes when he is talking to you, an extrovert developer looks at your shoes.

What's the difference between Mike Wazowski and a carrot?

One's a bunny feast, and the other is a funny beast.

What’s the difference between a literalist and a kleptomaniac?

A literalist takes things literally. A kleptomaniac takes things, literally.

In the South, what's the difference between and tornado and a divorce?

Nothing. Either way someone is losing a trailer.

What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigalo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.

What's the difference between a crocodile and an alligator?

One, you see later. The other, in a while.

What is the difference between a street seller and a sausage dog??

A street seller bawls out his wears on the pavement..

What's the difference between a queen and a king sized bed?

A king is slightly larger but a queen may move as far as it can in any direction.

What is the difference between mathematicians and chemists?

Mathematicians have problems. Chemists have solutions.

What's the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?

A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

What's the difference between communism and a pencil?

The pencil works on things other than paper.

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What’s the difference between a feminazi and Hitler?

Hitler only had half a mustache

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What's the difference between a Japanese kamazazi and a member of ISIS?

One's a Zoomer, one's a Boomer.

What's the difference between my ex and the titanic?

The titanic only went down on 1,000 people.

What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig

the letter “f”

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What’s the difference between oral sex and anal sex?

One makes your whole day, one makes your whole week.

What's the difference between Harry Potter and a jew?

Harry Potter came out of the chamber.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the difference between Epstein and al-Baghdadi?

One of them had 72 virgins *before* he died.

What is the difference between AC and DC?

AC Hertz more.

What is the difference between capitalism and socialism?

In a capitalist society, man exploits man. In a socialist society, it's the other way round.

How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?

Ask them to pronounce “unionized.”

What's the difference between a lobster and a Chinese man who's been run over by a bus?

One's a crustacean, the other's a crushed Asian.

What’s the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?

Beer nuts are $1.50, deer nuts are under a buck.

What's the difference between a religion and a cult?

Most people are willing to admit that cults are dangerous.

What’s the difference between someone who doesn’t understand figures of speech, and a burglar?

The first takes things literally. The other takes things, literally

What’s the difference between a job and a wife?

The job still sucks after ten years.

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What’s the difference between pooping and caring?

One is taking a shit, the other is giving a shit.

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What's the difference between a bad sniper, and a constipated owl?

One can't shoot and hit, and the other can't hoot and shit.

What's the difference between a pick pocket and a peeping tom?

A pick pocket snatches watches.

Two immigrants from Africa arrive in the United States and are discussing the difference between their country and the U.S.

One of them mentions he's heard that people in the U.S. eat dogs, and if they're going to fit in, they better eat dogs as well. So they head to the nearest hot dog stand and order two 'dogs.'

The first guy unwraps his, looks at it, and nervously looks at his friend.

"Which part did yo...

What's the difference between awkward and uncomfortable?

Underwear can be uncomfortable, but when you involve other people in the problem it gets awkward.

What's the difference in a rake and an AK-47?

Beats me, I just fly the drone.

I asked my friend if he knew the difference between a chamber pot and a pan

He said 'no'

Needless to say, I stopped eating at his place

What's the difference between a casino and a church?

You actually mean it when you pray at a casino.

What's the difference between a hooker and Jesus?

Jesus says: take this bread, it is my body.
A hooker says: take this body, it is my bread.

What's the difference between the guy who had his stuff stolen and the guy who stole it?

One was irate and the other was a pirate!

What’s the difference between cheese and girls?

Cheese becomes better with age

What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead bodies?

I dont have a Lamborghini in my garage.

What's the difference between a vampire and a lawyer?

You can kill the vampire by stabbing a wooden peg in his heart.

The lawyer does not have one.

Dad: What's the difference between a piano, tuna and some glue?

Me: Don't know?

Dad: You can tune a piano but you can't tuna fish

Me: What about the glue?

Dad: I knew you'd get stuck on that!

What’s the difference between the political left wing and right wing?

It’s the big plane called Air Force One in the middle.

What’s the difference between a French wine and a Brazilian wine?

Not much but the Brazilian has better legs.

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What's the difference between a rimshot and a rimjob?

One goes *ba dum tss* and the other is da bum kiss.

What’s the difference between “hell” and “heck”?

Eternal Darnation

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What's the difference between a clitoris and a golf ball?

Most men are happy to spend 10 minutes looking for a golf ball.

What's the difference between a drunk russian and a brit?

Nothing, they both drive on the wrong side of the road

What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?

The taste.

What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

You can hang a picture of Jesus with just one nail.

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What’s the difference between Jews, Protestants, and Baptists?

Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.

Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the head of the Church.

Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store.

What is the difference between Dale Earnhardt Jr and Jesus Christ?

One of them is the son of God and the other one died for your sins

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