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Disagree With Jokes

I COMPLETELY disagree with Trump's military trans ban...

I mean, wouldn't all those attack helicopters be useful??

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People keep grouping all Trump supporters with these Nazi movements recently, which I disagree with and think is quite silly.

After all, the Russians fought *against* the Nazis.

I'm a beggar and I wanna make a difference in this world. You may disagree with me

But I beg to differ

Britain just announced that from next year, they will put a cap on new immigrants. I vehemently disagree with this policy.

Immigrants should be allowed to put whatever head dress they prefer.

As long as there are humans, there will always be two sides that disagree with each other.

That is something everyone can agree on.

I firmly disagree with putting fruit in cake

There's just no good raisin for it

I want to debate! Someone disagree with me!

No.

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I disagree with artificial intelligence...

My mate Petersen once bought a pair of shoes with artificial intelligence. 'Smart Shoes' they were called. It was a neat idea: no matter how blind drunk you were, they could always get you home. But he got ratted one night in Oslo and woke up the next morning in Burma. You see, the shoes got bored j...

Why do cellular biologists always disagree with mathematicians?

Because to them dividing and multiplying are the same

A lot of people disagree with the monarchy

But the Queen is always on the money

How do you feed a zombie that your really disagree with?

You give it a piece of your mind...

Me: Why do women always disagree with men?

Lady: That's not true...

Why did Bob disagree with communism?

He thought it was such Bolshevik.

A frightened man came to the KGB. "My talking parrot has disappeared."

"That's not the kind of case we handle. Go to the criminal police."

"Excuse me, of course I know that I must go to them. I am here just to tell you officially that I disagree with the parrot."

I told my wife I was tired of her always disagreeing with me

She said, "I don't always disagree with you."

When you disagree with someone, it is always better to walk a mile in their shoes.

That way, you'll be a mile away from them. And you'll have their shoes.

One of these days my wife is going to realize I’m always right…

Except for when I disagree with her.

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The library building based on the Dewey Decimal System

My town's new library has its floors organized according to the Dewey Decimal System. Books with a code from 001 to 099 are in the basement, and books with a code from 900 to 999 are on the top floor, for example. Books with a code from 100 to 199 are on the street-level floor by the main entrance. ...

It was a dark, stormy, night.

The Marine was on his first assignment, and it was guard duty.

A General stepped out taking his dog for a walk. The nervous young Private snapped to attention, made a perfect salute, and snapped out “Sir, Good Evening, Sir!”

The General, out for some relaxation, returned the salute and...

An american soldier was talking to a soviet soldier.

The american says, "the great thing about America is that we have freedom of speech! For instance, I can go right into the white house, walk up to president Reagan and say, "Mr. President, I completely disagree with the way you are running this country!" The soviet soldier responds, "so what? I can ...

An old Soviet joke I found on Wikipedia slightly adapted by me.

A frightened man runs into the KGB offices. “My talking parrot has disappeared!” He yells at the receptionist. “That’s not the type of case we handle, go to the criminal police” she responds. “I know that,” he stammers “I just wanted to tell you officially that I disagree with everything the parrot ...

I really like cooking fruit with sugar.

I know many people disagree with me. But that's my jam!

- Mom, I've lost 2 kilograms and now I'm so worried that I cannot even sleep…

\- Mom, I've lost 2 kilograms and now I'm so worried that I cannot even sleep…

\- Son, don't panic, it's only 2 kilograms, no big deal.

\- Well, there are some Colombians who'd disagree with you mom…

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Fat shaming is unacceptable...

...unless you disagree with me politically you fat fuck

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As I get older many of my buddies are now getting married. As I am still single loads of people keep telling how my friends and friendships will change once they get married...

So far I disagree with this sentiment, I am still close friends with all of my buddies, even after they’ve been married for years and years.



But I can say without a doubt that my friends really do change as soon as they become Dads, they immediately become real motherfuckers!

9 out of 10 people agree

that 1 out of 10 people will disagree with the other 9

One sunny day a rabbit came out of her hole in the ground to enjoy the fine weather.

The day was so nice that she became careless and a fox snuck up behind her and caught her.

"I am going to eat you for lunch," said the fox.

"Wait," replied the rabbit, "You should at least wait a few days."

"Oh yeah? Why should I wait?"

"Well, I am just finishing my thesi...

This just in! A recent survey conducted has found some interesting results!

Out of every 10 people surveyed, 1 person will always disagree with the other 9.

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Donald Trump.

I heard this was the subreddit for old jokes that aren't funny and won't die.

 

 

 

 

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**Edit:** My goal (reddit bucket list type thing) was to create an organic, original,...

What’s the only way to get American Democrat’s and Republicans to agree on something?

Elect a third party candidate for president. They will agree to disagree with everything he or she does.

Four professionals.

Four friends were going out for coffee when they spotted a hooker, “the worlds oldest profession” says one. The Doctor among them said “No, My profession is the oldest. It says in the Bible that God created woman from Adam’s rib. That’s the work of a surgeon”
“Ahhhh” says the second friend, “but ...

Two doctors are sitting on a bench at a park

They see an old man approaching with something obviously wrong on his way of walking. They take a professional interest on him:

- Look, a clear case of hip replacement gone wrong

- No, my dear colleague, that is classical sciatic neuralgia

- I have to disagree with you: that dra...

Some say you look better when you're younger

But I have to disagree with the Catholic Church.

At an ecumenical round-table discussion, various religious leaders tried to answer the question "When does life start?"

"At conception," said the Catholic priest.

"No, no," said the Presbyterian minister. "It begins at birth."

"It’s in between," said the Baptist. "Life begins at 12 weeks when the fetus develops a functional heartbeat."

"I disagree with all of you," said the rabbi. "Life begins wh...

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Rabbi Eliezer was the most brilliant Rabbi of all time...

Nevertheless, his fellow Rabbis would often disagree with his opinions, leading to lengthy philosophical and theological debates.

During one debate on the subject of the legal minutiae of a religious ritual he found himself at odds with three of his colleagues. While everyone recognized that ...

I play the world's most dangerous sport.

I ~~sometimes~~ occasionally disagree with my wife.

One day, God and Adam were talking in the Garden Of Eden...

“God?”

“Yes, Adam.”

“I’m lonely.”

“Yes. And I’ve given this some thought. What if I told you I could make you a companion? She would be a lot like you, but different in many ways. She would think just like you think. She would never disagree with you. She would support your e...

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The pope decides to remove all of the jews from italy.

The jews, obviously, disagree with this; so the pope agrees to have a debate with a rabbi for if the jews should stay in italy or not. The jews vote and decide on an old, wise rabbi.

The time for the debate comes, and it dawns on them that they can't understand each other, so they decide to ...

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A very rich man gave birth to a son.

On the son's sixteenth birthday, The man asked him what he wanted, and said that he would get anything his heart could desire. The son only asked for a pink ping pong ball. His father was curious, but complied. After they had cake and ice cream and the son opened his presents, he went up to his room...

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20 Truths For Mature Humans

http://nookbank.com/jokes

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap ...

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