The UN decided to do a worldwide survey and the only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge flop.

In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.

In Eastern Europe, they didn't know what "honest" meant.

In Western Europe, they didn't know what "shortage" meant.

In China, they didn't know what "opinion" meant.

In the Middle East, they didn't know what "solution" meant.<...

A chemistry professor posted a bonus question to an exam:

Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know ...

A boy has a question about God

Sorry if this has been posted before. I just heard it and I’ve never seen it on here before.

There was a boy that had a question about God. He goes to his local priest to see if he has an answer. The boy presents the question and the priest is completely at a loss of words. The question is s...

I scored a 175 on an IQ test with just 3 simple questions

1. My credit card number
2. My social security number
3. Uploading a scan of my birth certificate

The CIA,The FBI and the KGB

The CIA, the FBI and the KGB argue about who’s the best at catching criminals.

The Secretary General of the UN decides to test them. He releases a rabbit into the woods and each of the divisions has to catch it.

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They ...

What's the first question they ask people in hell who died by hanging themselves?

Business or pleasure?

A physics professor asks this question in his class.

If a plane is flying in South East direction at 795 miles an hour and it takes a torque of 58000 N/m2 to unscrew a nut from the main pillar of Brooklyn Bridge, then calculate my age as of today?

The ivy league geniuses in the class immediately went to work. Firing up thier computers and calc...

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What starts with “f” and ends with “k”?

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her more precocious students. The teacher asked, “Harry, what exactly is your problem?”
Harry answered, “I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she! I think I should be in the 3rd gra...

One day, Albert Einstein had to speak at an important science conference.

On the way there, he tells his driver that looks a bit like him:
 

"I'm sick of all these conferences. I always say the same things over and over!"


The driver agrees: "You're right. As your driver, I attended all of them, and even though I don't know anything about science, I co...

What’s the best question to ask when you meet an actor in Los Angeles?

Can I have some more coffee?

Ever ask someone a question just so you can say your side of it?

Cuz I have.

Two engineering students are waiting to give their oral viva test.

The first student's turn comes, and he goes inside.

External: Suppose you are travelling by train, and suddenly it gets hot, what will you do?

Student: I will open the window.

External : Great, now suppose that the area of the window is1.5 sq.m and the volume of the compartment ...

Violence is never the answer.

Unless the question is : What is never the answer?

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A philosopher, a mathematician and an idiot found themselves standing before the Gates of Heaven.

St. Peter and the Devil were standing nearby.

"Gentlemen," the Devil started, "Heaven is now overcrowded. St Peter has agreed to limit the number of people entering Heaven.

If anyone of you can ask me a question which I cannot answer or don't know, then you're worthy enough to go to He...

The problem with one-night stands is all the questions afterwards.

Like "do you plead guilty?"

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When Jane first met Tarzan in the jungle, she was instantly attracted to him and during her questions about his life, she asked him if he had ever had sex. "Tarzan not know sex." he replied. Jane explained to him what it was.

Tarzan said, "Ohhh...Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree."

Horrified, Jane said, "Tarzan, you have it all wrong, but I will show you how to do it properly."

She took off her clothing and lay down on the ground.

"Here." she said, pointing to her privates, "You must put it in he...

A foreign dignitary is being shown around a police station in Belarus, and he decides to as a question...

*Why do your police officers always patrol in teams of three?*, he asks.

*Simple,* his host says.

*There's always one that can read, and one that can write.*

*But what's the third one for?*, the dignitary asks.

*He's there to keep an eye on the tw...

The teacher tells the class: 'Whoever gets the next question right, can go home early.'

Benjamin throws his pencil to the front of the class. Teacher picks it up and asks: 'Who was that?'
Benjamin: 'Me, have a nice day.'

Ask me a questions and once I've responded, edit that question to a new one to make me look stupid.

I'm having a rough day and I think this could be a fun way to change that!

Quick question

How much no more tears shampoo do you have to rub in a baby's eyes before it stops crying?

My 9 1/2 year-old son came up with this one: What do you call someone you can't stand because all they do is annoy you with question after question?

An askhole.

I didn't even laugh at first. I immediately asked if he'd heard it somewhere. He said he hadn't, that he'd come up with it on his own. When I asked him when he did that, he said it was when we were leaving for church (earlier that day). Then I had a good laugh.

I helped...

A 4th grade teacher told her class that she’d be willing to answer any questions that they had.

One of the girls in the back raised her hand and asked “Can a 9 year old get pregnant?”

The teacher responded “Of course not love. I don’t know why you’d even ask that?”

Then the boy sitting next to the girl yelled “I told you there’s nothing to worry about Mary”

A man asked another man, “What’s the term for when you ask a question without expecting an answer?”

The other man didn’t respond because it was rhetorical.

Should a gun company rename themselves "Question"?

That's a loaded Question

Several scientists were all posed the following question: "What is 2 * 2 ?"

The engineer whips out his slide rule (so it's old) and shuffles it back and forth, and finally announces "3.99".

The physicist consults his technical references, sets up the problem on his computer, and announces "it lies between 3.98 and 4.02".

The mathematician cogitates for a whi...

So I tried donating blood the other day, but left after they bothered me with all those questions.

Like "where did you get this blood?" or "why is there so much?"

Do you know which questions is the most asked by someone with a college degree in art or history?

Do you want fries with that?

Okay, I have a question.

When a vacuum cleaner breaks, does it **really** stop sucking?

A man calls his house to ask his wife a question. A little girl picks up the phone.

"Hi honey, can you put your mom on the phone?"

"I can't, she's upstairs with Uncle Roger"

"You don't have an Uncle Roger"

"Yes I do. He's upstairs with mommy in the bedroom."

Getting angry, the guy keeps his voice calm and says, "Okay honey, this is what I want you to do....

Quick question: When was the first Burning Man festival?

Germany, 1938

Lawyers should never ask a Georgia grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer...

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've bee...

One question?

Friend: Can I ask you a question?

Me: you just did

Friend: okay two questions?

Me: you just did it again

Friend: okay four?!

Me: you just did it again

Friend: when?!?!

Me: now

*gives a sly smile*

Before going to bed, a little child asks his dad a question.

"Daddy? Do all fairy tales begin with 'once upon a time'"?

The dad responds, saying "No, there are a whole series of fairy tales that begin with 'If elected, I promise...'"

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A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her class in Grade 3.

The boy said, "Madam, I should be in Grade 4. I am smarter than my sister & she's in Grade 4".

The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal. The principal decided to test the boy with some questions from Grade 4.

Principal: What is 3+3?

Boy: 6.

Princip...

The Genie offered me one wish. I asked for a McDonald's ice cream. When he told me the machine was broken and he couldn't do the impossible I got to pick another wish. I asked him for an original joke on reddit. He agreed to grant my wish but had one last question...

Would you like that in a cone or a cup?

While teaching in a junior high school class, the teacher questions a girl.

Teacher: name the thing in human body that can increase upto 4 times in excitement.

Girl: *infuriated * do you really thing this is the right question to ask a girl, I know what you're talking about and you should be ashamed.

Teacher: not only you're wrong, your expectations gonna disa...

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A redneck and an annoying stranger are sitting next to each other on a 12 hour plane ride...

The stranger is pretty well dressed and, after a few drinks becomes very loud and disruptive. He starts boasting that hes the smartest man on the plane. After a few minutes of unsuccessfully trying to get people to engage with him, a stewardess tells the stranger he needs to be quiet and stop distur...

A teacher said, "whoever answers my question can go home".

Suddenly a boy throws his bag out of window.
Teacher asked, " Who threw the bag?"
Boy replied, "Me."

A spoon, fork and a knife are are asking questions..

the spoon asks the time

the fork then asks a question

and the knife wanted to know what the weather was

but he wanted to know what the fork asked

Ms. Jenkins was asking multiplication questions to fourth grade students. It was Toby's turn...

Ms. Jenkins asked, "Toby, what's five times five?" Toby found the question hard and after thinking about it for a minute he said "I think it's 25!" Ms. Jenkins was disappointed. She said "Toby dear, you are old enough. You shouldn't think to answer this question." Toby replied, "Well then, I don't t...

Do you not get really annoyed when people answer their own questions?

I do.

I'm still upset they marked me wrong on my 7th grade history test on the question "what did they set up during the French Revolution?"

I maintain that "lots and lots of guillotines" is technically correct...

28 consonants, 3 vowels, a question mark and 1 comma went to court.

They're awaiting their sentence.

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West have named their newborn Psalm West. I have only one question.

Is it a hymn or a her?

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A passenger tapped the taxi driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.

The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up the footpath and stopped inches from a shop window.

For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, “Buddy, don’t ever do that again. You scared the shit out of me!”

The passenger after apologi...

What did the first apes say when you asked them a question?

Homie no idea. (Hominoidea)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bus full of Nuns falls of a cliff and they all die. They arrive at the gates of heaven and meet St. Peter. St. Peter says to them "Sisters, welcome to Heaven. In a moment I will let you all through the pearly gates, but before I may do that, I must ask each of you a single question."

Please form a single-file line. And they do so. St. Peter turns to the first Nun in the line and asks her "Sister, have you ever touched a penis?" The Sister Responds "Well... there was this one time... that I kinda sorta... touched one with the tip of my pinky finger..." St. Peter says "Alright Sis...

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A polish guy asks a japanese guy a question.

Polish: Why is Japan the least obese country in the world?

Japanese: Did I tell you what happened the last time we had a fat man in Japan?

In a classroom the teacher wants the children to answer questions before they go to the bathroom...

A child goes up to the teacher and says: I really need to go to the toilet!

The teacher replies: Is it really urgent?

And the child says: Yes! Yes! Yes!

So the teacher says: Okay then. I will give you something easy then.

She continues: What is the alphabet?

And th...

I recently bought a ouija board the other day, I asked a question: “hello, is anybody there?” The reply I got was: “Y. O. U. U. U. U. U

Guess I accidentally bought a soulja board

I was being interviewed for a job the other day. One of the questions was 'Where do you see your self 6 months from now?'.

I said 'I dont know, I dont have 2020 vision'.

I was going to donate blood today, but they always ask way too many questions

Like "who's blood is this" and "where did you get it?"

So many questions

After a stressful day, one man comes home and sits in his backyard, drinking a beer.

As he's getting up to get a snack, he stops and asks, "Jesus, what is the meaning of life?"

To which Jesus replies,"You slave in the sun to support the ones you love. You make money so you can buy thin...

Q: Why do we write a question mark at the end of a question?

A: So we don't have to write Q: at the front.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A teenage girl come home from school and asks her mother a question

"Is it true what Rita just told me?" "What's that?" asks her mother. "That babies come out of the same place where boys put their penises?" said her daughter. "Yes it is dear!" replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and that she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter. ...

Did you hear about the mime that got into a bar fight? He was left with a broken left arm. Later the police came in to ask questions.

He had the right to remain silent.

I often ask myself questions, such as "Where did we come from?", "Why am I here?", "Where am I going?"

"Am I a terrible Uber driver?"

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A train hits a bus full of Catholic highschool girls

They all arrive at the pearly gates, waiting in line to enter heaven.

St. Peter asks the first girl, "Mary, have you ever had any contact with a penis?" She giggles and shyly replies, "Well I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger." St. Peter says, "Well, dip the tip of your f...

You know what you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question...

...

A university student wanted to sit next to one of his teachers at lunch

However, the teacher looked at the student with an arrogant face and said:

'A swan shan't be friends with a pig.'

'Then I shall fly on,' answered the student with a smile.

The teacher was clearly vexed by the cheeky reply and decided to make sure to do everything in his power to...

Question 3: explain deja vu

Question 4: explain deja vu

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Staring at my girlfriend's ring, I can't believe it took me months to pluck up the courage to finally ask the big question...

"Can we try anal?"

A physics teacher writes a question on a board

"A 40 kg child that 100 cm tall is holding a parent's arms swinging them 0.5 revolutions a second. If the parent let go of the child after 2 seconds, where will the child end up?"



A few moments later, the teacher then comes over and reads a student's answer:



"In a foste...

A politician dies...

And ends up standing in front of the pearly gates. Saint Peter looks at him for a second, flicks through his book, and finds his name.

"So, you're a politician..." "Well, yes, is that a problem?" "Oh no, no problem. But we've recently adopted a new system for people in your line of work, and ...

My band name is Good Question.

For example:
“What’s your band name?”
“Good Question”

I get really annoyed when complete strangers start asking me tons of personal questions.

On another note, my job interview today went terribly.

Any Questions?

Science Professor: If a girl falls unconscious, give her mouth 2 mouth, blow air into her lungs and keep on pressing her chest with both your palms in quick succession...

Any Questions..?

Student : How to make her unconscious?

Question

Do blind people see in their dreams??

Why is the answer to the 10th multiple questions always C?

Because Tennessee

Which question does Sherlock Holmes ask when he is bored?

Watson TV?

i have a 2B pencil, and a 2H pencil, the question is which should i use?

2B or not 2B?

STUDENT: Sir, can I ask a question?

TEACHER: Yes!
STUDENT: How do you put an
elephant inside a fridge?
TEACHER: I don't know.
STUDENT: It's easy, you just open
the fridge and put it in. I have
another question!
TEACHER: Ok, ask.
STUDENT: How to put a donkey
inside the fridge?
TEACHER: ...

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Little Johnny is in math class when the teacher poses a question:

>Why are the order of operations so important?

Little Johnny raises his hand and says,

>Because you can blow your nose and wipe your ass with the same tissue but you can’t wipe your ass and blow your nose.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question.

As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both startled and he says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies, "if your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm...

Judaism is said to be successful because our religion has a lot of wisdom. Yes, the Jewish people always ask very wise questions...

Such as "Wise this jacket so damn expensive?! Dontcha have a discount for me??"

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