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Question Jokes

In Ireland there is a tradition that holds that a dying man may ask one last question, and that it be answered truthfully.

Seamus had come to the end of his days; his time on this planet was short. Gathered around him was his wife and his four sons. Three of his sons were fine, tall men but the fourth...wasn't. Aiden was a bit scrawny, and quite thin. Seamus says to his wife:

"Mary...I've not much time left. So I...

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A woman was on the way to winning $100,000 on a game show, but her final question was suspended for the next night.

Her husband sneaked into the studio and found the question and answer. He raced home and told his wife "Your question is 'What are the three main parts of the male anatomy', and the answer is 'The head, heart and penis.'

The woman thinks about this throughout the night, but keeps forgettin...

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.

The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped inches from a shop window. 

For a second, everything was quiet in the cab. Then the driver said, "Look, mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the living daylights out of me!"

The p...
AI Image Generator

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Condom question

A girl is talking to her guy friend: "I found condoms in my boyfriend's jacket. We don't use condoms and when I confronted him, he told me he uses them to masturbate. Do you ever do that??"

"Sure", her guy friend replies.

"Really?? You masturbate into condoms??!"

"Oh", he respon...

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question (Warning not suitable for people under the aged of 18 you have been warned)

Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?
None, replied Johnny, cause the rest would fly away,
Well, the answer is four, said the teacher, but i like the way you're thinking.
Little Johnny says i have a question for you. If t...

A company owner was asked a question,

How do you motivate your employees to be so punctual?"
He smiled & replied, "It's simple. I have 30 employees and 29 free parking spaces. One is paid parking."

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My wife, to our therapist: He always misunderstands simple questions.

Therapist, to me: What does she mean?

Me: It’s a feminine pronoun,

I scored a 175 on an IQ test with just 3 simple questions

1. My credit card number
2. My social security number
3. Uploading a scan of my birth certificate

A Sunday school teacher posed a question to her class, "If I were to sell my house, car, donate my possessions to charity, and give all my money to the church, would I get into heaven?"

The children unanimously replied, "No."

The teacher then asked, "If I were to keep the church clean, mow the lawn, and keep everything neat and tidy, would I get into heaven?"

Once again, the answer was a resounding "No."

Apparently perplexed, the teacher asked, "Well, then how ...

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A man is sitting for a job interview when the question is asked by the interviewer,

“What is your biggest weakness?”


The job candidate thinks for a moment and answers “honesty. Honesty is my biggest weakeness.”


The potential employer replies “I don’t think honesty is a weakness!”


The man replies “I really don’t give a fuck what you think!”

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The headmistress at my exclusive girl’s college was lecturing us on Sexual morality...... “In moments of temptation,” she said to the class, “ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?”

She got so furious when I got up and asked “How do you make it last an hour?”

The nun teaching Sunday School was speaking to her class one morning and she asked the question: "When you die and go to Heaven... which part of your body goes first?"

Suzy raised her hand and said "I think it's your hands.” "Why do you think it's your hands, Suzy?" Suzy replied "Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first.” “What a wonderful answer!" the nun said.

Little Johnny raised his hand and...

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Jane had developed a certain attraction to Tarzan. So during her questions about his life, she asked him how he had sex. "Tarzan not know what is sex" he replied. Jane then explained to him what sex was.

Tarzan said ...."Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree."

Stunned by his response, Jane said: "Tarzan you have it all wrong, you don't shag a tree to get yourself off. Tell you what, I will show you how to do it properly."

She took off her clothing, got completely naked and laid down on...

An easy question to Albert Einstein!

One day, Einstein has to speak at an important science conference.
On the way there, he tells his driver that looks a bit like him:


"I'm sick of all these conferences. I always say the same things over and over!"


The driver agrees: "You're right. As your driver, I attended ...

A chemistry professor posted a bonus question to an exam:

Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know ...

A French, a German and an Italian spy are captured one day. The captors grab the French spy, take him to the next room and tie his hands behind a chair. They then proceed to torture him for 2 hours before he finally cracks, answers all questions and gives up all of his secrets.

The captors then grab the German spy. They tie his hands behind the chair in the next room too and torture him for 4 hours before he finally cracks and tells them what they want to know.

They then grabbed the Italian spy. Once again, they tie his hands behind the chair and begin torturing.4 h...

A boy asks his dad a question

A boy asks his dad "Why do they say gardeners have green thumbs,when their thumbs are not green?"

The dad replies,"It's just a saying son,It's like when somebody is caught stealing,they say they have been caught 'red handed',even though their hands is black."

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Mr. Dickson had a habit of asking daft questions to his pupils.

One day, he asked his 4th graders if anyone knew how to put 2 holes into 1 hole.



Since no one was able to answer the question, he told the kids to go home and ask their fathers.



Kids came back the next day. No one knew the answer.



"Look," said Mr. Dickson...

Dentist always dumb questions like “when’s the last time you flossed?”

Like bro you were there wtf

I was going to donate blood today, but they always ask waaaay too many personal questions

Like, "who's blood is this", and "where did you get it?"

I lost the bar trivia contest last night by one point. The last question was, "Where do women have the curliest hair?"

Apparently the correct answer is, Fiji.

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A farmer named Clyde had a car accident. In court, the trucking company's lawyer was questioning Clyde. "Didn't you say, at the moment of the accident, 'I'm fine.'" asked the lawyer?

Clyde responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule, Bessie, into the..."
"I did not ask you for any details", the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?'" Clyde said, "Well, I had just got Bessi...

A teacher asks her students a simple math question…

“There are 3 birds on a wire, one gets shot, how many are left?”

Little Johnny raises his hand, “there are none left, once the one bird was shot the other two flew away ”

Teacher tells Johnny he is wrong, but she likes the way he thinks.

Johnny then inquired, “may I ask you a qu...

Yuri Gagarin returned from space and Khrushchev asked him a question: "While you were up there, did you see god?"

Yuri replied: "Yes."

"That's what I suspected, but don't tell anybody."

Gagarin traveled to Rome and met the Pope, who asked him a question: "While you were up there, did you see god?"

Yuri replied: "No."

"That's what I suspected, but don't tell anybody."

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If you're questioning your sexuality...

You probably aren't thinking straight.

TIL Calaway's Law states that "the best way to get the right answer on the Internet is not to ask a question, it's to post the wrong answer."

Now we wait.

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My coworker came up to me yesterday and said he had a question for me

He asked, “Imagine you walk into a room with 50 naked dudes. How many of their penises would you choke on?”

“What the hell?” I reply “None of them!”

“Oh so you’re a professional?”

An international school teacher asks a question: "What's your own opinion on food scarcity in other countries?"

**An African student:** What's food?

**A European student:** What's scarcity?

**An American student:** What are 'other countries'?

**A Chinese student:** What's 'my own opinion'?

What is the most common question the Finnish detective asks a suspect?

"What were you doing the night between November and May?"

Donald Trump answers the question: What is 2+2?

"I have to say a lot of people have been asking this question. No, really. A lot of people come up to me and they ask me. They say, 'What's 2+2?' And I tell them look, we know what 2+2 is. We've had almost eight years of the worst kind of math you can imagine. Oh my god, I can't believe it. Addition...

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The US, England and Ireland are presented with a question. Why is the head of the penis larger than the shaft?

The US funds a study for 6 months at $20 million, and concludes it is to give the man more pleasure during sex.

The British, not to be outdone by the Yankees, spend 3 months and half the money, and concludes it's to give the woman more pleasure during sex.

The Irish, not to be outdone ...

Teacher: "Whoever answers my next question can go home."

*Boy throws bag at teacher* Teacher: "Who threw that!?" Boy: "Me! I'm going home!

Don’t you hate it when people ask you a question just so they can answer it themselves?

Because I do

My neighbor is a 90 year old with Alzheimer's, I see him every morning and he asks me if I've seen his wife. Every day I have to tell this poor man that his wife died 20 years ago. I could have moved to another house or even ignore his question.

But the look of joy in his eyes whenever I answer him is worth the world.

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A teenage girl come home from school and asks her mother a question

"Is it true what Rita just told me?" "What's that?" asks her mother. "That babies come out of the same place where boys put their penises?" said her daughter. "Yes it is dear!" replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and that she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter. ...

The UN decided to do a worldwide survey and the only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge flop.

In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.

In Eastern Europe, they didn't know what "honest" meant.

In Western Europe, they didn't know what "shortage" meant.

In China, they didn't know what "opinion" meant.

In the Middle East, they didn't know what "solution" meant.<...

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I had questionable intercourse in an English County once

It was Sussex.

A couple is going through a divorce and custody of the son comes into question.

The father presents evidence that the wife hits the poor boy whenever he misbehaves the slightest. The mother reveals evidence that the father would get belligerently drunk and use his belt on the boy.

The Judge suggests letting the boy live with his grandfather, but it turns out that almost ...

While teaching a class a teacher trying to teach good manners asked her students the following question.

"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"

Michael said: "Just a minute I have to go pee."

The teacher responded by saying: "That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you sa...

The punchline comes before the question.

What's the worst part about time travelling jokes?

Student: I've been writing my exam for 2 hours but haven't answered a single question!!!

Politics Teacher: Well done, that's an A.

My 9 year old son has started asking awkward questions about the human body...

I suppose the freezer wasn't the best place to hide it.

I hate when you're over someone's house and they start asking you stupid questions.

Like "who are you" and "is that a gun?"

Quick question

How much no more tears shampoo do you have to rub in a baby's eyes before it stops crying?

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I asked this nice girl a question the other day.

She was pretty, young, blond, had big tits and gave me a pleasant smile. I asked her if six inches satisfies? She grimaced and pondered, shifting her weight from foot to foot as if balancing the question and finally replied "no not really".

So I ordered the seven inch pizza instead.

A boy has a question about God

Sorry if this has been posted before. I just heard it and I’ve never seen it on here before.

There was a boy that had a question about God. He goes to his local priest to see if he has an answer. The boy presents the question and the priest is completely at a loss of words. The question is s...

A little British boy raises his hand to ask his teacher a question

"Miss, My mother says freedom is the most beautiful thing in the world. What does freedom mean?"

The teacher seeing the importance of this question for the sweet, innocent child, thinks quickly about how best to respond.

She smiles sweetly and says "Why don't you come up and tell the c...

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I have a question. Is it for fuck's sake, or for fuck sake?

Like, should I put an apostrophe to show possessive? I guess the question would be, is it for the sake of all fucks, or just this fuck in particular?

Idk, so let me know because I'm at work trying to send an email, and I wanted to sound professional.

The question was never whether Trump would be indicted....

But is he competent enough to be tried as an adult?

An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics.

The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the board: "Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist."

Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion...

A little boy runs up to his father with a question.

"Daddy, daddy!" says the boy, excitedly. "Did you get shot in the army?"

The father looks away and grimaces. The pain is etched clearly on this face. He gets a faraway look in his eye, and a tear rolls down his face, as he says, "No, son..."

"...but I did get shot in the leggy."

If you watch Jeopardy backwards, it's about rich people paying money for answers to questions.

That is all.

What is the most common question that a person holding a PhD in Philosophy asks other people?

"Do you want fries with that?"

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I asked my wife the age old question. Is the cup half full, or half empty?

She replied;
"Stop wearing my fucking bra!!!!!"

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What was the question

A human physiology lecturer notices that he is losing the attention of his class, so, to try to wake them up, he singles out a woman in the front row. He asks her, “Do you know what your asshole is doing when you’re having an orgasm?”

She responds, “He’s usually out playing golf wit...

A joke from my dad: A man goes to a lawyer to ask a few legal questions...

The man says to the lawyer "How much would it cost to ask you a few questions?"

The lawyer says "I charge $400 for three questions."

"That's a bit expensive isn't it?"

"Yep. What's your third question?"

Genuine witness responses from a coroner to an attorney’s questions during trial

Q: “Did you check for a pulse before you performed the autopsy?”

A: No."

Q: "Did you check for blood pressure?"

A: "No."

Q: "Did you check for breathing?"

A: "No."

Q: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"

A: ...

Super Serious Tax Question

How long do leftovers have to be in your fridge before you can claim them as dependants?

A boy rushed home after his first day of school, excited to tell his father how it went. “Dad! The teacher asked the whole class a question, but I was the only one who knew the answer and I got it right!”

“That’s great, son! You’re off to a good start already. Something that I taught you, no doubt! What was the question?”

“The teacher asked us “who farted?!””

A pig was destitute. He yearned for his question to be answered.

“Manners maketh man!” He wailed. “You can’t rightly call me a man so what makes a pig?” A gentleman heard him.

“Hello old chap.” The man stood, drawing his pork pie hat from his head. “I believe I have an answer for you.” The pig was rapt.

“Please tell!” The man withdrew his pipe from...

Questions

At the skydiving training course, the instructor would take time to answer some of the First Timer Questions.One guy asked: If our chute doesn't open.....and the reserve doesn't open, how long do we have till we hit the ground? The instructor looked at him and in perfect deadpan answered: The rest ...

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My daughter has reached that age where she is asking embarrassing questions about sex.

Just this morning she said "is that the best you can do?".

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The Priests Question

The priest in a small Irish village loved the rooster and ten hens he kept in the hen house behind the church. One Sunday morning, before mass, he went to feed the birds and discovered that the cock was missing. He knew about cock fights in the village, so he questioned his parishioners in church. D...

A lawyer, Jones, is questioning his witness, Smith, during a murder trial.

Jones: Mr Smith, can you tell us what the deceased said before he died?

Smith: Yes, I can. He said...

Judge: Now hold on a minute. I'm not sure if it could be considered hearsay if I allowed Mr Smith to continue.



This led to a long argument between both lawyers and the j...

I just opened up a gym where my entire staff asks you a series of annoying questions every so often for the length of your stay.

Welcome to Jehovah's Fitness.

My friend and I bumped into Arnold Schwarzenegger. As fans we asked a lot of questions and ended up asking if he's going to upgrade to Windows 11...

He said, "I still love Vista, baby!"

An elementary school teacher is asking a student a Maths question

Teacher: "Ok, Jimmy. If I gave you two cats and another two cats, how many cats would you have?"

Jimmy: "Five!"

Teacher: "No, Jimmy. Let me ask you another way. If I give you two apples and I give you another two apples, how many apples would you have?"

Jimmy: "Four!"

Tea...

What do you call a hockey player who questions their bad life choices?

Wayne Regretsky

Two flat earthers die and go to heaven. At the pearly gates they have the chance to ask god any questions they want and get truthful answers, so one flat earther asks god "is the earth flat?" to which god answers "No."

The flat earther looks at the other and says "this goes higher than we thought".

I want to know what the fear of question marks is called...

But I'm afraid to ask.

Questionable Morals

A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic
garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped, and every once in
awhile, a $20 bill fell out onto the sidewalk.

Noticing this, a Policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are $20
bills falling Out of ...

A question about getting circumcised...

Is it customary to leave a tip?

A man asks an architect a very specific question.

"My best friend needs to know what the name is for a rigid structure projecting from a vertical support," he tells him. "And if he can't find out by tomorrow his wife will file for a divorce."

The architect says, "Cantilever."

The man says, "Of course he can, but it'll probably make hi...

What did the circle say when the square kept asking him a question?

Wait a secant

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Students training to be police officers were given the following difficult examination question.

**A student training to be police officer was given the following difficult examination question:**

>"You're on street patrol when an explosion occurs on a nearby road. You investigate and discover an overturned van besides a large crater. Both occupants of the van are injured, and smell ...

A teacher asks a “dumb” student a question…

“If I give you 5 apples and take 3, what will you have?” “Trust issues”

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Ok, serious question. If you masturbate after smoking marijuana,

Is it high-jacking or weed-whacking?

What’s one question that’s only asked of high-fashion celebrities and serial killers?

“Who are you wearing?”

The capital police chief asked, "Do you have any leads or suspects for the congressional riot?" The officer responded, "I'd like to question the senator wearing high heels and a spandex leopard print dress." The chief frowned and said...

"Please, just wear your police uniform."

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pharmacy question...

Went into the pharmacy today and sheepishly asked the attractive lady behind the counter if they do Viagra.
"We do" she replied.
I questioned "Can I get it over the counter?"
She said "Depends how many you take".

An emoloyee was asked a question by the boss…

“What do you think is the biggest problem in our company? Is it the lack of knowledge or the lack of interest?”

To which he replied: “I don’t know and to be honest, I don’t care.”

Question for Radio Eriwan:

Question for Radio Eriwan: Is it correct that comrade Wassiljewitsch was arrested and sentenced to 35y of prison for calling comrade Stalin an idiot on the last party congress?

Answer:
Basically yes. He was immediately arrested and sentenced. And he was sentenced to 35y but not for insulti...

A young reporter heard about an old man living alone on a mountain who had never asked a question in his life...

*(Before you comment on how terrible this joke is, you should know I wrote this tonight and didn't get it from a joke book. i.e. at least now you have to look me in the eye as you groan ;)...)*

A young reporter heard about an old man living alone on a mountain who had never asked a question i...

Hillary Clinton goes t o a gifted-student primary school in New York to talk about the world. After her talk she offers question time.

One little boy puts up his hand. Hillary asks him what his name is. "Kenneth," he says
And what is your question, Kenneth?" she asks.

I have three questions," he says.

"1st -- whatever happened in Benghazi?

2nd -- why would you run for president if you are not capable of ...

What question should you never ask in a Jewish Deli?

What’s the Challah cost?

A man was taken into custody and questioned about a robbery committed by a man wearing a skirt. The man was freed without charges.

He never made an admission of kilt.

I wish I could donate blood, but last time there were so many questions.

"Whose blood is this?"
"Where did you get it?"
"Was the bucket sanitized first?"

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LPT: If You're unhappy with your life, remember it's a question of perspective, my friend has sex 2-3 times a day, exercises daily, reads two books weekly, but he's still complaining about his life

...in prison

"The person who answers this last question gets to leave early" said the teacher

"Now what is the sum of three and two, multiplied by the square root of 6 " the teacher asked.

The class began scribbling furiously. All except for Bobby. Bobby raised his hand and the teacher called on him.

"5" answered Bobby confidently. He began to pack up his things and walk to th...

With all my high level degrees and PHD's, I stumbled upon these questions......... 1. If poison expires, is it more poisonous or is it no longer poisonous? 2. Which letter is silent in the word "Scent," the S or the C?

3. Do twins ever realize that one of them is unplanned?

4. Why is the letter W, in English, called double U? Shouldn't it be called double V?r>
5. Maybe oxygen is slowly killing you and It just takes 75-100 years to fully work.

6. Every time you clean something, you just make som...

My kindergarten daughter asked me a question,

so I answered her back In confidence with the correct answer. She asked me “how I knew that”, so I answered her that “I knew everything.” This infuriated my daughter and she told me there were people out there that knew more than me. I was shocked and told her “I didn’t know anyone smarter than m...

Dad, can I ask you two questions ?

Yes, son. Now, what's your second one ?

I asked Siri a question and she said, “Don’t call me Shirley.”

I must have left the phone in Airplane mode.

A true work question

I texted my boss, "What's the difference between this morning and your daughter?"

He answered, "I don't know."

I replied, "I'm not coming in this morning."

A man got brought to the police station for questioning

When the police asked if he had anything to say for himself he said, "I am the son of two world famous artists you can't do this to me” so the cops apologize and say "you are Frida Gogh”

Question: If it's not funny, is it still a joke?

Answer: In the case of Amy Schumer, yes.

A boy asks a teacher a question.

Boy: "Would you punish me for something I didn't do?"

Teacher: "No, of course not."

Boy: "I didn't do my homework."

What do you get when you combine a rhetorical question with a joke?



" "

(I'd leave this blank, but Reddit doesn't like that...)

Three Questions

Guy goes to a lawyer. "I've got some trouble. What is your lowest rate?"
"I'll answer three questions for $100."
"That's nuts! How can you charge that?"
"Quite easily, sir. Now, what is your third and final question?"

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The class were asked the question, "If there's a fire, what steps would you take to ensure your safety?"

Apparently, "Fucking big ones!" wasn't the answer they were looking for!

A good-natured conspiracy theorist wakes up and realizes that he's died in his sleep and gone to heaven...God appears and says "welcome my son, as a reward for your virtuous life, I can answer one question for you about any topic you'd like with absolute certainty..."

The man thinks for a second and asks God "who actually killed JFK?"

God's eyes roll back in to his head for a minute while he scours the divine historical record. After a moment, he returns to normal and says "Lee Harvey Oswald."

The man replies "Wow! This goes way deeper than I though...

Question About a Joke

Here is the joke: C, D and E flat walk into a bar. The bartender says "we don't serve minors here." So the E flat leaves and the C and G share an open fifth.

My question is: Would this joke be funnier if it was written in a different key?

Three nuns die and go to heaven, but all must answer one question to get in.

The first nun is asked, "Who was the first man on Earth?" She says, "Adam." Lights flash and the pearly gates open.


The second nun is asked, "Who was the first woman on Earth?" She says, "Eve." Lights flash and the gates open.


The third nun is asked, "What was the first thing E...

A worldwide survey has been carried out with the following question:

*"PLEASE, GIVE US YOUR OPINION ON THE LACK OF FOOD IN THE REST OF THE World"* No result was achieved, since the following problems were facedduring the survey's implementation:
1. In Western Europe no one knew what is "lack"
2. In Africa no one knew what is "food"
3. In Eastern Europe no on...

A barrister questions the coroner during a trial

Barrister: So Mr Tolbol was dead prior to the commencement of the autopsy?

Coroner: Very much so.

Barrister: How did you know he was dead?

Coroner: His brain was in a jar on another table.

Barrister: Okay, but even with the brain removed, was it possible he could still be...

A teacher asked the students a question about bombs, which left them stumped...

So, the teacher asked a new clear question.

Im going to ask you some questions and the answer to em all is addicted.

If you drink too much alcohol what are u to alcohol?... Addicted

If you smoke too much what are u to cigarettes?... Addicted

If you take too many drugs what are u to drugs?... Addicted

So what slapped you in the face last night?...

A man sees a kebab shop owner, who is cooking some meat, and asks him a question

"Islam?"

"Yes, is lamb."

What is the first question on the Canadian Citizenship Exam?

Who’s sorry now?

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A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the wife looks over at him and asks a question...

WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"

HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"

WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?"

HUSBAND: "Of course I do.."

WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry? "

HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again."

WIFE...

Question for Thomas Edison...

What went off in your head before you invented the lightbulb?

The police have just released my mother-in-law after questioning her about the murder of her husband.

They only spoke to her for 2 minutes before coming to the conclusion he committed suicide.

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I went up to my dad and said “can I ask you a question for a school project?”

He said “sure son, what do you need to know?”

I asked him, “dad, what’s politics?”

He told me “well son, let’s use our home as an example. I make the money, so I am capitalism. Your mom controls and administers the money, so let’s call her the government. We take care of what you need ...

I saw a sign that said: "Society for asking stupid questions".

A man walked up and asked: "Excuse me, is this the society for asking stupid questions?"

A old TV psychic is given a question in an envelope and asked for the answer to said question without opening the envelope. The psychic holds it up to his head, concentrates, and says "The Answer! Is! 'Perpetuate!'"

Then, the old psychic opens the envelope to read the note inside out loud to the studio audience and says, "The Question! Is! How does a Chinese deli charge their customers...?!"

I’ve been dating my girlfriend for three years and finally decided to pop the question. I gave her the ring

She gave me the finger

Lawyers asking questions

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked,

\- "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded,

\- "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In math class. The teacher asks the class a question."How do you give 6 people an equal share of 9 potatoes?"...

Little Boris raises his hand, the teacher calls on him. "Easy. You make mashed potatoes." He answers.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day a boy was answering all the questions right in class....

Girl: Wow, what a fucking nerd

Teacher: Be nice, he might be your boss one day

Boy: Nah, I don't ever plan on being a pimp

You know, we've had it wrong all along, when it comes to the question of what came first, the chicken or the egg

The answer has always been the rooster.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was 18 years old when i found out bedbugs actually live in beds I always thought it was just a name like ladybug. It does leave me with one question though,

where do cockroaches live?

The cops are questioning me about illegally downloading the entirety of Wikipedia.

I said, “I can explain everything.”

A man calls his house to ask his wife a question. A little girl picks up the phone.

"Hi honey, can you put your mom on the phone?"

"I can't, she's upstairs with Uncle Roger"

"You don't have an Uncle Roger"

"Yes I do. He's upstairs with mommy in the bedroom."

Getting angry, the guy keeps his voice calm and says, "Okay honey, this is what I want you to do....

Why did Anakin fail to answer the trivia question?

He was stumped.

My wife sighed, "Why does everything have to be a game with you?" I shouted, "An excellent question, sweetheart!"

"But next time, please use the buzzer!"

A fourth grade biology teacher is asking a series of questions to her students

Eventually she asks "What part of the body can grow ten times its normal size when stimulated?"

As soon as she asks that, a girl at the back of the class stands up and yells "EWW, THAT'S SO GROSS. HOW DARE YOU ASK THIS TO SMALL CHILDREN? I'M GOING TO TELL MY MOTHER ALL ABOUT THIS", then storm...

Doctor has a question.

He asks if I'd like to be a kidney donor. I tell him "Doc, I'm all grown up now. I have adult knees, I don't think that'll work."

We all know why 6 is afraid of 7, but that brings up the question, “why did 7 eat 9?”

Because you need 3 square meals a day

Math Question

I asked my German friend if he knew what the square root of 81 was..

He replied no

A very tough question to answer

If con is the opposite of pro, then isn’t Congress the opposite of progress?

My family is divided on the question of imported fruits. My mom says no.

Papaya

When Kim Jong-Un met Donald Trump some questioned whether he could actually speak English

It has now been reported that Trump actually managed several sentences in almost fluent English.

Ask me a questions and once I've responded, edit that question to a new one to make me look stupid.

I'm having a rough day and I think this could be a fun way to change that!

I absolutely hate donating blood. As soon as you walk through the door you get bombarded with questions.

I absolutely hate when they ask
“Where did you get it?”
“Why is it in a bucket?”

One of the top questions I’ve been asked is “what’s the best way to spend your money when you’re homeless”

And from experience, I can say a mask and knife will work wonders for you.

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