Argue Jokes

When I fired the pool boy, she said, "Well, you know, you're only firing him because he's so young and good looking, and you feel threatened and insecure, because it reminds you of your own mortality, and you're projecting all these insecurities onto someone else in a very passive/aggressive way, be... read more

Because they're not thinking straight.

..but I was down voted to oblivion.

Because they are never right

The beauty of a language and the art of constructing the words of the language significantly lead to their meaning. This is not a case of twisting, but of the refined manner of presentation by witty minds. A good case for reference.

One evening, after attending the theatre, two gentlemen were... read more

After being asked about how they did it, the wife explains that after their wedding ceremony, they went and took a little honeymoon in a horse and buggy. The horse walked ten miles and stopped, refusing to go further.

“That’s one.” Said the wife. The horse looked back, walked another five ... read more

\- Would it be possible to make the scale from 1 to 20?

\- No

\- Why not?!

But 2 minutes into a bj and their jaw hurts.

The first boy says, "My dad's better than your dad."

The other boy says, "Well, my mom is better than your mom."

The first boy pauses, "I guess you're right. My dad says the same thing."

The woman screams, "The child is mine! I birthed him from my own flesh and blood and carried him through labour! All you did was screw me, you don't deserve him!"

The man calmly replies, "Tell me, if I put ten cents in a vending machine and a drink pops out, does it belong to me or the vendin... read more

A classroom was learning all about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because
even though it was a very large mammal it's throat was very small.
A little girl said, "Jonah was swallowed by a whale."
Irritated, the teacher reiterated th... read more

They decide to hunt for hogs in a forest. The organization with the most kills after one hour gets the award.

Mossad send in Schlomo, their best agent. After one hour he presents three hogs, all with a clean shot between the eyes.

CIA orders an attack helicopter, spots a sounder and k... read more

But it was getting late, so we called it a knight

There was a tense disagreement.

Now there's a price on my head.

Vegans. They don't want the beef

This husband was complaining to a buddy that him and his wife were arguing and he hadn’t been home in a few days. His buddy told him what he does when he argued with his wife was to sneak into the house, lift the bottom of the sheets to the bed, and slide up until he was in between his wife’s legs a... read more

We argued how I don’t know my directions... she right left away

We argued about how many members the flat Earth community had. He said "We have members all around the globe".

It's called a dictionary.

A Russian, a Frenchman and an Englishman argued about Adam's nationality.

The Frenchman said, "Of course Adam was French. Look how passionately he made love to Eve!"

The Englishman said, "Of course Adam was British. Look how he gave his only apple to the lady, like a real gentleman."... read more

Antagnostic.

- *How could you sleep with her?!*


- She was naked, what else should I do?


- *The autopsy!*


- Dont tell me what to do!!


- *You are the worst veterinarian ever*!!

An elderly married couple is traveling by car from California to New York for a National Book Conference. After Spending almost eleven hours on the road, they were too tired to continue and decided to pull over and rent a room. They didn't want to waste much time, so they only planned to sleep for f... read more

Their minds are completely made up

"Look at all the supports and joints... " said the first engineer, "... it must have been a structural engineer."

"No, no, it was an electrical engineer; just look at the nervous system and all its connections and wiring." said the second engineer.

"Both of you are wrong" exclaimed th... read more

I don't listen to his ramblings because they're pointless.

A position as an Iranian general just opened up.

They don't. No one goes to malls anymore, but they used to go to the Feud Court.

But then he said that they could blindfold him and he would recognize any animal's skin from its feel, and if he could locate the bullet hole, he would even tell them what calibre the bullet was that killed the animal.

He said that he was willing to prove it if they would pay for the drinks a... read more

You can't argue with dumb people, change my mind

But it's impossible to argue with a dumb person.

I just feel like we're not on a level playing field

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking ... and one blonde says to the other " Which do you think is further away ... Florida or the moon the other blonde says HELOOOOOOO can you see Florida

Three kids showing off whos dad is tallest,

Kid 1 : my dad is as tall as empire state building.

Kid 2 : oh yeah? Well my dad is taller than the sky, even higher than the moon.

Kid 3: oh yeah? Does your dad reach and touch the planets up there?

Kid 2 : yeah of course
<... read more

It always turns into a heated debate

It‘s because they always have a point.












apologies if repost

It's actually 265, but try telling her that!

He also spoke to the bookcase and argued with the desk.

Too bad one's not fully developed



and the other is our child's.

Their argument doesn’t even have legs to stand on

Three brothers are told that their father had left one half of his property to his eldest son, one third to the second, and one sixth to the third.

All was going well until they go to their father's camels. Their father left 19 camels, which doesn't divide by 2,3 or 6. They argued and argued ... read more

A mass debater

They are still chewing