My wife has just given me a book with all the words that I'm not supposed to use when we argue....

It's called a dictionary.

Why can't you argue with the LGBT community?

Because they're not thinking straight.

When I had dinner with my parents at a restaurant, they argued over whether we should get french fries of mashed potatoes to go with the steak. They asked me whom I agree with, but

I couldn't pick a side

My Neighbor Is Trying To Argue That Spheres Have Corners

I don't listen to his ramblings because they're pointless.

Where do people go to argue in the mall?

They don't. No one goes to malls anymore, but they used to go to the Feud Court.

I saw my friends having a screaming match with each other so I told them, “Remember, argue with facts and not curses.”

So now I’m APPARENTLY banned from the Witches Gatherings from now on.

My girlfriend said she would leave me because I argue with her about spices

She hasn't left yet, still I think the thyme is cumin

Three engineers argue about who designed the human body

"Look at all the supports and joints... " said the first engineer, "... it must have been a structural engineer."

"No, no, it was an electrical engineer; just look at the nervous system and all its connections and wiring." said the second engineer.

"Both of you are wrong" exclaimed th...

People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus

Personally, I think they nailed it.

Everyone argues over writing dates 2 October or October 2, either way

10/2 your own damn business.

A man and a woman argue over the custody of their child. The woman screams, "The child is mine! I birthed him from my own flesh and blood and carried him through labour! All you did was screw me, you don't deserve him!"

The man calmly replies, "Tell me, if I put ten cents in a vending machine and a drink pops out, does it belong to me or the vending machine?"

I’m going to hell for this.

You cant argue with people who like their beef well cooked

They are still chewing

A friend of mine likes to argue the case for walking around with his genitals exposed.

I don't agree but I can see where he's coming from.

Watching the first presidential debate was like watching two people who shouldn’t play with legos argue

One acted like he was under 4 years old and the other acted like he was over 99!

I never argue with my brother for the front seat

Last time i called shotgun, he drew one

Why don’t vegans argue with each other?

They don’t want any beef.

A man argued with his wife over whether or not he stood with a hunch

For months he maintained that his posture was fine. Finally, to prove her wrong, he made an appointment with a posture specialist.

When he returned, his wife asked if the specialist agreed with her and helped him.

He replied, “I stand corrected.”

It's hard to argue with a smart person

But it's impossible to argue with a dumb person.

What Do You Call Someone Who Argues About Sailboats?

A Mast-Debater!

You can't argue with dumb people, change my mind

You can't argue with dumb people, change my mind

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The coach grimaced as he watched his young ice hockey team. At one point during the game, he called one of his 7-year-old players aside and asked, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?" The little boy nodded affirmatively...

"Do you understand that what matters is not whether we win or lose, but how we play together as a team?"

The little boy nodded once more.

"So..." the coach continued. "I'm sure you know that when a penalty is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the referee, or call him a pecker-...

Rabbi John is arguing with three other Rabbis over a passage in the Torah.

He argues with them for over an hour before he says

Rabbi John: Alright you three think you're right and I think I'm right. Let's ask God.

The four men walk outside to a cliff, and John shouts to the sky


Rabbi John: God if I'm right send me a sign!


Storm clouds ...

A popular joke within the Jewish community: Four Rabbis are arguing late at night over a passage of the Talmud

Three of the four rabbis argue that the text proves humanity is inherently evil. The fourth rabbi argues that human consciousness means we can choose all of our actions without moral disposition.
After three more hours of arguing, the fourth rabbi shouts, “ADONAI, IF I AM CORRECT, GIVE ME A SIGN!...

Why should you never argue with a decimal?

It‘s because they always have a point.












apologies if repost

Kids Argue who’s dad is tallest!

Three kids showing off whos dad is tallest,

Kid 1 : my dad is as tall as empire state building.

Kid 2 : oh yeah? Well my dad is taller than the sky, even higher than the moon.

Kid 3: oh yeah? Does your dad reach and touch the planets up there?

Kid 2 : yeah of course
<...

Never argue with a fictional character

Their minds are completely made up

Nobody can argue that Trump is creating jobs.

A position as an Iranian general just opened up.

What do you call it when 2 people argue wheather kilos or pounds are better

Mutual mass debation

My wife and I used to argue about me kicking dropped ice cubes under the refrigerator....

But now it's just water under the fridge.

We argued all day about what to call a medieval soldier

But it was getting late so we decided to call it a knight.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

never argue with a woman who reads.....It”s likely she can also think.

In th AM husband returns the boat to their lakeside cabin after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up and begins to read a book. The peace and solitude...

I want to argue with flat earthers but...

I just feel like we're not on a level playing field

Was I a good husband?

A husband and wife had been married for 60 years and had no secrets except for one: The woman kept in her closet a shoe box that she forbade her husband from ever opening. But when she was on her deathbed—and with her blessing—he opened the box and found a crocheted doll and $95,000 in cash.

...

The average couple argues 268 times a year...

It's actually 265, but try telling her that!

Why do people in wheelchairs try to argue?

Their argument doesn’t even have legs to stand on

Today I argued with my pregnant wife and she said "I have two brains and you have one"

Too bad one's not fully developed



and the other is our child's.

Tom is applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad and is told to meet the inspector at the signal box.

The inspector decides to give Tom a pop quiz, asking: "What would you do if you realized that two trains were heading towards each other on the same track?"Tom says: "I would switch one train to another track.""What if the lever broke?" asks the inspector."Then I'd run down to the tracks and use the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pro tip: Don't argue with your spouse at night.

Its a waste of your fucking time.

The dead dog

A guy brought his dog into the vet. He didn't want to admit and accept the fact his dog died. The vet told the owner the dog is dead. The guy demanded a 2nd opinion. The vet gets a cat. The cat sniffs the dead dog and said "meow". The vet said the cat agrees the dog is dead. The owner demands a 3rd ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An English and an Irish farmer are arguing at their fence over Politics when along comes a chicken and lays an egg right on the fence boundary.

The English farmer exclaims "It's my egg, because it's my Chicken", and the Irish farmer replies with "Well, the egg is mostly on my side of the fence, so it's mine". They argue back and forth about an hour, until the Irish farmer comes up with a solution.

"To see who the strongest farmer is...

Elon Musk, Cristiano Ronaldo, a mailman, and the Dalai Lama are in a plane when suddenly they enter some extremely rough turbulence.

The pilot enters the room and says “Bad news, the plane is damaged too bad to fix. We have maybe 5 minutes before we’re going to have to abandon the plane.” Unfortunately, when they grab the parachutes, they see that one of them has an enormous rip through the middle and is unusable, which leaves f...

My friends have started a podcast where they argue about their cheese opinions

It's called "k......so?"

A couple of tourists are taking a tour of Moscow.

As they are walking, the husband feels a drop of water fall on his face. He turns to his wife and says “I think it’s raining.” “No, it is definitely snowing.” Replies his wife. They started to argue, and the husband says “let’s not bicker, let’s ask our tour guide Rudolph whether it is officially sn...

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