What would you call someone with the power to heal others but chooses to be evil?
The American Healthcare System
An Australian, and Irishman and a Brit were sitting in a bar. There was only one other person in the bar. The three men kept looking at this other man, for he seemed terribly familiar. They stared and stared, wondering where they had seen him before when suddenly the Irishman cried out:
My God! I know who that man is - it's Jesus!" The others looked again, and sure enough, it was Jesus himself, sitting alone at a table.
The Irishman calls out across the lounge: "Hey! Hey you! Are you Jesus"? Jesus looks over at him, smiles a small smile and nods his head. "Yes, I am J...
Two guys are sitting next to each other in a bar.
"You know," one says, "I love Guiness. It takes me back to Ireland, where I was raised."
"You're kidding!" says the second patron. "I was born in Ireland too!"
The men toast Ireland, laugh, and keep drinking. The bartender shakes his head.
"So where in Ireland are you from?" ...
When you're dead, you don't know you're dead. It's just hard for the others
It is the same when you are stupid.
I saw down a side alley a load of epileptics gathered in a circle, watching two others shaking in the middle together. I asked one of them, 'What the hell is going on?'
He said, 'First rule of fit club is, you do not talk about fit club'
It was the days of the Old West when an Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand, pulling a male buffalo with the other.
He says to the counter guy, "Want coffee."
"Coming right up," is the reply, and he gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee. The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere, tosses down a coin for the...
A woman who worked at a glory hole was asked if she preferred some members over others. Her response?
All in all it's just another prick in the wall.
A man suddenly appeared at the gates of Hell… (Story Joke)
He looked up to see the Devil sitting at a chair.
“Hello my friend,” The Devil said kindly, “How are you this fine eternity?”
“A bit confused,” the man replied, “I didn’t realise that I was dead.”
“I understand,” the Devil said sympathetically, “Why don’t you tell me how you go...
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Three vampires are having a competition to find out who's the most vicious vampire amongst them.
The first one says, “Watch this,"
He flies fast, at about 100 miles/hour. After 10 minutes, he comes back with blood all over his mouth.
“What happened?" asked the other vampires.
“Did you see that house over there?" he inquired....
My son was just born and another dad at the nursery congratulated me and said his daughter was born yesterday. He said; maybe they’ll marry each other
Sure, like my son is going to marry someone twice his age...
Some construction jobs are more interesting than others.
For example, drilling holes is boring but fastening metal plates together can be riveting.
One Christmas Eve, many decades ago, Santa Claus announced to his elves, "I'm supposed to begin my annual flight in one hour. But there are still some toys that need to be made and put into my sack. I need all seven of my elite toymakers to finish the toys on time."
"I'm so sorry, Mr. Kringle," said the elf in charge of the workshop. "One of the elite toymakers is on vacation, and two are sick. I'm afraid we only have four elites tonight."
"So be it," said Santa.
It took two hours for the elves to finish making the toys. By the time they were done...
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3 brothers own a cow, which suddenly dies.
The cow being almost a part of their family and a major income source for the family, the 3 brothers become very heartbroken and decide to commit suicide in the river. So they approach the river and are almost about to jump in when a fairy comes out of the river.
Fairy: "If anyone of you is ...