Can't Stop Jokes - 46 Hilarious Can't Stop Jokes

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Pringles: "Once you pop, you can't stop."

Why the are they resealable then?

I've got this awful disease where I can't stop making airport jokes.

The doctor says it's terminal.

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My Patient just told me this joke and i can't stop laughing

George was turning 90 this week and his friends thought of doing something special for him. So they planned to contact a high class service and send him a nice surprise.

On his birthday, around 9 pm, when he was alone at home, the doorbell rang. George thought - who could it b...

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What's it called when you can't stop doing cocaine? Addicted.

What's it like when you smoke every day? Addicted.

If you have a compulsion to bet your money on the horses, you are -- addicted.

Who invaded Ukraine? A did.

I've got this problem where I can't stop telling airport jokes

My doctor says it's terminal. I really hope this joke takes off and that it doesn't fly over anyone's head. Otherwise, it would be plane awful.

I can't stop listening to Daft Punk.

Just One More Time.

"Doctor, Doctor, I can't stop singing 'I Want It That Way'."

Doctor: "Tell me why."

I can't stop eating left-over Thanksgiving..

I guess I need to quit cold turkey.

I can't stop making puns

Some say it's a gift. Some say it's a punishment

I can't stop watching movies with strong female leads

I'm a heroine addict

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"Doc, you gotta help me. I can't stop singing 'What's New Pussycat'."

"Ah. That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."

"Is it common?"

"It's not unusual."

Doctor, doctor, I can't stop wearing transparent underpants.

Well, I can clearly see your nuts.

What do you call a telescope that can't stop running into stuff?

A kaleidoscope.

I just can't stop ogling at hot 18 year olds dressed in nothing but .

I could say I've a knicker teen addiction.

I have a problem- I can't stop cursing.

Whenever the most minor inconvenience happens to me, I just blurt out things like, "Bad luck upon your family for seven days."

I got bitten by a mosquito and now I can't stop singing "Nessun Dorma"

I think I might have male-aria.

A man goes to a doctor and complains "Every time i walk, i can't stop farting."

The doctor tells him to walk a few steps. He does, farting. The doctor tells him to walk slow. He does, still farting. After 5 minutes of walking and farting, the doctor walks out and returns with a long, hooked pole. "What the hell are you gonna do with that?!?" yells the patient." The doctor repl...

I just can't stop making dad jokes!

I don't know how much father I can go....

My friend can't stop rhyming when he speaks.

I think he's Seussophrenic.

What do you call a magic user that can't stop laughing?

A Wheezeard

I've got a terrible addiction, I can't stop eating deli meats.

I'm trying to quit cold turkey.

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What's it called when a teenager going through puberty, can't stop looking at breasts

An eye-dem- crisis

"Doctor, I can't stop my hands shaking!"

"Oh, do you drink very much?"

"No, I spill most of it."

I taught my brother how to make his own cheese and now he can't stop!

I created a muenster.

I can't stop my dog from digging in the garden.

I guess in the end I'll have to take the shovel from him.

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3 priests are out fishing on a boat..

One of them says "We should confess our sins to one another."

The first one says "I have a gambling problem, I sneak out at night and gamble away all my money..

The second one says "I have an addiction to and can't stop looking at it."

The third one says "I am a gossip and ...

I've been coughing and sneezing all day and now I can't stop singing old Frank Sinatra songs.

I think I've got crooner virus.

I can't stop making figurines of Frodo

It's hobbit forming.

What kind of person can't stop watching 'Fifty Shades of Grey'?

A colorblind synaesthesiac listening to the radio

Young boy: Mommy, Mommy I can't stop spinning in circles!

Mommy: Shut up, or I will nail your other foot to the floor too!

There's a new 12 step program for people who can't stop talking.

On-and-on-anon.

What's the name of the reindeer that's directly behind Rudolf? You know the one, he's just as fast as Rudolf but can't stop as fast.

Larry the Brown Nosed Reindeer

I've just discovered that I have a logic fetish.

I can't stop coming to conclusions.

I Can't stop watching doomsday films like The End of the World (1916), The War of the Worlds (1953), Strangelove or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964), The day the Earth stood still (1951) The Omega Man (1971)

It's like there's no tomorrow.

What do you call someone who can't stop reading Nancy Drew novels?

A heroine addict.

"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned..."

Me: "I can't stop singing Ladies."

Priest: "How long has it been since your last confession?"

Me: "It's been..."

My friend's new flame is in a wheelchair. Despite that he is madly in love and can't stop talking about her.

Personally i find her pretty lame.

There is a house on my street that I can't stop staring at.

It's front door is especially entrancing.

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A McDonald's grill operator starts kicking off about being underpaid.

He begins to beat the out of the other staff. The police arrive and he kicks their . The FBI turn up and he whips their too. The CIA, the military, even the U.S. Navy SEALs can't stop the guy.

The manager thinks for a moment, then pushes another grill operator into the fray who ...

My girlfriend thinks I'm insane and wants me to see a psychiatrist. She's threatening to leave me if I don't because I can't stop singing Gnarls Barkley.

Does that make me crazy?

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A 25 y.o. goes to her therapist...

Patient: "Doctor, I feel so bad lately, since I got my first raise at work, I can't stop taking cash outta my bank account and then go buy a bunch of useless stuff...

Doctor: "Hmm, can you describe more precisely how you are feeling?"

Patient: "Well, I get such a high when I take the m...

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The Rorschach Test (Classic)

A man goes to a Psychologist and says, "Doc I got a real problem, I can't stop thinking about ."

The Psychologist says, "Well let's see what we can find out", and pulls out his ink blots.

"What is this a picture of?" he asks.

The man turns the picture upside down then turns ...

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The younger son of a Danish farmer,

Couldn't inherit his parents farm, because his older brother got the farm.

So he moved to Texas to start his own farm there.

After working on the farm and expanding it for fifty years, he finally finds the time to visit his family back in Denmark.

And he can't stop bragging a...

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A Priest takes a walk down to the docks one day

and runs into a fisherman that attends his church. Upon hearing that the priest has a few hours off the fisherman invites him out to sea to fish with him.

Out at sea it doesn't take long for the fisherman to realize that the priest has no idea how to fish, so he gives him some quick instructi...

My girlfriend got the COVID vaccine and it seems like the main side effect is...

...that she can't stop talking about getting the COVID vaccine.

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.

I don't know what he laced them with but I can't stop tripping.

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