Some would say that putting decorative soaps that look like food in their bathrooms is cute.

But it leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy with no arms walks into a bathroom….

So there’s a guy washing his hands and the guy with no arms says “hey man I’m a lil embarrassed, do you think you could help me out.” So he says sure, unzips the guys pants for him pulls his wiener out for him and it’s just the grossest most disgusting thing he’s ever seen, it’s all red and has open...

When you really have to go to the bathroom, you become Scandinavian

First you're Russian there, then European, and then you're Finnish.

What type of instrument do you find in the bathroom?

A tuba toothpaste

Don't you hate it when you need to pay to use the bathroom?

I'll take my business elsewhere.

"How would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"

While teaching a class a teacher trying to teach good manners asked her students the following question:

"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"

Michael said: "Just a minute I have to go pee."...

The husband entered the shower, when his wife had just finished washing herself and left the bathroom.

Suddenly, the door-bell rang.
The wife quickly wrapped herself in a towel and ran to open the door.
A neighbour, Jack, was standing there.
Seeing the woman, he said: “I’ll give you 1000$, if you take off the towel”.
After thinking for 5–10 seconds, the woman took off the towel.
The ne...

A kindergartner asks to use the bathroom

Teacher: “sing the ABC’s, then I’ll let you go”

Kindergartner: “A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O Q R S T U V W X Y Z”

Teacher: “Where’s the P?”

Kindergartner: “It’s running down my pants!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man wakes up one morning and when goes to the bathroom, he looks in the mirror and sees a red dot on his forehead.

Over the next several days the dot grows progressively larger, so he goes to see his doctor.
The doctor examines him and exclaims, “My God, I’ve read about this but never thought I’d see it!”

Not liking the sound of this, the man asks, “what is it doctor? What’s wrong with me?”
...

I'm just like a pterodactyl in the bathroom...

Because my P is silent.

What did Spock find in the bathroom?

\-The captain's log

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One weekend, a husband is in the bathroom shaving when the local kid Bubba he hired to mow his lawn, comes in to pee.

The husband slyly looks over and is shocked at how immensely endowed Bubba is. He can't help himself, and asks Bubba what his secret is. "Well," says Bubba, "every night before I climb into bed with a girl, I whack my penis on the bedpost three times. It works, and it sure impresses the girls!" The ...

My tinder date invited me back to her house tonight, and while she was in the bathroom, I had a cheeky look in her wardrobe. Inside, there was a nurse outfit, a police woman's uniform and a full dominatrix bodysuit, so I quickly pulled on my pants and snuck out of there.

I don't want a girlfriend who can't hold down a job.

Why can't you hear a mime in the bathroom?

Because the pee is silent.

Did you hear about the blonde who got locked into the bathroom?

She was in there so long she peed her pants.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A software tester walks into a bar.

Runs into a bar.

Crawls into a bar.

Dances into a bar.

Flies into a bar.

Jumps into a bar.

And orders:

a beer.

2 beers.

0 beers.

99999999 beers.

a lizard in a beer glass.

\-1 beer.

"qwertyuiop" beers.
<...

Why didn’t the restaurants bathroom have urinals?

It was a sit-down restaurant

A Drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom.

A Few minutes later, a loud, blood-curdling scream is heard from the bathroom.

Then, nothing. But, after another minute or two, another loud scream reverberates through the bar.

The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate why the drunk is screaming.

"What's all the screa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you do when someone walks into the bathroom and starts taking a huge crap?

I asked him to let me stand up first, but by then he already had his hand in the bowl...

The “A” went to the bathroom and come out an “E”.

It must have had a vowel movement.

It's my cake day, so I wanna share my favorite joke :-)

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's party. He is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.

He forced himself to ...

Bert, at 75 years old, always wanted a pair of soft spike golf shoes like Freddie Couples, so seeing some on sale after his round, he bought them and he was so delighted with his purchase decided to wear them home to show the missus.

Walking proudly into the house, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, "Notice anything different about me?"

Margaret at age 73, looked him over and replied, "Nope."

Frustrated as all get out, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen...

There is a sign at the bar that says no glasses in the bathroom

That's really going to mess up my aim...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man decided to tattoo his wife's name on his penis before going to their honeymoon

When erect it proudly reads *Wendy* on the side of his shaft, but when soft it only shows *Wy*.

While on his honeymoon in the Caribbean, he is using the bathroom and notices the guy in the urinal next to him also has a *Wy* on his penis. He then asks the guy if his wife is named Wendy.
...

This weirdo in the bathroom tried talking to me while I was on the toilet.

Just because the stall door is open doesn’t mean I’m here to chat. Jeez, have some boundaries dude.

Three ants take shelter from the rain in somebodies bathroom.

The first ant says, “ I’m going to sleep in the sink”
The second ant says, “ I’ll sleep in the tub”
The third ant says, “ I’ll get the best sleep of all and sleep in the toilet!”

The next morning, the three ants wake up.
The first ant says, “ I slept great last night!”
The second...

If you’re over the age of 40 and prone to frequent trips to the bathroom, I’ve got bad news…

Urine trouble

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Don't bet Johnny NSFW

NSFW

One day Johnny's dad goes to school and talks to his teacher and says don't bet with Johnny. His teacher is puzzled.

That same day Johnny shows up and says to his teacher I bet you 25 dollars I can guess what color underwear you are wearing. His teacher laughs and agrees.

...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A elderly couple want to spice up their second life

They decide that the woman will take control for that evening.

She pushes the man to the bed and tells him to wait there while she gets changed in the bathroom.

She comes out a few minutes later wearing nothing but a cape, she stands there and yells SUPER VAGINA

The man replies ...

A little boy wakes up one night and realizes he needs to use the bathroom.

He runs downstairs to the living room, where his mother is having a party with her friends.

"I gotta pee!" yells the little boy. "I gotta pee!"

The mother takes her son to the bathroom. "Son," she says, "we do not yell the word 'pee' when grown-ups are around. Next time, just whisper, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Woman comes home and tells her husband...

"Remember those headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone."

"No more headaches?" The husband asks, "What happened?"

His wife replies, "Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat 'I do not have a headach...

What did the First Mate see when he went to the bathroom?

The Captains Log

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The appliances in a sexy woman's bathroom start arguing...

It all started when the bathtub was bragging he gets to see her naked everyday.
The sink piped up, "That's nothing. Daily oral. What guy could ask for more?"
The toilet flushed, "Amateur. I get both holes. Anal multiple times a day."
The tub, feeling like he shouldn't be beat by the toile...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call the Russian president when he’s in the bathroom?

Vladimir Poopin

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Cousin: "What are you doing in the bathroom?"

Me: "I'm losing my ass in a game of craps!"

Captan Kirk & Today’s Shuttle Launch

If William Shatner really wanted to go “where no man had gone before”, He should have just used the associates bathroom At the Amazon distribution center.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Thanks to the new scale in the bathroom I can finally check how much I poop."

"Oh, I see. So you're weighing yourself before and after and work out the difference."

"Ah. I guess that could work too."

When I’m about to run out of toilet paper I always bring two new rolls to the bathroom

an heir and a spare for the throne!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Old man goes up to a prostitute,

and says that he'll give her $100 to let him do weird things to her. She agrees and they go to a nearby motel. Inside the room she ducks to the bathroom to freshen up and undress,and comes back to find the old guy already in bed. She hops in with him,but to her surprise he doesn't touch her,and they...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two Americans named George and Ted were vacationing in London one day. While Ted was using the bathroom at a restaurant, George saw two familiar-looking men enter the restaurant.

"Where have I seen you before?" asked George.

"You may have read our stories," replied one of the two men. "I'm Dr. John Watson, and this is my roommate, Sherlock Holmes, who is absolutely perfect at logic."

"Logic?" asked George. "What's that?"

"Tell me something about yourself...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was offered sex with a 21 year old girl today.

In exchange, I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner. Of course I declined, because I am a person with high moral standards and strong willpower.


Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner. Now available with scented lemon or vanilla.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A mother, father, and 6-year-old son go to a zoo..

where they stop to see the elephant. While the father’s in the bathroom, the son notices one elephant has a rather large erection. Curious, he gets his mom’s attention.
“Mommy, what’s that hanging from the elephant?” “Oh, that’s its trunk honey.” “No, further back!” “Ah, you mean its tail!” “No, ...

What do you call it when you’re bathroom tile that you ordered online falls off the shipment truck due to company mismanagement?

e wrecked tile dysfunction

When you really have to pee, your Russian to the bathroom, when you walk out, you're Finnish, so what are you while you're inside?

European!

This was one of my dad's jokes

A woman was caught with drugs in her hand by a cop while in the bathroom of a nightclub

The woman swears that the drugs are not hers and promises that, "They aren’t mine - I found them here and I tried to flush them down the toilet. However, every single time I flush the drugs down the drain they just keep re-appearing magically in my hands or my pockets!"

The cop, obviously in ...

Why won't a pimp let his hookers use gas station bathrooms?

Because of the "no merchandise beyond this point" sign.

A man was walking home alone late one foggy night,

when behind him he hears:

BUMP!… BUMP!… BUMP!…

Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.

BUMP!… BUMP!… BUMP!…

Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, th...

Walmart Bathroom

I was in Walmart using the restroom and just as I closed my stall door, a voice from the next stall said, “Hi! How are you?”
Embarrassed... I said, “I’m ok!"
The voice said, "So what are you up to?”
I said, “Ummm... Just trying to handle a little private business over here!”
Then I h...

After months of putting it off, I finally replaced the mirror in the bathroom.

I just couldn't see myself using the other one.

You hear about the cop that found a glory hole in a public bathroom?

He received an anonymous tip

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Was in the bathroom the other day next to the guy that played Tyrion Lannister on Game of Thrones.

He wasn’t paying attention and pissed on my shoes. Damn that Peter Sprinklage.

Batman : You idiot Robin. You don't have to pee in the hall. There is a bathroom you stupid.

Robin : Sorry. What is a hroom.?

A woman was watching her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach

Thinking he was trying to weigh less with maneuver, she commented, "I don't think that is going to help." "Sure it will," he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers..

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Four soldiers are in a public bathroom...

An American soldier steps away from the urinal, turns on the water, uses five or six pumps or soap to wash his hands and takes a big wad of paper towels to dry them. He says to the others, "in the US Army, we are taught to use what we have to to get the job done".

A German soldier backs away ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A construction company builds a 5 stories apartment building but with no bathroom

A reporter asks the contractor:

"Why didn't you build any bathroom in the building?"

The contractor replies:
"The first floor is a kindergarten, they go potty so no need for a bathroom"

"The second floor is for high ranking officials, they've got people to wipe their ass fo...

What do you call it when you can’t make it to the bathroom in time?

A shartcut

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guy at the beach was surrounded by beautiful, horny women. They couldn’t keep their hands off of him! When he went to the bathroom, I walked up and asked his secret....he told me that he puts a potato in his swim trunks before coming to the beach.

So, the next day at the beach, I put a potato in my swim trunks but EVERYONE started to laugh at me!

The guy who told me his secret saw me and yelled:

“No! Put it in the *FRONT* of your trunks!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Caillou's dad goes to the doctor.

After a thorough examination, he asks: "So, doc. What's up with my chronic constipation?"

The doctor replies, "We've determined that it's because of your little asshole."

"I don't see how," he says. "I always lock the bathroom door to keep him out."

What do you get when you throw a grenade into a French Bathroom?

linoleon Blownaparte.

A waiter walks up to a man and asks..

Waiter: "Sir, are you ready to order?"

Man: "I am, but my wife is in the bathroom."

Waiter: "Well do you know what she's having?"

Man: "It's been 10 minutes so probably a number 2."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

George and Harriet decided to celebrate their 25th Wedding Anniversary with a trip to Las Vegas

When they entered the hotel/casino and registered, a sweet young woman dressed in a very short skirt became very friendly. George brushed her off. Harriet objected, "George, that young woman was nice, and you were so rude."

"Harriet, she's a prostitute."

"I don't believe you. That swee...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriends name is Wendy and I had it tattooed on my penis (NSFW)

My girlfriends name is Wendy and I had it tattooed on my penis.

When it’s flaccid you can only see WY.

On a trip to the Caribbean I went to the bathroom and was standing at the trough next to a local.

I briefly gazed down and saw that he too had WY tattooed on his penis.

...

Husband arguing with wife

This husband was complaining to a buddy that him and his wife were arguing and he hadn’t been home in a few days. His buddy told him what he does when he argued with his wife was to sneak into the house, lift the bottom of the sheets to the bed, and slide up until he was in between his wife’s legs a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My dad yelled this to me from the bathroom the other day: “Why does your poop taper?”

“So your asshole doesn’t slam shut.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A mother comes home from work to find that her kids are hiding behind the couch. She asks what's wrong, and the kids reply that Aunt Sally was in the house naked.

So she goes to her bedroom to investigate, and she finds her husband lying on the bed naked and sweaty. She asks, "What's going on?" He replies, "I'm having a heart attack."

She says "I'm going to call 911" and runs to the bathroom to get an aspirin. In the bathroom closet however, she disco...

I was washing my hands in a public bathroom yesterday and someone stole my mood ring

I don’t know how I feel about it...

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The five minute management course

THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE

Lesson #1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before ...

Why are the bathrooms so quiet at Pfizer headquarters?

....



Because the P is silent.
(a 12 year old told me this after I got my Pfizer vaccine)

I was sitting in a bathroom stall "doing my business", when suddenly the guy in the neighbour stall...

I was sitting in a bathroom stall "doing my business", when suddenly the guy in the neighbour stall started: **"Hey man, how are you doing?"**.



A little confused I replied: **"Ehm good, I guess."**



To my surprise the guy continued with: **"What ya doin'?"**


<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man's bathroom was broken and he really wanted to

A man's bathroom was broken and he really wanted to do a number 2. The best alternative he could think of was to do it on a bedsheet, grab the bedsheet and get rid of everything by throwing it out the window. It fell on a drunk man who was sleeping under his window. He woke up startled and he starte...

A University lecturer is struggling to please his wife in the bedroom

He notices that a student in his class, Andre, is always speaking to the female students and seems very popular with the ladies. One day after a lecture he approaches Andre.

'Things haven't been great in the bedroom with the wife and you seem to be popular with the ladies. Do you have any adv...

In my younger days, if I had to use the bathroom I could just hold it in.

Nowadays, Depend's

Went to the bathroom earlier and took a poo

not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.

Bathroom Tip

When *you're a pee'n* don't be *rush'n*.

How the grandkids view us old folks (Long)

1. She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under the watchful eyes of her young granddaughter, as she'd done many times before. After she applied her lipstick and started to leave, the little one said, "But Gramma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!" I will probably never put lips...

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Two Sacks...

A cop sees an old woman carrying two large sacks. One of the sacks has a hole and is leaking 20 dollar bills.

The cop asks the woman, “Where did an old lady like you get all of that money?”

She replies, “Well, there’s a golf course behind my house and when golfers need to go to the bat...

NSFW A 90 year old woman walks by her bathroom

A 90 year old woman walks by her bathroom on fall evening, and sees her 90 year old husband. He has a can of spray paint and is spray painting his nether regions. She stops and yells, “ You idiot! You’re supposed to turn your clock back!”

My Uncle John's Bathroom Reader calendar has these jokes from Philogelos ("Love of Laughter"), the oldest surviving joke book, dating back to the 4th century AD. They held up surprisingly well.

* A cheapskate wrote his will and named himself as the heir.
* An intellectual came to check in on a friend who was seriously ill. When the man's wife said that he had departed, the intellectual replied, "When he arrives back, tell him that I stopped by."
* An envious landlord saw how happy hi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his body extremely upset. Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode was another and stayed put. He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond belief.

A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently trying to get the unknown things off, and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.

As the drunk stood there, unsteady on his feet, staring down...

Jeffrey and Hillary were both patients at a mental hospital.

One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jeffrey suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Hillary promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jeffrey out.

When the Head Nurse became aware of Hillary's ...

I decided to call my bathroom Jim instead of John

So I feel better by saying "I went to the Jim this morning"

If you're in the UK, you go poo in the loo. So what do you do in the bathroom in Miami?

Cocaine

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young man turns 18

His uncle offers to take him to the local brothel for his birthday. The young man happily agrees hoping to finally lose his virginity.

They show up at the brothel and the young man is brought back to a private room by a very beautiful woman.

Woman: “You can undress and lay on the bed...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There is a smiling security guard in the bathroom at the strip club i go to... [Long]

Night or day doesnt matter, you go in and he just stares you down while you’re using the pisser with the biggest smile on his face.

Ive tried talking to him several times but he just stands there and smiles like the queens guard or some shit. I figured i would test him a bit and see what i c...

Everything's Big in Texas

A man walks into a hotel restaurant and sits down at the bar and orders a beer. When the beer comes it's the largest he's ever seen.

"Why is this so huge?" the man asks.

The bartender says, "Well everything's big in Texas!"

Then the man orders a cheeseburger, and this too is e...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Helpful Friend

A young man was planning to marry his high-school sweetheart. But he was shy and had never had sex with her or any other girl for that matter, so he was nervous about his wedding night.
He had a friend who had a reputation of being a lady’s man and a known track record of bedding more than his sh...

Why is it easy to accidentally walk in on the White House Press Secretary while she is in the bathroom?

The P is silent.

Why can't you hear a psychiatrist go to the bathroom?

Because the 'P' is silent.


I work in mental health and a patient told me this one the other day

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A sailor and a marine walk into a bathroom at a bar

They both do their business, the sailor goes to wash his hands -- the marine heads to the door. The sailor sees this and says "You know, in the NAVY they taught us to wash our hands after we use the bathroom". The marine looks back at him and says "Oh yeah? Well, in the marines they taught us not to...

You probably already know the one about pterodactyls not making noise going to the bathroom, cause the p is silent....

That just means urine on the joke.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Son said to me, “you spent a lot of time in the bathroom in high school, didn’t you?”

I answered “No, why? “

He says “cause that’s where all the dicks hang out.”

An emaciated man was found dead in his bathtub.

The apparent cause of death was starvation. Oddly, he still had enough food in his fridge, and no apparent mobility problems that would prevent him from getting to it. His relatives did not know of any mental problems either.

The best investigator in the city was called to the scene. She take...

If you’re American if you enter the bathroom and you’re American when you leave what are you inside the bathroom?

Euro-peein’

There is an elephant and a giraffe in the bathroom

The giraffe says "pass the soap, please"

And the elephant says "no soap, radio!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Big Hickey

A married man decided to work late to be with his sexy secretary, so he called his wife to make up an excuse. After work he invited his secretary to dinner. It soon became obvious that he was going to get lucky, so the two went back to her apartment and had great sex for two hours. Afterward the fel...

It's my cake day and I don't know any new jokes so. Here are some old jokes I use to love as a kid

1. What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?
Answer = A stick.

2. What does a cloud wear under his raincoat?
Answer = Thunderwear.

3. Two pickles fell out of a jar onto the floor. What did one say to the other?
Answer = Dill with it.

4. What time is it when the...

Where’s the bathroom again?

Where’s the bathroom again?
The doctor says, “Larry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?”

Larry replies, “God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Escaped prisoner robbing a Couple

After being in prison for 15 years, a man escapes. He breaks into a house to look for money & guns but finds a young couple in bed. He orders the man out of the bed ties him to a chair. He tied the girl to the bed and kisses her neck. Then he gets up & goes into the bathroom.
The husband ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An American tourist...

... visits Ireland. And after seeing his great-grandfather's grave, he goes to the local pub for a drink.

It's dark, dingy, and old.

After drinking a pint, he goes to relieve himself. Coming out, he walks up to the bar and says:

"I'm sorry, I have to make a complaint"

Th...

Two families try to cheat a train ticket fee

Two families were on a trip together. They both would be taking the train, and one family bought a ticket for every member. But the father of the other family said, "Hey, you wasted money. Watch us."

That father bought only one ticket. Then he and his family boarded the train. When a PA...

A monocle walks into a bar.

After a few drinks he starts to feel pretty good (and a little uncoordinated). He reaches for a cigarette, but the bartender stops him. "Sorry, buddy, but due to city ordinances we don't allow smoking in here. You'll have to step outside to smoke."

So the monocle hops off the bar stool and gr...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man wanted to try 69 with his girlfriend

Right in the middle the man realizes he has a dentist appointment. So he pops up and heads to the bathroom. He brushes his teeth 3 times. He uses mouth wash twice and flosses once for good measure.

He gets to the dentist office just in time and his dentist calls him in. Dentist says open wid...

Fresh Paint

A man decides to take the opportunity while his wife is away to paint the toilet seat. After he finished, he headed to the kitchen to raid the refrigerator. The wife comes home sooner than expected, and heads to the bathroom, sits down, and gets the toilet seat stuck to her rear.

She becomes...

Why do pirates get angry after going to the bathroom?

Without their P they're irate

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bathroom Humor

So what do you call a Turd that's over 18 inches long and unbroken?

An accomplishit

My wife accused me of being immature in the bathroom

Hell’ She’s the one who keeps sinking my rubber ducks

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If sex were free...

We'd ALL be screwed.

(saw in a bathroom stall)

HaPpy hUMp dAy

Man hires a hooker to try 69 for the first time

A man hires a hooker and they go back to his hotel.

Man: "I have never had a 69 before".

Hooker: "okay lets try that."

They get into position and she farts.

Hooker: "o i'm sorry, i don't know whats gotten into me."

she goes into the bathroom to freshen up. she...

A couple had been dating for a few months.

And they decided to consummate the relationship.

As they were driving to the hotel the man says, “Just so you know I am really nervous about doing this, you see I am built like a baby boy down there.”

She replies, “OMG I bet that was really hard to to confess too! And I am so relieved...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two married buddies are out drinking one night…

when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the sta...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did a hotdog say when it had to go to the bathroom?

Must turd

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes to a bar and gets so drunk he pukes all over himself...

... He starts panicking because he was worried his wife was going to leave him for this.

Another person at the bar told him to say someone puked all over him, and put $20 in your shirt and tell him he gave you that to cover the cleaning. The man thinks it's a good idea and decides to give it ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I’ve designed a bathroom stall door that will open for everyone except British detectives.

It’s called a No Shit, Sure-Lock.

How does Santa keep his bathroom so spotless & clean?

He uses Comet.

Hygiene

Women issues

I was due for an appointment with the gynecologist later in the week. Early one morning, I received a call from the doctor's office to tell me that I had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 am. I had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already aroun...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I told my friend that sometimes after you go to the bathroom, you can wipe yourself and the toilet paper comes up completely clean

He said “no shit”

My wife replaced the burned out bulb in the bathroom.

Ever since then I have been seeing myself in a new light.

What happens in a library bathroom?

People take shhhhhhhits

Survey

A recent survey was conducted to discover why men get out of bed in the middle of the night: Five percent said it was to get a glass of water. Twelve percent said it was to go to the bathroom. Eighty-three percent said it was to go home.

Three lawyers and three engineers are travelling by train to a conference.

The three lawyers buy a ticket each while the engineers by only one. The lawyers laugh at the engineers crying how can three people travel by train using only one ticket. The engineers respond with “you’ll see”.



They all board the train and the lawyers take a seat while the engineers ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little boy runs to his mother yelling "Mommy, dad hung himself in the bathroom!"

Panicked mom runs to the bathroom only to see it's empty. "Haha Aprli Fools!" laughs the boy "He hung himself in the basement."

A doctor is eating a late lunch at his favorite Chinese restaurant when he hears the dreaded words:

"Is there a doctor in the building?!"

He strides to the back where he sees the manager and a patron who looks pale and shaky.

"We've just had two people come down with some kind of sickness," the manager says, "the lady here, and another gentleman in the bathroom."

"How do you ...

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