An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night. The man replies, "I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."

The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?" The man replies, "That would be my wife."

I told my son to stop playing Russian roulette but you know how it is with kids...

In one ear, out the other

Dear algebra, stop asking us to find your x

She's not coming back. And don't ask y.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend told me to stop watching porn, saying it degrades women.

Joke's on her, the porn I watch doesn't have any women in it.

A man walks up to a pregnant woman at a bus stop

“When is it due” he asks.

“Two weeks” she replies.

“I guess I’ll just walk then” he responds.

A man stops into a biker bar for a drink

As he is sitting there staring at his drink a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to him, grabs his drink and gulps it down in one swig.

"Well, whatcha gonna do about it?" he says, menacingly and the man burst into tears.

"This is the worst day of my life!" he says "I'm a complet...

My Friend Asked Me to Stop Singing “I’m a Believer”. I Thought She Was Joking...

But then I saw her face

Trump, walking and arguing with a critic, stops a random person in the street to ask their opinion on the matter at hand.

Trump: Sir, maybe you can settle something for us; what do YOU think of how I performed as president of the United States?

Random Guy: Monumental

Trump: Thank you sir, you've been very helpful!

(To the Critic) See?! What did I tell you?

Critic: uhhhhh...that guy was Jama...

How do you stop a fight between 2 blind people?

You scream: “I bet 10 dollars on the guy with the knife!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A cop on a horse stops a little girl riding her bicycle down the street

The cop asks the little girl "hey, did Santa get you this bike for Christmas" to which the little girl proudly replies "well, he sure did!"
The cop chuckles and says "well then, next year tell Santa he should put a reflector on the back" and gives the girl a $5 fine.
The little girl seems ups...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Last stop on the masturbation train!

All passengers getting off

How to stop the church gossip

Mildred, the church gossip and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several members did not approve of her activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.

She made a mistake, however, when she accused Frank, a new m...

I saw my dwarf neighbour at the bus stop this morning.

He seemed to be waiting for the bus, so I said, 'Jump in, I'll give you ride.'

He said 'Go to hell', so I thought he was very ungrateful.

But then I just zipped up my backpack and kept walking.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guy walks into a bar with a box under his arm, sets it on the bartop and orders a beer. Curious, the bartender asks about the box and the man replies 'it's my pet octopus. He just got done teaching music lessons so I stopped in for a drink on the way home.'

Bartender doesn't believe it and asks for proof.
"Sure," the man says. "bring me any instrument, and this octopus will play it beautifully."

Bartender produces several instruments from behind the bar, and the man opens up the box, sets the octopus on the bar and it immediately begins playi...

I was going to make a joke about Bill and Melinda Gates’ divorce today, but I stopped myself...

It’s not really PC

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I told my wife that I was going to stop running around my local roads and join a gym instead.

“Why?” she asked. “You’re in much better shape than you were before, and it hasn’t cost a cent!”

“Yes” I replied, “But I’m tired of having to outrun that fucking coyote.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many redditors does it take to change a lightbulb?

How many redittors does it take to change a lightbulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

7 to caution about the dangers ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I've tried to stop swearing

But I cunt

Two blondes wait at a bus stop

Two blondes wait at a bus stop.

A bus pulls up and opens the door.

One of the blondes leans inside and asks the driver, "Will this bus take me to 5th Avenue?"

The bus driver shakes his head and says, "No, I'm sorry."

The other blonde leans inside and asks, "How about ME?"

I've stopped burning bridges in my life

because they make them out of steel now.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A limbless woman crying on the beach.

A limbless woman is sitting on the beach crying as a man approaches her.

“What’s wrong?” He asks.

“I’ve never been hugged before...” she responds.

The man hugs her and she stops crying for a second. Then the man walks away and the woman continues crying.

A little whil...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm writing a film about a guy with a time machine who tries to stop Hitler's parents from meeting ...

I'm calling it 'Back to the Fuhrer'.

I Can't stop watching doomsday films like The End of the World (1916), The War of the Worlds (1953), Strangelove or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964), The day the Earth stood still (1951) The Omega Man (1971)

It's like there's no tomorrow.

A Korean immigrant was beaten up by police after they asked for his name and registration papers during a routine traffic stop.

"I never have received seen such bad behaviour by cops" said Mr Fuuk Yu.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A trucker who has been out on the road for two months stops at a brothel outside Atlanta.

He walks directly up to the Madam, drops down $500, and says, "I want your ugliest woman and a grilled cheese sandwich!" The Madam is astonished. "But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my prettiest ladies and a three-course meal." The trucker replies, "Listen darlin’, I’m not horny –...

Every evening, after they were finished with their work at the diamond mines, on their way home to their cottage, the seven dwarves would stop at a bar.

The bartender knew that the dwarves all liked hazelnut daiquiris, so every time the dwarves arrived at the bar, he would make sure that they all had hazelnut daiquiris.

One afternoon, when the bartender was making the daiquiris, he realized that he only had enough hazelnut extract to make six...

Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each...

The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them.

The man bought thousands at $10 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He further announced that he would now buy at $20. This renewed the efforts of ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Odin and Thor were walking through a canyon with a large group of warriors when Odin stopped Thor and signaled him to be quiet and listen.

After a moment, Odin shouted into the wilderness, “IS THAT YOU, VAL?”

Thor stood waiting and listenin, then whispered, “All-Father, I didn’t hear anything.”

Odin replied, “I thought I heard Val holla.”

Thor listened again. “What did Val say?”

Odin replied, “It was just...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you feed a woman to stop her from giving blowjobs?

Wedding cake

I stopped liking my friend after he had to have his feet amputated.

I seem to be lack-toes intolerant..

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy goes to the doctor for his physical. The doctor says to him, “Well, for starters, you’re going to have to stop masturbating.”

The guy asks, “Why?”
And the doctor replies, “Because Good God, man! I’m trying to give you your physical!”

Obligatory Cake Day post. Thank you.

My girlfriend asked me to stop singing Wonderwall all the time

I said maybe

Got stopped on the highway today...

Officer : "Any drugs, alcohol?"

Me : "No thanks !!! I got everything. "

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Tourist in Spain stopped at a local restaurant following a day of sightseeing. While sipping his Cava Sangria, he noticed a sizzling, delicious looking platter being served at the next table.

Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, "What is that you just served?"
The waiter replied: "Ah, Senor. You have excellent taste! Those are bulls testicles from the bull fight today. A delicacy!"
The tourist said, "What the hell, I'm on vacation! Bring me a...

My wife said she'd leave me if I didn't stop speaking in Scooby Doo references...

Alright gang, let's split up.

We need to stop making jokes about common uses for rubber.

It's a tired subject.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Stop sexualizing women.

Just like them as a hole person.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man was having sex with his wife and stops suddenly...

A man was having sex with his wife and stops suddenly, then continues again after a minute or so. He did this a few times.

His wife getting frustrated asked him what was he doing. He replied, you silly you don't know anything, I have seen this in porn. Its called buffering...

Why did Jack the Ripper stop killing people?

He was taking a stabbatical.

My doctor has advised me to stop drinking.

It's going to be a massive change for me.

I've been with that doctor for 15 years.

A bee that won’t stop eating

Will become a little chub-bee

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend said she was looking at ninja stars online. I told her to stop being racist.

They're just called Japanese actors.

In Jerusalem, a female journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Wailing Wall to pray, twice a day, everyday, for a long, long time. So she went to check it out.

She went to the Wailing Wall and there he was!

She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, she approached him for an interview.

“Sir, how long have you been coming to the Wall and praying?”

“For about 60 years.”

“60 years! That’s amazing! Wha...

My 5 year old made up a joke that I can't stop laughing at.

This joke came from my 5 year old, we have been saying knock knock jokes back and forth and he tells me his jokes that don't make sense. Today he told me this one and I don't think he realizes how funny it is. Here it is in his original wording.

*Knock knock*

Who's there?

Nobody...

A soldier in WWII was shot but coins in his pocket stopped the bullet.

It was his life savings.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man drives up to a stop sign and rolls through it.

Shortly after a cop pulls him over. The cop asks, “Do you know why I pulled you over?” The man says, “No”. The cop says, “ You ran a stop sign back there”. The man says, “OK, but I slowed down though”. The cop then asks, “Could you please step out of the vehicle, Sir?” The man gets out of his...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An RCMP officer stopped at Sandy Bay First Nations and talked to an elderly Indigenous gentleman standing on the road.

He told the old man, "I need to inspect this land for illegally grown drugs."

"Okay," the elder said reluctantly, "but don't go into that field over there...", as he pointed to the location. The officer verbally exploded & said, "look mister, I have the authority of the federal government...

I left my girlfriend because she wouldn't stop counting

I wonder what she's up to, now...

Please can we stop with the ur mom jokes, they are getting really boring and are doing my head in

Just like ur mom

A man gets stopped by a game warden with his basket full of fish.

Warden: do you have a permit for all these fish?

Man: no sir. These are all my pet fish

Warden: your pet fish? How’s that?

Man: well, every night I take all my pet fish for a walk to the lake, I let them swim for about a half hour, and then I whistle and they all come back and j...

Heisenberg and Schroedinger are driving together, but they get stopped by a police officer.

The officer asks, "Did you know you were driving at 75 mph?"

Heisenberg sighs, "Oh great, now we're lost."

The cop is unhappy, and checks the car's trunk. He asks, "And why is there a dead cat in here?"

Schroedinger grumbles, "Well there is NOW!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife complains about constantly being sexually harassed at work

I told her she can stop working from home and go back to the office if she doesn’t like it

When you turn 18 your body stops using your kidneys.

And they start using their adult knees.

The only cow in a small town in USA stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow from BC Canada for 1,000 dollars, or one from Alberta Canada for 800 dollars. Being poor, they bought the cow from Alberta. The cow was wonderful.

It produced lots of milk all the time, and the people were amazed and very happy. They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows like it. Then they would never have to worry about the milk supply again.

They bought a bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved...

I noticed a man passed out drunk so I stopped to check he was breathing I can confirm he was breathing.

I also checked his pockets and I can confirm he now has no money.

I need to stop eating my troubles away ,

said the hamster mother of six, five, four...

Did you hear about the musician that refused to stop playing?

He ended up being put under arrest!

Two men are going golfing, when one stops by the pro shop...

"I need to get a sleeve of balls, you want me to pick you up some"



"No thanks. I just need this one."



"Just one ball? What if you hit it deep into the woods?"



"Well, it makes a whistle after you hit it. Can't lose it. I only need this one."

...

I was air drumming some Metallica at a stop light.

I lost a drumstick out the window and quickly changed to Def Leppard.

Stop asking how Dumbo flies

The answer is ear elephant

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man books a Doctor's appointment for his huge penis.

He books the appointment with the doctor and goes into to see him and explains,

"D-d-d-d-docter I have a really bad s-s-s-stutter caused by all the b-b-b-b-blood going to my huge p-p-p-p-penis"

The doctor takes a look and can see that is the case. They come to an agreement that the man...

101 ways to stop eating meat...

Number 34: Cold Turkey

Placing three armed veterans in each school will stop school shootings

The shooter will see people with three arms and freak out.

My wife told me she would leave me if I didn't stop pointing out ways to exit a room.

I said, "OK, there's the door"

A gorilla walks into a bar

A gorilla goes into a bar and orders a martini. This totally amazes the bartender, but he thinks, "What the heck, I guess I might as well make the drink." So he mixes the martini. He then walks back over to the give it to the gorilla, and the animal is holding out a twenty-dollar bill. Well, no...

An photon was walking through customs, and gets stopped by a TSA officer

The woman says “where are your bags?”
The photon replies “I’m traveling light”

"When drums stop...very bad."

An English explorer was trekking through a remote jungle with a local wise man he had hired as a guide. Two days into their journey, far from civilization, they began to hear the faint, slow beating of drums in the distance.

*Dum. Dum. Dum. Dum.*

The Englishman said to the wise man, “I...

I have an addiction to making references to random Bruce Willis movie titles. People have tried to help me stop but you know what they say. Old habits...

Pulp Fiction

Stop using shampoo!!!!

Insist on REAL poo!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Doctor: You really have to stop masturbating!

Patient: Why?

Doctor: Otherwise I can‘t do the examination.

Homeless people fight hard to stop Covid

I always see them vaccinating themselves.

When matter gets chilled it's often slows down to a stop

Does this imply the existence of a super chilled out version of my dad that doesn't beat me?

I've got this problem where I can't stop telling airport jokes

My doctor says it's terminal. I really hope this joke takes off and that it doesn't fly over anyone's head. Otherwise, it would be plane awful.

My mom said that I should stop looking at the sun

I, personally, don't see any problem with that.

Why did humanity fail to stop global warming?

It was too polarizing

Have you ever stopped and realized drinking water through a straw is . . .

the opposite of snorkeling.

If everyone stopped paying taxes...

The government couldn't afford to do anything about it.....

Why did the river not stop flowing?

Because it couldn't be dammed.

What did the chef say he couldn't stop cooking and burnt the food?

Sorry, I got curried away!

As a paraplegic I wish the wheelchair jokes would stop

I can't stand them

The policeman stopped the blond's car

- show me your driver's license please

-What's that?

-That thing with a picture of you on it. Im sure you have it somewhere in the car.

The blond starts searching for her license. After a few minutes she notices herself in the mirror. "Ah, the picture of me, here it is!" She bre...

I got stopped by a woman cop with "LAPD" on her cap

I said, where's your colleague with "ANCE" on hers?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A charity worker stopped me in the street and asked if I fancied taking part in a marathon.

I was going to say no but he told me it was for disabled kids and children with severe learning difficulties.

I thought “Fuck me, I might actually win this!”

Two old ladies were sitting at a bus stop smoking cigarettes...

Suddenly it begins to rain. Old lady #1 pulls a condom out of her purse and slips it over her cigarette and continues smoking. Impressed, old lady #2 says, "Whad'ya call that thing and where can I get one?" "You mean this cigarette cover? I get mine down at the pharmacy," Says old lady #1.

So...

So my wife is fed up with my dad jokes and asked me to stop telling them.

Me: how do you want me to stop?
Wife: whatever means necessary.
Me: ...? No it doesn't.

Traffic stop

Cop says to motorist: “Your eyes look a little red. Have you been smoking marijuana?”

Motorist: “No. Your eyes look a little glazed. Have you been eating donuts?”

Best Husband Ever!

The Perfect Husband:
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker- function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: “Hello”

WOMAN: “Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”

...

Seriously people need to stop with the pi day jokes.

I've heard them all like 3.14 million times already

Got stopped by police last night. They asked me if I had a police record

Yes, walking on the moon from 1979

TSA stopped me while I was boarding my flight and said “Sir, you can’t bring that crow onto the aircraft.”

I said “Don’t worry. It’s a carrion.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear the one about the dad who told his son to stop masturbating or else he'll go blind?

His son said, "Dad, I'm over here."

A girl tells her mother after school ‘Mum, I got a gold star today for reciting the whole alphabet! The rest of my class only knows 3 or 4 letters!

‘Well done darling’ the girl’s mother replies. ‘That’s because you’re blonde.’
After returning from school the next day the girl tells her mother ‘I am the smartest student in my maths class! I can count up to 15! Everyone else stopped at about 5’
‘Well done’ replies the mother again. ‘That’s ...

The penguin and the mechanic

A penguin is driving a rental car through Arizona when, suddenly, the air conditioner stops working. The penguin, frantic with the heat, swerves into the first car repair shop he sees.

Penguin jumps out yelling, "Quick, quick! Drop everything and fix my air conditioner. I'm literally dying...

Two wives go on a girl’s night out and they have to stop to take a dump on the way home.

All the shops and restaurants are closed and there’s nowhere they can go in their busy city. The only bit of grassland they can find nearby is the local church cemetery.


After they’ve both gone in the corner of the cemetery, they realise they have nothing to wipe with. One uses her pantie...

My wife had asked me to stop using police related puns..

I guess I’ll give them “ arrest”.

PLEASE stop asking Santa for the perfect woman.

I was almost kidnapped three times today.

Girl: Come over

Guy: I'm coming over

Girl: We should stop using Walkie-Talkies in bed over

I went to the beach yesterday and stopped at this stall with a sign that said "Lobster Tails $1".

I thought that was a good deal, so I gave the man the money and he said "Once upon a time there was a lobster..."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I love the look on the poor sods faces when I drive by them and they're pissed wet through and freezing cold at the bus stop

Partly why I took the job as a bus driver tbh

The engine on the airplane sputters to a stop

The captain comes over the intercom.
"Attention passengers we've had a minor problem with one of our engines but we have three more and will only be a little late arriving at our destination".
A short while later another engine grinds to a halt with a small train of smoke coming from it. Again...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff.

A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff. He thinks he's smarter being a big shot lawyer from New York and has a better education than an sheriff from West Virginia. The sheriff asks for license and registration. The lawyer asks, "What for?" The sheriff responds, "You didn't come ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife asked me to list my sexual partners, in order.

I guess I should have stopped at her name.

I can't stop telling airport jokes

My doctor says it's terminal

I really wish people would stop talking about my problematic past.

It’s time to talk about my problematic future.

Jewish man gets stopped at a checkpoint in Ireland by two Irishmen with rifles.

Jewish man gets stopped at a checkpoint in Ireland by two Irishmen with rifles.

"Eh, what are ya, protestant or catholic?"

Man: "I'm jewish!"

Guard: (pauses, confers with fellow guard)

"Jewish catholic or jewish protestant?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How does a dog stop a video?

By hitting the paws button!

What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants...?

One's a crusty bus station and one's a busty crustacean.

Did you hear about the guy who suddenly stopped smoking and moved from Istanbul to Singapore last winter?

He quits cold turkey.

A priest, an alcoholic, and an engineer are sentenced to death.

They are to be killed by the guillotine.

First is the priest. The executioner says "You can go on the guillotine either face up or face down". The priest says "I want to die face up, looking up to the heavens". So the priest lies face up. The executioner releases the blade; the blade falls ra...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is walking home one night when a woman stops him and says, "twenty dollars." He had never been with a prostitute before, but he decided to do it.

They are going at it for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them.

“What’s going on here?” asks a police officer.

“I’m making love to my wife,” the man says.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” says the cop, “I didn’t know.”

“Neither did I until you turned on that light."

I had to stop taking my dog to the park, because the ducks kept biting him.

Should have known this would happen. He's pure bread.

An old man was eating in a truck stop

when three rough-looking bikers walked in. As they passed the old man, the first biker pushed his cigarette into the old man's pie, then laughed and took a seat at the counter. The second biker picked up the old man's milk and spit into it. The third biker turned over the old man's plate before join...

Why did the chicken stop in the middle of the road.

Because his wife left him.

Why did the farmer stop stuffing goats into his truck?

There was no more ruminant.

Ever since I bought $GME shares, my wife won’t stop boiling chickens.

She likes the stock.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is driving home when he spots the most stunningly beautiful redhead trying to hitchhike. He stops next to her, but just as he does an old man jumps out of the bushes and points a shotgun at him...

He points both barrels at the man and yells "Start jerking off!"

"W-WHAT?!" Yells the man

"Start jerking off or I'm taking your head clean off your shoulders!"

The man desperately unzips his pants and begins to masturbate, after a solid hour he pleads for the man to let him go...

An officer stops a car and asks the driver: "Drivers licence, please!"

"I gave it to you 6 months ago. Please don't say you lost it already?"

Depressed people should stop feeling that they are a burden for other people

that’s our job

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table.

A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude."

With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama need...

Why did the cyclops stop teaching?

He only had one pupil.

Police stops a man and says, "You're supposed to be wearing glasses"

Man: I have contacts.

Policeman: I don't give a damn who you know.

What is the opposite of Le Stop?

Lego

To the game stop hedge fund investors: I know you spent 70 billion.

But the best I can offer you is $4 in credit.

My girlfriend left a note on my PS4 today. My heart stopped beating because it said "This isn't working"

Imagine my relief when I turned it on and it worked just fine.

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court. In court the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,'" asked the lawyer.

Farmer Joe responded, "Well. I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favourite donkey Bessie into the... "I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted, "just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'". Farmer Joe said, "Well, I had just got Be...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bus stops and two Asian men get on.

A bus stops and two Asian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but she listens in horror as one of the men says the following:

"Emma come first. Then I come. Two asses, they come together. I co...

A man goes to a doctor and complains "Every time i walk, i can't stop farting."

The doctor tells him to walk a few steps. He does, farting. The doctor tells him to walk slow. He does, still farting. After 5 minutes of walking and farting, the doctor walks out and returns with a long, hooked pole. "What the hell are you gonna do with that?!?" yells the patient." The doctor repl...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

People need to stop telling blonde jokes!!!

The blondes are really pissed off and have bought thousands of septic tanks. As soon as they figure out how to drive them, they are going to attack us!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman grants her mother's unusual dying wish.

She specifically requested pictures of her right foot be sent to an address in Rhode Island.

A couple of days later, she realizes that reversed pictures of her mother's *left* foot were sent instead. Unsure of the importance, but determined to fulfill her wishes, the woman travels to Rhode Is...

I was about to make love to my to my girlfriend for the first time. I stopped and said "wait, you should know I have herpes". She said "I don't care, I love you so much it's worth the risk". I replied:

I love you too. But please don't make a rash decision.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two kids in a trench coat walk into a bar

Two kids in a trench coat walk into a bar trying to get served and the bartender doesnt notice and serves them a beer.

The bartender then makes his way to the other end of the bar where two regulars are having a heated debate. One regular says "my dick is so big my wife calls it 'knowledge' c...

Stop me if you’ve heard this one before

All of Reddit: STOOOOOOOOOOP!!!!

The police just stopped by and told me my dogs were chasing people on bikes.

I didn’t even know my dogs had bikes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

DEA agent stopped at our farm yesterday.

“We are going to need to search your land for illegally grown drugs.” He said

“That’s fine, but don’t go into that field over there” I replied.

Agitated by this, the officer explodes saying, “do you see this god damn badge son?! This badge means I can go where I please, when I please,...

I got bitten by a mosquito and now I can't stop singing "Nessun Dorma"

I think I might have male-aria.

What did the doctor say to the guy who couldn't seem to stop drinking his own pee?

Urine addict

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A policeman stops a truck driver who is driving backwards on a narrow mountain pass.

When asked what this is all about, the truck driver replies: "I have a load for a village at the top of the mountain. My boss says it's so narrow there that I can't turn around". The policeman lets the truck driver go ahead.
Later, the policeman sees the truck driver reversing on the road again...

The machine at the coin factory I work for stopped working.

It doesn't make any cents!

Ladies please stop asking Santa for the perfect man

That fella has tried to kidnap me 4 times this week

People warned me not to get a tattoo of anyone's name, in case I stopped loving that person after a week, month, year, etc.

Does anyone know of a really good tattoo removal service where can get my kid's name completely erased?

STOP THE COUNT!!!

* sorry, typo

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three men are walking through the woods when they find an old, battered lamp.

One of them picks it up, rubs it, and out pops a genie.

"After all these years, I'm finally free!" the genie booms. "You know what, it's been so long that I'll make an exception and grant each one of you 3 wishes."

The first guy immediately blurts out, "I want a billion dollars!" In a ...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.