I was digging a hole in my backyard when I found a box filled with gold.

I was so excited that I ran inside to tell my wife. Then I remembered why I was digging the hole in the first place.

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.

She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton-balls and a ball of string on the counter.
The sales girl says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?"
He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my w...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man brings home a box of flavoured condoms.

“All of these condoms are flavoured like bags of crisps” He tells is wife. “I bet you can’t guess the flavour by taste alone with a blindfold on”.

“Go on then, I bet I can” says his wife.

She puts a blindfold on, gets on her knees and reaches for his dick. She puts it in her mouth and...

Life is like a box of chocolates

It doesn’t last very long if you’re fat

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What did Netflix do when they found uncensored shots of Sandra Bullock's vagina in Bird Box?

Bandersnatch.

I'm sorry.

A guy in NY orders a taxi to go cross state. The taxi pulls up, and he gets, carrying a large box which he puts in the back.

They set out driving, while the guy is looking at the box nervously every ten minutes or so. When they get to New Jersey, the man calls his wife. ''Hi honey, yes, they did give me the jewelry. I'll have it priced in Atlanta, it'd probably be 200 thousand or so. I'll call you when I'm done''.
...

For his 70th birthday, one of his students gave the zen master a big box with a ribbon around it.

When the master opened the box, he found that there was nothing inside.

"Aha," he exclaimed, "just what I wanted!"

Netflix is making a sequel to Bird Box.

It's called Chicken McNuggets.

Hey Girl are you a P.O box ?

Cuz I heard u like to have mails inside you

I told my wife she can have the safe deposit box with the five hundred grand after the divorce.

She got really excited about those candy bars.

I found a vintage Altoids box from the 60s in my attic,

it was in mint condition

After hearing about this “bird box” challenge craze, I had to try it.

Vhjddb jkgfgg kbccv vdcs kllnd.

Fox Mulder, Dana Scully, and her brother Bill are at Mulder's house party. They all gather around a pizza box with only 3 slices left.

SCULLY: Mulder, there isn't enough for each of us to have two. You'll have to share.

MULDER: I want two. Bill, leave.

I woke up this morning and was surprised to find a huge box of LEGO blocks sitting on my front porch.

I have no idea what to make of it.

If you have enough money, always buy the big box of condoms

That way you will always have one during hard times.

When are claustrophobic people thinking at their best?

When they think outside the box.

Girls in Bangkok are like a box of chocolates.

You never know which one has nuts.

Everybody is doing the “Bird Box” challenge

I wish they would just do the “A Quiet Place” challenge and shut up

Life is like a box of chocolate

You don't expect to get lemons out of them

In the Store with my wife I saw a box of beer on offer for half price so I said can I have them? she said no, budget is tight, I said well you just bought lots of makeup, she replied, that is to make me look beautiful, I replied..

That is what the beer was for.

A drunken man staggers in to a Catholic church and sits down in a confession box and says nothing.

The bewildered priest coughs to attract his attention, but still the man says nothing. The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak. Finally, the drunk replies: "No use knocking' mate, there's no paper in this one either."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I always have a box of tissues near my computer...

I cum prepared.

A buddy of mine has box seats for the upcoming Super Bowl

He paid $2500 each for them, but when he bought them months ago, he forgot didn’t know that the Super Bowl would be on the same day as his wedding. So he’s looking for someone to take his place. It’s at the St. Andrews church on Queen St at 4:30 pm. The brides name is Nicole, is 5’3” 105 lbs and is ...

Math is like a box of chocolates

It's better to use your fingers

I asked a pretty, homeless women if I could take her home. She smiled and said yes.

The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked away with her cardboard box.

Crazy ex-girlfriends are like a box of chocolates

They kill your dog

The Original Bird Box Challenge

Is Getting up to Pee at 4am

My dad used to let me put my pocket money in a locked box under the stairs.

I was 15 before I realised it was the electric meter!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What's worse than a cardboard box?

Paper tits

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I will never clean a litter box

that’s pussy shit

My husband bought me a dress for my birthday.

He’s been on me about losing weight, so the dress was 2 sizes too small for me. When he handed me the box, he said “I’m looking forward to seeing you in this.”

For his birthday, I gave him a coffin.

You must be one of the creatures from Bird Box.

Just the sight of you makes me want to kill myself.

If you advertise your big new TV by putting the box out in the trash, I'm gonna steal it.

My cardboard fort only needs a few more pieces.

I was over at my friend's house, and he had a wall full of board games. One caught my eye that had a full gold box, and inside were well made, metal playing pieces and a polished wooden board. I decided I had to have it, but he might see me if I tried to steal it.

It was a Risk I had to take.

Driving to work, a gentlman had to swerve to avoid a box that fell out of a truck in front of him.

Seconds later, a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving. Fortunately, another officer had seen the carton in the road. The policmen stopped traffic and recovered the box. It was found to contain large upholstery tacks. "I'm sorry sir," the first trooper told the driver, "but I am still go...

Why does Barbie never get pregnant?

Because Ken always comes in another box.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I used to think all black people had boomboxes

then I realized that was just a stereo type

The magician placed my sister in a magic box, and then “sawed” her into two.

Now I have two half-sisters.

A man walks into a Large & popular Pet Shop and says to the owner......

"All right, I want to buy a pet, but something special,something different."
The pet shop owner informs him that he has a talking centipede. "Really?" says the man "How much?"
The owner informs him that the talking centipede is 75 dollars.
Happy with the unusual offering the man pays the mo...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man running from the police runs into the Catholic church and hides in confession box..

Another person enters the other side and says "Forgive me Father for I have sinned"

The man not wanting to get caught says, "What have you done my daughter?"

She says, "I have had anal sex with my boyfriend, I know sex is for making children, please forgive me . What is my penance?"...

What’s the small box on the back of a satellite dish called?

A council flat.

At the box office this weekend Predator took first place and The Nun took second.

Coincidently, that’s how the Catholic Church ranks it’s priorities.

Where did the little boy go when his lunch box exploded?

*Everywhere*

I saw a girl pour glitter into an ice box...

It's pretty cool.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My parents are gone for the weekend so I was in charge of cleaning up after my dogs and sifting through the litter box...

To say the least, I’m done with their shit

What's the difference between a pizza box and a bladder?

You feel better when your bladder is empty.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man is leaving for a business trip and is worried his wife might be unfaithful, so he stops by a sex shop.

He explains his situation to the owner of the store and the owner smiles widely, "I have just the thing for you." From behind the counter she pulls out an old wooden box with strange writing scratched all over it. "I will let you rent this," she says. She opens the box and inside is a large, smooth ...

Why did the police investigate a box full of crows?

It was a murder case.

What do you call a Transformer in a cardboard box?

Amazon Prime.

There is a box in the office closet with a ton of envelopes. It's blocking the door from opening all the way. I asked the manager to get it out of the way and he scoffed "yeah right - you try it"....

I couldn't budge it. For such a small box it was unbelievably heavy.

Then it dawned on me - it was stationary.

So there are a boy playing his X-Box whilst his girlfriend watches.

So the boy says: "Why do you look so sad?"

The girl is silent. He turns off the X-Box.

His girlfriend asks: "Why did you turn it off?"

"Because I have something far better to play with!"

She blushes...

He turns on his PS4

My breaker box wasn't functioning properly so I called 6 of my German friends over to see if they could fix it and they did! You know what they say...

Many Hans make light work.

What does a gynecologist and a SAT exam taker have in common?

They both check boxes.

Have you heard about the incel action figure?

It comes in a sock instead of a box.

I was helping my sister move when she said, "do you wanna box?"

Why was she so mad when I punched her in the face?

“Hey sir, how much for the box of dead batteries”

“They’re free of charge”

The doctor said that my voice box is damaged and I may never speak again.

I can’t tell you how upset I am.

A bounty hunter rides into town with a completely sealed box.

He goes up the the mayor, holds up the bounty, and says, “I’ve got your bandit just as you requested ‘dead and alive’.”

The mayor says, “not ‘dead AND alive’, ‘dead OR alive’. ”

The bounty hunter looks at the bounty and then at the box and then at the mayor, and says, “I guess we shoul...

Girlfriends parents weren’t home, hormones were flowing, I stopped at a gas station to grab a box of rubbers. Cashier - “Do you need a bag with that?”

Me - No man! She’s beautiful!

Some X-Box friends were having a conversation...

Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin."


Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night ."


Kid 1: "As if."


Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister."


Kid 1: "I don't have a sister."


Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."

If I had to box a professional athlete.

I would choose a soccer player.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

what's the difference between a black man and a box of donuts?

One of them's already full of holes before the cops see them.

Mamma always said, "Reddit is like a box of chocolates."

You never know what you're gonna get, but it will be the same few chocolates every time."

I put my backup cheese grater in a glass box.

I'll break the glass in Queso-mergency

What's the difference between a wicker basket and a wicker box?

A wicker basket is one of those baskets that you put flowers in, and a wicker box is what Elmer Fudd did to his girlfriend.

Puzzled Girlfriend

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, 'Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started.'

Her boyfriend asks, 'What is it supposed to be when it's finished?' The blonde says, 'According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster.'
...

When I was growing up, we didn't have a sandbox, we had a quicksand box.

I was an only child....eventually.

(From my favorite comedian: Steven Wright)

Someone sent the Buddha a gift box tied with a ribbon.

Buddha opened it to find it empty. “Aha!”, he said, “Just what I wanted. Nothing!”

A produce farmer walks into a bar carrying a box of some of his freshly harvested vegetables and orders a beer.

"Keep an eye on that farmer," the bartender tells a waitress. "You won't want to miss it when he starts dancing. He's incredible." "How will I know when he's going to dance?" the waitress asks, watching the farmer just sitting on the bar stool, nursing his beer. "Just keep an eye on him," the barten...

Have you heard the one about the broken jack-in-the-box?

If not it doesn't surprise me.

A young boy was at the corner of a grocery store picking out a box of laundry detergent.

A young boy was at the corner of a grocery store picking out a box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over, and, trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do. 'Oh, no laundry,' the boy said, 'I'm going to wash my dog.' 'But you shouldn't use this to wash your dog. It's ...

she wants a box of condoms

Two old ladies were outside their nursing home, having a smoke when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette and continued smoking.

Lady 1: "What's that?"

Lady 2: "A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet."

Lady...

An Irishman goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church.

There's a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap.

On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates.

Then the priest comes in.

"Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confession...

*Opens box of cereal*

We've updated our privacy policy.

A friend has 2 tickets in a corporate box for the World cup final game Sun 15th July He paid £500 each including flights but he didn't realise when he bought them months ago that it was going to be the same day as his wedding! He is looking for someone to take his place

It's at Sheffield Town Hall at 4pm. Her name is Nicola -- she's 5'4", about 8 stone, quite pretty, has her own income and is a really good cook. Message me for more details.

What do you call a cereal box full of snakes?

Honey Bunches of nopes

A blonde girl decides to do a puzzle.....

...so she grabs the puzzle and pours out all the pieces and tries to put it together. After a while she gets frustrated and calls her boyfriend. He asks her what is wrong and she tells him about the trouble she is having with the puzzle. He tells her to look at the picture on the front and tell him ...

[Religion]A man sees a boy with a box of kittens

The man goes over and says "Oh what cute kittens!" The boy replies "Yes they are Christian kittens". About a week later the man sees the boy again with the same batch of kittens. Once again he walks over and says "my, those are just adorable!" The boy replies "Yes, they are atheist kittens" The man ...

An owner of a box manufacturer company goes to his son's school one day...

"Hey kids, I make boxes! Have any questions?"

One kid raised his hand...

"Yea, why does my dad keep talking about filling my mom's box, shouldn't he get his own?"

"Shut up son."

Kids may be a gift.....

But I like playing with the box it came in.

What's the difference between an open box of stinky cheese and a Kung Fu master?

One is loose brie and the other is Bruce Lee

My friend dropped his box of Italian pastries on the floor.

I cannoli imagine what he must be going through.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I (31m) just had the most uncomfortable experience of my life

I've always kinda wanted an iPhone but never had one before, so I go to the Apple Store to have a look. So there I am, when this middle aged guy comes up next to me, like really close. And then he starts asking me if I like the new iPhone, what do I think about the camera, am I thinking of getting o...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Saw a sign in a pet shop window today for a talking centipede, for only $500.00! I thought to myself, "What a bargain!" and I took it home in a little box...

When we got home, I opened it up and asked the centipede if it would like to go down to the bar for a beer, but the centipede didn't answer.

A couple of minutes later, I asked again, but still no response.

I started to get a little ticked off, thinking, maybe this little bugger can't ...

What's the difference between a wicker basket and wicker box?

Wicker basket is what Little Red Riding Hood carried to Grandma's house.

Wicker box is what Elmer Fudd does to his girlfriend on special occasions.

I just had to carry a box of photons

It was surprisingly light

Putting it in.

A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest,

'I almost had an affair with another woman.'

The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?'

The Irishman said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.'

The priest said, 'Rubbing t...