Sack Jokes - 50 Hilarious Sack Jokes

I can’t believe I just got sacked from the keyboard factory

They said I wasn’t putting enough shifts in

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I nearly got sacked today, simply for refusing to serve a girl who'd clearly had too many.

The fat cunt complained to my McManager.

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A woman was cheating on her husband with 3 guys.

During one night she noticed that her husband came home earlier. She told the guys to hide in the sacks. When her husband entered the room he asked "What are these sacks doing here?". The woman answered "Well, my relatives came by and left these as a present.".

The man walked towards the firs...

why is santa’s sack so big?

he only comes once a year ! :p

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A cop sees an old woman carrying two sacks...

A cop sees an old woman carrying two large sacks. One of the sacks has a hole and is leaking 20 dollar bills.

The cop asks the woman, “Where did an old lady like you get all of that money?”

She replies, “Well, there’s a golf course behind my house and when golfers need to go to the bat...

At the border, a man drives up on his bicycle with a sack on the luggage rack.

Customs officer: "Do you have something to declare?"

Man: "No."

Customs officer: "And what do you have in the sack?"

Man: "Sand."

During the check it turns out: actually sand.

Every day for a whole week the man comes with the bike and the sack on the luggage rack. ...

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A little old lady and a sack full of $20's

A little old lady was walking down the street, dragging two large trash bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped, and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk.

Noticing this, a policeman stopped her and said, "Ma'am, there is money falling out of your bag."
"Oh...

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I asked my friend if he would ever dare to shave his nut sack with a straight razor

He said he tried it once while in college, but it was so bad that he hasn't got the balls to try it again.

A Mexican guy comes riding up to the border on his bicycle with two big sacks over his shoulders.

He tells the border guard that the sacks are full of sand, but the guard doesn’t believe him.

The guard detains the guy, and rips open the bags, but there’s nothing but sand.

He even has the sand analyzed, only to find that it really is just sand. And the sack is just a plain sack. <...

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Why did the cross eyed teacher get sacked?

They couldn’t control their pupils.

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They say that Christmas is a Pagan holiday, but...

A senior figure secretly dispensing the contents of his sack for every child he can get to sounds pretty Catholic to me.

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A man walks up to 3 women wearing potato sacks. How does he know which one is the prostitute?

The one whose sack reads "Idaho"

A redhead, a blonde and a brunette escape from jail..

A redhead, a blonde and a brunette escape from jail and hide in a barn. The police close in, so the three women each hide in a sack. The police search the barn, and to check each sack, a police officer kicks it as he walks past. The officer kicks the redhead’s sack, and the redhead says, “Meow!” The...

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My mate asked me why I have sex noises saved on my phone.

I said, “It’s for sound effects during sex.”

He asked, “Your wife a bit quiet in the sack?”

I replied, “No, I work in a morgue.”

Paddy was coming back from his holiday in America.

As he came through Customs, he had two sacks over his shoulder. The Customs officer asked him what he had in the sacks? Paddy replied Mobile phones.

The customs officer didn't believe him and asked to be shown. Paddy opened each sack and sure enough both sacks contained quite a few phones. "W...

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I got a Gucci tattoo on my ball sack

I've got a designer bag now

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I was sacked from a packing factory.

I had a big roll of bubble wrap and I said to the foreman "Boss, what shall I do with this?" He said "Just pop it over there in the corner". Took me all bloody day.

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I got sacked today on my first day as a masseur

Apparently “finish up on my face” doesn’t mean what I thought it did !

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One Christmas Eve, many decades ago, Santa Claus announced to his elves, "I'm supposed to begin my annual flight in one hour. But there are still some toys that need to be made and put into my sack. I need all seven of my elite toymakers to finish the toys on time."

"I'm so sorry, Mr. Kringle," said the elf in charge of the workshop. "One of the elite toymakers is on vacation, and two are sick. I'm afraid we only have four elites tonight."

"So be it," said Santa.

It took two hours for the elves to finish making the toys. By the time they were done...

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A Mexican on his bicycle crosses the border with a large sack.

The border patrol agent stops and asks him what’s in the sack. “Sir, it’s just grass.” The agent looks into the sack and lets him pass. The following week, the Mexican crosses the border again on his bicycle with another sack and the border patrol agent stops and asks him what’s in the sack. “Sir, i...

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I tried dipping my balls in holy water and a nun caught me.

I told her I wanted my nuts to feel the power of God, but she said that was sack religious.

A teenager rolled up to the Mexican border on a bike...

He had a sack of sand in his hand.

"What's in the sack?" asked the border patrol officer

"Just sand," said the kid.

The officer didn't believe him, so he opened the sack up to find just sand. The officer dumped the sack empty and dug through it but he only saw sand. He even took...

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“My husband just wants to have sex all the time”

Vented the recently married woman to her sister, “it’s every day like clockwork he gets home from work, takes off his clothes at the doorstep and says “I’m home honey let’s hit the sack”. Don’t get my wrong I love him and the sex is good but I need a break I can barely walk””

Then the sister ...

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead rob a bank..

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead decide to rob a bank. Everything goes well-they have their masks on, the bank hands over the money-awesome.

Exiting the bank, they hear sirens and see several cop cars round the corner, so they dash into a small alleyway.

The cops are quick though, a...

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Sack of Blonde

3 women are on the run, a blonde, brunette and redhead. The cops chase them along the docks. The redhead yells,
"Hide in these burlap sacks and pretend to be something else inside" They all jump in just as the cops round the corner.

"They're gone! Let's look around just in case.". As they...

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I asked my grandfather for twenty dollars.

"Twenty dollars?!" he said. "For what?"

"To buy groceries," I told him.

"When I was a boy," my grandfather said. "My mama would give me one dollar, just *one dollar*, and I'd go to the store and come home with two loaves of bread, two sacks of potatoes, a carton of eggs, three bottles ...

A sack full of chickens

Two rednecks walk down a dirt path. One man has a big sack over his shoulder. The other man asks what's in the sack. The first man says, "I got me some chickens for dinner tonight." The other man asks how many chickens are in the sack. "Well, I'll tell you," replies the first redneck, "If you can g...

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A hooded robber burst into a bank and forced the tellers to load a sack full of cash.

A hooded robber burst into a bank and forced the tellers to load a sack full of cash.
On his way out the door, a brave customer grabbed the hood and pulled it off, revealing the robbers face. The robber shot the customer without a moment's hesitation
He then looked around the bank and noticed ...

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A Turkish farmer, Hodja, goes to the mill to get his wheat ground to flour. While he's waiting in line he starts dipping his hand into the sack of the man in front of him and moving handfulls of wheat to his own sack.

The man turns and catches him: "Hodja! What are you doing stealing my wheat!"

Hodja, embarrassed, starts rolling his eyes and jittering: "Huh? What? I don't even know what I'm doing because I'm just craaaaaazy!"

The man says "if you're so crazy, how come you're only putting my grain in...

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I was sacked yesterday for being a pervert.

I don't understand why, I'm always hard at work.

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I have no problem getting women into the sack...

... it's getting the sack into the back of my van that's the problem.

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In Hacky Sack, who wins?

No One, they're all losers

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Why was Santa's sack empty at the end of Christmas night?

Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.

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What’s the first thing Mrs Clause did when Santa got home on Christmas morning ?

Emptied his sack.

(Compliments of my 7 year old son)

Edit - No he did not understand what he was saying and Yes we did tell him not to repeat it.

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Why does Santa have such a large sack?

Because he comes only once a year...

Source: Kinda Funny Forums

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Winter is nearly here...

Winter is nearly here & our native birds will soon be finding food scarce. Please go to the pet shop & buy a bag of nuts for our feathered friends. There's no finer sight on a winters morning then a pair of tits around your nut sack. Just remember however its a bit late in the year to expect...

Got sacked from my job as a zoo keeper.

But as I said in my disciplinary

"all the signs say DON'T feed the animals"

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My in-laws couldn't cope when their cat unexpectedly had 9 kittens, so my wife told me to put them in a sack and throw them in the river…

I did it but it broke my heart.

I quite liked her dad…

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My buddy has been sacked from his job in recycling.

I can't believe he has gone and thrown it all away.

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Why did the man get sacked from the calendar factory?

He decided to take a few days off

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A blonde, a redhead and a brunette go on a road trip

In the middle of the night, their car breaks down next to a farm with an old barn. They decide that, instead of knocking on the door and waking people up in the middle of the night, their going to spend the night in the barn.

In the morning, the girls wake up to the sound of the old farmer wh...

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I must be fucking great in the sack

Every girl I've ever had sex with has told me she wishes it had been longer!

If a fat man puts you in a sack tonight don’t worry

I just told Santa I wanted you for Christmas

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I've just been sacked from my job as a prophet..

Did *not* see that coming.

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Got sacked from work because my boss caught me masturbating in my cubicle. I did it because it helps me focus.

Goes without saying - I regret cumming to work today

I got sacked from my job at the guillotine factory today

It’s a cut throat business

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I once spent a whole week wearing a vacuum cleaner sack on my head.

It sucked.

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So a guy is having trouble in the sack...

He goes to the doctor's office and complains about not being able to last a long time in bed and how it was hurting his relationship. His doctor tells him that there's a simple solution for his problem: A quick fap before having sex.

The guy thanks the doctor and rushes home to bang. As he's ...

I am Robin Hood, I take from the rich to give to the poor!

A poor peasant is traveling the woody paths of Barnsdale, when a hooded man walks up to him.

Robin Hood: **"HALT!"**

**"*****I am Robin Hood, I take from the rich to give to the poor, now give me all your money!"***

Peasant: *"I have nothing, I've been hungry for years you see"*...

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Just been sacked from my dream job as a maths teacher. Been there since 2010

What a waste of 15 years!

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