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Sack Jokes

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A cop sees an old woman carrying two large sacks. One of the sacks has a hole and is leaking 20 dollar bills.

The cop asks the woman, “Where did an old lady like you get all of that money?”

She replies, “Well, there’s a golf course behind my house and when golfers need to go to the bathroom, they stick their penis through a hole in my fence and pee into my yard. It became a problem because it kills t...

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Why is Santa’s sack so full?

He only cums once a year.

Babe, if a fat old man comes to your house at night and puts you in a sack...

... Don't worry. I just asked Santa that I want you for Christmas.

Why does Santa have such a big sack?

For all the toys he brings to the good little girls and boys.



What were you thinking, you perv?!?

One Christmas Eve, many decades ago, Santa Claus announced to his elves, "I'm supposed to begin my annual flight in one hour. But there are still some toys that need to be made and put into my sack. I need all seven of my elite toymakers to finish the toys on time."

"I'm so sorry, Mr. Kringle," said the elf in charge of the workshop. "One of the elite toymakers is on vacation, and two are sick. I'm afraid we only have four elites tonight."

"So be it," said Santa.

It took two hours for the elves to finish making the toys. By the time they were done...

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I nearly got sacked today, simply for refusing to serve a girl who'd clearly had too many.

The fat cunt complained to my McManager.

did ya hear about the blind circumcisior?

He got the sack

Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?

He only comes once a year.

I got sacked today on my first day as a masseur

Apparently “finish up on my face” doesn’t mean what I thought it did !

What’s the first thing Mrs Clause did when Santa got home on Christmas morning ?

Emptied his sack.




(Compliments of my 7 year old son)



Edit - No he did not understand what he was saying and Yes we did tell him not to repeat it.

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A woman was cheating on her husband with 3 guys.

During one night she noticed that her husband came home earlier. She told the guys to hide in the sacks. When her husband entered the room he asked "What are these sacks doing here?". The woman answered "Well, my relatives came by and left these as a present.".

The man walked towards the firs...

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A Mexican on his bicycle crosses the border with a large sack.

The border patrol agent stops and asks him what’s in the sack. “Sir, it’s just grass.” The agent looks into the sack and lets him pass. The following week, the Mexican crosses the border again on his bicycle with another sack and the border patrol agent stops and asks him what’s in the sack. “Sir, i...

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I asked my friend if he would ever dare to shave his nut sack with a straight razor

He said he tried it once while in college, but it was so bad that he hasn't got the balls to try it again.

A Turkish farmer, Hodja, goes to the mill to get his wheat ground to flour. While he's waiting in line he starts dipping his hand into the sack of the man in front of him and moving handfulls of wheat to his own sack.

The man turns and catches him: "Hodja! What are you doing stealing my wheat!"

Hodja, embarrassed, starts rolling his eyes and jittering: "Huh? What? I don't even know what I'm doing because I'm just craaaaaazy!"

The man says "if you're so crazy, how come you're only putting my grain in...

Wild in the sack

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "You look exhausted," the bartender says. "You're not kidding. I didn't get any sleep last night. Seriously, my wife was just going wild in the sack," the guy says. "I finally had to get up and let her out."

A Mexican guy comes riding up to the border on his bicycle with two big sacks over his shoulders.

He tells the border guard that the sacks are full of sand, but the guard doesn’t believe him.

The guard detains the guy, and rips open the bags, but there’s nothing but sand.

He even has the sand analyzed, only to find that it really is just sand. And the sack is just a plain sack. <...

Last year I made seven figures.

And that’s why I got sacked from the action figure factory.

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A fierce jungle tribe always built their houses in the trees

The wood made the floors and the supports, but the houses themselves were made out of thatched grass. The tribe honored those who built the best grass houses.

One day the tribe went to war with a nearby tribe. The warriors fought well and they sacked the tribe's village, taking the rival tr...

I was sacked from a packing factory.

I had a big roll of bubble wrap and I said to the foreman "Boss, what shall I do with this?" He said "Just pop it over there in the corner". Took me all bloody day.

Sometime in the middle ages, a duke sought to overthrow an earl who was his rival

So he sent a group of his soldiers to sack the earl's castle. As word of the soldiers coming spread through the town outside the castle, most people ran or hid. But as the soldiers passed through the market square, they heard a voice calling "wool for cheap, wool for cheap".

The captain of...

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“My husband just wants to have sex all the time”

Vented the recently married woman to her sister, “it’s every day like clockwork he gets home from work, takes off his clothes at the doorstep and says “I’m home honey let’s hit the sack”. Don’t get my wrong I love him and the sex is good but I need a break I can barely walk””

Then the sister ...

I have trouble keeping their jobs these days...

First I was working at a potato farm, but then I was sacked.

Next it was the tuna factory, but then I was canned.

Next I tried being a lumberjack, but then I got axed.

Next I found an opening at the crematorium, but then I was fired.

Next I screwed up at the gun manufactu...

One 23rd of December, Santa's doorbell rings.

He opens the door and there is a little man there in a blue uniform with a peaked cap. "Evening!" he says, "...or whatever time it is up here. Hopkins, Civil Aviation Authority. It's time for your checkride".

Santa begs his pardon politely and Hopkins digs through the satchel he is carrying a...

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Got sacked from work because my boss caught me masturbating in my cubicle. I did it because it helps me focus.

Goes without saying - I regret cumming to work today

I got a Gucci tattoo on my ball sack

I've got a designer bag now

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A man walks up to 3 women wearing potato sacks. How does he know which one is the prostitute?

The one whose sack reads "Idaho"

A customs officer at the Mexican border noticed a man coming across one day on a bicycle with two small sacks tied to the handlebars...

Naturally, he got suspicious and asked him to open the sacks, but when he did he found nothing but sand.

Each time he'd stop the bicycle and open the sacks, and he'd find only sand. He had the sand analyzed at the lab and looked at the sack under a microscope he could never find anything wron...

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I thought they testicle convention would be a good place to relax and unwind, but...

...it was just nuts!

A little old lady and a sack full of $20's

A little old lady was walking down the street, dragging two large trash bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped, and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk.


Noticing this, a policeman stopped her and said, "Ma'am, there is money falling out of your bag."
"Oh...

My in-laws couldn't cope when their cat unexpectedly had 9 kittens, so my wife told me to put them in a sack and throw them in the river…

I did it but it broke my heart.

I quite liked her dad…

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A guy goes into a bar

where he meets a pair of conjoined twins who are joined at the side. They hit it off and proceed to booze the night away. Closing time comes around and they decide to tak the party back to his house. He gets in the door and the twins immediately drop and one starts blowing him while the other tounge...

A hooded robber burst into a bank and forced the tellers to load a sack full of cash.

A hooded robber burst into a bank and forced the tellers to load a sack full of cash.
On his way out the door, a brave customer grabbed the hood and pulled it off, revealing the robbers face. The robber shot the customer without a moment's hesitation
He then looked around the bank and noticed ...

Did you hear about the blind rabbi that missed when he was trying to perform a circumcision?

He got the sack!

Badum tiss.

I've been sacked from my job as a chef after spending every shift chopping herbs instead of cooking meals.

They couldn't be dealing with thyme wasters.

Why was Santa's sack empty at the end of Christmas night?

Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Breaking News!!

Cross-Eyed circumsiser gets the sack.

I asked my friend why has he stopped making jokes and puns about Trump after he was sacked from the White House.

He said he's Biden his time

My girlfriend and I agreed to try some roleplay in the sack, but right at the end she screamed out the wrong name!

That's the last time I'm ever letting her wear her Starbucks uniform in bed.

I was sacked yesterday for being a pervert.

I don't understand why, I'm always hard at work.

Diving trip goes bad...

A husband and wife are out diving one day in deep open waters when they became separated.
The husband in panic swam and dove as long as he could in an attempt to find his wife,before he eventually ran out of air. He made it back home and alerted the authorities.
A rescue party was sent out, wi...

Got sacked from my job as a zoo keeper.

But as I said in my disciplinary

"all the signs say DON'T feed the animals"

Sack of Blonde

3 women are on the run, a blonde, brunette and redhead. The cops chase them along the docks. The redhead yells,
"Hide in these burlap sacks and pretend to be something else inside" They all jump in just as the cops round the corner.

"They're gone! Let's look around just in case.". As they...

Why does Santa have such a large sack?

Because he comes only once a year...




Source: Kinda Funny Forums

A sack full of chickens

Two rednecks walk down a dirt path. One man has a big sack over his shoulder. The other man asks what's in the sack. The first man says, "I got me some chickens for dinner tonight." The other man asks how many chickens are in the sack. "Well, I'll tell you," replies the first redneck, "If you can g...

In Hacky Sack, who wins?

No One, they're all losers

Just been sacked from my dream job as a maths teacher. Been there since 2010

What a waste of 15 years!

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I was sacked today for having sex with a customer in the back of my bus.

Well I say bus... technically it's a hearse.

I have no problem getting women into the sack...

... it's getting the sack into the back of my van that's the problem.

When people are working at supermarket checkout counters putting the groceries into sacks, why don't they eat any food?

Because baggers can't be chewers.

You hear about the quarterback who switched teams after being sacked 8 times??

The grass was greener on the other side of defense.

Three thieves are in a house...

Three thieves are in a house when suddenly they hear someone come through the door. In a hurry to hide as soon as possible, each finds a gunny sack to hide inside. When the owner comes in and finds three unfamiliar sacks, he kicks the first one, the thief inside thinks quick and makes a sound simila...

Have you heard about the cross-eyed circumciser?

He got the sack.

What did Lewis and Clark only have one sack of on their expedition?

Jawea

My buddy has been sacked from his job in recycling.

I can't believe he has gone and thrown it all away.

Why did the man get sacked from the calendar factory?

He decided to take a few days off

I got sacked from my job at the guillotine factory today

It’s a cut throat business

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Winter is nearly here...

Winter is nearly here & our native birds will soon be finding food scarce. Please go to the pet shop & buy a bag of nuts for our feathered friends. There's no finer sight on a winters morning then a pair of tits around your nut sack. Just remember however its a bit late in the year to expect...

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I must be fucking great in the sack

Every girl I've ever had sex with has told me she wishes it had been longer!

I was unlucky to be sacked as a chef for using the incorrect fish and herbs

Wrong plaice, wrong thyme

I've just been sacked from my job as a prophet..

Did *not* see that coming.

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Home Depot said they had bags of manure on the floor of the garden section.

Lying sacks of shit.

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I nearly got sacked when I was caught masturbating on my first day starting a job as a roofer

Luckily, the boss said I could wipe the slate clean...

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