A German girl married a Spanish man

A German girl married a Spanish man & went to Spain. She can't speak Spanish. Each time she wants to buy chicken legs, she would lift her skirt& show her thighs to enable the seller understand her.

This went on for sometime. One day she wanted to buy banana. So She took her husband to...

An extremely devout man prays to win the lottery

Every morning, meal, and night a devout man prays to win the lottery in order to spread the blessing to the people he knows are in desperate need of help. After years of repeating his prayer he finally passes and is allowed to ask God 1 question.

He faces god and says lord I've lived my life ...

Why should u buy a WiFi enabled espresso machine?

To get the latest Java updates

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Underage kid walks up to a wasted bum passed out in an alley...

Kid nudges the bum with his shoe and the old man turns on his back and squints up at the kid. "Yeah?" The bum asks.

Kid says, "I'll give you a beer if you buy me a six."

Old guy agrees and stumbling out the liqueur store he gives the kid five beers. A bit later the kid come back and t...

To To List for Today

1. Bless the rains down in Africa
2. Take the time to do the things we never have
3. Enable spell check
4. Do what's right

I'm an alcoholic and my wife is an enabler

She said if I keep drinking, she'll leave me

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an actual oc joke i wrote out like a week ago

One day, a father is enjoying a walk alone, getting his sweet fresh air away from the nagging children and wife. However, enjoying the walk too much, he shuts his eyes. Turning a corner is a very wealthy man in a hurry, who ends up bumping into the father.

Both get up, and the father speaks u...

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FaceID

What does it say about you when you enable FaceID and go to put your phone in your back pocket and it unlocks??


I feel like Apple is either saying I have good looking butt or my face needs improvement.

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On Exercising

1 - My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now and we don't know where in the worldl she is.

2 - The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

3 - I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven'...

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Trump, Putin and Merkel...

...take a nice walk along the shore. Putin is boasting: "Russia now has submarine that can stay underwater for two weeks without needing to resurface for fuel! Pretty impressive, eh?"

Trump obviously can't leave it at that, so he tells Putin: "America has submarines, and other stuff too, I'...

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I saw a sign that said disabled toilet

No one will help me find the button to enable it.

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A real woman ...

A real woman ....
is a man's best friend. She will never stand him up and never let him down. She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him after a bad day. She will inspire him to do things he never thought he could do; to live without fear and forget regret. She will enable him t...

A marine biologist at the University of California Santa Cruz

A marine biologist at the University of California Santa Cruz was elated to discover a food that when fed to dolphins enabled them to live eternal lives. One day the biologist found that he was out of seagull mash, a main ingredient in the eternal life food. Worried that the he would miss the next c...

The similarity is uncanny

I recently learned about the movie/book The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.

It's the story of a group of girls who discover a piece of clothing. At first, it seems pretty ordinary, but it has magical properties, to include magically resizing itself, thus fitting everyone, despite some cons...

Exercise can add years to your life.

This enables you, at 95 years, to spend an additional five months in a nursing home at $7,000 a month.

An American, a Russian, and a North Korean are sitting at a bar...

... talking about the worst thing about their country. The American laments about the incompetence and corruption of his president. The Russian goes on to detail the shame he feels living in a country that has enabled and legitimized criminals. The North Korean says "Ehhh, I can't complain"

Famous physicist Dirac is talking about his favorite elementary particles...

Dirac says he is "very fond of electrons, they exist in all the atoms in our bodies, explain chemical reactions and the periodic table, and their flow in electrical circuits enables much of modern technology and beautiful lighting at night. Positrons however, well that's another matter altogether."

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