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Can't Spell Jokes

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You can't spell advertisements without

semen between the tits

You can't spell pacifist without...

Long live 3PA. Long live Apollo!
P.S. Steve Huffman is a clown.

So what if I can't spell Armmagedon...

It's not the end of the world

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You can't spell lassie without ass...

and if you think you can, that's a lie.

You can't spell Quarantine

without U R A Q T

I bet you can't spell *part* backwards.

I knew you could really. It's just a trap.

What do you get when you can't spell kid?

idk

My father passed this morning. In his honor, I present his favorite joke: why do polish people have ski at the end of their names?

Because they can't spell toboggan. - Stanley G. Kapuscinski

Edit: thanks so much for the kind words and thoughts and prayers. Thanks so much for your equally awful jokes.

To a lesser but still significant extent, thanks for the awards.

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My grief councillor died recently

Thankfully he was so good that I don't give a shit

EDIT: *Counselor, I can't spell it would seem

EDIT 2: Credit to Gary Delaney, for this is one of his one liners. Credit to the redditors who pointed it out

I hate people who can't spell words correctly on the internet.

I guess they're just not my type.

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I was listening to the radio this morning and they're having a contest. The radio show challenged listeners to name a single word that he can't spell...

After a few failures to stump him, there's a call from some redneck-sounding old guy. The host is all cocky by now, "Okay, give me your word, let's see what ya got..."
"Goan," Says the caller.
"All right, that's new. And can you put it in a sentence?"
"Yep... Goan fuck yer self! Hahah...

Why did the guy who can't spell very well get excited when he read about the new law that was passed allowing increased grain exports from women-owned companies?

Because they were barley legal.

I belong to a group called PUNK

People who can't spell.

I want to write about what's happening on reddit...

...but I can't spell "drama" without "AMA."

What the worst thing about being an illiterate wizard?

You can't spell.

COVID-19 Pick-Up Lines

If COVID-19 doesn't take you out... Can I?

Is that hand sanitizer in your pocket or are you just happy to be within 6 feet of me?

Since all the public libraries are closed, I'm checking you out instead.

You can't spell virus without U and I.

Baby, do you need toilet pape...

Congrats!

It's what people write when they can't spell properly Congrajulashons!

We all know humans are just cat's slaves, right? Yes. So a human was looking for a new home, to his cats disapproval. When the human said "I am the owner, I call the shots" how did the cat respond?

You can't spell homeowner without meow.

A drunk Irishman sees two women at the bar.

Irishman: You two ladies from England?

Girl: No, Wales.

Irishman: You two whales from England?

Why do all polish names end in ski?

Because they can't spell toboggan
(This joke brought to you by a 90 yr old polish man I take care of at a nursing home)

There's 3 things that I hate

1- Hipocrisy

3- Lists

4- and people who don't know how to properly count

5- people who can't spell

I've been suffering from amnesia...

Or was it dyslexia?

All I know is that I can't remember it and I sure as hell can't spell it.

Do you know why Oklahoma's state slogan is "Oklahoma is OK"?

Because they can't spell "mediocre".

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why are men the best looking on the planet?

you can't spell ´sexy´ without XY

Friend: I invited Rob to dinner tonight!

Me: Which Rob? Cannibal Rob or Rob who can't spell?

(Text from Rob): Can't wait to meat you guys tonight!

Friend: I'm not sure...

My favorite blonde joke.

A blonde was tired of all the abuse she received because she was blond so she decided to hang herself on a tree in a field.

A man walked by and saw what was happening, approached her he asked, "What are you doing?"

She replied, "I'm going to kill myself because I can't take the abuse a...

So I drove to Alabama and there was a welcome sign

It said:

Welcome to Alabama and remember,

you can't spell cousin without sin.

Enjoy your stay!

*First post here*

You can't spell Dyslexic without the T's between the K's

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Why do Redditors like dick jokes?

Because you can't spell Happiness without "Ha Penis"

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The Three Generals

The pentagon said they had too many generals running around, so they decided to get rid of some of them. They offered $10,000 in severance pay for each inch of their body -- to be measured however they chose.

The Air Force general went first. He said he wanted to be measured from his head to...

I thought I was in heaven when I happened upon a shack in the middle of the desert. It had a sign that read, 'Cannabis Hut, get baked for free!'

Apparently, cannibals can't spell very well.

Blond joke

A blonde goes to her car in the parking and to her shock there is a dent on the flank. A guy passing by seeing she is blonde tells her: "you need to go on your knees on blow in the exhaust pipe as hard as you can. Then just like a plastic bottle it will go back to normal."
The blonde is very tha...

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