UPJOKE

How To Spell Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man asks a woman how to spell “yacht”

Woman: “Y-A-H-T”

Man: “where’s the C”

Woman: “under the fucking yacht”

I asked my friend how to spell water.

Friend: HIJKLMNO

Me: umm ok, that doesnt sound right.

Friend: yeah bruh...H to O.

My husband: I forgot how to spell briefly

Me: do you remember how to spell now?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My smart-ass friend just told me how to spell lotion backwards

He’s such a noitol.

Teacher to child: 'do you know how to spell banana?

Child: 'Yes, but I don't know when to stop'.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A girl asked her mom how to spell ‘scrotum’

She replied, “Sweetheart, you should have asked me last night, it was on the tip of my tongue.”

How to spell "me"

A man walks up to a woman and asks her to spell the word "ME" for him. She says, "M-E". The man says, "But you forgot the D!" "But there's no "D" in "ME"!" He says, "Not yet.."

A little girl said: "I know how to spell 'banana'..."

"... I just don't know when to stop."

A Christian, a Muslim, and a Witch all die and go to the afterlife.

A Christian, a Muslim, and a Witch of the Norse gods all die and go to the afterlife.

They find that, waiting for them at the entrance to the afterlife is Anubis, waiting with a set of scales, with a feather on one side.

Above Anubis is a sign, "You wait with your heart, if less than f...

I don't know how to spell Armaggedon

But who cares - it's not the end of the world!

Jiffy foods are good and all, but I can never remember how to spell their name

I know it starts with a big J, then after that it's a little iffy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So a lady goes to a bakery...

and asks for some bagels. The man at the counter says "Sorry, we won't have bagels until next week". So the lady says ok and goes home. The next day she comes back and goes up to the same man at the counter again and asks for some bagels. The man replies, "Ma'am, I told you yesterday, we won't have ...

I was visiting the country to the north of the US and forgot how to spell its name. So I asked a local and he said

C, eh

N, eh

D, eh

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bus stops... [NSFW]

and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an
animated conversation. The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:

"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-mor...

A guy walks into a bar .........

A guy walks into a bar after a long day at work and orders a drink. As he sits there mulling over his day he hears a high pitched voice say, “That shirt looks great on you!” The guy looks around, doesn’t see anything, and returns to his drink thinking no more of it. The voice, however, returns sayin...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

2 Italian men

So 2 Italian men walk into a bus after it stops. They sit behind a lady who trys not to listen to their conversation but is curious.
One says "Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses dey come together. Den I come again. Two asses they come together againa. Then I come and pee twice. Then I come a...

A bilingual joke! (English/Spanish)

A Spanish man goes into a department store looking for a specific item of clothing. But he can't find what he's looking for and he doesn't know the English word for it.

So he grabs a salesperson and says, "Tienes calcetines?"

"I'm sorry, I don't know what that is," the salesperson says...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An elderly woman is sitting behind two loud and boisterous Italian men on a bus.

The two men are drawing looks and glares from the rest of the riders, but aside from rolling her eyes from time to time, she keeps her thoughts to herself. The ride continues like this for awhile, until the woman hears the following exchange from one of the Italian men to the other:

"Emma com...

What's the first thing a young witch learns?

How to spell.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

two italians

Two Italians were talking on the bus. One of them says to the other, “Emma comes first, then I come, then two asses they come together, then I come again, then two asses come together once again, then I come again, pee twice, then I come one last’a time.”

Another passenger responds with, “Wel...

In geometry class, the teacher went up to the board and drew a 23 degree angle.



She then drew a 67 degree angle. The class was astonished when the angles started talking! The first one said "That's a lovely blouse you're wearing." and the second one chimed in "And I love what you've done with your hair."

The students asked the teacher if she knew what was going...

Canada was almost named "Cnd"...

But when the guy who decided it should be named "Cnd" publicly declared how to spell it, he said:

"C, eh?" "N, eh?" "D, eh?"

Just so you know

Most people write “congrats”, because they don’t know how to spell congrajulashions.

Why did the birthday cake go to see the Dr?

It felt crumby!

(PS I like this joke because it taught me how to spell crumby)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnnie Strikes Again

A new grade school teacher was trying to get acquainted with her class, by asking them what their parents did. She started with Billy, who said that his mother was a doctor.

"Very good, Billy," the teacher said. "Mary, I believe you're next."

Mary stood and said, "My daddy's a lawyer...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two Italian men are talking loudly on a bus

One is telling the other one, "First Emma come. Then I come. Then two asses, they come together. Then I come again. Then the two asses, they come again. Then I peepee. Then I come one last time."

An old lady sitting next to them turns and exclaims, "Excuse me, but nobody else on this bus want...

Maybe this is the wrong community to reach out to when I'm feeling helpless

I found out how to spell yoyo today... Why oh why oh...

A first grade teacher was giving a cookie to each student who spelt a word right

"Well little John" she said. "Can you spell Pig?"

"P-I-G" John said. "Very well. Here's your cookie!" the teacher said. She then went to the next student.

"Hi little Susan" she said. "Can you spell Cow?"

"C-O-W" Susan said. "Very well. Here's your cookie!" the teacher s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Man Looking for a Job

There's a man desperately looking for a job, but he doesn't know how to spell. No one will hire him. One boss says ''Look I'll hire you if you learn how to spell properly. The man goes away, he spends weeks and weeks learning how to spell.

Finally he comes back. The boss says ''Okay, you hav...

Little Henry’s father

Little Henry was in class and the teacher announced that they were going to try something different to help everyone get to know each other a little better, and to help with their spelling.
She explained, "I want you to stand up and give us the occupation of your father, spell it, and say one thi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Shopping

A woman is shopping in the produce department. She approaches the clerk. Excuse me, but where is the broccoli? She asks. He says, sorry, we are out of broccoli. Come back tomorrow. The woman continues shopping, but approaches the clerk again a few minutes later. I need broccoli. Where is it? Ma’am, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man tells his wife to run an errand

He says to his wife "Go to the store and pick up some broccoli."
So she heads to the local super market in search of the broccoli.

When she gets there she asks a man at the front desk

"Excuse me sir, where is the broccoli?"

He says "I'm sorry ma'am were out of broccoli."
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Buckwheat and Sally were fooling around in class...

...when the teacher rapped her wooden pointer down on the desk.

"Alright class, who can spell the word 'dictate?'"

"I can! I can!" Buckwheat said, waving his arm up in the air.

"Don't be silly Buckwheat. You don't even know how to spell."

"I do. I do, teacher. I know ho...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A group of primary school students were participating in a local spelling bee.

A keen young boy steps before the judges and is told, "Your word is spider."

Not quite sure as to how to spell it, the boy asks, "Could you please use it in a sentence?"

A judge replies, "A spider has eight eyes."

The boy then states, "S-P-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-D-E-R."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two Italians Talking on the Bus

So I'm riding the bus the other day and I overhear two Italians talking about a pretty graphic sexual conquest. I heard,
"No Vincenzo you see i'ma gonna tell you one a more time. First I make Emma come, then I come, then we put the two asses together, I come again, we put the two asses together a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two Italian men on the subway...

... were talking with thick accents. One says to the other, "First, Emma come. Then I come. Two asses. I come a second time, and, again, two asses. I come a third time, pee twice, and I come one last time.

A lady within earshot walks up and tells the guy speaking, "I think it's shameful the w...

An old lady gets on a bus

She sits across from these two foreign guys who are deep in conversation. She can't help but overhear one of them saying -

"Emma come first. Then I come. A-two asses, they come together. Then I come again. Two asses, then I pee pee. Then I come again."

The old lady is horrified, and sa...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.