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Can't Cook Jokes

Husband: Honey, I invited a friend home for dinner. Wife: What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, all the dishes are dirty, and I can't cook meal. Husband: I know all that. Wife: Then why did you invite the friend?

Husband: Because the poor fool is thinking about getting married.

Can't cook

Two bachelors, Larry and Frank were out to dinner. The conversation drifted from office, sports to politics and then to cooking.
“I got a cook book once” said Larry. “But I couldn’t do anything with it.”
“Too much fancy stuff in it, huh?” asked Frank.
“You said it, Larry replied, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man saw that his wife was watching a cooking show and commented: "Why are you watching a cooking show? You can't cook anyway!"

His wife replied: "Why do you watch porn then? You can't fuck anyway!"

P.S. Sorry if you've heard this before but my colleague just told me this joke.

I can't cook with spices right now...

...I just don't have the thyme.

You can't cook vegetables in the microwave.

The wheelchairs don't fit.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I can't cook. My strategy for operating the oven is basically the same as my strategy for sex

I do my best to turn it on, then I stick my stuff in and hope for the best.

You can be the most beautiful woman on the planet but if you can't cook

don't worry I can

Why did God invent women?

Because sheep can't cook.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two neighbors, Sam and Rick, are having a smoke outside their houses.

Sam asks Rick, "Do you like dumb women?"

Rick: Of course not.

Sam: What about women who drink like a fish and smoke like a chimney?

Rick: Why would I love someone like that?

Sam: What about women who can't cook?

Rick: Hell no. Why are you asking me all this?
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man comes home from the bar...

and sees his wife watching Gordon Ramsay's cooking show on the tv.
He says to his wife, "What are you watching that shit for? You can't cook to save your life!"
To which she replies, "So what? You watch porn movies, don’t you?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ray Rice jokes for DAYS!

There's like maybe four or five jokes in this list that were already posted on the internet, but the rest of this list was pretty much made up by me while I was bored. Ray Rice's incident is a gold mine of humor....just not for him. Easily offended need not apply here. Enjoy.

1.) Ray Rice's w...

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